REVIEW: Cheerios Protein Cereal

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We’re fast approaching the start of a new year, a demarcation of time in which many people across the globe resolve to change something about their habits or behaviors in an effort to improve themselves. They make a resolution, as it were, in the New Year. And while a lot of these resolutions involve giving something up— junk food, smoking, illegal cockfighting— others are about adopting something new— exercising, speaking out against illegal cockfighting, a healthier diet.

And as health aficionados the world over will tell you, protein, for most people in most situations, is pretty healthy. General Mills knows this and is adding protein to its already “heart-healthy” Cheerios to capture some of that sweet Resolution Cash. The new protein-packed cereals come in two versions— Cinnamon and Strawberry. I tried both.

Strawberry

Opening the Strawberry bag, I was hit with an overwhelming aroma of, well, strawberry. Visually, they’re also a little pink, but not blindingly so. One thing that threw me for a loop with my first bite was just how crunchy these are. While I’m not a regular Cheerios consumer, I have been known to eat a bowl of Honey Nut when the mood strikes, and they’re definitely not as crunchy as these new heavily protein-ed versions. The strawberry taste is very subtle, which seems to suit Cheerios — given that they’re not known for being cloyingly sweet in the first place.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (37g) 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (11 grams of added sugar), and 8 grams of protein.

Cinnamon

The Cinnamon kind doesn’t have as strong of a cinnamon scent, but the actual cinnamon TASTE is a bit stronger, so if you like cinnamon-flavored things, you’re in luck. Texturally, they’re about the same — incredibly crunchy. But as an avowed cinnamon lover, these ended up a point higher than their fruity brethren.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (37g) 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (12 grams of added sugar), and 8 grams of protein.

Overall, these taste great. But the selling point, really, is the protein, right? A cup of these (the standard cereal serving that seems impossibly tiny when accurately measured out) is good for eight grams. What else gets you eight grams of protein in the morning? A single large egg is around 6-7 grams, so a couple of those would put you over. A cup of Greek yogurt will get you well beyond eight grams. A couple of spoons of peanut butter will do the trick. Regular oatmeal is a tick under, but close.

The point is that plenty of typical breakfast foods are good protein sources. But if you don’t have time to whip up some eggs — and you don’t wanna drink them Rocky-style raw — new Protein Cheerios are a reasonably decent (and tasty!) solution. That said, most of the foods I listed above have significantly less added sugar. Despite the decent amount of protein, these things are sugary-sweet, on par with the sugariest things the Cap’n, the Rabbit, or the uh, Cinnamon Toaster (?) have to offer.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Purchased at: Hy-Vee

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Holes Cereal

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Time to fake the donuts.

Donuts are probably my favorite food, and the kid in me still gets excited every time I see a new cereal on the shelf, but as far as cereals based on donut flavors… Has there ever truly been a good one?

Donut cereals are usually just generic “O” shaped pieces with gimmicky branding. It just seems like an easy way to pass off a new idea for a quick buck. Look, I still get that fun jolt of arrested development when I see donuts on a cereal box, but the flavor always ends up being lazy. Doncha think it’s time the Breakfast Gods bless us with a truly innovative donut-based cereal?

Me too. Ya gotta keep waiting, though, because new Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Hole Cereals ain’t it.

On paper, the idea of turning three of Kellogg’s most prominent offerings into little “glazed” donut bites might seem fun, but dare I say these may be the laziest donut cereal attempts to date?

Of the three flavors – Frosted Flakes, Krave, and Apple Jacks – I’ll be reviewing the first two.

Frosted Flakes

They’re sweet. They’re flakey. They’re iconic. Well, now they’re bland little balls. They’re ironic? Probably not, I don’t actually know what irony is, but these are a snoozefest.

I can only describe the flavor as “sweet-ish.” Not Swedish, “sweet-ish.” You get a basic sweet corn cereal taste with a texture I’d compare to a less dense Peanut Butter Crunch. The flavor is so light they almost taste like Kix. They’re lacking such a punch that you could’ve told me they were a brand of “healthy” alternative cereal purchased from Whole Foods. They don’t deliver on the promise at all. They’rrrrrrre GGG-onna need to go back to the drawing board on this one.

Krave

I have an admission, I’ve never had Krave. I’ve loved some “filled pillow” cereals in the past, but they have escaped me since their inception for some reason. While I can’t speak on Krave in their true form, they make for a decent “glazed” donut hole. They’re ok. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t happy either, but…

These are essentially “Cocoa Puffs Lite.” It’s as if Sonny the Cuckoo Bird finally got on meds and just chilled out for a little bit. While that sounds boring, they’re easily the better of the two. I’m on record as saying most chocolate cereals taste the same, so I don’t mind this lighter chocolate flavor. The dusty white “glaze” gives them a little bit of a hot cocoa flavor vibe.

The back of each box boasts “Glazed in Genius,” but these are dumb and unglazed. It’s just a faint white coating. Both cereals look similar, with Krave having a slightly darker hue.

Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Holes are, at best, “inoffensive.” They took multiple cereals out of their unique forms for no reason. It’s like the factory setting was stuck on “ball” one day, and they just rolled with it – pun possibly intended.

Donut cereals do-nut work. Pun not intended. Donut hole cereals are especially baffling. There have been approximately 4,389 ball-shaped cereals that we could’ve passed off as “donut holes.” I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I feel like this is some kind of “shrinkflation” ploy where balls are cheaper to produce or something. If donut hole cereals worked, we’d have “Dunkin’ Crunchkins” by now.

If curiosity gets the best of you and you buy these, just mix ’em together. It makes for a slightly better bowl of cereal. Who knows, maybe the Apple Jack version slaps, but Frosted Flakes and Krave are duds.

Purchased Price: $4.99 each
Size: 10 oz. Boxes
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Frosted Flakes), 5 out of 10 (Krave)
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) Frosted Flakes – 140 calories, 1.5 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Krave – 130 calories, 1.5 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Tillamook Limited Edition Apple Crisp Ice Cream

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Baking. It takes forever, right?

Putting out the ingredients, preheating the oven, mixing the ingredients, spraying non-stick cooking spray, scrolling through a 2,000-word personal story to get to a recipe you found on the internet, waiting for your item to bake, and then opening the oven, which instantly burns your face and fogs up your glasses uses up so much precious time we have on this planet.

Thanks to Tillamook and its Limited Edition Apple Crisp Ice Cream, I can now enjoy the dessert’s flavors without touching an oven, glasses fogging up, or having my scrolling to the recipe be interrupted by a pop-up telling me to sign up for a newsletter.

The seasonal flavor features vanilla ice cream, crisp apples, and baked oatmeal streusel pieces. When I learned about this new variety, I wondered why it didn’t have apple-flavored ice cream. But, much like apple pies, apple crisps tend to be served with vanilla ice cream, so the basic base makes sense.

In my review of Tillamook’s Chocolate Collection, I complained about the tub’s lack of mix-ins. Many spoonfuls ended up without any. I don’t know if the folks at Tillamook read that review, but with this limited edition flavor, I have no criticisms about the number of mix-ins because they’re everywhere and hard to miss, no matter where you aim your spoon. Albeit, they’re small. However, if you take a normal spoonful, you’re guaranteed to get some, whether it be the sugary bite of the streusel, chewy oats, or the crisp apples. Even when I took dainty scoops using only my spoon’s tip and aiming for sections that looked like there were no mix-ins, I ended up with one almost every time.

The crisp apples are the fifth ingredient listed, but I only came upon a few tiny fruit pieces during the two servings I had. However, those were surprisingly crisp. Although it’s more of an icy crispiness, if that makes sense. But it somewhat fools my teeth into thinking they’re biting into crisp apples. Honestly, I thought “crisp” was there to fluff up the description, but color me surprised. Even though the fruit pieces aren’t abundant, I also got a nice apple flavor with the bites that had the oats and/or the sugary streusel pieces.

The mild apple taste from the mix-ins, the brown sugar bursts from the streusel pieces, and the vanilla ice cream create a delicious dessert scoop that can be enjoyed in a fraction of the time it takes to preheat an oven.

Apple crisps are considered a fall dessert, so I’m not sure how much longer Tillamook’s Limited Edition Apple Crisp Ice Cream will be on shelves. I hope it comes back next fall. But if you find it, I recommend picking up a tub because it has all the flavors and textures of the baked dessert.

Purchased Price: $8.99*
Size: 1.5 qt
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 220 calories, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar (including 18 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Sonic Iconic Drinks (The Paris and The Nicole)

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If your thirst for pop culture is as strong as your thirst for souped-up sodas, you’ll find Sonic’s newest limited-edition drinks more than exciting—you might even go as far as to say that they’re iconic. After all, it’s literally in their names: honoring the (in)famous socialites Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, The Paris and The Nicole make up the Sonic Iconic Drinks line. In one episode of their reality TV show, The Simple Life, Paris and Nicole work at a Sonic, so this is a clever full-circle marketing moment, as well as a fun riff on the “dirty soda” trend long-popular in Utah and more recently sweeping the rest of the country.

The Paris is a Sprite-based drink flavored with dragon fruit, featuring lemon and lime, and topped with whipped cream and Nerds candy. If your teeth hurt just reading that, be advised that it’s just as potent as it sounds. A nice, crisp Sprite should be refreshing, but the over-the-top flavor made this more like a dessert than the thirst quencher I was hoping for.

My first sip was super tangy; I immediately understood the Nerds pairing because before even getting a mouthful of the candies, that’s what the drink reminded me of. I wasn’t expecting such a punch of tartness from dragon fruit, but it made more sense when I noticed a greenish cloud in my cup and realized that the lemon and lime weren’t just flavorings, but large wedges of fruit bobbing around. I suggest stirring first because, in contrast with that overwhelming initial concentration of citrusy sugariness, other mouthfuls lacked fruit flavor completely and were just sharp and bitter, like seltzer. This drink gets points for fun and creativity, but the intense yet inconsistent flavor meant I couldn’t finish it.

The Nicole is more subdued, made up of Dr Pepper mixed with sweet cream and vanilla and chunks of strawberries, finished off with whipped cream and, well, more strawberries. I have to admit, while I’m aware of their escapades, I haven’t actually watched The Simple Life, so I’m not sure if this is indicative of Paris having a more over-the-top personality and Nicole being slightly more chill? In any case, I liked this drink more, but I also acknowledge that it was less of a big swing. I mean, putting notes of vanilla and cream into classic sodas isn’t exactly new, and while the syrupy, small-cut pieces of strawberry were a nice twist, I found they contributed more to the texture than the taste. Marketing materials play up its berry taste, but I would not consider this very fruit-forward.

Honestly, it took me a while to even figure out how this tasted different from a regular Dr Pepper. While that’s not a testament to the flavor’s uniqueness, it certainly speaks to its yumminess and how seamlessly its components fit together, even though they could be splashier. I also loved the luxuriousness of the thick dollop of whipped cream on both drinks. Plus, the layer of Sonic’s beloved cubed ice—so dense I nearly mistook these for slushies—was fun too.

The Simple Life aired for five seasons, and while I don’t imagine the Paris and the Nicole will stick quite so indelibly in the cultural consciousness as their namesakes have, both drinks were playful, extravagant, and tasty enough that, despite their chilly temperatures, I’m happy to borrow Paris’s catchphrase to describe them: “That’s hot!”

Purchased Price: $4.34 each
Size: Medium (20 oz)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (The Paris), 8 out of 10 (The Nicole)
Nutrition Facts: The Paris – 450 calories, 5 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 101 grams of sugar, 0 grams of fiber, and 0 grams of protein. The Nicole – 330 calories, 4 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Crispy Chicken Nuggets

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Taco Bell is once again turning its attention to chicken nuggets. The first attempt was its Naked Chicken Chips, which were uniform tortilla chip-shaped breaded pieces of poultry marinated in Mexican spices that came with a side of nacho cheese sauce. This latest take features all-white meat chicken marinated in jalapeño buttermilk and breaded with tortilla chips and your choice of sauce.

I was not impressed after opening the clamshell packaging they came in. Six of the ten pieces looked more like popcorn chicken than nuggets. Also, those smaller pieces remind me of protein oat balls eaten by hikers or meteorites that give puppies superpowers. I haven’t noticed any powers yet, but I’ll let you know when I can lift a car.

I might’ve gotten unlucky with what I received, but I imagine someone out there might get it worse and have only popcorn chicken-sized pieces in their five-piece order and feel even more ripped off than I do. It was nine dollars for ten pieces at my local Taco Bell, which is a dollar more than a TWENTY-piece order of Chicken McNuggets.

Size and price aside, these Crispy Chicken Nuggets were tasty with the sauces, which I’ll get to in a moment. Thanks to the tortilla chips, the exterior is crunchier than other fast food nuggets. Within that coating is chicken that’s surprisingly tender and somewhat still juicy. Although the largest one in my box had noticeably dry meat. The jalapeño buttermilk marinade added some pepperiness, and I could taste the chips, but these nuggets are best when dipped.

A moment has passed, and now I can mention the sauces these nuggets are being advertised with: Hidden Valley Ranch Fire Ranch, Bell Sauce, and Jalapeño Honey Mustard Sauce. Although I ordered the last one, the location I went to did not have it. You can also order this with any of the other sauces Taco Bell offers, like nacho cheese sauce.

Both sauces I got went exceptionally well with the chicken’s spices and flavors. The Fire Ranch is basically ranch with Mexican spices, which amps the seasoning in the coating. The Hidden Valley Ranch uniqueness is there, but there’s also a very mild spicy kick. It’s a tasty dip, but my taste buds enjoyed the Bell Sauce more, which is made with tomatoes, green chiles, garlic, and onion. For some reason, two things came to mind when I ate it with these nuggets: KFC and barbecue, but with a Tex-Mex twist.

Taco Bell’s Crispy Chicken Nuggets taste very good with the sauces and have a crunchy coating, but those tiny pieces bother me A LOT. I wish they were uniform in size and shape, so this wouldn’t be an issue. Maybe it should bring back the chip shape. Or, even better, if there’s a third attempt at chicken nuggets, bell-shaped ones.

Purchased Price: $8.99
Size: 10 pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (10 pieces) 670 calories, 33 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1840 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 72 grams of protein.

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