REVIEW: Arby’s Liger Shake

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Arby s Liger Shake

Heading into this limited-time-only product, I knew three things about ligers:

  • It’s the technical name for the offspring of a male lion and female tiger (the inverse, in case you were wondering, is called a tigon.)
  • There’s a famous Japanese wrestler named Jushin “Thunder” Liger, who was inspired by a short-lived anime of the same name (why he has a head shaped like a demonic pinata, though, I can’t explain.)
  • It’s Napoleon Dynamite’s favorite animal.

It’s an unorthodox name for a novelty milkshake, but after you’ve tried Arby’s newfangled beverage it all makes sense. The Liger Shake isn’t called that just because it looks like a pair of Cincinnati Bengals Zubaz workout pants in drinkable form – it truly is the harmonious synthesis of two distinct flavors that you’d never expect to merge together so well.

Arby s Liger Shake

The Liger Shake’s hook is pretty straightforward. It’s half orange cream – think, a ritzier version of that sherbet stuff we all ate in elementary school – and half Ghirardelli chocolate ice cream, with several rings of sludgier, in-house chocolate syrup tying everything together. Naturally, there’s also a hearty dollop of whipped cream to top things off, which makes comparisons to the beverages sold at a certain ubiquitous coffee chain all but unavoidable.

Unlike the Unicorn Frappuccino, however, this competing, swirl-centric offering from Arby’s is a classic milkshake through and through. While I’ve never been particularly fond of orange or chocolate-flavored shakes, combining the two makes for an unexpectedly satisfying combination. I guess the best thing to liken the Liger Shake to are Terry’s Chocolate Orange products – you know, those aluminum foil wrapped delicacies on store shelves every Christmas – mixed with the traditional Wendy’s Frosty.

Arby s Liger Shake 3

The shake has a very nice congealed consistency and the flavors mingle together quite well without either becoming too dominant. Somehow, someway, the fast food wizards at Arby’s managed to keep the orange-to-chocolate flavor ratio at an even-keel, and the end product is certain to please chocoholics and citrus-holics alike.

If I had to be a nitpicker, I’d take a few points off for the whipped cream (it has a nice aesthetic, but it gets milky fast and muddles with the flavor a bit) and the perhaps too sludgy chocolate swirls, which have a texture and overall mouthfeel that just doesn’t gel with the rest of the ingredients. That said, those minor flaws can easily be overlooked seeing how yummy the product taken as a whole is, and for less than three bucks, you simply can’t complain about the volume you’re getting here.

And as a nice bonus, this is one of the few fast food shakes that seems impervious to freezer burn. My leftover Liger Shake tasted just as flavorful and filling after two nights in the freezer as it did fresh out of the drive-thru lane – an attribute we can only pin on the product’s sturdy, crossbred genetics, perhaps?

(Nutrition Facts – Large – 680 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams of total fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium, 116 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 104 grams of sugar, 15 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.89
Size: Large
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The drink has a nice, creamy consistency. The orange and chocolate flavors mix together surprisingly well. Even the smaller version will fill you up.
Cons: The whipped cream doesn’t add a whole lot to the experience. The chocolate “rings” don’t complement the rest of the shake as well as they could. Wondering how long it’ll be before Arby’s rolls out their Zebroid, Wholphin and Beefalo follow-up shakes.

REVIEW: Cheetos Crunchy Flamin’ Hot Chipotle Ranch

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Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, which I refer to endearingly as OG Hot Cheetos, and I go way back. Almost three decades ago, its street cred and my love for them was established. They were basically the currency of my elementary school days – traded in snack-size Ziploc bags for durables like shakeable Dr. Grip mechanical pencils (very cool back then too).

Of course, my enterprising after-school institution caught on. They sold “individual packs” to us crazed hooligans for 25 cents. Adult me is pretty sure that those one-ounce packs were the kind you buy in a variety pack labeled “not for individual sale.” Point is – the OG trusty, just-enough-heat deliciousness has never failed me.

So when the new Cheetos Crunchy Flamin’ Hot Chipotle Ranch hit shelves, I thought, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” However, I went in with little to no expectations because I wasn’t quite sure what chipotle ranch was supposed to taste like dusted on a “cheese-flavored snack.” To me, it sounded more like a dipping sauce or something over-slathered on a sad sandwich.

There was no shock value when I opened the bag because they looked like the same ol’ same ol’. When examined closely, I saw more flecks of seasoning so it looked slightly redder, but that was about it. What did shock me was the BBQ-esque smell coming from the bag. I rationalized that chipotle was supposed to evoke a smokier connotation, which could be similar to BBQ. I also couldn’t un-smell Fritos Honey BBQ Flavor Twists.

Even as I took my first crunch, the more pronounced corn flavor totally reminded me of said Fritos. The initial corn note evolved into a whisper of ranch – thank goodness, the last thing I wanted was cool ranch-esque flavoring – that was rounded out by a slight smokiness from the chipotle, and ended with heat.

I will say that it wasn’t spicy as the OG. The ranch seems to dampen the heat, but I was okay with that because it didn’t completely kill the burn. The diminished heat actually allowed me to shovel them into my mouth at a quicker pace. There was definitely still an undeniable addictiveness. But it was a mind-trip the entire time like when I ate a deconstructed Caesar salad at some hoity-toity restaurant. It tasted like Caesar salad but the form looked nothing like it. But in this case, I was tasting Fritos Honey BBQ Flavor Twists but seeing Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Just to make sure, I did a taste-off between the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Chipotle Ranch and Fritos Honey BBQ Flavor Twists. They definitely smelled similar, but said Fritos tasted way more pungently BBQ, sweeter from the honey, and weren’t spicy at all. So there’s definitely a difference.

If you put a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in front of me, I’m going to eat them no matter what flavor. But, if I had a choice, I’d stick to the OG.

(Nutrition Facts – about 21 pieces – 170 calories, 11 grams total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 8.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Still have an addictive quality. Diminished heat allowed me to shovel Cheetos into my mouth at a quicker pace. Not exactly like Fritos Honey BBQ Flavor Twists. Complex flavor journey – giving R&D props!
Cons: OG Flamin’ Hot Cheetos still taste better. Tasting Fritos but seeing Cheetos. Lots of justification needed for the flavor nuances, like why it’s less spicy, etc.

REVIEW: Starbucks Matcha Lemonade

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Starbucks Matcha Lemonade

Starbucks’ Matcha Lemonade looks like water from a pond that has too much nitrogen and phosphorus causing excessive algae growth. But does it suck as much as algae blooms suck out the oxygen from ponds? Let’s find out.

Science reference! High five!

According to Starbucks, the Matcha Lemonade combines finely ground Teavana matcha green tea and lemonade, shaken, not stirred, with ice.

I do the matcha-cha every so often by eating matcha ice cream, Kit Kat from Japan, Jamba Juice smoothies, and lattes. But combining the green tea’s bitter flavor with sour and sweet lemonade, creating a Matchalf & Matchalf, doesn’t seem like a good match-a to me. Sorry.

But I do like matcha green tea flavored products. And I do like lemonade. So I should like this combination, right?

Starbucks Matcha Lemonade 2

Well, it doesn’t suck as much as algae blooms suck out the oxygen from bodies of water. But it also doesn’t make me want to pay a medium $500 to do a seance to speak to Arnold Palmer’s ghost to tell him this tea and lemonade mashup is better than his.

With all the matcha products I’ve had in the past, they’ve been made with either dairy or chocolate, which help cut through the tea’s bitterness. But the lemonade doesn’t quite do the same here. I get a sweetness from the lemonade, but unlike a Half & Half where there a balance, this leans more towards the tea and I don’t taste the lemonade. It’s pretty much sweet matcha water.

Now this reads like I’m putting down the beverage, but there was a part of me that enjoyed it. I didn’t spit it out or dump it down the drain. But I’m not going to proclaim it to be My Summer Beverage of 2017. It’s weird, but sometimes weird is good. And the weird part of me enjoyed this. But I don’t think it’ll appeal to most taste buds.

(Nutrition Facts – Grande/16 oz. – 120 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 80 milligrams of caffeine.)

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Grande
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: A part of me enjoyed it, but that’s probably because of my love of matcha. Doesn’t suck as much as algae blooms sucks out oxygen from bodies of water. Science reference!
Cons: Won’t appeal to most taste buds. Lemonade doesn’t really shine. Looks like algae in a cup.

REVIEW: Salted Caramel Oreo Thins

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Salted Caramel Oreo Thins

I prefer Oreo Thins to Oreos.

Sure, you can’t beat a classic Oreo, I’ve just never been able to eat many in one sitting. Regardless of flavor, I’m done after about four. I can polish off an entire sleeve of Oreo Thins without even realizing it. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s true.

Listen, I can hear your outrage from here. “Vin likes Thins more than Oreos?! This is outrageous. Wait, who the heck is Vin?”

I get it. I know people still have some problems with Oreo Thins. They convey an unattainable image to young Oreos. They’re a false portrayal of what society thinks an Oreo should look like. Every new Oreo Thins flavor that hits shelves feels like a slight to Double Stuff Oreos the world over, but hey, I like what I like.

Salted Caramel Oreo Thins 2

Speaking of new flavors, remember like a decade ago when you never even knew salted caramel was a thing? Can you believe we once lived in a world where “sweet and salty” wasn’t a super mainstream flavor profile? Now even the world’s most famous cookie is dipping itself into the salted caramel pool.

The new Salted Caramel Oreo Thins have that distinct Golden Oreo cookie smell with just a spritz of eau de stale caramel.

Salted Caramel Oreo Thins 4

There isn’t much crème per cookie, but I imagine you know the drill with Thins at this point. I personally prefer the Thins ratio to a normal Oreo.

Honestly, the caramel flavor in these cookies isn’t all that strong. It’s more of a “yeah, I guess that’s caramel” than anything, but it still tastes good. I wouldn’t get my hopes up expecting a big blast of caramel flavor.

As for the salt? It’s there, but not overpowering. I did get a couple salt crystal crunches from time to time, which are always appreciated. I could be crazy but the cookie might have a little more saltiness to it than normal. Don’t quote me on that though, I haven’t had a Golden Oreo in a bit.

Salted Caramel Oreo Thins 3

Caramel is a delicious flavor in general, but it’s also very dependent on texture. Sure, I get annoyed when a chewy, sticky piece of caramel sticks in my molar, but that’s also part of the charm. The caramel “crème” in these cookies doesn’t hold a candle to a good piece of actual caramel. You might as well call it “car-mull” crème like one of those weirdos who say “car-mull.”

I’m sure people will complain about the lack of normal sized Salted Caramel Oreos. Let me tell you something – they wouldn’t be good. This is the perfect ratio of crème to cookie. A double serving of this crème would be gross even with more cookie to counter it. They knew what they were doing.

So, these aren’t bad. Salted caramel doesn’t necessarily lend itself to a crème consistency, but these go down easy.

I hope Nabisco continues to drop exclusive flavors on its Thins line, because that’s a line I want to walk.

(Nutrition Facts – 4 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 10.1 oz. package
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Solid caramel-ish flavor with a touch of salt. Golden Oreo thins are much better than the normal size. They go down easy. Oreo’s most recent packaging update. The “sweet and salty” boom.
Cons: Somehow not sweet or salty enough at the same time. Golden don’t beat the original chocolate cookie and never will. The different pronunciations of “caramel.” The cream vs. crème battle wages on. That corny final line.

REVIEW: Coconut Oreo Thins

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Coconut Oreo Thins

I guess the best way to describe Coconut Oreo Thins would be to copy a year old viral video.

C-C-C-C.

I have a cookie. I have a choco.

Uuh! Choco cookie!

I have a creme. I have a coconut.

Uuh! Coconut creme!

Choco cookie. Coconut creme.

Uuh! Coconut-creme-choco-cookie!

Coconut-flavored creme is not new in the vast Oreo universe. It was in the Coconut Delight Oreo Fudge Cremes, 2015’s Limited Edition Toasted Coconut Oreo, and in Oreo cookies overseas.

Coconut Oreo Thins 2

The new Coconut Oreo Thins look exactly like the original Oreo Thins. — two chocolate wafer with a thin ghost white creme layer between them. The big fat clue that tells you they aren’t regular Oreo Thins before you pop them into your mouth is their Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen-like coconut aroma. Just one whiff and my mind is whisked away to a far away destination about one mile from my house to the beaches of Waikiki and rows of tourists that radiate the aromas of SPF 30-50. Even though it reminds me of sunscreen, it’s an inviting scent.

Now I’m one of those people who likes the flavor of coconut, but doesn’t like its texture. So if you’re like me, there’s good news because there aren’t any coconut shreds, slices, specks, or scraps.

Now I’ve had a problem with Oreo Thins ever since they debuted in the U.S. about two years ago. They’re too easy to eat. The serving size is four cookies. But sometimes I eat six. Sometimes I eat eight. And sometimes I eat enough to get a stomachache.

That hasn’t been the case with these. But there’s an odd reason why.

With that first cookie, the semi-sweet chocolate wafers allow the sweet, artificial coconut flavor to hit my taste buds with just the right amount. It’s delightful.

BUT.

Coconut Oreo Thins 3

There’s something I notice when I eat a subsequent cookie right after the first. The coconut flavor that I experienced with the first cookie almost completely disappears. It’s as if my taste buds are numb to it or the chocolate wafers are cocoblocking it.

Eating four, six, eight, or enough to get a stomachache doesn’t improve things. However, if I allow my taste buds to reset for 30 minutes or so, the coconut flavor comes back with another cookie. But those I eat right after lose their coconuttiness. It’s a vicious cycle.

Of course, your results may vary. But it’s disappointing to me because these are cookies I don’t want to put down. They’re really good. But to experience the best flavor, I have to put them down and wait. So I guess my original problem of Oreo Thins being too easy to eat is solved, but now there’s another.

(Nutrition Facts – 4 cookies – 140 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 10.1 oz. package
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Great cookies. Right amount of coconut flavor with the first cookie. Smells nice. No coconut bits. Pikotaro.
Cons: Subsequent cookies don’t have as strong of a coconut flavor as the first when eating one after another. Having to let my taste buds reset in order to enjoy these cookies. Eating so many cookies that I get a stomachache.

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