QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Oreo Hot Cocoa Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Oreo Hot Cocoa Blizzard

Oreo is ostensibly milk’s favorite cookie, but it is an unrequited love. Especially of late, Oreo is swiping right on everything from chocolate bars to Android operating systems. Selfishly, I was happy to hear its latest dairy dalliance is with Dairy Queen as a new treat, the Oreo Hot Cocoa Blizzard. Oreo cookie pieces and cocoa fudge are blended with vanilla soft serve and topped with whipped cream.

With a classic whipped spiral atop a dark brown base, the Hot Cocoa Blizzard certainly dons the appearance of its namesake. Digging in, it definitely presents as a chocolate dessert, but I did not find it to be overwhelmingly so. It’s easy to see why the Oreo cookie chunks never spend a night alone; they add a pleasant crunch and are predictably tasty despite their flavor being a bit masked by the fudge.

Speaking of the headlining “hot cocoa” flavor, it appears to have a bit of stage fright. If I closed my eyes, I could almost convince myself I was detecting a slight cocoa powder like aftertaste, but it is very mild and instead reminds me mostly of cold, hot fudge topping.

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A bit of needed creaminess is added by the whipped topping, but there isn’t enough to provide a consistent or remarkable flavor combination on the whole. Perhaps I would have an easier time buying into the hot cocoa moniker if marshmallow bits or a swirl had been included; alas, no marshmallows were harmed in the making of this Blizzard.

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I love the idea of an Oreo fling with the oxymoronic hot chocolate flavored ice cream. Unfortunately despite being a respectable chocolate and Oreo Blizzard, I find little in the way of hot cocoa in it beyond the name.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 790 calories, 34 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 460 milligrams of sodium, 111 grams of carbohydrates, -1 gram of dietary fiber* 83 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

*Dairy Queen lists fiber incorrectly as a negative value

REVIEW: Kroger Big K Candy Cane Soda and Cinna-Roll Soda

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Kroger Big K Candy Cane Soda and Cinna Roll Soda

Autumn 2005 is one of the most pivotal moments in the history of soft drinks since it marked the arrival of Jones Soda’s infamous Holiday Pack. Featuring a wild medley of bizarre-flavored beverages (turkey and gravy, brussels sprouts, pumpkin pie, etc.), the strange soda set received heaps of media coverage, more or less putting the obscure cola manufacturer on the map.

Here we are 13 years later, and soda companies are STILL trying to replicate Jones Soda’s unusual (yet undeniably successful) marketing strategy. From upstart micro-cola companies to Coca-Cola and PepsiCo themselves, soda manufacturers continue to trot out unorthodox – and in some cases, downright disgusting – colas with the hopes that the (morbid?) curiosity of John and Joan Q. Consumer will be enough to turn a profit, or at least generate some free publicity.

Kroger’s Big K Candy Cane and Cinna-Roll Sodas are certainly emblematic of the weird-simply-for-the-sake-of-being-weird cola trend. Neither product is all that appetizing – nor do they even taste that much like their namesakes, for that matter – but the sheer kookiness of the drinks is appealing.

Kroger Big K Candy Cane Soda and Cinna Roll Soda 2

The packaging has this ironic, half-hearted ClipArt feel to it, complete with two of the worst puns you’ll ever read in your life. And if nothing else, the soda hues are definitely cool; the candy cane one looks like mutated Hawaiian Punch (maybe lava lamp juice?), while the cinna-roll one is the same color of ultra thick maple syrup (or 10W30 motor oil?)

Kroger Big K Candy Cane Soda

Kroger Big K Cinna Roll Soda

Alas, aesthetics can only carry a cola so far, and in the one area that matters most, both these sodas fall flat. The candy cane variation is the better tasting of the two, but even then it just tastes like a jug of Sprite with about 50 peppermints floating in it. Granted, that’s not my bag, but if you’re a connoisseur of peppermint schnapps, you might foster a fondness for it.

Unfortunately, the cinna-roll one won’t impress anybody. First off, the smell is weird. Yes, it’s like a cinnamon roll, but one that’s really stale. Or a fresh one that’s in an old sock – I’ll let you judge that for yourself. Regardless, the taste isn’t there. Instead of tasting like a Cinnabon treat, it’s like thick ginger ale with a surfeit of sugar in it. In fact, both sodas are sugary to the point of being nauseating; one serving of either will net you a whopping 96 percent of your RDA of the saccharine stuff.

Kroger Big K Candy Cane Soda and Cinna Roll Soda 4

Alone, I wouldn’t consider either of these novelty colas worth going out of your way to experience. Just for the heck of it, though, I merged the two for science’s sake, and the coalesced Candy Cane-Cinna-Roll abomination actually tasted better than either standalone soda. Take note, Pepsi Fire fans (both of you) – combining these two off-kilter Kroger colas might be the closest thing you’ll get to reliving the magic and mirth of summer 2017. 

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 180 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 20 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of total carbohydrates, 48 grams of total sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.49 each
Size: 2 liter bottles
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Candy Cane)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Cinna-Roll)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Both flavors combined)
Pros: The packaging is hipster-tastic; the colors of the sodas are really groovy. Combining the two colas together gives you (unofficial) Kroger Fire.
Cons: Both colas are excessively sweet. The cinnamon roll one has an off-putting smell (and carbonation that takes forever to die down). Realizing there’s no rational answer for when your significant other asks you why you’re putting them in the shopping cart.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Candy Cane Chill Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Candy Cane Chill Blizzard

I have an odd relationship with candy canes. They are undeniably a minty herald of the holidays. Still, something about food that sharpens to a point while being eaten makes me uneasy. I can’t help but think that a partially consumed candy cane would be the improvised weapon of choice for elves doing time in Santa’s Secret Gulag.

Fortunately, Dairy Queen has come to my rescue with the returning favorite Candy Cane Chill Blizzard. Vanilla soft serve is mixed with choco chunks and peppermint candy cane pieces, no soap on a licorice rope required.

I had never tried the chocolate chunk version before; my experience had been solely with its sibling, the excellent Oreo Candy Cane Blizzard. This version of the treat greets you with colorful red specs nestled between chocolate chunks that paint a pleasing festive picture.

Chocolate pieces in vanilla ice cream are nothing new to Dairy Queen fans, so it’s left to the candy cane bits to differentiate this offering from the standard fare. They are more than up to the task, imparting a refreshing and enjoyable peppermint taste that is powerful but not overbearing.

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The mix-ins are prominent and plentiful with the hard candy providing a pleasant crunch that never fades while the chocolate pieces linger and melt pleasantly in your mouth. I don’t feel overly hyperbolic when I say that this tastes like Christmas.

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This is some of Dairy Queen’s best work, both in taste and as a balanced representation of the Christmas season. It is distinctly different but equally as enjoyable as its fraternal Oreo twin. Bribing Santa with a Candy Cane Chill on Christmas Eve may move you off the naughty list, or, at the least, keep you beyond the reach of the striped shanks of North Pole gen pop.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 630 calories, 17 grams of fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 109 grams of carbohydrates, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Oreo Cookies

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Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Oreo Cookies 1

The Oreo factory has been cranking out limited edition flavors like a proliferative hen laying her eggs. The latest to come out of the Mondelez coop is the Hot Cocoa Oreo. I thought this was a curious move as they recently launched their Hot Cocoa Mix – maybe they’re running out of ideas.

I also thought it was odd that there was a new packaging bubble on the front stating that it’s “Always Made With Real Cocoa.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve never thought about it being/not being made with real cocoa. It has always been in its own league – dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, and Oreo. Oreosities (oreo + curiosities!) aside, I thought this latest flavor was a nice break from all the pumpkinundation, caramel apple, and gingerbread flavors.

Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Oreo Cookies 2

Lifting the flap, they looked and smelled like regular Oreo cookies. The only difference was the crème which was half chocolate and half regular. Of course, it’s never as pretty in real life as it is on the outside packaging shot, but, whatever, when it comes to food aesthetics – I always say that it’s all going to the same place (my stomach).

I tried it in multiple ways — whole sandwich form, then layer-by-layer (cookie, regular crème, chocolate crème then cookie), then dunked in milk (per standard Oreo protocol!), and finally compared it with the Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix.

I thought it tasted best whole because I experienced more of the hot cocoa, or what I interpreted as such because of the subtle marshmallow flavor. Like a regular Oreo, the last taste in your mouth is still the chocolate cookie, but the marshmallow was definitely there.

Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Oreo Cookies 3

When eaten layer-by-layer, it was like a disappointing peek behind the curtain of magic. They just replaced half of the regular crème with some chocolate crème, which I was able to peel away. But, it’s surprising to find the marshmallow flavor was actually coming from the chocolate crème. My least favorite combination was the cookie dunked in milk because the marshmallow flavor was completely washed out, which made it taste like a regular Oreo.

Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Oreo Cookies 4

Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Oreo Cookies 5

Finally, I compared it with the Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix. Depending on how you look at it, it could be a good or bad thing that they taste nothing alike. Dipping the cookie into the hot chocolate also didn’t do much; it was a chocolate cookie wash. But, I thought the cookies were better than the drink.

Even though this new flavor is very subtle, I think subtlety is an art! Plus, I don’t know how else they would’ve done a better job capturing hot cocoa experience – except to make something pie in the sky like a self-heating Oreo or something. These still don’t dethrone my favorite limited edition flavor (Reese’s), but it’s still a tasty addition.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 10.7 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice break from all the pumpkinundation, caramel apple, and gingerbread products. Marshmallow! Doesn’t taste like the Oreo Hot Cocoa Mix.
Cons: Subtle flavor gets drowned out if dunked in milk. I don’t know how else they could’ve better captured hot cocoa since a self-heating Oreo doesn’t exist.

REVIEW: Hostess Bakery Petites

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Hostess Bakery Petites

Hostess’ new Bakery Petites line looks classier than the company’s iconic gang of treats — Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs. While the old school treats continue to be the definition of convenience store chic and have names that probably have different meanings when looked up on Urban Dictionary, the new ones come in resealable bags with classy, curvy graphics and photos that put them on an actual pedestal to show that they’re better.

Hostess’ Bakery Petites are available in six varieties, which I’ve listed and reviewed below in no particular order.

Hostess Bakery Petites Chocolate Chunk Brownie Delights

Chocolate Chunk Brownie Delights

The Chocolate Chunk Brownie Delights look like mini unfrosted Hostess Cupcakes rejects. Each one is slightly wider than a quarter and has a sunken middle, which I thought is a no-no when it comes to baking. But it’s not a production error because that’s how they look on the packaging. If that bothers you, I imagine frosting would make a great toupee to hide it.

If you’re someone who loves corner brownies and thinks because they’re round they must be all-corner brownies, slow your roll. While a little chewy, it’s not edge-chewy and I wish they were a little less cakey, but that’s a personal preference. There are chocolate bits inside each one, providing a delightful creamy bite and punching up the cocoa.

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They taste like chocolate cake Hostess products and there are moments when I taste a little greasiness, but it’s still a pleasant chocolatey treat. They’re tasty enough that I ate more than the three-piece serving size in one sitting.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (3 mini brownies): 170 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Hostess Bakery Petites Chocolate Raspberry Brownie Delights

Chocolate Raspberry Brownie Delights

The Chocolate Raspberry Brownie Delights look exactly alike its Chocolate Chunk sibling, even the dent on top of every piece. They’re so much alike that the photo below is actually not a photo of the raspberry mini brownies. Just kidding. They are.

But, while its sibling has chocolate chunks, this has real raspberries. Although, they come in a form I’ve never heard of before — raspberry flakes. They’re like Ben & Jerry’s Fudge Flakes in that they’re made from chocolate and aren’t flakes. They’re chunks, SO WHY AREN’T THEY CALL CHUNKS!!! Anyhoo, they give the brownie bites a familiar raspberry aroma that I’ve smelled with other confections and a tart candied raspberry flavor.

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While almost all the raspberry flavor comes from the flakes, the brownie part has a little fruitiness. This causes the chocolate to take a back seat. While these mini brownies are fine and I don’t have a problem with the fruit flavor, the Chocolate Chunk ones were more pleasing.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (3 mini brownies): 170 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Hostess Bakery Petites Double Chocolate Cake Delights

Double Chocolate Cake Bites

These are like Cake Pops except without the sticks, so if you want to impress folks with cake pop, BYOS. They feature a chocolate creme center surrounded by chocolate cake that’s dipped in chocolate icing and sprinkled with white nonpareils.

The white nonpareils do the following — give a color contrast, add a crunch that contrasts the soft, chocolatey parts, and make them look more than chocolate balls. They don’t add any flavor and that’s a little disappointing because, just like the the Chocolate Chunk Brownie Delights, they have that familiar Hostess chocolate cake flavor.

Hostess Bakery Petites Double Chocolate Cake Delights 2

While those brownies look like mini unfrosted Cupcakes, the chocolatey icing layer helps these taste a lot like Hostess Cupcakes but without the vanilla creme filling. With so much chocolate, it’s hard to taste the different components, especially creme. Wait. Why am I complaining about too much chocolate? I’m being such a chocolate grinch. The cake is moist and the icing layer has a satisfying bite like a sugary glaze on a donut. The Double Chocolate Cake Bites are the ones I finished first and they’re my favorite.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (3 mini cakes): 180 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Hostess Bakery Petites White Fudge Vanilla Cake Delights

White Fudge Vanilla Cake Bites

Out of all of these fancy treats, from the packaging, these look the fanciest — colorful sprinkles on white fudge that coats a yellow cake ball filled with creme. They look so neat that I just want to take a photo of them, post it to Instagram, and wait for the Likes to start rolling in.

But they look a little less impressive in real life. The colorful sprinkles’ brightness is muted because they’re in the fudge coating and not on top of it. With that said, even with the way they are, they still look fancier than the others.

But they also don’t taste impressive.

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Despite not having anything regarding cherries in its ingredients list, they smell and taste like maraschino cherries. Also, the cake is dryer than the chocolate one. As for the creme filling, its flavor reminds me custard, but it gets overwhelmed with that fruity flavor. The sprinkles do add a crunchy element to the ping pong ball-sized treats, but they don’t help make them less odd tasting.

Since I don’t think white fudge vanilla cake when I eat these, and I find that to be a bit odd, they ended up being my least favorite of the six varieties.

Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (3 mini cake): 210 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Hostess Bakery Petites Fudge Blondie Crispi Thins

Fudge Blondie Crispi Thins

Hostess totally misspelled “Crispi.” It should be spelled C-O-O-K-I-E.

Their rectangle shape makes me think of blond brownies, but when I eat them, all I think about are chocolate chip cookies. They’re crispy, have a brown sugar vibe, and hard to stop eating. Well, the only times I stopped eats by them as to see if the piece I picked up had chocolate on it.

If you look at the photo on the packaging you’ll see that every piece has at least two chocolate dots on them, but in real life that’s not the case. A number of my pieces didn’t have any chocolate which is disappointing because the chocolate adds a creaminess that’s the opposite of the crispy texture. The chocolate looks like they’re a little melted but without the mess of being melted.

Hostess Bakery Petites Fudge Blondie Crispi Thins 2

The brown sugary goodness, I guess, helps it taste more like a blondie brownie, but I still think chocolate chip cookie when I eat them.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (1 ounce): 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Hostess Bakery Petites Chocolate Brownie Crispi Thins

Chocolate Brownie Crispi Thins

While the Fudge Blondie Crispi Thins taste like a chocolate chip cookie, the Chocolate Brownie version tastes more like a brownie thanks to a little bit of dark fudginess. But I could also see these being mistaken flavor-wise as chocolate chocolate chip cookies.

Unlike the blondie version, almost every piece has a chocolate or two. There was even a piece that had five chocolate chips. BONUS!!! They have the same crispiness as the blondie version and the chocolate has the same soft texture. But without the chocolate chips, the thins are bland.

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Brownie thins aren’t a new idea. Sheila G’s Brownie Brittle has been around for years, but I’ve never had it, so I can’t compare. But I can compare the two brownie Crispi Thins, and they’re equally tasty.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (1 ounce): 120 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Sooo, that’s all the flavors.

Overall, I like the idea of Hostess’ Bakery Petites. Cake bites, mini brownies, and brownie thins aren’t new, but they also aren’t very common in the snack aisle. So it’s nice to see a big brand offer them. They use real vanilla and chocolate, and aren’t made using high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavor or colors, which I’m pretty sure is not the case with their popular treats. I guess they show that Hostess is capable of something more than convenience store chic.

Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Carla for sending me all the varieties.

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