REVIEW: Spicy Jalapeño Fritos

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Spicy Jalapeno Fritos

Long live Fritos.

To misquote the legendary Braveheart, William Wallace:

“They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our FRITOS!”

Now you might be thinking that only the brave of heart would dare try the new Spicy Jalapeño Fritos. Well, let me tell you something, cowardly sirs and madams, you’d be doing yourselves a disservice with that thought process.

When a new flavor of Fritos corn chips hits shelves, I hit the ground running. They might not drop with the frequency of their flashy brother Lay’s, but they’ve kept me quite happy over the years.

So with the assurance that Fritos have always been good to me, I grabbed their “newest” flavor with a ferocity that nearly popped the bag. I put “newest” in quotes because there have been Jalapeño Fritos varieties in the past, but these are new to me.

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After intentionally popping the bag, I was hit with a smell reminiscent of Taco Supreme Doritos. Remember those delicious bad boys?

The corn chips looked standard. They had a light coating of flavor dust, but that was almost undetectable to the naked eye.

The taste was distinctly jalapeño. They’re spicy, but not crazy spicy. I’m not one of those hot sauce aficionados who likes to marathon sweat when I eat, so I can imagine these being pretty tame to all you Spiceboys and Spicegirls. Whether your Taco Bell sauce is Mild or Diablo, I think they pack enough punch for all to enjoy, so spice up your life.

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I got down about half a bag and had to stop, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I can easily get lost in a bag of Fritos and polish it off in one sitting, so having to pace myself didn’t bother me one bit.

As I say that, it would be remiss of me not to mention the fact regular Fritos are super oily. They’re amazing, but they’re so oily there’s almost a layer of moisture on each chip. Despite being addictive, after awhile Fritos usually give me the dreaded agita. Spicy Jalapeño took care of that problem.

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The powdery coating and the spiciness of the jalapeño seemed to neutralize the usual oiliness of Fritos. I’m sure this isn’t actually the case, but I think this also affected the crunch. The bag I bought was perfection.

I’d confidently go on record saying these were the freshest Fritos I’d ever had.

I guess I should try to give you a gauge on the spiciness. I had no clue they even made Flamin’ Hot Fritos, so I unfortunately cannot compare it to those. Taking flavor out of the equation, I would say these were about on par with Spicy Nacho Doritos. I always enjoyed those, but could never eat as many as the originals. That’s where I landed with these.

The aftertaste will actually trick your brain into thinking you just had some Doritos. The good thing is it doesn’t linger very long. I wasn’t feeling any burn a few minutes later.

Again, I’m no Spicehead, so keep that in mind. Sure, I like jalapeño in my burritos, but I don’t get too adventurous beyond that. That’s a perfect level of spice for people like me, but they’re not exactly setting the Scoville Scale ablaze.

I have no problem saying these are my new favorite Fritos. Chili Cheese used to stand alone, but hi ho the derry-o, we have a new leader in the pack. Thankfully there doesn’t seem to be a “Limited Edition” slapped on the bag, so these might be around for good. Get on it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz. – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 2grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.69
Size: 9.25 oz. bag
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Great jalapeño flavor. Spot on spice level for me. No usual Frito oiliness. No agita. Ideal crunch. Scoops variety next? These would make for a great walking taco. Spice Girls reunion?!
Cons: Spice bordered on overwhelming after awhile. Powder fingers. My inability to commit to a 10 score. My unawareness to Flamin’ Hot Fritos. Taco Supreme Doritos aren’t on my shelves anymore.

REVIEW: Reese’s Crunchers

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Reese s Crunchers

Someone at Hershey’s has a crunch fetish. After 2016’s super hyped launch of the Cookie Layer Crunch Bars, the chocolate giant is back with the textural fixation via the release of Reese’s Crunchers.

Since the cookie bars didn’t have a peanut butter version at launch, it only seems right that the crunch train keeps rollin’ in the direction of one of Hershey’s strongest and most recognizable brands.

Reese’s Crunchers combine mini peanut butter chips, puffs, and peanuts covered in milk chocolate in a resealable bag so you can casually crunch the day away.

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The aroma is immediately recognizable – the signature sweet and salty Reese’s perfume that all good orange packages ought to smell like. It’s a distinct smell that could be filed under “delicious” for the 97 percent of the world’s population who don’t have a nut allergy.

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Chomping into these Crunchers delivers the same flavor that my nose perked up to and has that great balance of peanut butter and chocolate that Reese’s is known for, but just a bit more muted. The presence of the rice crisps dulls the impact of the peanut butter to make it a less rich and intense flavor, and essentially tastes like the peanut butter sibling to Nestle’s Buncha Crunch.

Although the package says there are chocolate covered peanuts I don’t get any distinct peanut flavor or texture amongst the sea of crisps, and I wish they were stronger as their snap would be a welcome addition to the snack party.

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The only problem with this product is it really isn’t all that crunchy. Yes, the pieces are more crunchy than a standard creamy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but definitely less crunchy than the Reese’s Snack Mix that gets a big chompy boost from pretzels and whole peanuts.

The Crunchers are a bit salty but not so much so that they elevate the flavor beyond an actual cup, and without any sort of variety in the bag beyond small and large pieces the eating experience isn’t as exciting as I had hoped it would be.

As much as I love some crunch to go along with my chocolate and peanut butter I would much rather have a single Reese’s cup and eat it alongside some pretzels or popcorn than what these Crunchers offer.

They do, however, seem like a perfect movie theater companion where I could blindly reach in and alternate from Cruncher to corn and corn to Cruncher while the big screen story unfolds before me without worrying about what kind of handful I was going to get in the darkened theater.

At the end of the day they taste like Reese’s, and Reese’s taste like mouth dreams.

(Nutrition Facts – 14 pieces (40g) – 200 calories, 90 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 4 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 6.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Classic Reese’s peanut butter flavor. Ability to blindly crunch. The rebirth of Buncha Crunch. Textural fetish fulfillment.
Cons: Not as crunchy as the name would imply. Not enough peanuts. Rice crisps cut the richness of the peanut butter. Less satisfying than a regular Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

REVIEW: Mrs. Freshley’s Chocolate Cake Crisps

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Mrs Freshley s Chocolate Cake Crisps

To me, Cake Crisps are just another way to say “cookies.” They look like cookies. They crunch like cookies. They are something Cookie Monster will call “sometimes food,” but stuff his face with it EVERY time no one is looking at his googly eyes.

But the thing is, they may look like cookies, they may crunch like cookies, and they may cause Cookie Monster to dump crumbs on the head of his puppeteer, but Mrs. Freshley’s Chocolate Cake Crisps smell and taste EXACTLY like chocolate cake.

Seriously.

Go crash kids birthday parties until you find one with chocolate cake, sing Happy Birthday with everyone else, grab your slice, come up with a cover so you can mingle with strangers, eat the cake, pop a Chocolate Cake Crisp into your mouth, compare it with cake, get a high five from the birthday boy or girl, and then slip out of the party with a balloon or two in your hands, or maybe the piñata.

Or go to a child’s first birthday party and swipe the kid’s smash cake. What’s are smash cakes? They’ve been around for years, but they’re something I just learned about. Go Google it and see all the parents who have to explain to their children why as one-year-olds they get to make a huge mess they don’t have to clean up, but as eight-year-olds they can’t.

Once you do all that, you’ll find out that these Cake Crisps are like concentrated cake.

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Each one is about the same size as a Thin Mint and they look like the love child of a Nilla Wafer and a chocolate Oreo wafer. And did I mention they smell AND taste exactly like chocolate cake? My goodness, they are wonderful. They also made me wish I had Duncan Hines or Pillsbury frosting to dip them in.

The bag was hard to put down, until I read the nutrition facts which said eating the entire package would give me 45 percent of my daily saturated fat. I also thought it was odd that about three-fourths into chewing on one, the cake flavor disappears. It’s super weird. It’s like you’re eating cake in a dream, but you wake up in the middle of eating it and realize you’ve been chewing on a pillow. And when the cake flavor disappears, I noticed, on occasion, smalls bursts of saltiness. That’s not a pleasant way to end something that tastes really good at first.

But with that said, I think Mrs. Freshley’s Chocolate Cake Crisps are worth a try and I think Cookie Monster would agree.

Disclosure: I received free Mrs. Freshley’s Chocolate Cake Crisps samples from the PR firm that represents them. No money was exchanged for the review and being given free samples did not influence my review in any way.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 ounces – 310 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 6 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 2 oz. package
Purchased at: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Smells and tastes like chocolate cake. Looks like cookies. Crunches like cookies. Cookie Monster would probably approve.
Cons: Flavor disappears 3/4ths into chewing one. Sometimes there are small bursts of salt. Crashing kids birthday parties. Crumbs on a puppeteer’s head.

REVIEW: Duncan Hines Perfect Size for 1 Cake Mixes (Confetti Cake and Chocolate Lover’s Cake)

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Duncan Hines Perfect Size for 1 Funtastic Confetti Cake Mix

It goes without saying that the internet has given us many beautiful things. Memes, for instance, provide a necessary distraction from work, school, or the ads at the beginning of YouTube videos. Likewise, I’m not sure if I could survive a day without having my lame Baltimore Orioles spring training observations liked by random strangers.

But all these things pale in comparison to the internet’s greatest gift: the proliferation of mug cake popularity.

I used to be firmly against the mug cake. For starters, they’re just not practical. I like my cake after exceptionally large dinners with my belt loosened and eaten while sipping coffee. From what, may I ask, do I drink coffee from if I’m eating cake in my coffee mug? The cake pan?

And then there’s the issue of measuring out ingredients and having things like flour, eggs, and oil on hand. Frankly, I’m lucky if I have leftover McGriddles in my fridge. The odds of having all those ingredients in my apartment are worse than maneuvering a modified YT 1300 light freighter through an asteroid field.

That said, Duncan Hines new Perfect Size for 1 Cake Mixes are doing a lot to change my thinking, thanks largely to a dummy approach that involves nothing more than a few tablespoons of water and a mug. Thankfully, I do, in fact, own a sink.

The new mug cake packets come in 18 flavors, which, let me be honest, is more cake than anyone really needs. So it made sense to start with the essentials: A birthday cake flavor and something chocolaty.

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The Confetti Cake is surprisingly good —- much better than your standard Pillsbury Doughboy Funfetti, if you ask me. I got notes of a strong vanilla and buttercream element throughout the cake, which was light and fluffy yet still moist. The little bursts of sprinkled sweetness provide a great touch, especially when you consider that you don’t have to eat them at a ten-year-old’s birthday party. My only complaint is that there’s a slight aftertaste and grittiness of uncooked flour.

Duncan Hines Perfect Size for 1 Decadent Chocolate Lover s Cake Mix

Weary of the uncooked flour, I upped the cooking time by a whopping ten seconds on the Chocolate Lover’s Cake, which I imagine was inspired by all the past cake’s on Pinterest which were made for somebody’s DH. That, or the marketing folks ate it and proclaimed it to taste like the love child of a chocolate chip muffin and chocolate angel food cake. In this they were spot on. There’s a lightness and airy structure to the crumb, but there’s definitely a moist, rich element that explodes with little morsels of semisweet chocolate. This cake was excellent, even sans frosting.

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Certainly, my mug cakes weren’t Pinterest quality in appearance, but I can live with that. In fact, since the Perfect Size for 1 Cakes only take about a minute to make, I plan on ditching cake porn altogether and investing even more quality time with memes while, as they say, having my cake and eating it too.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pouch – Confetti Cake – 270 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 30 grams of sugar, and 3 gram of protein. Chocolate Lover’s – 300 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 32 grams of sugar, and 4 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.50 each
Size: 4-pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Confetti)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Chocolate Lover’s)
Pros: Incredibly easy to make, even for the most kitchen averse people. Moist yet fluffy cake element combines best of muffin, poke cake, and angel cake worlds. More time for memes.
Cons: Varieties do not include chocolate eclair or pumpkin cheesecake. Undercooked cake has gritty texture and aftertaste. Will explode if you add to much water.

REVIEW: Hershey’s Eggs with Pretzel Bits

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I’ve been insecure about eating pretzels ever since I took that university astronomy class six years ago.

One evening we had a test review session, and the TA explained, “The sun is lowest in the sky at the winter solstice.” One girl asked, in complete seriousness, “Is that in August?” She had an open bag of pretzels on her desk, so ever since that time, I’ve wondered if pretzels are the preferred snack of those who are a few stars short of a galaxy.

Nevertheless, my obsession for anything holiday related trumps my insecurities about pretzels, so here I am trying Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Eggs with Pretzel Bits.

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All of them are in the same blue wrapper, which is a bit boring in an Easter basket, don’cha think? I’m sure they did this either (a) because it’s cost prohibitive to make different wrappers for just one flavor of candy, or (b) because they want you to mix colors with their other flavors.

The answer is always money.

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When I take them out of the wrapper, my first thought is that they are ugly. They look more like footballs, complete with a seam, than they look like eggs.

But the real test comes in the eating. Are they any good?

Yes!

They have that familiar Hershey’s flavor you get in Kisses or those packages of six candy bars they sell next to the marshmallows and graham crackers. But this time, it’s crunchy. Me likey.

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I’ve let a few melt in my mouth so I can isolate the pretzel bits. I wondered if they’d be some pretzel-like imitation, but no, they’re the real deal, down to the salt. I don’t notice the salt if I crunch the whole egg at once, but with the pretzels by themselves, it’s definitely there. I can get my pretzel fix with these without feeling insecure about my knowledge of seasons.

Now, everyone knows that Hershey’s chocolate is never going to rival Cadbury Mini Eggs or Lindt bunnies. But these certainly beat those RM Palmer coins and eggs that were a staple of my childhood Easter baskets.

The biggest problem with these is their availability. I looked in nine different stores before I finally found them in the tenth. I think I encountered every other flavor on the way, but this pretzel variety is hard to find. But that’s fitting. They’re Easter eggs, after all.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 pieces – 200 calories, 90 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 10 oz. bag
Purchased at: Harmons
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Familiar Hershey’s chocolate with a crunch. Actual pretzels inside.
Cons: One color of wrapper. Look like ugly footballs. Hard to find. College students who don’t understand seasons and solstices.

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