REVIEW: Nestle Crunch Dark Bar (2018)

Nestle Crunch Dark Bar  2018

If rebooting movies and TV shows will continue to be a thing, I guess rebooting candy bars is possible. While the wrapper says “NEW,” the Nestle Crunch Dark Bar made its debut as a limited edition candy way back in 2005.

Unlike dark chocolate bars that come from smaller chocolatiers with fancy names I’m not 100 percent sure how to pronounce, like Vosges, Dagoba, and Chuao, the Nestle Crunch Dark Bar doesn’t show off its cacao percentage. It keeps us in the dark by saying it’s just “dark.”

But unlike its 2005 version, this one tells us it’s made with 100 percent real chocolate and contains no artificial flavors or colors. So does that mean the original version wasn’t made with 100 percent real chocolate and contained artificial flavors and colors?

Wait! Don’t tell me! I don’t want my memories of the 2005 Nestle Crunch Dark Bar tainted because I loved it and was a little sad when it went away.

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As you can probably guess, Crunch Dark is darker in appearance than the regular Crunch bar. But it’s not as dark as chocolate bars from companies whose names I’m not 100 percent sure how to pronounce that go into the 60-70 percent cacao range. The rice crisps are just as crunchy as those in the regular Crunch bar.

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Its flavor straddles the line between milk and dark chocolate. It may disappoint those who love dark chocolate’s bitter bite, but it doesn’t disappoint me. To be honest, I probably would’ve liked this bar less if it was more bitter. What Crunch Dark does is make me realize that regular Crunch bars are too sweet. The darker chocolate tampers down the sweetness, but that positive brings up a different problem.

They’re easier to eat. Well, if you consider that a problem.

I don’t know if I’ve had so many regular milk chocolate Crunch bars over the years that my taste buds are tired of them, but Crunch Dark is better tasting. I enjoyed it in 2005 and I’m enjoying it in 2018.

Disclosure: After I purchased this from 7-Eleven, Nestle sent me a box filled with Crunch Dark Bars and a couple of bags of Buncha Crunch Dark that I didn’t know it was sending. I just thought I’d be transparent about that and let you know – now everyone say it with me – that it didn’t influence my review in any way.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 220 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price:
Size: 1.55 oz. bar
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: I think they’re better than the original Crunch bar. Straddles the line between milk chocolate and dark chocolate. Reduced sweetness makes them easier to eat. The wonderful crunch from the rice crisps.
Cons: Might disappoint those who like their dark chocolate bitter. Reduced sweetness makes them easier to eat.

REVIEW: Mix by Sprite: Tropic Berry

McDonald s Mix by Sprite Tropic Berry

Like many surly teenagers in the 90s with nothing better to do than loiter, I hung out way too many hours for my own good at the Target up the block from my house. The electronics department was a social hub for most of the boys in the neighborhood due to the fact that they had every current gaming system out in the open and set on free play. None of that demo nonsense that Sears did.

This was all well and good until the one of the managers would let us know in no uncertain terms that we had to buy something or leave. Squeezing every last minute of gameplay we could, those of us with a few spare quarters would pool together about 75 cents to buy a bottle of this new beverage that was seemingly only available at Target: Clearly Canadian.

With its sticky sweet, syrupy “clear” taste that mingled deliriously with a decidedly crisp berry sensation, we passed the bottle around like grade school hoboes warming themselves around an 8-bit barrel fire. Looking back, it was a flavor out of and ahead of it time, especially during the crystal cola wars of the 1990-somethings. Sure, after pounding three or four at a time, it gave us the worst headaches and a little bit of nausea on the way home to dinner, but for that price to stay and play, who gave a good gosh-darn.

It’s been a flavor sensation that I have been nostalgically chasing for almost 20 years and, while I always knew it would be those flavor wizards at Sprite that would probably be the ones to resuscitate that drinkable emotion, I had no idea it would be found on accident while I was looking for the Hi-C Orange Lava Burst cold filtered water button on a McDonald’s drink fountain.

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Going by the fake corporate DJ nom de plume of Mix by Sprite: Tropic Berry, this is most definitely the second coming of that Mountain Berry or Western Loganberry Clearly Canadian if there ever was one, right down to the high-fructose headache after excitedly slurping two large-sized cups of the carbonated beverage when, as an adult, you should really know better.

The typical lemon-lime zest of Sprite that we’ve come to expect is pushed down the taste scale pretty low to point of being barely noticeable as the artificially-flavored tropical (which tropic though?) berry (which berry though?) dominates proudly. It also comes complete with a tongue-coating aftertaste that will definitely call for at least a full cup of PowerAde Mountain Berry Blast cold filtered water to swig around as you leave the restaurant. Or Wal-Mart, if you’re in nasty and/or in Oklahoma.

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Mix by Sprite: Tropic Berry is definitely worth tracking down and most definitely worth the taste, if only for curiosity’s sake. While it is far too sickly sucrosed-up to be an everyday thing, it’ll make for a delightful once a week treat as you nosh on a Big Mac and fries. Just keep that bottle of aspirin on the ready. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – (small only) – 100 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: Large
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Great berry taste. Surprisingly crisp. Extremely refreshing.
Cons: Can be too much of a sweet thing. Bad aftertaste.

REVIEW: Peeps Mystery Flavors (2018)

Peeps Mystery Flavors  2018

UPDATE: Apparently, if you look at the boxes the Mystery Peeps come packed in on store shelves, they’ll tell you what the flavors are. If you want spoilers,

In college, I studied Early Modern English, which includes the language of the King James Bible. When I read the Old Testament passage that talks about “wizards that peep, and that mutter,” I imagined something like chicks with pointed hats casting spells in a dungeon somewhere.

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The Peeping wizards at Just Born have once again conjured up three mystery flavors of Peeps Marshmallows just in time for Easter. All three flavors are as white as Dumbledore’s beard, so there’s no way to tell them apart from each other, other than the packaging.

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The first flavor is familiar, and after a few seconds of chewing, it is obvious: root beer. I’m 90 percent confident on this. It could also be wintergreen since that’s a similar flavor, but root beer seems more likely. It’s not as strongly flavored as, say, a root beer barrel hard candy, but it’s decent. There’s a little whiff of sassafras in the package.

Peeps Mystery Flavor  2 of 3

The second flavor…I’m not so sure about. It has citric acid in the ingredients list, which is not in flavor 1. I want to say it tastes like purple conversation hearts, so grape, but it also tastes like the smell of lemon Lysol. Given my guesses of flavors 1 and 3, I’m going to guess, with 60 percent confidence, they were going for a soda theme and made this lemon-lime (aka Sprite). It’s OK.

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The third flavor is different from the other two, as far as ingredients go. It has fumaric acid (whatever that is) and pectin, and citric acid is higher in the ingredients label than in flavor 2. As a result, it has a slightly spongier texture and a slightly lower sugar content. This one is by far the most fragrant of the three, with a strong scent infiltrating my nostrils.

While I’m eating the marshmallow, I really can’t place the flavor. I know I’ve had it somewhere, but all I can taste is a summer day at the amusement park. Minutes after I have swallowed, the residual flavor tastes like Dr Pepper. Even though Dr Pepper is what I taste eventually, it’s not what I taste while the Peep is actually in my mouth, so I’m not sure. My guess is cherry cola, but I’m only 50 percent confident. I’m 30 percent confident on Dr Pepper (or whatever they call it to avoid trademark issues), and I’m 20 percent clueless.

All of them are pleasant enough flavors and a nice change from the original, but I doubt I would buy them if they made them regular flavors. They’re not very memorable. Flavor 1 is the best of the three. My final verdict on the flavors: root beer, lemon-lime soda, and cherry cola.

But guessing was harder than I expected. If I get them wrong, will the Peeping wizards revoke my reviewer’s license?

And when I told my dad I was reviewing mystery-flavored Peeps, he thought I said Listerine-flavored. There’s an idea for next year, Just Born!

(Nutrition Facts – 4 chicks – Flavors #1 and #2 – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein. Flavor #3 – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.24 each
Size: 3 oz./10 chicks
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10 (#1 of 3)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (#2 of 3)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (#3 of 3)
Pros: Root beer is obvious and the best of the three. Pleasant enough flavors. They keep you guessing. It’s nice that they’re doing something fun with an otherwise boring treat.
Cons: It’s frustrating when you can’t guess! Not memorable flavors. Nutrition facts are not identical. Peeping wizards revoking your reviewer’s license.

REVIEW: Neapolitan M&M’s

Neapolitan M M s

When I read that M&M’s were making a Neapolitan variety, my first thought was “Is that still a thing?” I haven’t had Neapolitan ice cream since I was a kid in the 80s. My mother would bring home tubs of the cheapest store-brand tri-colored treat and daintily shave off layers from all flavors equally. Then I would excavate every molecule of strawberry ice cream until it looked like David Copperfield made it disappear with jazz hands and a hypnotic stare.

Never mind that chocolate was actually my favorite ice cream; I had to take the strawberry. This irritated my mother to no end. But she kept buying Neapolitan and I kept eating a neat one-third of it.

Now it’s 2018 and I don’t think I’ve heard Neapolitan referred to as a flavor in more than 20 years. I wanted to try the M&M’s, but wondered if I could resist the urge to only eat the pink ones.

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The aroma inside the bag was mostly chocolate. The visual was a bit of a surprise – the vanilla pieces were a rich cream color instead of white. Yes, I know, the bag clearly depicts them as cream-colored, but I was taken by the overall packaging color scheme – which was WHITE. Just sayin’.

Despite there being three colors, the flavors of the pieces are the same. Yes, I know, the bag clearly says all three flavors in every piece, but I thought the pink ones might be strawberry-dominant, cream more vanilla, etc. This disconnect didn’t affect my feelings about them overall, but again – just sayin’.

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My first taste impression was a strong strawberry and chocolate flavor. But instead of taking me back to the freezer with an ice cream scoop, Neapolitan M&M’s brought me back to the breakfast table. They are the solid orb version of a bowl of Frankenberry and Count Chocula cereals combined. The strawberry was a pretty spot-on facsimile of Frank, my personal strawberry flavor touchstone. My memory of Neapolitan strawberry is a much more subtle flavor than Frank. The chocolate was close enough to The Count to make the comparison, although hardcore Chocula fans might disagree. I’d expected a real ice cream experience, but my love of monster cereals made it still a successful combo in my opinion.

I couldn’t immediately find the vanilla. But as I plowed through the bag and thought about the cereal comparison, the case of the missing vanilla was solved. It’s the milk in the cereal bowl. It made total sense because most M&M’s vanillas taste like milk to me. It took a bit to find because it’s a supporting actor here – Frank and The Count are center stage, which was alright by me.

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Overall, I thought these were fun and tasty. Kids will love them because of the child-friendly flavors, as will nostalgic adults. I think M&M’s are most successful when they’re tinkering with fillings/textures (nuts, caramel, crispy), but these are on the higher end of the flavor-only M&M’s varieties. Bella Napoli!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz./16 pieces – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of total sugars, 17 grams of added sugars, and 1 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 8 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nostalgic flavor combination that smacks of Monster Cereal goodness. All three flavors in every piece kept me from eating only the pink ones
Cons: Not really ice cream-ish (if that’s a deal breaker for you). Showing/telling me things on the packaging that I ignore and am later surprised by.

REVIEW: Peeps Pancakes & Syrup

Peeps Pancakes  Syrup

Well, it seems that Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Left in its wake are wilted roses, broken hearts, and a ransacked holiday aisle at the grocery store.

But wait! What’s that, beyond the carnage of unwanted Sweethearts and Palmer’s chocolate-flavored hearts? It’s Easter to the rescue! Here comes the (REAL) chocolate bunnies! The Reese’s Eggs! The Cadbury Crème Eggs! Jellybeans! And let’s not forget a rainbow of marshmallow Peeps! Yellow Peeps, pink Peeps, blue Peeps, green Peeps, and…brown Peeps?

Taking the next step in marrying breakfast with dessert, Just Born Inc. teamed up with Kroger to bring Pancakes & Syrup Peeps into Easter baskets everywhere for the frugal price of only $1.99 per ten-chick pack. Being the cash strapped, deal hunting college student that I am, I decided to pick up two packs, on sale, for $3.00.

Ripping open the bag, I immediately pick up on the promised syrup aspect, although I can’t say I smell anything that reminds me of pancakes. I’d compare the smell more to maple extract than to a pancake breakfast complete with all the fixin’s.

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Before I taste them, though, let’s take a moment to dissect how these chicks look. Now, I understand that they were trying to make me think “syrup” by coloring this variety of Peeps light brown, but this particular shade, combined with the shape that Peeps normally have, reminds me of a small pile of poop. Not that I want my marshmallows to be particularly photogenic or anything, but I still think that Peeps & Co. could have stood to work on the aesthetics of these guys a little more before they hit shelves.

But the big question is, “How do they taste?”

Well, I definitely get the syrup flavor. It’s not like an authentic maple syrup flavor, though. It’s more of like a “pancake” syrup flavor that’s going to remind you of Aunt Jemima’s. It actually kind of makes me nostalgic for my old dieting days when I doused everything with Walden Farms Sugar-Free Syrup. I guess that that’s maybe where the “natural & artificial flavor” is shining through.

I’m still not getting anything that reminds me of pancakes, though. Either they forgot to put it in, or the syrup flavor is overpowering it. Other than that, it’s a standard Peeps experience, complete with soft, plushy chicks that have a crunchy sugared coating.

Normally I’d just end it here, but I want to pursue this breakfast/dessert merger for a minute and bring these Peeps into the realm of syrup-ception by dicing up a few, cooking them INTO pancakes, and then dousing THEM in syrup for the ultimate in early morning sugar bomb.

And the results are nothing short of spectacular!

Peeps Pancakes  Syrup 3

The Peeps kind of melt into the dough to create these little maple-marshmallow pockets in the pancakes, and the lake of real maple syrup on top just brings the whole experience full circle. Forget about cereal, THIS is the way marshmallows were meant to be eaten for breakfast!

(Nutrition Facts – 4 chicks – 110 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugars, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.50 (on sale)
Size: 10 chicks
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Signs of spring! On sale! Soft and plushy! Delicious when cooked into real pancakes!
Cons: Tastes like “pancake” syrup. No pancake flavor on their own. Kind of looks like little piles of poop.

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