REVIEW: Monster Energy Mutant Super Sodas

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Monster Mutant Super Sodas

I wonder if internally at Monster Energy Headquarters, which I imagine is a radioactive green building with giant ramps on its sides that allow action sports stars to jump over the building, they called their new Super Sodas, Monster Dew.

In the world of radioactive colored sodas, Mountain Dew is far and away the most popular, and probably the most radioactive colored. So I understand why Monster decided to go after Mountain Dew’s marketshare. It could be successful or it could end up like Coca-Cola’s Surge, discontinued until a rabid following helps bring it back in limited markets

The new soda line is available in two varieties — Original and Red Dawn. If you Dew the Dew, you probably figured out Red Dawn is Monster’s version of Mountain Dew’s cherry-flavored Code Red.

The green one is good, but it’s slightly different than Mountain Dew. To be more exact it tastes like it’s missing something. And that something is orange juice concentrate. The lack of it leans the soda more into lime territory. You might think Monster decided not to use it in case Pepsi decided to Mountain Sue them, but that’s unlikely because Red Dawn has it.

While the Hulk green Monster Super Soda kind of tastes like original Dew, Red Dawn tastes exactly like Mountain Dew Code Red. If you secretly replaced my stash of it with Monster’s version, I don’t think I’d be able to tell. And if you did that, how dare you sneak into my home and you will be getting a bill for all the locks I have to change.

They have the same amount of calories and slightly less sugar than Mountain Dew. But the number many of you care about when it comes to radioactive colored sodas is the caffeine amount. While 20 ounces of Dew has 91 milligrams of caffeine, a 20-ounce bottle of Monster Super Soda has 115 milligrams. I think that’s a difference most drinkers won’t notice. And that’s a number without Monster’s proprietary energy blend, which if used would’ve upped the caffeine content significantly, but the bitterness from it might’ve made the beverage taste more like Mountain Ew than Mountain Dew.

Another significant number was the price. At my local 7-Eleven, the Monster Super Soda was $2.29, while a 20-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew was $1.89. So they taste similar and have slightly more caffeine, but are more expensive.

The two are fine Mountain Dew alternatives, but, for me, price negates the fact they have slightly more caffeine. If they were the same price, I’d definitely pick them up more often.

(Nutrition Facts – Original – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 70 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% niacin, and 100% vitamin B6. Red Dawn – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 72 grams of carbohydrates, 72 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% niacin, and 100% vitamin B6..)

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 20 oz bottles
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Fine Mtn Dew alternatives. Red Dawn tastes like Code Red. Slightly more caffeine than Mtn Dew.
Cons: Pricer than Mtn Dew. Why does Red Dawn have orange juice concentrate, but the green one doesn’t? Using Mountain Sue and Mountain Ew in a review.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Lay’s Popcorn Caramel Potato Chips (Thailand)

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Lay’s Popcorn Caramel Potato Chips (Thailand)

Even though I didn’t care for these Lay’s Popcorn Caramel Potato Chips from Thailand, I think there needs to be maw papkawn-phaabad paheyho hips.

I’m sorry. I was trying to say “more popcorn-flavored potato chips,” but I’m also trying to dig out with my fingernail a popcorn shell shard that’s stuck between my left mawlas. I mean, molars. My oral excavation is the reason why I’d like popcorn-flavored potato chips.

Maybe I should use floss. Let’s see if I have floss. I do!

Is that blood? Ugh. It’s blood. Spits. I really should floss more than the two weeks leading up to a dentist visit. Maybe four weeks?

With popcorn-flavored potato chips, I wouldn’t have to worry about popcorn shells getting stuck between my teeth and it poking my gums every time I move my jaw. I know there’s Popchips and its ilk, but they don’t have the satisfying crunch or saltiness of a potato chip. Movie theater butter popcorn-flavored potato chips would be awesome.

But these Lay’s Popcorn Caramel Potato Chips weren’t eat-the-bag-in-one-sitting good. They have a musty sweet aroma that’s inviting…me to think they won’t be good. The chips look normal, like they aren’t seasoned at all, but I got a strong hit of whatever seasoning was on the chips when I popped one into my mouth.

They did taste like caramel corn, but there were other chips that tasted like coffee, and other chips that had a nondescript sweet flavor. But all the chips had the same odd, greasy aftertaste; one that I’ve experienced in the past with seafood-flavored Lay’s potato chips from Asian countries.

Lay’s Popcorn Caramel Potato Chips (Thailand) 2

Like Lay’s Chicken & Waffles and Cappuccino flavored potato chips, these popcorn caramel-flavored chips are a nice novelty, but their flavor is not something I’d crave. To be honest, I’d rather eat actual caramel corn and deal with the papkawn sal. I mean, popcorn shell that gets stuck between my teeth.

Thanks to James from Travelling McD’s for sending these chips to me!

(Nutrition Facts – Too lazy to translate the nutrition label written Thai.)

Purchased Price: Given as gift
Size: N/A
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Not gross. Trying odd potato chip flavors from Asia. Flossing. Tricking your dentist into thinking you floss regularly.
Cons: Inconsistent flavor. Smell weird. Greasy aftertaste. Getting popcorn shells stuck between your teeth.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Twix White

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Limited Edition Twix White

I think the Walmart cashier was flirting with me when I bought this new Twix White. She smiled and made a little joke that I’m “not supposed to eat white after Labor Day.”

That’s actually what she said.

While I applaud her for not being a total mope, and while I did give her a courtesy laugh, that didn’t stop me from gazing at the self-service registers longingly.

I’d made my first blunder of the day; hopefully Twix White wouldn’t be the second.

Twix, which everyone knows stands for “Twiggy Sticks” have been available in the U.S. since 1969. Outside of a previous limited run in 2005, the white chocolate variety hasn’t been available until now. Just don’t get too attached, because these are also labeled “Limited Edition.”

The latest Twix commercials have informed me I’m supposed to pick a winner between the Right Twix bar and the Left Twix bar, so I ate them with that in mind.

Upon opening the package and taking a big whiff that basically smelled like nothing, I opted to go with the Left Twix cookie first. Yes, Twix insists on referring to itself as a “cookie” instead of a “candy bar,” which for some reason bugs me to no end. You’re a candy bar, Twix. Own it.

The texture of the Left Twix was exactly as I expected — perfect. Twix is one of my favorite candies texture wise, because of the delicious and easy to chew layer of caramel. I never have to worry about it getting stuck to my teeth because it immediately mixes with the crunchy cookie center and the outer chocolate so well.

Limited Edition Twix White 2

The White Chocolate coating had a standard white chocolate flavor I’d tasted in the past, but it was actually milder than I expected. Without that instant punch of chocolate, I feel like I definitely tasted the cookie and caramel a lot more here than with a normal Twix.

This might sound crazy, but between the caramel, the cookie, and the mild white chocolate, there was a slight saltiness in each bite. The white chocolate’s sweetness didn’t really shine through until the very end, and the aftertaste was still pretty weak.

Limited Edition Twix White 3

I’m not sure white chocolate, especially the kind used here, has enough flavor to carry a Twix bar. I guess I like my white chocolate to be overly sweet. I’m talking “have two bites then take a break” sweet. There isn’t as perfect a marriage of flavors here like there is in a regular Twix. Overall, I found the Left Twix to be pretty boring.

The Right Twix however was in-cred-ible! Wow! I don’t know what they’re doing over at Right Twix, but good lord was this “cookie” fantastic!

I’m just kidding. Those commercial are dumb. They tasted exactly the same — boring.

It’s a shame too, because this was one of the freshest Twix I’d had in a long time. Not since Mo, Sol, or Lem stole George Costanza’s Twix from that car dealership vending machine have I had a Twix this fresh, and I eat a lot of em. I already bought a bag of Mini Twix to give out to trick or treaters on Halloween. The bag won’t survive beyond October 25th. Believe me.

While these weren’t a huge hit for me, I do appreciate this slow burning trend of white chocolate-izing our favorite candy bars, and I really hope it continues until there are none left.

In the end, Twix White pales in comparison to regular Twix.

I’d appreciate a courtesy laugh for that one.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 230 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: 78 cents
Size: 1.62 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Great texture. The never failing Twix caramel. White chocolate-izing our favorite candy bars. The underrated Seinfeld episode I referenced. Well meaning cashiers. Great price.
Cons: Mild white chocolate. Twix not actually standing for “Twiggy Sticks.” Stupid ads. Twix shunning its candy bar heritage. Finishing the Halloween candy before Halloween. Courtesy laughs.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts

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Limited Edition Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts

Anyone else feel like their teeth are going to fall out when they eat a caramel apple?

The hardened caramel should seriously be considered on the list of dental no-no’s right up there next to chewing ice (I’m guilty). So, for the most part, I avoid caramel apples. But, Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts bring all the joy of Caramel Apples but in toaster pastry form.

Sort of.

Out of the trusty shiny packaging, a corner of the pale toaster pastry tumbled out typical Pop-Tart crumbliness. No immediate artificial/pungent odor tumbled out with the crumble though, which is always a good sign! I took a closer nose-pection of the goods. It smelled just like Tootsie’s Caramel Apple Pops.

Luckily, I have a pretty positive association with Apple Pops but it’s a little odd that a toast pastry smells like a candy. The Pop-Tart itself looks like a regular Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart but with a neon green squiggle down the middle and neon is never a good color for food.

For a Pop-Tart, the flavor progression is surprisingly complex. The first bite was all apple flavoring. Think Hostess Apple Fruit Pie but with a better crust to filling ratio (aka the filling isn’t gooping everywhere). The apple flavoring was followed by a warm maple, caramel sweetness. This pushed it over the edge of sweetness for me, but right at that point a sour apple tartness emerged.

Limited Edition Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts 3

After the first couple of bites, I looked more closely at the filling. It looked like half & half filling with a darker half and a lighter half so I tried each half as separately as I could. The lighter half was the apple part of the filling and tasted pretty standard. The darker half contributed the warmer maple, caramel flavor as well as the tartness. Kellogg’s R&D definitely tried to go above and beyond for this one.

Limited Edition Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts 2

Somewhat dissatisfied, I put these babies in the toaster oven for a quick toast. After warming it up, I found it odd that the edges weren’t a more golden brown color like other warmed pop-tarts. Typically, Pop-Tarts taste best warm, but not this flavor. While the apple, maple and tartness meshed a little better together, the sour apple after-taste became even more prominent and made it taste even more like the lollipop candy.

These should be renamed Caramel Apple Pops Pop-Tarts. I wouldn’t be disappointed if Kellogg’s did not bring this Limited Edition flavor back. Long live Pumpkin!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 12 pastries/box
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: R&D put in work – tried to replicate a Caramel Apple as closely as possible.
Cons: Tastes just like Caramel Apple Tootsie Pops. Too sweet. Why doesn’t it toast?!

REVIEW: Keebler Limited Batch Peppermint Fudge Stripes Cookies

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Keebler Limited Batch Peppermint Fudge Stripes Cookies

Candy Canes and Cookies.

It has a cute ring to it, doesn’t it? Like the title of a baking blog, or a children’s Christmas story, or even a specialty store that sells holiday-themed socks. But eaten together?

Sure, we’ve had Candy Cane Oreo Cookies, but a part of me has always felt the confection world should never be combined with the creaming method world. It’s sort of like fish and cheese. Conventional wisdom tells us these things just don’t “go” together, and far be it for drumming up iconoclasm once Christmas comes around.

Keebler Limited Batch Peppermint Fudge Stripes Cookies change all that. It really shouldn’t be a surprise; I mean, these are cookies baked by magical elves. Yes, they may live in a tree owned by Kellogg’s, but I like to think of the Keebler elves as cousins to Santa’s elves, except more proficient in cookie making than toy making.

And let me tell you something: The Keebler elves nail the cookie thing here, just like how Santa’s elves nailed my 1997 request for a Nintendo Gameboy. The familiar shortbread cookie base is crunchy, buttery, and not overpoweringly sweet; small bursts of red nonpareils lend a sweet sugar cookie vibe, while the white fudge coating further adds to the frosting-like texture of the cookie.

Keebler Limited Batch Peppermint Fudge Stripes Cookies 2

Keebler Limited Batch Peppermint Fudge Stripes Cookies 4

As for the peppermint taste, it’s right where it needs to be. The danger with peppermint anything is that the floral, light taste of mint overwhelms the taste buds and makes you feel like you’re eating a Tic-Tac. Thankfully, that is not the case with these cookies. The peppermint taste is there, but it’s not that rush of winter freshness that comes from binging on a box of candy canes (pro tip: not good). Instead, the floral taste gives a cool relief to the frosting-like white fudge, which has a rich vanilla sweetness.

Keebler Limited Batch Peppermint Fudge Stripes Cookies 3

While Keebler’s elves are clearly taking a page from Santa’s elves in the design of a Christmas themed cookie, what they haven’t managed to do is perfect a flawless packaging and delivery system. The same nonresealable package that plagues Fudge Stripes houses the limited edition cookie, while the white fudge coating had melted by the time I opened the package. The ensuing peppermint white fudge, while lickable and probably awesome on cupcakes, was stickier and harder to wash off my paws than the sugar coating of a half-eaten candy cane.

You gotta give it to the Keebler elves. After years of offering plain Fudge Stripes (which are delicious) they’ve tinkered their treehouse production facilities and expanded into pumpkin spice, birthday cake, cookies & creme, and now peppermint. I’m not saying these would be a great cookie to leave out for Santa, but yeah, with the frosted shortbread cookie vibe, crunchy vanilla, and peppermint sweetness, I am kind of saying that.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories from fat, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of sat fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 0 grams of fiber, and less than 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.00
Size: 11.5 oz
Purchased at: United Supermarkets
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Fresh and floral peppermint taste that doesn’t linger on your tongue like a candy cane. Crunchy shortbread cookie with rich white fudge and crunchy vanilla flavor. Would make a solid seasonal ice cream sandwich base.
Cons: Keebler’s absolute reluctance to embrace resealable packaging. White fudge coating can melt and be messy. Limited appeal for non-peppermint lovers. The politics of elf family trees.

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