REVIEW: Jack in the Box Panko Onion Rings

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Jack in the Box Panko Onion Rings

Even though I’ve eaten pounds of Jack in the Box Curly Fries and paid dollars upon dollars in upgrades to swap regular fries with them in my combo meals, I’m replacing them with Jack in the Box’s new Panko Onion Rings as my favorite Jack in the Box side.

To be honest, I didn’t have high expectations, but I blame the promotional photos that don’t do them justice. When I first saw a photo of them, I thought they were going to be formed onion mush inside breading, much like the uniform-sized onion rings from a fast food chain that begins with “B” and ends with “urger King.”

But in real life these look like they’re from a sit-down chain restaurant, like Chili’s or Applebees. I know that doesn’t sound like a compliment, but it’s a compliment. They come in different sizes and have actual rings of onion in them.

Oh, and look at that golden brown panko. From what you’ve probably learned via the Food Network, panko tends to be lighter and crispier than other breadcrumbs and that’s definitely the case here. The coating wonderfully crispy (of course your results may vary). With every chew it’s as if a staticky television is going off in my head. They’re also not at all greasy and the coating doesn’t easily flake off.

And that crispy coating is wrapped around rings of onion that have a slightly sweet flavor. There were times when couldn’t bite through the onion causing me to pull some of it out of the panko coating and I do wish the onion was a bit more oniony, but, my goodness, writing this review makes me want to buy more of them. I’ll be right back.

(20 minutes later)

Still love them.

I imagine Jack in the Box’s Panko Onion Rings would go great with a Buttery Jack, Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, Jumbo Jack, or anything else on the menu with the name “Jack” attached to it. They would also go great with any dipping sauce Jack in the Box offers, if you’re willing to pay for a container because, sadly, they don’t come with a dipping sauce. Ketchup is fine, but I got container of ranch sauce and they made these onion rings even better.

(Nutrition Facts – 443 calories, 215 calories from fat, 24 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 623 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful crispy exterior. Uses actual rings of onion. Better than Jack’s Curly Fries. They look like they’re from Chili’s or Applebees (that’s still a compliment). Not greasy.
Cons: It doesn’t need a dipping sauce, but it would’ve been nice to have to option. Perhaps the onion could’ve been more oniony. Sometimes I couldn’t bite cleanly through the onion.

REVIEW: Burger King Angriest Whopper

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Burger King Angriest Whopper

It was a Saturday, just like any other Saturday. I woke up, brushed my teeth, and got ready for the day. I read the newspaper and had a cup of coffee. I went for a morning run.

Eventually, I grew hungry for lunch. I got in my car, drove to the nearest restaurant, and placed my order. I paid the cashier and waited while my food was prepared. The cashier handed me a bag and I was on my way.

Once home, I sat down at my dinner table, bowed my head, and said a prayer.

“Dear almighty (Burger) King, please don’t let me end up in a Yahoo! article for whatever color this bright red bun turns my poo.”

Okay. Maybe it wasn’t just like any other Saturday.

In the Burger King family tree, the Angriest Whopper is the livid sibling of 2009’s Angry Whopper, and the extremely sunburned cousin of last year’s A.1. Halloween Whopper (which made headlines last year after customers reported that its black bun turned their poop green).

Burger King Angriest Whopper I Survived

As I unveiled the burger, I was greeted by an ominous proclamation: “I SURVIVED THE ANGRIEST WHOPPER.” So there’s a chance I might not survive this thing? Were my last words really going to be a prayer about the effects a fast food cheeseburger might have on my bowels? I will admit, as gimmicky as this burger seemed, I was intrigued to see whether it would live up to its spicy billing.

Burger King Angriest Whopper In Its Glory

The Angriest Whopper’s bun is very squishy. I certainly wouldn’t think of it as a “premium” bun used in similarly-priced burgers at other restaurants. The textures of the various ingredients are mostly similar, with some decent crunch from the lettuce and bacon. Having said that, the produce is what you would expect from Burger King—more functional (to provide some color and hold the components together) than attractive.

The tamer ingredients in the Angriest Whopper are decent. The bacon is crispy and provides a good meaty flavor. The patty itself has Burger King’s strong charbroiled taste, but it is relatively thin for its menu price and not at all juicy. The other two standard ingredients, the mayonnaise and American cheese, struck me as odd choices for this burger. The mayo adds little and actually seems to dull the other flavors. The American cheese is similarly underwhelming. I think Burger King missed a chance to use pepper jack cheese to add some heat.

Burger King Angriest Whopper Is Scary

Now, the “spicy” ingredients. If this Whopper is Burger King’s definition of “Angriest,” I’d like to point them to my mother’s reaction when I stuffed a bag of Ritz Bitz in our VCR as a child. The only real heat comes from the four jalapeño slices, which are spicy and somewhat sour. I tried the bun separately, and if there is hot sauce baked in, I definitely couldn’t taste it. The angry onion petals are soggy and limp, but actually quite tasty. They reminded me of a slightly spicier version of Burger King’s onion rings. The angry sauce is undetectable for the most part. It seemed to have mixed with the mayo, and the little taste I could pick up was more sweet (almost like barbecue sauce) than spicy.

The Angriest Whopper is a decently flavorful sandwich, with a good amount of heat coming mostly from the jalapeños. But at $5.49 for just the burger, you’re basically paying for the novelty of the blindingly red bun. At a lower price and with a few recipe tweaks, however, this burger could be a heavy-hitter as one of Burger King’s regular offerings.

(Nutrition Facts – 830 calories, 51 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 1530 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 34 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Innovative ingredients. Onion petals and bacon provide great flavor. Decent heat from jalapeño slices. Managed to survive eating a fast food cheeseburger.
Cons: Lacks heat. Bun contains no flavor whatsoever. High price for one sandwich. Getting yelled at by your mom. Bathroom prayers.

REVIEW: Coffee Nut, Honey Nut, and Chili Nut M&M’s (M&M’s Flavor Vote)

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Coffee Nut, Honey Nut, and Chili Nut M&M's (M&M's Flavor Vote)

Let’s get one thing straight: Peanut M&M’s are the best.

Well, technically, Peanut Butter M&M’s are the best, but the classic whole-roasted peanut M&M’s, represented by the overly optimistic, decidedly plump yellow guy, are right behind them.

Don’t agree? Sorry, you’re in the minority. Pretty much anyone with a computer and a sweet tooth will rank either Peanut Butter or Peanut M&M’s at the top of the M&M’s kingdom, which if you ask me is a not to be overlooked accomplishment given that Mars has mostly been focusing flavor additions more in the white chocolate and milk chocolate spectrum.

Well, Mr. Yellow Guy is finally getting the last laugh, because M&M’s has introduced three new Peanut flavors that America will get to choose from before the winner gets rushed into the regular M&M’s rotation. And by last laugh, I mean literally last. He is, after all, about to get eaten.

Coffee Nut M&M's 1

First up is the Coffee M&M’s. As anyone from Canada knows, coffee and candy just belong together (Dear Canadians: I live in Texas, please mail Coffee Crisp.) These are really awesome, and get my vote for the next Peanut flavor.

Coffee Nut M&M's 2

While I was hoping for an earthy, robust roasted coffee finish that gradually overtakes the sweetness (like you might get in a chocolate-covered expresso bean), I can’t complain about the mocha vibe that resonates as soon as the shell begins to dissolve, even if it is a mocha vibe with seven extra pumps of vanilla syrup and four Splendas. Come to think of it, these taste a lot like coffee Jelly Belly beans, except with a peanut. Frankly, that makes them all the better.  

Honey Nut M&M's

Moving right along, I imagine the idea for Honey Nut M&M’s came into being at the weekly golf outing of yellow anthropomorphic food spokespeople. Given the natural friendliness of both the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee and the Yellow M&M’s guy, this flavor combination was bound to happen. I was also bound to like the flavor given the fact that Honey Nut Chex is in my Top 10 cereals of ALL TIME, but unfortunately the M&M’s didn’t live up to expectations. The characteristic almond flavor of Honey Nut Cheerios is definitely present as soon as you get at the chocolate, but a weird and distracting artificial sweetness comes with it.

I was hoping, if nothing else, the peanut would have the salty and caramelized texture of a honey roasted peanut, but this wasn’t to be. Not that a whole peanut in a milk chocolate shell is that much of a disappointment, but Honey Nut M&M’s weren’t nearly as good as they should have been.

Chili Nut M&M's

Finally, Chili Nut M&M’s push M&M’s into new territory, namely the somewhat fading food trend of pairing chocolate with spicy food. These are interesting; they’re not fireballs by any mean, but there’s an initial cinnamon red hots flavor that enters your mouth as soon as the shell starts to dissolve. A tingling backheat resonates through the milk chocolate, and then really comes on strong once you crunch through the peanut. The last sensation you get is cayenne burn that lasts for a couple of seconds after you’ve finished. I know its tantamount to declaring the wuss card, but I’ll admit it: I needed to grab a glass of water after eating these. All in all, it’s an interesting combination if you’re a heat seeker, although more of a mild annoyance if you’re just a standard M&M’s eater.

Adding to the Peanut M&M’s lineup was long overdue, but I’d be lying if I said any of the new flavors catapulted to the top of the M&M’s flavor list. While Coffee Nut is a welcome addition, the other two flavors taste more like novelties than anything else. And even though I don’t think any of them take a lot away from the smooth milk chocolate and crunchy roasted peanut taste of our adorable yellow friend, I will say there’s something about the classic that’s just hard to improve on.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack or 49 grams – 250 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: 88 cents each
Size: 1.75 oz.
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Coffee Nut)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Honey Nut)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Chili Nut)
Pros: Coffee Nut flavor has lasting notes of coffee and vanilla. Familiar crunchy shell roasted peanut, and smooth milk chocolate of Peanut M&M’s. Yellow anthropomorphic food spokespeople golf outings.
Cons: None of the flavors beat the classic Peanut M&M’s. Not an overly robust coffee finish. Honey Nut flavor has cloying artificiality. No honey roasted peanut. Chili Nut M&M’s only brings heat, not additional flavor.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo Cookies

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Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo

Just like the Earth is going to eventually run out of fossil fuels, Nabisco is going to run out of Oreo flavors. I’m no Oreologist, so I can’t estimate when that’ll happen, but unless Oreo starts going the salmon pâté route, they’re going to run out of ideas.

Every year for the past few years, Oreo has come out with around half a dozen new flavors, and that doesn’t even include brand spinoffs like Oreo Thins. It’s an impressive rate. The creators of these new Oreo varieties must be frantically working with natural and artificial flavors to keep up this pace. I’m talking as frantic as North Korean rocket scientists.

The latest flavor to come out of Nabisco’s DRPK (Development of Really Pleasurable Kookies) is the Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo.

You might be thinking, “Isn’t strawberry shortcake a Valentine’s Day and Easter thing now and both holidays have passed.” Yeah, I know. But strawberry shortcake is like Tom Hanks. It can be whatever it wants to be.

At first, the cookies had an aroma that reminded me of the Strawberry Nesquik plume I accidentally inhaled after dumping a spoonful of the powder into a glass. But later sniffs had a more generic strawberry candy vibe.

Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo 2

If you go by what’s on the packaging, the sandwich cookie features a Pepto-Bismol-colored creme with, at first glance, what appears to be a Golden Oreo wafer. Unfortunately, the computer generated image on the package doesn’t accurately portray what the wafers look like in real life. They’re a bit more tanned and that’s probably due to the “graham flour” in it. Yes, it’s the same graham flour found in the S’mores and Key Lime Oreo wafers.

When eaten by themselves they do have a noticeable graham to them, but I’m not quite sure they’re the exact same ones because the other two proudly promoted the fact they had graham-flavored cookies and this flavor doesn’t.

Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo 3

As for the creme, I had a few ideas of how it would taste. After all, there have been almost enough strawberry-flavored Oreo varieties for Buzzfeed to create a listicle of them. There’s Strawberries ’n Creme, Strawberry Milkshake, and Berry Burst Ice Cream. However, after licking the creme, I wasn’t sure if it was from any of them.

It has an artificial, but pleasant and mild strawberry flavor with a hint tanginess. I also got a slight milkiness at the back end, which I guess could represent the whipped cream of a strawberry shortcake. Its flavor reminds me of a particular strawberry candy, but I can’t exactly put my tongue on it after a dozen licks.

As a whole, the creme goes nicely with the graham wafers, but these Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo Cookies were a slight letdown. I mean, they’re not bad cookies by far. I enjoyed them and I think most of you would like them.

But the sandwich cookie doesn’t make me think of strawberry shortcake. The cookie has the strawberry part, it obviously has the short part, and it might even have the whipped cream part, but I’m not sure it has the cake part. When I think of strawberry shortcake, graham doesn’t come to mind. I know there are recipes out there that use a graham cracker crust, but does the strawberry shortcake image on the packaging look like it uses one? Maybe Golden Oreo wafers would’ve made more sense. But, again, I’m no Oreologist, so I don’t know if that would’ve made a difference.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: Purchased on eBay at a significantly higher price than retail
Size: 10.7 oz package
Purchased at: eBay (but it’s a Walmart exclusive)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: A decent Oreo flavor. Strawberry creme has a slight tanginess and milkiness. Getting more use out of those graham flavored cookies. New Oreo varieties coming out at an impressive rate.
Cons: Doesn’t make me think of strawberry shortcake. Pepto-Bismol colored creme. Strawberry creme might be from a previous flavor. North Korean rocket scientist reference.

REVIEW: Pepsi 1893 Ginger Cola

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Pepsi 1893 Ginger Cola

“Excuse me, Mr. Cashier? Could I speak to your manager? I don’t want to make a scene, but all your cans of soda expired 123 years ago!”

Damn it, Dad. Get off my computer! Who said you could write the first line of my review?

While I lure my dad away with Home Depot coupons and History Channel DVDs, here’s a brief history lesson on Pepsi’s new 1893 soda line: coming in both Original and Ginger, these retro premium colas are based on “Brad’s Drink,” an 1893 Pepsi-Cola predecessor created by Pepsi founder and distinguished Walt Disney lookalike Caleb Bradham.

Like Brad’s Drink, Pepsi 1893’s base recipe contains, amongst other things: carbonated water, real sugar, African kola nut extract, and vaguely named “spices.” Ginger is obviously the lead spice in this variety I tried, so until soda historians uncover the secret formula for “Beckham’s Drink,” fans of Posh will have to settle.

Pepsi 1893 Ginger Cola 2

I poured my classy Pepsi into the classiest glass I own (there are pretty much 1,893 different Pokémon by now, right?) and admired its amber caramel hues before sipping with my pinky out. As with any brown liquid I’ve ever photographed, pictures don’t do it justice. Interpret that as you will.

Original 1893 comes in a black can, while Ginger’s is sleek and copper-colored. If you stack them Voltron-style, you can make a drinkable Duracell battery. I only mention this because Ginger 1893 is exactly the soda I imagine a post-apocalyptic steampunk cyborg would swig for energy before busting fiendish intergalactic prospectors.

This is because even though its carbonation is a bit light (Dad: “you’d be flat too after a century on the shelf!”) this soda has a bite. The ginger taste hits quickly, but don’t expect molasses and liquefied gingersnaps. This spice is fiery, floral, and folk medicine-y.

Pepsi 1893 Ginger Cola 3

The kola cola taste is intriguing: it’s definitely nuttier, earthier, and more “authentic” than run-of-the-mill Pepsi, but it also seems to exist separately from the carbonated sugar water rather than being blended smoothly into it. Coupled with the sweetened water’s granulated sugar flavor, it’s like Nesquik, just with cola instead of chocolate, and a ginger root instead of a stirring spoon.

A tingling burn of caramel and ginger lingers long after each drink, but this warming sensation becomes pleasant and cara-mellow as it spreads into my stomach. Designated drivers of the world, take note: Ginger 1893 might spice up your sober night a little.

As for everyone else, your enjoyment of this cola will depend entirely on your fanaticism for ginger as a spice, because the sizzling ginger here is more fiery and overbearing than Guy Fieri on fajita night.

In short: it’s a much angrier Vernors. To use a reference non-Michiganders will understand: it’s like that Jolly Reindeer soda Coca-Cola brought to Freestyle machines last Christmas, except this time the reindeer kicks you in the throat after each sip.

As for me, the spice is simply too much for my baby tongue. I think I’ll stick to the Original Pepsi 1893 so I can more richly appreciate the kola nut flavor. Should the desire for a sweet ginger soda ever strike me, I can always sadistically dunk a freshly baked gingerbread man into the bubbling brown liquid until the goofy smile melts from his face.

I’ll see you in therapy, Caleb Bradham.

We also reviewed 1893 Original Cola! Click here to read our review.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 150 calories, 0 grams of fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 39 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $1.69
Size: 12 fl oz can
Purchased at: Meijer
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Warm ‘n’ bubbly in my belly. Cool kola nut nuttiness. Elegant Pokémon chalices. The Continuing Adventures of Duracell Voltron.
Cons: Hot ‘n’ spicy in my throat. Ginger was not applied gingerly. 19th century Nesquik Bunnies. Dad jokes. Guy Fieri’s dinner parties.

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