REVIEW: Great Value Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups Stuffed Donut Bites

Great Value Late Night Cravings Stuffed Donut BitesMy family settled in for some Friday night television, and the kids chimed in with dessert requests. I popped off the couch with a potential solution: Great Value Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups Stuffed Donut Bites.

The frozen product did not require thawing, but my 12 year old still had to remain patient throughout the half-hour process of preheating the oven, the 15-minute cooking time, the recommended cooling time, and the glazing process. By that point she seemed eager to dig in, but was rather nonplussed by what she had been waiting for.

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She adeptly recognized one of the key problems — the holes were nearly all stuffing, with just a thin donut shell on the outside — and she wished for more donut, less interior. Anyone expecting a jelly Munchkin analogue will be thrown off.

There are two methods when consuming these:

1) Bite into the middle and have the innards spill every which way.

2) Stuff the whole confection in one bite, overfilling your mouth with a 70/30 peanut butter/chocolate sludge.

Method two is comparable to putting a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in a blender, but considerably less appealing. I did appreciate the presence of a few pieces of peanut chunk within the mess, but they mostly seemed to be calling out for refuge as if they had never passed their Guppy swimming class at the local YPCA.

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Neither of us enjoyed the flavor of the barely-there donut or the wannabe filling. Donuts are normally pretty good by default, but this version did not taste good at all.

A lot of things here just don’t make sense. The labor involved is no more difficult than making a frozen pizza or slice n’ bake cookies, but these are not a quick snack. The expectation would be that enjoying these straight out of the oven held some advantage over a fresh version being produced, but the heat was at fault here.

I bagged the fully-cooked leftovers and put them in the fridge. I tried them the next day and preferred them cold as the filling had more time to settle, but they were still no better than adequate.

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There’s also the issue of the glaze packet, one-third still unused. What could I have done differently to use up the excess glaze? Elect one donut hole queen for a day and pour it a bath in a finger bowl?

The cost of these stuffed donut bites is equally distressing. I suppose there’s some cache to having a frozen dessert (especially with microwave directions for post-bar hunger pangs), but when a cup of 10 Munchkins at Dunkin’ Donuts is $1.99, 14 of these for $4.94 is not great value.

The 12 year old was still hungry, and she did return to the kitchen – to grab herself an apple instead. She made the right choice.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 pieces with 2.5 tsp of icing – 210 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.94
Size: 16.79 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Real peanut appearances. Glaze tastes fine. Best served cold. Kids that eat fruit by choice.
Cons: Some assembly not usually required for donut holes. Excessive glaze provided. Goopy filling when warm. Not enough donut in each bite. High price tag. Kids that pester you to make dessert, then instead choose to eat the fruit that was there the whole time.

REVIEW: Starbucks Snickerdoodle Hot Cocoa

Starbucks Snickerdoodle Hot Cocoa

I used to call Starbucks’ Peppermint Mocha a holiday in a cup. Well, move over, Mocha, there’s a new drink in town and I’m obsessed. One sip of the Starbucks Snickerdoodle Hot Cocoa and I was instantly transported in front of a fire with holiday decorations surrounding me and an overwhelming feeling of coziness.

The first thing I love about this drink is the fact that even though it’s hot cocoa, you’re getting white chocolate. You guys, I love white chocolate but sometimes I forget it’s even a thing thanks to its more popular brother. The second thing I love is how smooth this goes down. It’s definitely a drink for sipping and not chugging due to the sweetness. But that’s okay, because I wanted it to last as long as possible.

The snickerdoodle flavor comes in the form of cinnamon dolce syrup plus the cinnamon sugar on top of the whipped cream (Pro tip: Do NOT skip the whipped cream.) One thing I noticed right away is that the cinnamon is apparent at first sip, hitting you right away with the flavor. And bonus: The flavor stayed throughout the whole drink. You know how sometimes it seems as though a syrup wasn’t mixed all the way through? And you only find it right on the top or all the way at the bottom? Yeah, not the case here. Full on snickerdoodle in every sip.

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My one gripe was that the hot cocoa was warm, but not piping hot – a problem that could be easily solved by asking for the drink extra hot. (I also ordered the drink when it was -876 degrees outside. Okay, I’m exaggerating. It was 28. But regardless, that was my mistake not to order extra hot for extreme warmth.) It was hot enough to melt the whipped cream into the liquid as I drank, creating an almost eggnog-like color by the time I was almost done.

I’m really hoping Starbucks keeps this one well into the winter and not just the holidays, because it’s a slam dunk. If you don’t think it tastes like one of your Aunt Lisa’s snickerdoodles, the ones where you typically shove about five in your mouth because Mom’s not looking, then you need to come find me and we’ll have a chat.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 oz – 310 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.25
Size: 12 oz. (tall)
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: All the white chocolate. Cinnamon is natural tasting and all-around awesome, making the drink true to its snickerdoodle name.
Cons: Whipped cream melted a little faster than I would have liked. But if that’s the only con I have, then we’re doing pretty well.

REVIEW: Starbucks Fruitcake Frappuccino

Starbucks Fruitcake Frappuccino

Starbucks putting out a Fruitcake Frappuccino is strange because the holiday baked good is not universally beloved.

To me, the fruitcake is not a horrible dessert. But it’s not something I jump at when I’m being bombarded every holiday season by more appealing treats. There’s red velvet cakes, chocolate cupcakes, sugar cookies, gingerbread men, and the list goes deliciously on and on. It’s like that email you’re not excited to reply to that gets pushed down your inbox. And by the time you get to it, its too late to do anything, so it ends up in the trash.

While there’s a good chance fruitcakes gifted to me will end up in the rubbish, I can’t say the same about Starbucks’ Fruitcake Frappuccino. It’s better tasting than any fruitcake I’ve ever had, but it’s also damn annoying to drink.

The blended beverage features a Hazelnut Frappuccino base with dried fruit, cinnamon, milk, and ice. Then it’s topped with whipped cream, caramel dots, and a matcha sprinkle.

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The dried fruits are cranberries, golden raisins, zante currant raisins, and cherries. The fruit bits made the beverage look festive, but their flavors were hard to distinguish individually when drinking it. 

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The cinnamon, caramel, and hazelnut base gave the beverage a brown sugar, pastry-like flavor. That, combined with the dried fruits, helped the beverage fit the fruitcake flavor profile. To be honest, it was a bit weird to be chewing on a beverage, but at the same time it was an appropriate texture. The matcha powder seemed odd, but I thought it added a sweet nuttiness, helping it come close to matcha-ing (I’m sorry) the flavor of fruitcake.

While the chewy dried fruits helped me imagine the taste and texture of fruitcake, they also made the coffee-less Frappuccino difficult to consume. On several occasions the dried fruit pieces that weren’t blended well ended up clogging the straw. So if your local Starbucks happens to be near a bubble tea shop, I recommend swiping one of those wider straws made to suck up tapioca balls.

As someone who’s somewhat indifferent about fruitcake, I’m a bit surprised I enjoyed Starbucks’ Fruitcake Frappuccino. If your feelings for the holiday dessert/paperweigh are the same as mine or lean towards the positive side, you might also enjoy it. But do it quick because, unfortunately, it’s available only for a few days.

(Nutrition Facts – grande with whole milk and whipped cream – 430 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 66 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.45
Size: Grande
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: It does remind me of a fruitcake. Better tasting than any fruitcake I’ve ever had. Cinnamon, caramel, and hazelnut base gave the beverage a brown sugar, pastry-like flavor. The dried fruit gives it some fiber.
Cons: Annoying to drink through a straw because of the dried fruit clogging it. A little weird to be chewing on a beverage. Available for a very limited time.

REVIEW: Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies

Before I start, I have one simple request.

Every time you see the words “Deep Fried Banana Twinkies” in this review, read it in a sensual Barry White-esque voice. Pump some smooth bedroom music through your speaker to set the mood. If by the end you don’t want a box of Deep Fried Banana Twinkies, you might not be human. 

What? Oh come on, don’t make it weird. You’re making it weird.

You made it weird. Forget it. Read the words normally. It’s a free country.

Despite having one of just about everything under the sun fried, this was my first *flicks on romantic tune* Deep. Fried. Ba-na-na. Twinkie. Awww, yeahhhh. Okay, I’ll stop.

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I cooked said Twinkie in the oven (which is recommended) but you can also use a toaster oven, or deep fry them again. I’m not going to judge.

Out of the box the Twinkies look like potato croquettes. Maybe even a fat chicken tender. That sight messed with my mind a bit. I started to think I was all set to have a savory snack.

After a couple minutes, I made a cooking faux pas and opened the stove to get a whiff. I’d say there was almost a churro-like aroma. Nice.

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I took it out at the seven minute mark, which ended up being perfect. The cake was just hot enough to differ from a normal Twinkie, and the cream wasn’t like molten lava.

Deep Fried Banana Twinkies are breaded in a graham cracker coating, and maybe it was my mind playing games with me, but that portion almost tasted savory in the end. There was a serious lack of sweetness before the banana cream hit.

The familiar sponge cake is still underneath, and the overall texture was okay, if not a little doughy. I now understand why I’ve seen fried Twinkies smothered in syrup or powdered sugar at county fairs. It needed another sweet element. 

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I wondered if the warmth might ruin the taste of the banana cream, but it was just like a normal Banana Twinkie. Still, there wasn’t enough to overpower the graham and sponge cake’s lack of sweetness. Next time I eat one, I’ll probably drop a dollop of chocolate syrup on top.

Look, it sounds like I’m complaining, but the graham cracker did give the Twinkie a nice outer crisp. It just wasn’t particularly flavorful. It also had an odd aftertaste, but I actually think the fried sponge cake was the culprit there. 

Regular Deep Fried Twinkies have a funnel cake coating, and now I’m kinda bummed I didn’t get those. That just sounds better.

In the end, the outer fried portion wasn’t sweet enough, and probably too doughy, but once the cream hit, Deep Fried Banana Twinkies are still pretty good. They’re definitely worth a try.

I will say that the price is ridiculous, and as an Impatient American (I’m the Union President) I don’t love the idea of waiting for an oven to preheat, 6-8 minutes to cook, and two minute to cool off before eating a snack cake. Yeah, I enjoy a homemade cookie or brownie, but that’s a different mindset. You want a Twinkie? Open a box and eat a Twinkie. Who has time for this waiting nonsense?

If the graham coating was tastier and the price was lower, these could become a snack I regularly keep in the freezer, but for now I probably won’t go back unless they put out some crazy flavor concoctions in the future. Awwww yeahhhh, baby. 

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cake – 230 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 420 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 7 cakes/box
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Banana Cream never fails. Nice outer crisp. Fried Fair Food Fare. Barry White voice. Potato Croquettes.
Cons: Graham cracker not flavorful enough. Expensive. Time consuming. “Dollop” is my least favorite word in the English language. Funnel Cake > Graham Cracker.

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies

Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies

I’m starting to think I might have the wrong mailing address for Santa Claus.

You see, twenty years ago, I sent Santa a letter asking for a Super Soaker CPS 2000. All of the kids in my neighborhood were getting one, so I just had to get one too. I’d be blasting my friends in the face with ice cold water in no time!

But there was one problem…the Super Soaker CPS 2000 never came. Surely there was just a mistake at the North Pole Postal Service—they’re very busy during this time of year. So every December since, I’ve written Santa a letter asking for a brand new Super Soaker CPS 2000. You’re probably thinking, “Ben, you loser, you’re an adult! You can’t go around playing with Super Soakers, even if you do get one.” Ha! The joke’s on you. I’m a grown male who still writes letters to Santa Claus. Do you really expect me to care about what people think of me playing with a Super Soaker? Who’s the loser now?

Just to make sure Santa stops by my house this year, I’ll be leaving him these new Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies. I hope Santa isn’t a s’mores lover; these cookies aren’t made to include any graham flavor whatsoever. Instead, Toasted Marshmallow Milano cookies are just regular Milano cookies with an additional marshmallow-flavored layer.

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Well, at least I think there’s an additional marshmallow-flavored layer. Toasted Marshmallow Milano cookies have a sugary, creamy flavor to them, but it’s hard to tell whether that’s distinctly “marshmallow” or if it’s just coming from the milk chocolate layer. Either way, it’s certainly not toasted. I’m not saying Pepperidge Farm had to dip each of these cookies in liquid smoke — that would actually be pretty disgusting — but with a name like “Toasted Marshmallow,” I would hope that these Milano cookies could have some semblance of being toasted.

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I searched for a toasted flavor in the cookie, too. No luck. It’s just the same standard Milano cookie, like a lighter shortbread. Its rich, floury-yet-buttery flavor is good, but it dominates the overall flavor of the cookie. Aside from a few lucky bites, the cookie tends to overpower the flavors within — and that is the real problem with Toasted Marshmallow Milano cookies. You can taste “marshmallow” and milk chocolate, but never together. In short, these cookies are pretty good, but not nearly as great as they could have been.

If the last twenty years have taught me anything, it’s how to deal with failed expectations. But as Pepperidge Farm just taught me, two can play that game.

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(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 7 oz. package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Marshmallow and milk chocolate layers are sweet and creamy. Familiar rich, buttery cookie. Learning life lessons. The North Pole Postal Service.
Cons: Not toasted. Shortbread cookie dominates the overall flavor. Still wishing for a Super Soaker CPS 2000. Passive-aggressively leaving one cookie for Santa Claus.

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