REVIEW: Hershey’s Milk Chocolate with Waffle Cone Pieces Bar

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With a legacy spanning approximately 500 years—give or take a few centuries—one would assume that Hershey has produced more than a fair amount of limited editions in the history of its iconic chocolate bar. And that assumption, like the fact that I am prone to gross exaggeration with regard to time, would be true.

While we all know—and to varying degrees love— the standard deviations (Cookies ‘n’ Creme, “with almonds,” and Symphony), do you recall Cookies ‘n’ Chocolate, Cookies ’n’ Mint, Strawberries ’n’ Creme, Raspberries ’n’ Creme, or any of the Twosomes (Reese’s Pieces, Whoppers, and Heath)? Me either! But if you’re like me—hankering for some pieces of stuff in your chocolate bar— the good folks from Pennsylvania are here for us.

About this new treat, Hershey’s website says, “Extra creamy milk chocolate and crunchy waffle cone pieces all in one bar? Who says you can’t have it all?” And then 181 more words about this candy bar. Seriously. 181! It’s a dessert-tation, really. I felt myself nodding off midway through.

Was the candy bar enough to awaken both me AND my tastebuds? Sadly, it was not.

Everyone has had a Hershey bar, so I won’t spend any time describing that. It’s a pretty straightforward American version of chocolate that few outside of the States can stand, and even snootier American chocolate connoisseurs find off-putting at best.

So the real variable here is the pieces of waffle cone. And the verdict? They add texture, but that’s about it. They seemingly do nothing in terms of taste— likely because the pieces are so small. I found myself wondering, what’s the point here? I mean, waffle cones are incredible, and I like Hershey Bars. While the combination should be a win-win, there’s just not enough substance here for it to be anything other than “ho-hum.” It’s a chocolate bar, which makes it consumable, but beyond that, it’s pretty pointless.

Maybe next time Hershey will do something a little more inventive than Chocolate ’n’ Waffle Cone. Until then, I suppose I’ll just remain Bored ‘n’ Disappointed.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 2.5 oz bar (King Size)
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/2 pack) 170 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Mtn Dew Baja Blast Gelato

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Twenty years ago, I was sitting at Taco Bell after school when a guy I liked offered me a taste of his “delicious toilet bowl water” (his nickname for the drink because of its bright blue-green color). I took my first sip of the newly released Mountain Dew Baja Blast, which was unlike anything I had ever tried. The lime-tropical flavor was much more enjoyable than the traditional Mountain Dew. It was refreshing and sweet but not overly so. Baja Blast is the perfect addition to any Taco Bell meal.

To keep evolving the flavor, Taco Bell did a one-restaurant test in Southern California of a new item: Mtn Dew Baja Blast Gelato. The limited run was met with positive reactions and an announcement it would have a wide release to coincide with the soda’s 20th anniversary. The dessert is available through mobile order only to Taco Bell Rewards members, and you can order up to four.

Considering the chatter around the treat, I was half expecting Popeyes Chicken Sandwich-level chaos surrounding this drop. Instead, I showed up at an empty Taco Bell, where I was informed I was the “first person to get it.” Much to my disappointment, there was no banner or celebration of that fact.

I had a bit of sticker shock at the $4.99 price. The item was also a lot smaller than I had anticipated. I understand that 3.6 ounces isn’t much, but it wasn’t until I was handed the container that I realized how small it was. No matter. I was still very excited to try it.

Opening the package, I pulled out the purple spoon nestled into the top of the lid and removed the protective film to reveal the familiar Baja Blast color. The light, fragrant smell of the drink was the next thing I noticed. I scraped some of the top layer off and took a bite. The expected texture of gelato is creamy, dense, almost velvety smooth, but this was icy and light, more akin to Taco Bell’s frozen drinks.

I thought I was too distracted by the texture to notice the flavor, but with my next few bites, I found the flavor to be incredibly faint. It was almost like taking the last sip of a watered-down Baja Blast. I decided to let it sit out for a few minutes, and maybe it would get to its “optimal enjoyment temperature.” While this made it a little more enjoyable (less icy), it was still not the gelato experience I expected. This would have been better off marketed as a sorbet as it shared more characteristics with that frozen treat.

As much as it pains me to say, the Mtn Dew Baja Blast Gelato did not live up to the hype. The middle-of-the-road quality and light flavor didn’t justify the high price tag to me and was overall a letdown.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 3.6 oz
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 70 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 10 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Fanta Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Haunted Apple and Haunted Spritz

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Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetl—SHHH!

While he’ll eat anything we want him to eat, swallow anything we want him to swallow, let’s not summon him to try any of the new Fanta and Beetlejuice Beetlejuice movie collaboration beverages.

In anticipation of the upcoming sequel, Fanta created four specially marked packages featuring the actors’ faces. There’s only one new limited edition flavor – Haunted Apple – on shelves, which features the bio-exorcist himself!

I specify on-shelf because there’s another new collaboration flavor on Coca-Cola Freestyle machines only: Haunted Spritz.

I will also say that Betelgeuse’s Haunted Apple flavor has pretty sweet packaging with the iconic black and white pinstripes of his suit. It looks even better on the can versus the 20-ounce bottle, which is clear with the label featuring the pinstripes.

The rest of the packaging doesn’t really stand out as much; it looks best all stitched together on the movie theater fountain cup. The special Beetlejuice cup was only available in the medium size at my local theater.

Both Haunted Apple and Haunted Spritz are delightfully hued. The former is a neon green, and the latter is a deep, haunting purple – both apropos of the spooky season and movie.

I also enjoyed watching the blending colors pour from the Coca-Cola Freestyle for the Haunted Spritz. My human eyes could only see purple and then red syrup. Maybe ghosts, like The Maitlands, can see more spectral colors in this.

However, neither is “spine-tingling,” as stated. It’s not even the slightest bit stimulating as this is caffeine-free, like most Fanta flavors.

Haunted Apple reminded me of drinking a caramel apple pop and a fall candle in that overly fragrant artificial way. There was a distinct crisp apple flavor, but it was quickly taken over by caramel and a hefty dose of cinnamon. It’s not a red-hot cinnamon but more of a fall spice, like in apple cider. It was unexpected and a bit jarring, so I petition to rename this to Haunted Spiced Apple or Haunted Fall Apple to help better explain what to expect. Also, I don’t know about you, but I don’t love drinking the smell of air fresheners or candles. Lastly, it’s really just not as good as other apple sodas out there.

As for Haunted Spritz, it’s always fun to guess a mystery flavor, and this one was no exception. The purple was unmistakably a candy-like grape, but I couldn’t identify the red syrup being mixed with it. Grape and cherry do NOT create what I was tasting. But what I tasted was Fruity Pebbles. Trippy. While it was a fun couple of sips, there was no way I could consume a whole cup of it as it was incredibly sweet. However, I may consider siping this again when I watch Beetlejuice Beetlejuice in the theater.

The new flavors are great for the novelty and got me to buy lots of Fanta, but I wouldn’t rank these as favorites. So, I won’t be sad when these limited edition items float away in the Lost Souls room.

Purchased Price: $7.99 (Haunted Apple), $6.25 (Haunted Spirtz)
Size: 12 fl oz cans/12 pack (Haunted Apple), Medium (Haunted Spritz
Purchased at: Meijer (Haunted Apple), Emagine Theatres (Haunted Spritz)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Haunted Apple), 6 out of 10 (Haunted Spritz)
Nutrition Facts: Haunted Apple (1 can) – 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 50 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Haunted Spritz – 400 calories.

REVIEW: Panda Express Hot Ones Blazing Bourbon Chicken

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Panda Express calls its new Hot Ones Blazing Bourbon Chicken the spiciest dish the chain has ever offered, thanks to its sauce being made with the Hot Ones’ infamous Last Dap Apollo Hot Sauce.

While it does have a good tongue-poking amount of heat, I can’t say I’m 100 percent sure it’s the spiciest ever because there might’ve been a Panda Express entree that was so devastatingly hot that my mind and mouth wiped any memory about it. While I’m not sure it burns the most, it does make up for the mild from a few months ago.

The limited time entree features crispy boneless chicken bites, onions, bell peppers, and chili peppers in an extra spicy and sweet bourbon sauce that’s sprinkled with sesame seeds. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Panda Express knows how to make a great sweet and savory sauce, and that’s the case with Blazing Bourbon Chicken.

But let’s start with the heat. If you’re expecting a reaction that’s similar to the ones on the Hot Ones talk show, where celebrities have their sweat, tear, or salivary glands, or any combination of the three get forced into bodily fluid production overdrive, your glands need not worry, if you likey the spicy. After finishing off a small a la carte container of the chicken, the top of my head and the back of my neck were sweating a bit. But it’s not as blazing as I expected it to be with a sauce made from the Apollo Hot Sauce, and, despite the sweating, I didn’t feel compelled to extinguish the burn in my mouth. But that’s not a bad thing because the heat doesn’t overwhelm the great tasting bourbon-flavored coating.

As for that wonderful sauce, I get a hint of bourbon flavor, but for the most part, I notice a level of umami that reminds me of soy sauce and a sweetness that could be from honey or brown sugar. I’ve never had the Last Dab before, so I can’t say if I taste it here, but my brave taste buds don’t notice anything that could be considered the flavor of a hot pepper, just the spiciness from one. Speaking of peppers, the vegetables in the entree bring a different crisp texture than the chicken’s coating, and they help temper the sauce’s heat. The chili peppers, surprisingly, didn’t seem to elevate the dish’s burn.

Panda Express’ Hot Ones Blazing Bourbon Chicken has the right amounts of savoriness, sweetness, and spiciness. It’s so good that I could see myself swapping it with my beloved Orange Chicken a few times while it’s on the menu.

Purchased Price: $5.40
Size: Small container
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5.5 oz serving) 400 calories, 5 grams of saturated fat, 40 grams of carbohydrates, and 14 grams of protein.

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REVIEW: Dairy Queen French Silk Pie Blizzard

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My wife rarely reads my reviews, so I’m going to roll the dice and hope she doesn’t see the following statement: If I could marry a member of the pie family, I would get on bended knee and offer a glistening strawberry ring pop to French silk pie so that we could be together forever

I’m not even a big pie person, but there’s something about that smooth, chocolatey goodness that just gets me. So, I was quite interested in trying Dairy Queen’s new-ish French Silk Pie Blizzard, which is part of the Fall Blizzard menu. It was apparently introduced in 2004 and has been available at various times since, but we’ve never reviewed it. It’s quite possible—even likely—that I’ve had it in the past and forgot, considering I don’t even remember what I ate for lunch today, and I had to check my phone to determine the day of the week. So it’s new to me.

I knew I would probably like this Blizzard, but the question was whether I would love it. The list of components was promising: choco chunks, pie pieces, and cocoa fudge with whipped topping. But despite my high hopes, let’s just say this Blizzard is more like a friend rather than marriage material. The chocolate flavor is great, and even a bit silky, at least as silky as you can get for ice cream, and the whipped topping always makes a Blizzard better.

My issue is the pie crust. I’m not sure if my local DQ got a bad batch, but the crust pieces were very crunchy, almost with the consistency of an animal cracker. There was very little of the crumbliness I associate with pie crust, and the pieces were monstrous, with a few being about the size of two Cinnamon Toast Crust pieces fused together. And the flavor was more like a cookie than pie crust.

Again, the chocolate part was wonderful. The cocoa fudge flavor did a perfect job of transforming the vanilla soft serve into chocolatey bliss, and the choco chunks brought an added layer of texture and taste. But the crust pieces just put a damper on the whole thing.

So I like you, French Silk Pie Blizzard, but I’m sorry to say that I don’t want to marry you. But we can still be friends. And yes, it is you, not me.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 33 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 98 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

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