REVIEW: Lay’s Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers Potato Chips

Lay s Bacon Wrapper Jalapeno Poppers Potato Chips

A recent Gatorade campaign featuring the best athletes of the last three decades identifies a surprising motivator common amid these elite performers: the staggering defeats they experienced. In response to the failure, they found the secret to victory was to work harder, work smarter, and not let the next opportunity get away from them.

Lay’s Bacon Wrapped Jalapeño Popper Potato Chips are hoping to demonstrate a similar resolve. For the first time since the Do Us a Flavor contests began in 2013, Lay’s released a flavor that was not a finalist.

This year, they allowed a round of online voting based on interest alone to bring the list of ten semifinalists down to three. Although the medal stand was occupied by Everything Bagel, Fried Green Tomato, and Crispy Taco, Lay’s opted to release this variety as a Walmart exclusive.

I have to wonder what a bacon-wrapped jalapeno popper is. Is this a niche appetizer? I found exactly one restaurant menu that offered this item. Recognizing I don’t get invited to many catered events (assuming birthday party pizza and Iron Man sheet cake don’t count as catering), I did find more caterers offering these. If only the bag had featured an out-of-work actor in a pink bow tie.

A smoky smell emanated from the bag, but it wasn’t very strong. My son laughed as I nearly stuck my entire head into the top, hoping to find something else, anything else.

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The chips had green speckles reminiscent of sour cream and onion chips, as well as a fewer number of brick red colored bits as well. The familiar Lay’s crunch and texture were present upon first bite, but were not greasy like the Original variety.

The taste was as unremarkable as the smell. The chips generally didn’t have much of a distinct taste at all. I occasionally sensed bacon but the taste would fade. The jalapeno wasn’t notable at all. Sometimes a light tingle, indicating the spicy component, would sit on my tongue tip or palate for a short time. There could have been a hint of sour cream or cream cheese as well, but it was minor and I would have been unlikely to detect it if I wasn’t considering the art on the front of the bag.

Lay’s made the decision to produce a flavor that in concept alone failed to excite chip lovers, and it is no surprise the real life results were no more inspiring. Some of the Do Us a Flavor entrants have been truly horrifying, but never before have I been more bored with a product from the contest.

Perhaps next summer, there will be a Frito-Lay campaign with an executive, donned in a hairnet, goggles, and lab coat, walking the factory floor who leans in real tight to the camera and says, “You want to know the Secret to Victory? Release a new product people didn’t want.”

(Nutrition Facts – about 15 chips – 160 calories 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.48
Size:
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Spice level. Attractive packaging. The Vinny Vegas pizza at Skyzone trampoline park.
Cons: “Incomplete” grades for bacon, jalapeno, and cream cheese flavors. All six of the other flavors that didn’t make the finals sound more interesting. Asking Matt Ryan to recreate the midfield walk after the worst loss of his life.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Haribo Gold-Bears Mystery Flavors

Limited Edition Haribo Gold Bears Mystery Flavors

Wait.

Gummi bears have flavors?

Despite eating Olympic swimming pools of them over the decades, that’s news to me. I thought they were all one – “fruitish.” Perhaps because I shove them in my mouth by the handful, they meld into the same taste?

Hence I walked into Haribo’s Mystery Flavor Gold-Bears thinking, “Oh, they have specific flavors now – that’s new!”

My first impression of this product was: Where’s the beef?

This is a large bag but the bears only come up to the top of the clear window. Two-thirds of the bag is empty – not even filled with air, fercryinoutloud! It’s like the CD longbox of candy!

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Second impression: Have the gummi bear species reverse-evolved into smaller versions of themselves? I love miniatures, but I like to look a bear in the eye before I bite his head off, thank you very much.

Inside the bag, that familiar plasticy sweet smell and the greasy film that leaves bear trails on every surface.

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Spoiler alert: if you want to solve the mystery flavors mystery yourself, stop reading here and come back later!

Let’s start with the ones I’m sure about.

Blue = Blueberry. This was a no-brainer.

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The orange-yellow was definitely peach. No doubt about it.

These were also my two favorite flavors. They tasted like bright, punchy candy renditions of their namesake fruits.

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The remaining three I’m a bit tentative on.

The maroon I’m 70 percent sure is raspberry. 30 percent chance it’s pomegranate. While they had a pleasant berry-ish taste, I wasn’t excited about them. Perhaps the ease of identification boosted the enjoyment in the others?

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I originally thought the pink and bright yellow were strawberry and pineapple, but then discovered these are flavors are in the usual Haribo gummi bear mix, so they wouldn’t put them in this, would they?

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I scanned the package for hints. That fruit-filled question mark probably holds the answers to this profound conundrum.

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After consulting the cartoon bear oracle, and a second round of tasting, I’m leaning toward pink = watermelon and yellow = banana. These are pure guesses, however. I’m curious to hear what you all think since I couldn’t check my work on their website. The URL advertised on the package is currently password protected. Annoying.

The yellow bears were the most confounding flavor-wise and my least favorite of the group. If they really were banana, it’s a loose interpretation. Assuming my guess on the pink bear is correct, I prefer a heavier-handed take on watermelon. These were far weaker than my watermelon touchstone – Jolly Ranchers.

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Overall, the gummi bears retained their historic chewy fruity appeal and the mystery flavors added a new twist (especially for those of us who never knew there were intentional tastes involved in the first place). If you’re a gummi bear fan, these are worth a try!

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(Nutrition Facts – 13 bears – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: 4 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: I love a good mystery! Who killed the blue bear in the library with a rope?
Cons: 4 ounces of micro-bears in a 9 ounce bag. Least banana-y banana – if that is banana. Non-working website.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Wakey Bakey Hash Munchie Mash-Up

Jack in the Box Wakey Bakey Hash Munchie Mash Up

There’s something about intoxication that draws people back to the basics. Whether it’s been a long night at the bar or a lost weekend at Bonnaroo. By the end, everyone’s palate reverts to an almost childlike state. Cravings for the greasiest, saltiest, and cheesiest delicacies emerge.

No franchise is wiser to this trend than Jack in the Box, whose Munchie Meals have made a fortune out of serving the midnight masses. For their latest trend, Jack has brought a diner favorite – stuffed hash browns – into the fast food field.

Munchie Mash-Ups top the chain’s classic hash brown patties with an assortment of fix-ins smothered in a white cheese sauce. The Wakey Bakey Hash features a whole fried egg, bacon bits, cheddar cheese, and garlic butter, creating a sloppy sheet of breakfast standards.

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As I was handed the hash in the drive through, I already had a sign of the meal to follow. The grease was visibly staining the brown paper bag. Opening the box revealed the culprit – the garlic butter had all pooled to a single corner. A yellow lake of greasy, salty delight. If the visuals of this box are off-putting, the taste won’t win you over.

Despite being smothered in egg, bacon, cheese, and butter – the hash brown patties were satisfyingly crisp down to the last forkful. Alone, these patties are rich and salty – dense with fryer oil. The egg, cheese, bacon, and butter weigh them down even further. Every bite is rich and fatty, full of similar flavors fighting to come out on top.

It’s the cheese sauce that typically proves victorious. When combined with the garlic butter, it creates an alfredo-esque flavor that saturates the palate like grease on a brown paper bag. Hearty and not half bad, but an odd pairing for a bacon and egg.

The egg is the same overcooked fried egg that ends up on most breakfast sandwiches, and the bacon bits are disappointingly small. They get lost in the trough of hash, which is a shame. A more pronounced protein may have been a better pick here, offering more contrast with the rich cheese and garlic.

In total, the Wakey Bakey Hash will satisfy those looking for something standard. It’s salty, cheesy, and has enough carbs to soak up the worst of hangovers. At $3, it’s also a satisfying value. But in the daylight, this hash doesn’t have the same appeal. Better versions of this same combination are available elsewhere, and won’t require you to say the words “Wakey Bakey Hash” out loud to another adult.

(Nutrition Facts – 790 calories, 570 calories from fat, 63 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 285 milligrams of cholesterol, 1400 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Crispy potatoes. Good size for the price. Viable hangover cure.
Cons: Cheese sauce is overpowering and clashes with rest of dish. Extremely greasy. Garlic butter is unneeded.

REVIEW: International Delight Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Coffee Creamer

International Delight Reese s Peanut Butter Cups Coffee Creamer

I have a no-frills coffee routine every morning — two mugs with a splash of fat-free half and half. It’s my 30 calorie start to what will ultimately be a mundane day.

Ya see I’ve become a caffeine fiend (A Caffiend? ™The Impulsive Buy) as I’ve gotten older, and I often find the hot morning Joe isn’t enough to get by. I often stop at a 7-Eleven, Dunkin’, or Starbucks to indulge in an afternoon iced coffee or cold brew.

Over the past couple weeks I’ve noticed that 7-Eleven has stocked their little coffee nook with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups International Delight Creamer, and well, it’s troubling. A new threat to my boring coffee existence had reared its ugly head. Then, I found it in my local supermarket and there was no turning back.

I’m a Reese’s junkie. At this point, Reese’s could make toothpaste and I’d camp outside Rite Aid ’til its release. I’ve managed to bypass all the other candy-based creamers until now, but Reese’s?! Peanut butter in my coffee?! Obviously, I had to pick up a bottle.

After popping the top, I was hit with that unmistakable Reese’s smell. We were off and rolling.

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I figured the best way to do this review was to try it right from the bottle, in hot coffee, and mixed with iced coffee.

Coffee creamer is not meant to be drunk on its own, but I had to do my due diligence for the review’s sake. I took an ice-cold shot of this and it was ridiculously good. It was the melted Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup milkshake I never knew I needed. I had to stop myself from going back for more.

Next, I poured myself a mug of piping hot coffee and poured the same amount of creamer in. That Reese’s taste got a little lost. It did add a strong creaminess to the coffee, and the flavor was still there, but it’s subdued. I got some light chocolate with a nutty finish. It wasn’t all that different from a standard hazelnut coffee. The nuttiness wasn’t specifically peanut butter. I’m sure if I added more it would have tasted better, but therein lies the problem. I don’t want to start my morning with a cup of melted ice cream.

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So, while it’s still really good, hot coffee isn’t the best delivery system for this creamer. Iced coffee, however, was awesome. I got a plain cup of the aforementioned 7-Eleven iced coffee and added the splash of Reese’s. It tasted like Yoo-hoo with peanut butter mixed in. This definitely works better when cold.

I’m nitpicking because it’s pretty great. If I had the ability to cold brew at home, I’d have this every day. As far as the hot coffee goes, it’s gonna slip into the rotation every few days. I’m not quite ready to change my mundane existence just yet. Someday.

Someday.

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(Nutrition Facts – 1 tbsp. – 35 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 0 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 32 fl. oz.
Purchased at: ShopRite
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Melted Reese’s milkshake. Spices up boring coffee. Delicious in iced coffee. Reese’s anything. Available at 7-Eleven.
Cons: Tasted worst in hot coffee. I don’t make iced coffee at home. Creaminess borders on filminess. Caffeine Addiction. More than double my usual morning coffee’s calories.

REVIEW: The Spotted Cheetah, A Restaurant By Cheetos

The Spotted Cheetah 1

I love a good gimmick. If it’s temporary or new and has a hook, I’m there. Super-long line? No problem. Thai Rolled Ice Cream. The Oreo Wonder Vault. Rainbow Bagels. The Hello Kitty Café Truck. Cronuts. I’ve done them all.

Some gimmicks turn out better than anticipated. Some fall short of the mark. Some defy your expectations altogether. That was the case with the Spotted Cheetah, a Cheetos-centric pop-up restaurant in Manhattan. I assumed it would be a garish publicity stunt with ridiculous “food.”

When I heard about this 3-night-only event, I wanted in. A menu of 4 appetizers, 4 entrees and 3 desserts, each made with Cheetos products. I like to repurpose foods into other forms, so this was right up my alley.

Any other week, The Spotted Cheetah is known as Distilled – an upscale but casual Tribeca restaurant that I’m only now realizing I’ve eaten in before. As I approached this night, I readied myself for typical NYC event line-waiting and passive-aggressive jockeying for position. Everyone here is important, after all, and we MUST get in ASAP.

To my delight, no one was corralled within the velvet ropes. Shocking considering how much media attention this place has gotten. After a quick chat with the clipboard guy, I glided into a seat at the bar.

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Crystal Pepsi – of course.

The menu was designed by Food Network chef Anne Burrell. All I know about her is: 1) her hair and 2) she hosted Worst Cooks in America – for which I once volunteered to test a challenge before shooting started, and failed miserably at everything.

I ordered the Cheetos Crusted Fried Pickles, Cheetos Mix-Ups Crusted Chicken Milanese, and the Cheetos Sweetos Crusted Cheesecake. Apparently I’m a glutton for crusting.

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While I waited for my food, I watched patrons talk to a live-animated Chester Cheetah on a TV screen near the entrance.

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The Spotted Cheetah 5b

Normally I despise things that aggressively interact with me, but I was fascinated by this technology. Chester’s mouth and body moved in real-time from a motion capture of the person speaking. I wondered where he was hiding out.

The Spotted Cheetah 6b

The fried pickles arrived and I dove in, expecting a rubber-mallet-to-the-head of Cheetos flavor. What I got were lovely, tangy, crusty, greasy frickles in a slightly orangier (spellcheck tells me this isn’t a word, I disagree) than normal hue. They were delicious, but only whispered ‘Cheetos.’

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Next up – the Chicken Milanese. A beautifully-dressed salad and Cheetos piled atop a slab of extra-crunchy breaded chicken. I pushed the salad off and sliced into just the chicken. Again, it was a wonderful dish, I enjoyed every bite, but I didn’t taste the Cheetos in the breading.

The Spotted Cheetah 8

This could appear in any restaurant and no one would say “Excuse me – are there CHEETOS in this??” I started taking bits of Cheetos from on top with each mouthful and ended up with the flavor I expected.

An order of the Flamin’ Hot Limon Chicken Tacos arrived for the couple next to me and I was gripped with jealousy. They looked so tempting.

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The cheesecake came closest to capturing the product it was based on. The crust definitely had the churro-ish cinnamon flavor of the Sweetos. It was also a great dish – sweet and tangy cheese with a rich blueberry sauce.

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The Spotted Cheetah 11a

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The décor was just subtle enough that it didn’t feel cheesy (pun intended), but there were cute touches all around.

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It wasn’t a crowded circus. The food was real. It was like a Friday night out at a nice restaurant, but with a wise-cracking animated cheetah.

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I do wish the Cheetos were a bit more present in the dishes I tried, since this was the point of all of this, but I had fun and walked away with a happy belly. I was given a printed book of the menu recipes on the way out – it’s also available on their site. If you’re trying the recipes at home, go a bit heavier on the Cheetos – I’m guessing as junk food fans, you’ll want to know they’re there.

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(Nutrition Facts – Oof. I couldn’t even begin to calculate this.)

Purchased Price: $8 (Fried Pickles), $22 (Chicken Milanese, and $8 (Cheesecake)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: REALLY good food. High-tech cheetah. Thrill of experiencing something that makes half my friends say “Ew. That’s disgusting.”
Cons: Expected to leave covered in Cheetos dust inside & out, didn’t, hence slightly disappointed.

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