QUICK REVIEW: Limited Edition Nature Valley Pumpkin Spice Crunchy Granola Bars

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Limited Edition Nature Valley Pumpkin Spice Crunchy Granola Bars

I have found that the term “pumpkin spice” generally means one of three things: (1) real pumpkin and spices, (2) artificial pumpkin flavor and spices, and (3) just spices. In my experience, the items that have actual pumpkin are almost always better than those without. (Pumpkin Spice Cheerios > Pumpkin Spice Life.)

These Limited Edition Nature Valley Crunchy Pumpkin Spice Granola Bars have real pumpkin flakes, but unfortunately, they don’t follow that pattern.

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There’s nothing particularly egregious about these bars. It’s just that they don’t meet expectations. I shared a pack with my coworker, and he said, “If I were blindfolded, I couldn’t tell these from the Oats ’n Honey ones.”

If you’ve had that green-wrapped variety, you know what you’re getting with the pumpkin spice version—very crunchy, very dry, and crumbs all over the place. I ate mine with milk because they’re so dry. There is a little bit of spice to it, but not a lot, and I don’t detect the pumpkin at all.

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Since the Nature Valley commercials always show people doing something outdoorsy while they consume these, I took my second pack on a short trail run. I thought the dryness would not be suitable for the outdoors, but on the contrary, I found the crunchiness and oat-y flavor surprisingly pleasant in nature, and it didn’t matter if the crumbs made a mess! Still wouldn’t be my first choice, though.

Kashi makes their own Pumpkin Spice Flax Crunchy Granola Bars, which they sell year round (although they seem to be getting harder to find). Even though those don’t have pumpkin flesh in them, I recommend the Kashi version over Nature Valley. They’re very similar, but I think Kashi has more spice, and it has more protein and fiber and fewer calories.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 6 2-bar packs
Purchased at: Smith’s (Kroger)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 bars) 190 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: CVS Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Cough Drops

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CVS Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Cough Drops

A cough drop review? Don’t act like cough drop flavors don’t matter. You know you’ve felt the crushing disappointment of walking into the drug store in peak cold season with a scratchy throat to find all that’s left are the basic blue menthol Halls. Your brain runs through all the flavors you’d rather have: strawberry, cherry, citrus. Hell, I’d take honey before plain menthol.

I have to give CVS a slow clap for taking the bold (i.e. insane?) step of cashing in on the pumpkin spice trend via the cold relief aisle. Mentholated PS cough drops? My first reaction was “Whyyyyyyy?”  But I wanted to try them. I couldn’t wait to HATE them with the fire of a thousand Targaryen dragons.

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So imagine my surprise when I tasted Pumpkin Spice Cough Drops and found them – not bad at all!

It’s tough to describe the aroma inside the bag. It didn’t resemble pumpkin, spices or menthol. It was like asiago Band-Aids…but let’s not dwell on that because if you’re in the market for cough drops, your nostrils will be snot-blocked anyway and you’ll probably never actually smell them.

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When I popped one in my mouth, the first flavor to come screaming out of the gate was loud, obnoxious menthol. Yelling over everyone else and kicking chairs over. But once menthol quieted down, I started picking up on cinnamon just underneath. Not a hot fiery cinnamon, but a warm, fuzzy loved-up cinnamon. There was probably some nutmeg flavor there, too, but I’m bad at identifying nutmeg – it just ends up being in everything I describe as “autumn-y.”

I’m shocked to say this cough drop flavor works. I happen to be trying them in good health on an 80+ degree day, but I can imagine on a chilly fall or winter day when you feel like you swallowed a cheese grater, they’ll be a pretty decent option. They’re still sweet like most cough drops, but a not-unpleasant change from the usual fruit flavors. They’re not delicious, but they’re not the horror show I expected.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 drop – 10 calories.)

Purchased Price: $1.49
Size: 30-drop bag
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted! The cinnamon/menthol combo works better than expected. (I know! I’m shocked too.)
Cons: Strange aroma – which will likely not be experienced when you have a cold and need cough drops. Do these cough drops make me look like a basic b***h?

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Royal Reese’s Brownie Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Royal Reese s Brownie Blizzard

In the interest of full disclosure:

  • The true answer to The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is not 42, it is in fact, peanut butter.
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the George Washington of the Candy Mount Rushmore.
  • Brownies make cake their bitch.

That should put in perspective how excited I was for the latest Royal Blizzard, and why I hope you heed my warning. Dairy Queen took the awesome Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard, tossed in average brownie pieces, and added a glob of what I can only imagine Mr. Peanut’s excrement must taste like — an incredibly cheap, artificial tasting peanut butter that is salty enough to make a 60’s Star Trek salt vampire reach for a glass of water.

The Blizzard certainly makes a good first impression with both peanut butter cups and brownie pieces giving you their best come hither from the top of the vanilla soft serve. When isolated, the brownie has a slight fudgy quality but is unremarkable in every way.

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The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are perfection incarnate as always, but the peanut butter core is nothing like the uniform comet shape shown online. Instead, a glob of the creamed legume rested just beneath the surface. This ended up being a blessing in disguise as, to put it bluntly, the poor distribution prevented it from entirely ruining the rest of the treat. A Reese’s-only bite is outstanding, but that entirely defeats the purpose of this Royal Blizzard.

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Be aware that while this is the October 2017 Blizzard of The Month, it has been consistently on the menu for a few months now. Regardless, don’t waste your time or extra pocket change on this one, just go with the classic Reese’s only Blizzard and BYOPB (and who doesn’t?) if you really want to add a core.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Small
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 850 calories, 370 calories from fat, 41 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 560 milligrams of sodium, 105 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 83 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix

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Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix

Oreo has become a D-list celebrity that gets paid for club appearances.

Want the iconic cookie to show up in your milkshake, on your doughnut, or attached to

The latest company to pay the cookie an appearance fee is Kerry, who has Oreo in its hot cocoa mix. No, not you, Kerry, who’s reading this review right now. Kerry, a food company headquartered in Ireland.

The Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix box says it contains “Oreo Cookie Crumbs,” and a quick look at its ingredients list and what’s on an Oreo package shows that’s the case. While both have the same ingredients, the hot cocoa mix doesn’t appear to be a collection of dark cookie crumbs. Instead, it looks like something from Swiss Miss, Nestle, or a quarry.

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I made a cup with water, and, because of my Swiss Miss experiences, I expected it to be, well, um, watery. But that was not the case with the Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix. Swirling it around in the mug like I was aerating wine shows it has a viscosity that makes it difficult to tell water was used. I don’t know if that means thickening agents or I need to wash my dishes better.

But its consistency might also be the result of the amount of powder in each envelope that goes into the six ounces of liquid the instructions say to use. Each one has about 70 percent more than what’s in a Swiss Miss packet. While that creates a thicker beverage, the amount also makes it difficult to dissolve all the contents in hot liquid. Despite my vigorous stirring, many small powder clumps remained.

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The hot cocoa mix smells like the wafer from the popular cookie, but, in beverage form, it doesn’t make me think I’m drinking molten Oreo. But there’s a bit of the cookie’s dark cocoa flavor in the aftertaste. While it doesn’t fully taste like a chocolate Oreo wafer, it’s a darker, more decadent hot chocolate than I’m used to. It’s quite good.

I also made a cup with vanilla soy milk, but, despite it being creamier than the one made with water, it’s less pleasing because the non-dairy milk hides whatever Oreo flavor there is.

Like Scott Disick’s club appearances, I thought Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix was a desperate money grab. But while Mr. Disick has nothing to offer society, the Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix offers a warm, sweet beverage that’ll hit the spot when the temperatures start dropping.

YEAH!!!

Thanks to reader Robbie for sending me a box!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 packet – 150 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 8-pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Smells like chocolate Oreo wafers. A step above Swiss Miss and Nestle hot cocoa mixes. Tastes really good when made with water.
Cons: Is Oreo Yoo-hoo next? Oreo is like a D-list celebrity that gets paid of club appearances. Oreo flavor disappears when made with vanilla soy milk.

REVIEW: Cough Drop Kit Kat (Japan)

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Cough Drop Kit Kat

If I ever need a cough drop to soothe my throat because I cheered loudly when my favorite team scored a touchdown/run/goal/basket/eight-ender or because I screamed, “WHAAAAAT!?” after learning about a cough drop-flavored candy bar, the Cough Drop Kit Kat will not be of any help.

The odd, new confection from Japan is called Kit Kat Nodo Ame Aji, which translates to Kit Kat Cough Drop Flavor. The candy gets its lozengeness from ground cough drop powder that’s been added to the white chocolate.

As you can see below, the pack I bought from eBay didn’t do well during its two-week inter-Pacific trek from Japan. The iconic Kit Kat fingers are almost indistinguishable and the white chocolate looks as if it was melted throughout most of its journey. While it looks like congealed bacon grease logs, the white chocolate has a pleasant peppermint-like aroma. But once I broke off a piece of that Kit Kat bar, an odd stale aroma made its way up my nose, which worried me.

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The candy tastes like a generic menthol cough drop, and at times it reminds me of a York Peppermint Pattie, but it’s mild. There’s even a slight cooling sensation, which brought a “Holy crap! That’s awesome!” smile to my face. It’s not even close to being nostril clearing or throat soothing as an actual cough drop, so I’m 99.9 percent sure it won’t help after being hoarse from cheering on an eight-ender.

But while tasting it, I began to wonder if being locked up for thousands of miles on a boat affected its flavor because there were brief moments when my taste buds noticed a harsh flavor that I’ve only experienced when accidentally biting into stale foods. (It happens to me more than you’d think. I don’t read IKEA instructions or check my foods to see if they’re stale.) But I can’t help but think it’s part of the cough drop flavor, because, you know, Japan.

If the Kit Kat had a menthol flavor with a cooling sensation, I’d be into that kinky culinary combo, but that stale flavor, even though it’s very mild and fleeting, gives me pause.

Having tried dozens of odd Japanese Kit Kat flavors, like wasabi, soy sauce, butter, and ginger, I have to say Kit Kat Nodo Ame Aji is the least pleasing Japanese Kit Kat I’ve ever tasted.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 65 kcal, 0.41 grams of protein, 3.7 grams of fat, 7.4 grams of carbohydrates, and 2-7 milligrams of sodium.)

Purchased Price: $5.99*
Size: 3-pack
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Another weird Kit Kat flavor from Japan. At times, it tastes like a York Peppermint Pattie. Cooling sensation is neat.
Cons: Weird stale flavor. Sending chocolate via slow mail.

*Bought it on eBay from a seller in Japan. It costs much less in the store.

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