REVIEW: Monster Ultra Vice Guava

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Looking back at our Monster Ultra reviews, every single one has been positive. And, spoiler alert, I will give Monster Ultra Vice Guava another high rating. How high? You’ll just have to read on or scroll down to the bottom of this review.

Monster Ultra Vice Guava sounds like a video game collaboration between Fruit Ninja, Grand Theft Auto, and a Kaiju game. But it’s much better than calling it Ultra Red Orange. You see, before, Monster was all about using colors to name its zero sugar energy drinks: Blue, Black, Red, Violet, and Gold. But recently, it seems like a lot more thought has been put into them: Peachy Keen, Strawberry Dreams, Fantasy Ruby Red, and now this one.

Here’s what the can says:

“Miami has it all, mind-blowing Latin energy, premier racing from NASCAR to F1, and world class beaches with the hottest clubs right on the sand. Whether you’re an over-the-top partier or an undercover crime fighter in a pastel suit, T-shirt, and loafers-you gotta stay energized! From South Beach to Calle Ocho, looking good and feeling good is what it’s all about. With zero sugar to weigh you down, the fresh taste of perfectly ripened guava, and our world-famous Monster Energy Blend, Ultra Vice Guava has you covered!”

There’s definitely an 80s Miami Vice style going on with the can, thanks to the pink and teal colors and the graphics. What’s Miami Vice? It was a 1980s cop show that lasted for five seasons on NBC. I’m pretty sure it’s streaming somewhere. There was also a movie adaptation of the show in 2006 with the same name.

While the can’s design brings a very old show to mind, the drink’s flavor makes me think of Monster Juice Pipeline Punch, one of my favorite Monster Energy products of all time that has a mix of guava and passion fruit flavors. Vice Guava is straight-up guava, and if it wasn’t for its non-juice consistency, I might’ve been convinced this was part of the Monster Juice line based on its great tasting and natural flavor. Also, as I’ve experienced with other Ultra varieties, it’s hard to detect the artificial sweeteners.

Monster Ultra Vice Guava is another zero sugar energy drink winner, and it’s currently my favorite in the Ultra line.

DISCLOSURE: I wrote this review based on cans I purchased, but later received a free product sample from Monster. Getting it did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 16 fl oz can
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 370 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of erythritol, 0 grams of protein, and 150 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Burger King Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake

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This October, Burger King has teamed up with one of the most iconic Halloween families: The Addams Family!

This fall marks the 60th anniversary of the original series, and fans are eagerly awaiting season 2 of Wednesday. However, BK has opted to brand its seasonal lineup with the animated movies instead. (I enjoyed the 2019 film, but the 2021 sequel was literally the worst version of the franchise I’ve seen. And I’ve seen most incarnations.)

Representing the family matriarch is Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake, which mixes soft-serve ice cream with chocolate cake batter fudge, topped with black and purple cookie bits. (It seems like a missed opportunity not to call this a Kooky Cookie Shake or a Kooky Cocoa Shake.)

Let’s get this out of the way first: chocolate cake and chocolate shakes seem like something that Morticia Frump Addams is unlikely to eat. For someone who enjoys cooking aardvark, yak, eye of newt, and cookies with bats and lizards, chocolate just seems too gauche. And she also seems unlikely to feed it to her carnivorous plant Cleopatra.

But for me, someone who does not keep nooses or iron maidens hanging around the house, I really enjoyed the shake. Since it is made with cake batter fudge, it is a richer, more sophisticated chocolate shake than one you would get made with chocolate syrup.

The cookie pieces are a standard chocolate sandwich cookie, but the creme filling is purple. They have a good flavor, but perhaps more importantly, they provide some textural contrast to the soft shake. But there’s not too many of them to become annoying.

At the bottom of the cup, I scooped up some of the cake batter fudge. It had a slightly gritty texture and a rich, almost buttery flavor. This tells me they actually put some effort into this limited-time offering, instead of just putting in a nondescript syrup and pretending it’s fancy.

Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake is a scream. Or, rather, a scree-yum.

Purchased Price: $4.69
Size: Regular
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 740 calories, 30 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 690 milligrams of sodium, 106 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 82 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Gomez’s Churro Fries

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Perhaps the most intriguing product from Burger King’s Addams Family Menu is Gomez’s Churro Fries, fried crispy pastry dough tossed in cinnamon sugar and served warm with chocolate sauce.

Wednesday’s Whopper looks cool with its purple bun, and Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake sounds delightful with black and purple cookie pieces and chocolate cake batter fudge. But there have been numerous Whoppers with colored buns, and the shake sounds like it’s just a chocolate shake with cookie bits. However, how many major fast food chains have offered us a churros and chocolate combo? I can’t think of one.

The dippable dessert comes in four-, eight-, and twelve-piece orders and is served in an Addams Family-themed box with a section where you can put your chocolate sauce container, similar to the Chicken Fries bawk-s. I got an eight-piece order because four didn’t seem like much, and I expected these to be awesome.

However, they were disappointing.

Before dipping a churro into the sauce, I had to try it sans sauce. That was a mistake because it tasted plain, just fried dough with a hint of sweetness. I could taste more oil than anything sweet. I wondered if mine were tossed in cinnamon sugar because it didn’t taste like it. When I smelled the others in the box, I got a faint sweet scent, and after eating the first one plain, there was an accumulation of seasoning on my fingers, which had a light cinnamon sugar flavor. So maybe mine didn’t get tossed with enough seasoning?

The chocolate sauce helped my order taste better. There was more than enough of it in the container for all eight pieces with double dipping. The dark sauce covered up most of the oiliness, but that also meant it masked whatever hint of sweetness the churros had. Sure, the chocolate’s sugariness made up for it, but if these had a more robust cinnamon sugar flavor, they would’ve been excellent with the sauce. (Side note: I also dipped Burger King’s fries into it and enjoyed it more than the churros.)

Because of my disheartening experience with the churro fries, I decided to get another order from a different location. The cinnamon sugar flavor with my second order may have been slightly better, but they needed more seasoning.

Gomez’s Churro Fries had the potential to be great. They have a pleasant crispiness and are a decent size, but like the number of Addams Family references in this review, the cinnamon sugariness is lacking.

Purchased Price: $6.59*
Size: 8-piece order
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 300 calories, 18 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

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REVIEW: Sonic Witch’s Brew Slush Float

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For Halloween, Sonic has introduced its Witch’s Brew Slush Float, which consists of a green apple slush, caramel “bubbles” (popping boba), and vanilla soft serve.

No mortal has ever drunk witch’s brew and lived to tell about it, which means food companies can make the flavor whatever they want it to be. I’m really pleased that Sonic opted for a classic Halloween flavor instead of something boring and irrelevant (like marshmallow).

As the cashier handed me the drink at the drive-thru window, I noticed it was a putrid shade of green. Like mold, algae, or ogre snot. That might not be appropriate if it were an elf or leprechaun drink, but for witch’s brew, it’s perfect!

In the fifteen minutes it took to drive home (I don’t eat in my car), the ice cream had lost its freshly extruded grooves, and the slush was browner. But luckily, it was still nice and cold.

I expected the slush to have a strong and fake candy apple flavor, like a Jolly Rancher in liquid form. It was more subdued than I expected, and there was more of a caramel flavor as well. I assume the caramel flavor leaked from the “bubbles,” and I approve. Of course, it doesn’t really taste like an actual caramel apple, but it was still a pleasant combination of caramel and apple flavors.

And those caramel bubbles are so fun! By pressing them between my tongue and the roof of my mouth, they popped their sweet, cold liquid, leaving the skin to dissolve. I liked to imagine they were eyes of newt. Yummy, delicious newts made of candy.

And that vanilla soft serve ensures the whole drink doesn’t become too slushy sweet. I’m glad we don’t have to pick between creamy and slushy!

So far, the only side effect I’ve experienced was the initial brain freeze. No tails have sprouted, no polka dots have appeared on my skin, no appendages have grown or shrunk. This brew will disappoint an actual witch, but for the rest of us, this might be my favorite thing I have ever had from Sonic.

Purchased Price: $7.49
Size: Medium (only available size)
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 93 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 88 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

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REVIEW: McDonald’s Chicken Big Mac

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I could’ve sworn we’ve had the Chicken Big Mac in the United States before. Or maybe I’m confusing it with a menu hack I’ve seen online. Or perhaps I was thinking of Burger King’s version of it from years ago. Or maybe I’m confusing it with the international McDonald’s locations that offered it. Or perhaps I had a vivid dream about it after falling into a McDonald’s-induced food coma?

Anyhoo, finally, the Chicken Big Mac is an official thing in the US, and it features two all-chicken patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, no onions on a sesame seed bun. The breaded poultry appears to be the same one used in the McChicken, which makes sense because using the McCrispy fillets, which aren’t as uniformly shaped, would’ve made it harder to wield and much messier. (Update: Via the comments and the press release, I learned these tempura battered chicken patties were specially made for the Chicken Big Mac.) Yes, much like the iconic original, the shredded lettuce and secret sauce can get everywhere with this sandwich. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some sauce on my chin or hair right at this moment.

Unsurprisingly, the Big Mac components work well with the chicken patties. As someone who has probably eaten his weight in McChickens and Big Macs over the past two decades, I think it tastes exactly like I expected. The breaded coating has a slight pepperiness, the American slice adds a slight cheesiness, and the sauce and pickles give the sandwich a jolt of tanginess. The crispy coating also adds a little more crunch on top of what the lettuce provides. With that said, while this sandwich is tasty, there’s something about the all-beef patties that makes the original taste better.

While the Chicken Big Mac is good and is definitely worth a try, it hasn’t got me completely yearning for another one. Instead, while I ate it, it made me wish more for an opportunity to always be able to customize any sandwich with the special sauce in the McDonald’s app. I’d love the option to add it (along with some pickles and cheese) to a McChicken and turn it into a version of the Mac Jr. without beef. Or add it to a McCrispy sandwich. Or create a Filet-O-Fish Big Mac.

Purchased Price: $5.99*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 700 calories, 37 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1410 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar (including 6 grams of added sugar), and 25 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

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