REVIEW: Doritos Collisions Loaded Taco and Nacho Cheese

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Unlike the mosh pits at metal festivals with names like Brutal Assault, Hellfest, Sonicblast, Bloodstock, Deathfest, Aftershock, Full Terror Assault, Hellprint, Dark Troll, Metalhead Meeting, Metalyard, and Summer Breeze Open Air, there haven’t been a lot of collisions between Doritos flavors. Last year, Tangy Pickle and Cool Ranch slammed into each other, and Ultimate Cheddar crashed into Doritos Blaze in 2018. But, this year, we have Loaded Taco smashing into Nacho Cheese as a Sam’s Club exclusive variety.

If you haven’t tried Doritos Loaded Taco because it’s a Kroger-exclusive, here’s your chance to taste it…if you have a Sam’s Club membership, and if you can pick it out from the Nacho Cheese chips in the pillow-sized bag. To be honest, it’s not difficult to do because the black specks in the Loaded Taco seasoning make them easy to spot. So, there is no Doritos Roulette deception here. However, after you do that, I’m going to suggest you just eat these chips blindly. Don’t even look into the bag again. Let the photo below be the image you look at when you want to peer into Doritos Collisions Loaded Taco and Nacho Cheese bag.

I’m suggesting this because the two chips complement each other so well that eating them separately would do a disservice to both. To be honest, after opening the bag, I searched for the Loaded Taco chips because there are no Kroger stores near me, but once I tried them together, I decided I would not spend any more time hunting and pecking at Doritos. I will eat them the way the snacking gods intended by blindly shoving multiple chips into my mouth with reckless abandon.

The Loaded Taco seasoning has all the notes you’d taste with taco seasoning — garlic, onion, tomato, and chili pepper. There’s also a noticeable cheesiness that’s different than the Nacho Cheese seasoning, but when the two chips come together, the Nacho Cheese flavor overwhelms the Loaded Taco’s cheesiness. So it tastes like a taco with a Nacho Cheese Doritos shell. I’m not going to say these replicate like Taco Bell’s Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Tacos, but I can’t but help think of that when I eat this flavor combination. However, if Doritos and Taco Bell decided to rebrand this as “Taco Bell Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Tacos Doritos,” I’d be totally fine with that.

To be honest, the combination is the most sane of all the Collisions varieties so far. It’s also the one that makes the most sense, a natural pairing, if you will. The others seemed more random, like the folks at Frito Lay threw Doritos like ninja stars at a board, and the first two that stuck would be the two in the bag together.

Doritos Collisions Loaded Taco and Nacho Cheese is a delicious mashup, and I hope we don’t need to slam down a Sam’s Club membership to buy it someday.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 18 3/8 oz bag
Purchased at: (Available at Sam’s Club)
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (28 grams/about 11 chips) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Snapple and Swedish Fish Snapple Fruit Flavor Mixes

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Having only Snapple-flavored Sour Patch Kids would’ve been impressive, but the folks at Mondelez also showed Sour Patch Kids’ less sour fishy friends, Swedish Fish, some Snapple-flavor love. Both packs feature the same three Snapple flavors — Strawberry Kiwi, Fruit Punch, and Mango Madness.

Disclosure: I enjoy Sour Patch Kids more than Swedish Fish.

Let’s start with Strawberry Kiwi (the pink one). The Swedish Fish version had a nondescript fruitiness that made it hard to convince me it was strawberry or kiwi-flavored. But that wasn’t the case with the Sour Patch Kids, thanks to the sour crystals. They kind of acted like salt in that they helped enhance the flavors, and their sourness made the taste more convincing because strawberries and kiwi can be tart. The Swedish Fish one wasn’t a complete fail. After all, sugar is sugar, but after tasting them, I found myself preferring to fish out the other two varieties.

The Fruit Punch Swedish Fish (the red one) had a taste that was instantly recognizable as the sweet red beverage. My taste buds picked up on more of a tropical fruit vibe with the Swedish Fish. But, again, the flavors stood out more with the Sour Patch Kids due to the sour crystals. While I still noticed tropical fruits, the sour sprinkles made my mouth taste more cherry. Both ended up being my second favorite in the packs.

Finally, we have Mango Madness (the orange one), my favorite in both mixes. However, that might have been influenced by the actual fruit being top-tier to me. But, unlike the two above, I slightly prefer the Swedish Fish version more than the Sour Patch Kids one. Maybe because they taste truer with them being sour. But sour mango, not so much. So, having that tang there was different and kind of took away from the mango flavor. But again, both are my favorites in their respective packs.

Both Snapple mixes are great, but, not surprisingly, probably due to my bias, I prefer the Sour Patch Kids one. But for you, I guess deciding which one to pick up depends on whether you’re Team Sour Patch Kids or Team Swedish Fish.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 8.02 oz (Sour Patch Kids), 8.04 (Swedish Fish)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Sour Patch Kids), 7 out of 10 (Swedish Fish)
Nutrition Facts: Sour Patch Kids (12 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar (including 23 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein. Swedish Fish (5 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugar (including 22 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheez-It Hidden Valley Ranch Crackers

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I grew up in the Midwest, where ranch is synonymous with ketchup and mustard in most quick-service restaurants. It’s almost everywhere and used on almost any food. I know this isn’t specific to the Midwest, but I think there are certain parts of the country where this is NOT common, and people abhor ranch with as much passion as most folks in my neck of the woods adore it. If you fall into the former category, perhaps skip this new product mash-up. If you fall into the latter, Rejoice! Cheez-It and Hidden Valley Ranch (HVR) have launched a limited-release collab, Cheez-It Hidden Valley Ranch Crackers!

This particular mash-up feels like a no-brainer. In fact, several Pinterest-style recipes out there show you how to douse Cheez-Its, oyster crackers, or whatever little crunchies in powdered HVR seasoning as a DIY seasoned snack. But this officially licensed version got me excited because it meant the real Original Ranch seasoning would be used on my oh-so-beloved Cheez-Its.

I could smell the ranch immediately upon opening the box. The seasoning is visible and distinctly speckled in a way you’d expect from Hidden Valley Ranch. The Cheez-It base cracker is the white cheddar cheese flavor. This differs from their inverted collab, the Cheez-It Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, which is orange and, therefore, strangely off-putting. Yes, they made the Cheez-It white and the dressing orange.

Anyway, back to these crackers, the ranch seasoning is not too overwhelming on the white cheddar base, and they’re very snackable. Some crackers have a heavier coating, so as I went through my taste test, I would occasionally be delighted with a little extra kick of flavor.

What I realized pretty quickly, however, is that ranch powdered seasoning and powdered Cheez-It seasoning are not incredibly different. The main powdered dairy components are either powdered buttermilk or powdered cheddar, and these just really aren’t THAT different when you’re downing snack crackers with salt and other flavors. If I were tasting these blind, I’m not certain I would pick them up as distinctly ranch or just an onion and garlic-flavored Cheez-It. Still delicious.

To summarize it directly, these Hidden Valley Ranch Cheez-Its are subtle but great. I think the power of this collaboration is the ubiquitous success of onion and garlic flavors mingled with white cheddar and the powerhouse brand mash-up of Cheez-It and Hidden Valley. Available for a limited time, I’ll likely buy them again and again until that time runs out.

Purchased Price: $4.99 (sale)
Size: 12.4 oz box
Purchased at: Jewel Osco (Albertson’s)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (30g or 25 Crackers) 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 240 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Milk Chocolate Pumpkin Pie M&M’s

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We live in an era when food companies try to inject pumpkin spice into everything and when Mars introduces multiple unique flavors throughout the seasons. What a time to be alive! (I say that in earnest.)

So, of course, Mars has experimented with pumpkin spice versions of America’s favorite candy-coated chocolate. (Well, at least the country’s favorite candy-coated chocolate that is not shaped like eggs.) M&M’s introduced a Milk Chocolate Pumpkin Spice flavor in 2013, with spice flavors mixed with chocolate. In 2015, it switched to Milk Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Latte, which I never tried. And in 2017, it ditched the milk chocolate and introduced White Pumpkin Pie M&M’s, which stuck around for a few years. That version was my favorite, and I thought it came close to pumpkin pie. The 2024 offering combines the milk chocolate of a decade ago with the “pie” name of 2017.

(True story: I bought the pumpkin spice flavor in 2013 and 2014. Then, in 2019, I found an old package of it in my house that had somehow managed to escape the trash can, and there was one solitary M&M left inside. You better believe I ate it because what kind of a candy reviewer would I be if I didn’t? It wasn’t great after five years, but I didn’t die.)

This new variety is the standard size of M&M’s novelty flavors, and there is no special filling besides the chocolate. It just tastes like chocolate and spices to me. My palate isn’t discerning enough to tell you what spices, but it definitely tastes like fall. I’m reminded of the pumpkin spice hot cocoa I take on September camping trips, and I think of October trail runs among the yellow and red leaves.

Beyond the spices, though, I’m afraid these really have nothing in common with pumpkin pie, texturally or flavor-wise. Nothing reminds me of crust. Nothing reminds me of the squishy, custardy part of pumpkin pie. Nothing reminds me of the namesake squash.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Mars reused the pumpkin spice recipe from 2013 and 2014. But I can’t know for sure because it’s been ten (…or five) years since I had that one.

M&M’s stopped making the White Pumpkin Pie version, and I can’t help but feel like this milk chocolate version is a step backward. It’s hard to complain about chocolate, but Mars promised me pumpkin pie, and it failed to deliver.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 2.47 oz. bag
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/2 pack, 35 grams) 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar including 20 grams of added sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Maruchan Hot & Spicy Chicken Ramen Funyuns

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In my recent review of Korean-Style Sweet & Spicy Chili Ruffles, I whined and pined for more snacks with flavors inspired by the Far East. Well, not two weeks later, the good folks over at Frito Lay obliged.

Now, I’m not saying they saw the review, called the folks over at Maruchan, brainstormed, decided to collab on new Hot & Spicy Chicken Ramen Funyuns, and then went into a fast-tracked production process that put bags on shelves in world record timing, but… that’s exactly what I’m saying. That’s clearly what happened. The Impulsive Buy has that much pull in the snack industry.

The pairing was surprising, especially coming from a snack line that rarely remixes the original recipe, but I’m glad these two brands linked up because this is really good. It also made me ponder why we haven’t been sprinkling ramen flavor packets on things other than ramen all this time?

I have a little bit of a love-only relationship with Funyuns, but I’m happy to say these scratched the flavor itch I was yearning for, as well as the roof of my mouth (more on that later).

When I opened the bag of what looked like seasoned curly fries, I got a big whiff of poultry seasoning, but it somehow also smelled “hot,” so they were off to an accurate start.

That accuracy rolled on because, yeah, these taste like crispy Funyuns coated in a packet of spicy chicken ramen seasoning. Mission accomplished.

There’s a dryness to them that I always get from chicken-flavored snacks. For some reason, I associate that with chicken flavor. These could have easily just been “Spicy Chicken” flavored, but there is a little of that fabled “Asian flare” that I can’t articulate to make it resemble the flavors of a bowl of ramen – a cheap bowl of ramen, but I still like the cheap stuff.

Since reviewing Spicy Queso Funyuns, I was a little worried that these would also completely swallow up the traditional onion flavor of the Funyuns. But it actually managed to come through a bit on the finish. Maybe it was just a little onion powder in the spice concoction, but I tasted it nevertheless.

As for the heat level, I’d put these at about two-thirds of the way to “Flamin’ Hot,” which is more than tolerable. You won’t have any problem eating a small bag in one sitting… but you’re gonna tear your mouth up. I somehow avoided that on the Spicy Queso, but the dreaded “savory Cap’n’ Crunch” Funyuns got me this time. That, coupled with the salt and spice, dried my mouth out for hours, but whatever, it was kinda worth it.

Honestly, this is probably the best Funyuns offshoot I’ve had, and while I think this flavor would have been even better on a chip, I’d love to see a few more ramen-inspired releases.

That’s back-to-back really tasty Asian-inspired products from Frito Lay. I hope they keep ’em comin’.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 2 1/8 oz bag
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (About 13 pieces) 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of protein.

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