REVIEW: FYE Food Fight Funky Fry & Killer Ketchup Milk Chocolate Bar

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FYE Food Fight Funky Fry Killer Ketchup Milk Chocolate Bar

Y = French Fry + Ketchup + Chocolate.

Take a moment to let the foodgebra (food+algebra) sink in. I could not believe my eyes either, but this franken-food was brought to life by retailer FYE and Astor Chocolate with an equally as complicated product name — Food Fight Funky Fry & Killer Ketchup Milk Chocolate Bar.

The FYE-exclusive Food Fight Chocolate Bar line includes other franken-flavors, like Crispy Caramel Popcorn, Crunchy Tortilla Muchacho Taco, and Together Forever Peanut Butter & Jelly.

FYE Food Fight Funky Fry Killer Ketchup Milk Chocolate Bar 2

I was very intrigued by the Killer Ketchup wild card because the chocolate and deep-fried potato combo has been done. A little part of me was dubious that they’d actually put all of it into a chocolate bar, but the ingredients were listed on the back very plainly: milk chocolate, potato chips, sea salt, freeze dried white onion powder, dried tomato powder, roasted garlic powder, and chipotle chili pepper powder.

I assumed the chili is where the “killer” part comes in. After reading the ingredients, I was a little terrified but the Aqua Teen Hunger Force-esque characters on the packaging dared me to take the plunge.

FYE Food Fight Funky Fry Killer Ketchup Milk Chocolate Bar 3

When I opened it, I was surprised to find the chocolate bar looked like a regular chocolate bar – even the cross-section reminded me of a plain ol’ Nestle Crunch Bar. It also didn’t smell any different – whew. The chocolate did seem softer as it started melting where my fingers were holding it. Said softness translated into a pleasant melt in your mouth texture (think Hershey’s Kisses) and I thought the chocolate itself actually tasted better than Hershey’s.

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Despite the rich milk chocolate-y sweetness, there was no mistaking the savory elements. After the initial chocolate taste, the garlic and onion flavors were the most prominent followed by a mild heat. It was like eating slightly spicy sour cream and onion chips topped with chocolate, which tasted as weird as it sounds.

Net net, it was nothing like eating ketchup and fries. I simultaneously felt relief and disappointment. It would’ve been pretty epic if this was the ultimate food mind-trip, but it would also ruin chocolate and/or ketchup and fries for me forever.

So, let’s solve the equation at the beginning of this review and let Y = WHY?!

I know it’s trendy to create crazy limited time only flavors, but I think this is way too far on the deep end. It was definitely a unique-once-in-a-lifetime-because-you-only-need-to-try-it-once experience, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

(Nutrition Facts – 260 calories, 15 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 10 mg of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 1.75 oz. bar
Purchased at: FYE
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Most unique chocolate experience I’ve had. Better chocolate than Hershey’s. Good heat from the chili.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like fries and ketchup. Honestly, not something I want to eat again.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie Blizzard

While I love all things fall, I am not amongst the crowd that mainlines PSL by day and does lines of pumpkin spice out of a hollowed out Jack-o’-lantern by night. That said, I do consider pumpkin pie itself to be a pillar of the season.

Dairy Queen seems to agree as the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard rises from the most sincere DQ pumpkin patch around this time every year. Having enjoyed this Blizzard in the past did not diminish my delight at the sight of a spice covered mountain of whipped cream thrusting far above the confines of its container.

This isn’t merely the subconscious overcompensation of the Blizzardista though, as a spoonful of the plentiful whipped cream, pie filling, and crust is integral to capturing the flavor of the genuine article.

The first bite immediately and boldly declares that this is pumpkin pie ice cream. It’s not as deep or as true to the flavor as I find in the likes of Talenti’s Pumpkin Pie Gelato for example, but that is comparing apples to pumpkins and this Blizzard more than captures the essence of its namesake. The only trick this treat plays is leaving the cinnamon notes more ghostly than corporeal, especially when the crust comes into play.

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I don’t know what dark pact DQ made to prevent the pie crust pieces from becoming soggy, but it was worth every drop of blood. While lacking a tad in flavor, they remain uniformly crunchy and plentiful from the first bite to the last and add a needed textural contrast.

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Despite not being my favorite Blizzard, I find myself looking forward to Dairy Queen’s take on pumpkin pie as a herald of fall while the weather still warrants a frozen dessert. If your homemade recipe is more haunted house prop than delicious seasonal staple, the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard is a worthy dairy-based alternative.

Purchased Price: $0.99* (regular $2.89)
Size: Mini
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 360 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 41 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

*I only paid $0.99 for mine due to DQ’s BOGO of equal or lesser value for $0.99 deal.

REVIEW: Chick-fil-A Hash Brown Scramble Bowl

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Chick fil A Hash Brown Scramble Bowl

The pancake platter. The breakfast sandwich. Burritos of all shapes and sizes and varying degrees of sodium. Let’s face it: None of them are anywhere near as primal as the breakfast skillet, which, thanks to the ever-increasing demand to diversify menus, has finally made it to Chick-fil-A in the form of the new Hash Brown Scramble.

This is pretty groundbreaking stuff, if you ask me. Okay, so it’s not a taco with a shell made out of a freaking egg, but considering every diner in America has some variation of layered meat, potatoes, eggs, and cheese, you might say it’s long overdue for the drive-thru. And while Taco Bell has a version of the skillet on the breakfast value menu, let’s be real: It’s a dollar and it’s from Taco Bell.

If the classic breakfast skillet inspires images of loosening your belt, then the Chick-fil-A Hash Brown Scramble will elicit a sigh of relief from cardiologists everywhere. I’m not saying it’s good for you, but considering it comes in a side salad container, it left me wondering if I should have ordered a biscuit on the side.

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I decided against it, because I thought it would defeat the purpose of building the skillet around the hash browns. And man, those hash browns are good. Even though the counter person forgot my jalapeño salsa, I thought the earthy, crispy tater tot-like rounds delivered tremendous potato flavor. It played beautifully with the saltier nuggets and buttery eggs. I had seven of them in my scramble, which contributed enough crunch and potato flavor without making me feel like I was eating a bowl of French fries.

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Even though the hash browns and chicken are good, there was something off about the whole thing. At first, I was tempted to chalk it all up to my missing salsa, but even after I added hot sauce and ketchup for sweetness and heat, I realized the culprit had less to do with an absence of flavor and more to do with a contrasting flavor.

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While cheese makes pizza, hamburgers, and basically everything else in life good, its uneasy relationship with the succulent and slightly sweet pressure-cooked nuggets is, at best, contentious. Both flavors contribute salt to the potato flavor, but the milky flavors of the slightly melted cheese dissipate the otherwise excellent taste of the chicken. What emerges are two distinct flavor profiles in the scramble, which, while good, never comes together in its entirety.

Overall, I’m glad Chick-fil-A decided to retool its breakfast options by giving the humble hash browns a place at the table. And while I’m not a fan of mixing Chick-fil-A’s chicken with cheese, the flavors of the hash browns, chicken, and eggs are enough for me to overlook the extraneous contribution from those annoying Chick-fil-A cows.

(Nutrition Facts – Full nutrition facts not available, but according to the menu board it has 450 calories.)

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Bringing the diner skillet to fast food menu boards. Hash browns have excellent potato flavor and a crispy, tater-tot like texture. Chicken is on point as always. Surprisingly filling for size.
Cons: Milky flavors of the cheese don’t play nicely with the chicken. Lacks a bit of “umph” without salsa. Hash browns have a tendency to get soggy if you wait too long to eat.

REVIEW: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s

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Cookies Screeem M M s

These Cookies & Screeem M&M’s exemplify a trend I have been noticing in the last few years. In a world inundated with pumpkin, peppermint, and red velvet flavors for holidays, some companies make whatever flavor they feel like and somehow say it’s a holiday version. (I was disappointed last November when I asked for a pumpkin shake at Jack in the Box and their only “seasonal” offering was a Golden Oreo salted caramel shake. What does that have to do with Thanksgiving or Christmas!?) Like last year’s Boo-tterscotch M&Ms, these Cookies & Screeem ones don’t really have anything to do with Halloween.

They’re kind of Halloweeny because they’re black (or dark purple). I guess that’s how they justify it. But it’s still not as Halloweeny as the regular orange and black M&Ms of my childhood. (If my memory serves me right, they added purple and green to the orange and black in 2008, which I thought made them look more Eastery, and they switched to fall colors in 2010.)

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These M&M’s consist of a speckled shell, a layer of dark chocolate, and a white chocolate center. That’s all that makes up the “cookies and cream” side of it; if they added other flavors, I can’t detect it, and the ingredients list is too vague. I do think it’s a cool concept to have two kinds of chocolate in one candy.

One of the first things I notice when I eat one is a chemical quality, probably from all the food coloring they used to make them black.

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I like dark chocolate M&M’s. I like white chocolate M&M’s. But sometimes two rights make a wrong. These chocolates aren’t terrible, but I feel like the bitterness of the dark clashes with the sweetness of the white. I like the two flavors better when they’re on their own.

The sizes are inconsistent, and I actually like the small ones better. The ratio of dark to white is more enjoyable in the small ones.

I wasn’t able to brush my teeth immediately after trying these, and a few minutes after I had tasted them, I got an aftertaste that tasted like Oreo. That was the closest I got to the cookies and cream experience, and even that was fleeting. I would have liked these a lot more if they followed a traditional cookies and cream approach: white chocolate with crunchy cookie bits.

Will you go through the whole bag? Probably. But this is one of the brand’s weaker offerings.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz./about 16 pieces – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 10 milligrams of sodium, twenty grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar (including 17 grams of added sugars), and less than 1 gram of sugar.)

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 8 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Cool concept of two chocolates in one candy. Not terrible. At least they’re trying to branch out.
Cons: Chemical flavor. White chocolate and dark chocolate taste better on their own. Doesn’t screeem “Halloween.” Doesn’t screeem “cookies and cream.” Doesn’t screeem “a product that will come back next year.”

REVIEW: Limited Edition Apple Pie Oreo Cookies

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Limited Edition Apple Pie Oreo Cookies

I’ve run into the same problem almost every time I’ve had a particular discussion – what is the quintessential American food? Due to the melting pot nature of our country, everything seems to be imported, or even worse, STOLEN, from somewhere else.

The first food that comes to mind is the iconic burger, but nope, that one goes to Otto Kuase, in Hamburg, Germany. There’s New York’s pizza, taken from Italy, San Francisco’s burritos, adapted from Mexico, Los Angeles’ sushi, taken from Japan. You get the picture. All of our staples are a result of our acceptance, inclusion, (and colonization – yikes) of all types of cultures.

But apple pie, nothing is more American than apple pie, right? Wrong! Even apple pie, which is considered so American it was used as motivational propaganda for BOTH World Wars was brought over by the Dutch and Swedes during the 18th century. Can we do anything for ourselves?

Yes, yes we can. American’s can claim the Oreo, the shining sandwich star that has been the top dog of all factory cookies since 1912, as truly American. Since a burger Oreo would be pretty gross, next in line for a purely patriotic collab is apple pie, and that’s exactly what we got – apple pie creme in graham wafer cookies.

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The smell-o-vision on these Oreo is fantastic – immediately and unmistakably apple pie with sharp fruity apple and spicy sweet cinnamon jumping out of the package. Sometimes the golden wafers can overpower my initial sniff and taste impression of a new Oreo and I’m glad they went with graham here as I’m not getting any unnecessary vanilla sweetness, just pure apple power.

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Crunching into these circular slices of American hope and dreams is nothing short of a relaxing countryside morning full of perfection. The flavor starts with fresh, tart, juicy apple and quickly turns to cinnamon before finishing with smooth, golden, and slightly earthy graham notes. There are hints of caramel and a wonderful balance of sweetness that’s kept in check by the bursts of acidity brought by the apple. The overall profile is very true to the sweet-yet-tart nature of apples and is deliciously convincing as a cookie.

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The creme on this pie-eo is also softer and creamier than a lot of other varieties. It’s more like what I expect from a Trader Joe’s Joe-Joe. There’s a certain unctuous-ness that’s pleasant and draws immediate comparisons to gooey fresh apple pie filling. This Oreo isn’t tame, and it might not be for everyone, but I love it and think they nailed the execution.

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While last year’s Blueberry Pie was one of my favorites flavor-wise, it’s pretty hard to capture true blueberry flavor in a factory setting. These Apple Pie guys not only deliver a great sweet snack, but seamless flavor emulation to boot.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: 10.7 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Big, authentic tart apple flavor. Slight cinnamon spiciness. Perfectly balanced sweetness. Mellow earthy graham finish. Soft fresh creme.
Cons: They don’t come a la mode.

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