REVIEW: Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls

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Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls

A few days after Easter last year, I had a dream that I was walking through Walmart, buying bunny-shaped treats and Little Debbie Carrot Cakes. (Most people dream about flying or being naked. Junk food reviewers dream about grocery stores.) I was disappointed when I woke up and realized that Little Debbie Carrot Cakes did not exist.

So when I learned that Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls were a new product this year, it was literally a dream come true.

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls 2

While I was delighted that these carrot cake treats existed, I didn’t have high hopes for them. Over the past year, I have had Little Debbie’s minty St. Patrick’s Day Creme Rolls;

Additionally, carrot cake is my all-time favorite dessert, but since there are no carrots in the ingredient list, I was skeptical they could pull it off.

Maybe it’s because my expectations were so low, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Though carrots are nowhere on the ingredient label, there are real spices: cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. (Aww, why don’t they ever invite clove to the party?) These spices are welcome guests: these rolls do indeed taste like a spice cake.

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls 3

It’s an unwritten rule that carrot cake has to have cream cheese icing. Cream cheese is not on the ingredient list, yet somehow, there is a cream cheese flavor to it! The white drizzle on top and the oily, fluffy filling complement the spice cake very well.

I can’t say it tastes exactly like a carrot cake, but it’s a close enough approximation from an un-gourmet brand like Little Debbie.

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls 4

I know it’s a joke to pretend you’re being healthy by eating carrot cake, but there’s no way to pretend here since there aren’t any veggies. But I did wonder if I could use the creme filling as a carrot dip, instead of ranch.

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it because the oiliness of the creme was weird on the crunchy carrot texture. However, it’s still better than eating carrots plain, IMO.

This was not the only time I dreamed about a nonexistent seasonal dessert, and if they all could be executed this well, I hope more make it to the real world. Next, I’m hoping for conversation heart ice cream.

(Don’t worry. I dream about flying and being naked, too.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 roll – 270 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: 13.13 oz. box/6 cake rolls
Purchased at: Dick’s Market
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Uses real spices. Tastes like cream cheese frosting. Better than other Little Debbie rolls. Dreams do come true!
Cons: Doesn’t exactly taste like carrot cake. Little Debbie has never been gourmet. You can’t pretend it’s healthy, because it doesn’t have any carrots.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard

St. Patrick’s Day is almost upon us which means enough mint-flavored products to choke a leprechaun.

Case in point, Dairy Queen’s Mint Oreo Blizzard is the returning flavor of the month for March. Oreo cookies and creme de menthe mint topping are blended with vanilla soft serve.

Mind you, I can find no evidence that mint has anything to do with the Emerald Isle or its icons like St. Patrick Star or Lucky the Leprechaun. Maybe I don’t have the firmest grasp on my Irish ancestry either.

Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard 2

Despite the description, I could not detect even a hint of the “creme de menthe” part of the mint topping. Given that the Mint Oreo Blizzard has been described as “cool mint” in past years, I suspect this is a marketing change only — reinforced by conflicting advertising — but I cannot be certain as I have not tried this previously.

Perhaps the change is due to the mint flavor being decidedly not cool. It’s not so uncool as to be caught hanging out with me playing Magic: The Gathering after chess club in high school. More like, this mint was voted most likely to have a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. It’s a consistently mellow companion that enhances the vanilla base, but it doesn’t ever truly excite the taste buds.

Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard 3

Meanwhile, the Oreo cookie pieces range from tiny bits to reasonably sized chunks that pair as well with the reserved ice cream base as they do with most things…except for Swedish Fish.

Seriously, Nabisco, even Dr. Moreau would have been too squeamish to pull the trigger on that abomination.

Bottom line, this is a regular Oreo Blizzard with a mild mint-flavored base. There’s nothing to complain about here, but it also won’t leave you dancing a jaunty jig either.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Mini
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 400 calories, 13 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 47 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Mtn Dew Kickstart Energizing Original Dew

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Mtn Dew Kickstart Energizing Original Dew

Mtn Dew Kickstart Energizing Original Dew is giving us a possible taste of the future…

…a dystopian future.

Oh, wait. I mean DEWstopian DEWture.

Over the past year or so, PepsiCo has made an effort to lower the amount of sugar in its beverages. In the Mtn Dew Universe, we’ve seen the advancement of this plan with most of the new flavors, like Ice and Game Fuel.

Instead of using only high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), they contain a cocktail of HFCS, sucralose, and acesulfame potassium. This has resulted in:

  1. Lower sugar amounts that are around half of previous Mtn Dew flavors.
  2. A flood angry tweets, Reddit comments, and Facebook posts from Dew fans chastising the change.

The original flavors have been immune to this, and, I believe, it’s been stated they will never change. But I feel as if the new Kickstart Energizing Original Dew is the toe being dipped into the radioactive green pool sweetened with HFCS, sucralose, and acesulfame potassium to find out if original Mtn Dew COULD change. Because this Kickstart flavor, which has that trio of sweeteners, is what I imagine the original would taste like if it’s reformulated to lower its sugar content.

From what I’ve experienced with those Dew flavors that have been cursed with the saccharine salmagundi, they’ve all tasted, for a lack of a better word, diet-y. And after taking my first sip of this, I thought someone secretly replaced what should’ve been in the can with a flat store brand version of Diet Mtn Dew. But it’s not quite like a diet soda since it has 20 grams of sugar per can. It looks and tastes as if it’s in the Dew family, but like a second cousin or something.

Mtn Dew Kickstart Ultra Energizing Original Dew

But while Kickstart Energizing Original Dew tastes like a diet knockoff, so does the Kickstart ULTRA version, a beverage with less than one gram of sugar per can. It’s able to accomplish this by swapping the HFCS with coconut water. This makes it taste a bit more diet-y than the regular one. It also makes it easier to drink. Actually, both are smoother than original and diet Dew.

Overall, I like both of these new Kickstart varieties, but I enjoy them as much as most of the others in the line. So they didn’t stand out, even though they’re based on the original.

I find them to be more palatable than regular Diet Mtn Dew and I like that they have a little bit more caffeine per ounce than the original soda. So if this is the future of original Mtn Dew, I’d be okay with it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – Kickstart – 80 calories, 0 grams of fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein and 90 milligrams of caffeine. Kickstart Ultra – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbs, less than 1 gram of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 90 milligrams of caffeine.)

Purchased Price: $1.89 each
Size: 16 fl. oz. can
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Kickstart)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Kickstart Ultra)
Pros: Less sugar than regular Mtn Dew. Better tasting than Diet Mtn Dew. Kickstart Ultra is a better name for Kickstart varieties with coconut water than Hydrating Boost.
Cons: Won’t be enjoyed by those who don’t like PepsiCo’s efforts to put less sugar in Mtn Dew. Tastes like what I imagine original Mtn Dew would taste like if PepsiCo tried to lower its sugar content. The DEWstopian DEWture

REVIEW: Diet Coke Feisty Cherry, Ginger Lime, Twisted Mango, and Zesty Blood Orange

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Diet Coke Feisty Cherry Ginger Lime Twisted Mango and Zesty Blood Orange

Diet soda drinkers are not exactly a fickle lot. Some people swear by Diet Pepsi without aspartame. Others with aspartame. Tab people are still kicking it like it’s 1985 and any true Texan wouldn’t be caught dead with a Mr. Pibb Zero over Diet Dr Pepper.

Which is all to say that Coke’s decision to launch a new flavored Diet Coke line is a bit of a head-scratcher.

As a diet soda drinker myself, I can understand the dividing lines of low-calorie beverages. We’re creatures of habit; obsessive compulsives; generally curmudgeonly and resistant to change. Also, we’re all going to get cancer and metabolic disorder and blah blah blah BUT STILL we’re willing to at least try a new diet soda, especially with the help of some (relatively) exotic names.

I love most orange-flavored things. However, unlike my childhood hero Kel Mitchell, I’m not crazy about the taste of orange soda, which lacks the body of a cola. Diet Coke Zesty Blood Orange cures all that; the orange flavor is robust but not bitter, lingering on as a component of the aftertaste but not stripping the soda of its cola roots. Why it took Coke this long to use orange as a flavor in a bottled or canned soda, I have no idea. But I’m happy it’s finally here.

I don’t know what twisted is supposed to convey as an adjective. Perverse? Physically contorted? Changed ever-so-slightly from the original intent that the word is basically meaningless? The last one seems to be the case when it comes to the taste of Twisted Mango. Meaningless adjectives aside, this is a good soda. Crisp, fruity but not overly tropical, with a sweeter finish than traditional Diet Coke, it just works. I can see Diet Coke with Lemon fans liking this one, which has a good mix of conservative Diet Coke appeal and unique flavor.

Moving right along, Feisty Cherry seems like a weird name for a soda. A 90s pop-rock artist or Kentucky Derby horse? Okay, I can see that. But a soda? Not really. In any event, the flavor comes across as a slightly muted black cherry, but it never really overcomes the carbonation. Where there was a distinct sweetness with Zesty Blood Orange, Feisty Cherry has a more traditional Diet Coke aftertaste, which I guess can be either a good or and thing depending on your preferences. Personally, I found it a less suitable imitator to Diet Cherry Dr Pepper, which I’m allowed to say because of the two years I lived in Texas.

Ginger Lime should have been the most exotic tasting flavor, but instead of some piquant and spicy flavor, it tastes like Diet Coke watered down with a generic (read: not Canada Dry) ginger ale. Not that I’m complaining, but the lack of ginger ale crossover makes this a disappointment.

Diet soda drinkers are not exactly a fickle lot, and because of that, I’m not sure how well received the new Diet Coke flavors will be, especially when Feisty Cherry and Ginger Lime fail to deliver on their aggressive names.

However, maybe that’s the point.

Since Diet Coke drinkers default back to the standby of Diet Coke, the generally non-offensive flavors probably won’t turn anyone off. That said, at least with the exception of Blood Orange, I doubt they’ll turn anyone on.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 oz – 0 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 160 milligrams of potassium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.68
Size: 12-pack (12 oz. cans)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Blood Orange)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Ginger Lime)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Feisty Cherry)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Twisted Mango)
Pros: Blood Orange has a crisp, sweet finish that tastes like a natural addition to traditional Diet Coke. Twisted Mango brings a tropical flavor to cola without overdoing it. Varied spectrum of flavors for those who don’t have access to a Coke Freestyle machine.
Cons: Aside from Blood Orange, flavors don’t necessarily wow you. Feisty Cherry tastes mostly like Diet Coke with Cherry. Ginger Lime fails to deliver the long-expected ginger ale-cola hybrid. Curmudgeonly Diet Coke drinkers.

REVIEW: Nestle Crunch Dark Bar (2018)

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Nestle Crunch Dark Bar 2018

If rebooting movies and TV shows will continue to be a thing, I guess rebooting candy bars is possible. While the wrapper says “NEW,” the Nestle Crunch Dark Bar made its debut as a limited edition candy way back in 2005.

Unlike dark chocolate bars that come from smaller chocolatiers with fancy names I’m not 100 percent sure how to pronounce, like Vosges, Dagoba, and Chuao, the Nestle Crunch Dark Bar doesn’t show off its cacao percentage. It keeps us in the dark by saying it’s just “dark.”

But unlike its 2005 version, this one tells us it’s made with 100 percent real chocolate and contains no artificial flavors or colors. So does that mean the original version wasn’t made with 100 percent real chocolate and contained artificial flavors and colors?

Wait! Don’t tell me! I don’t want my memories of the 2005 Nestle Crunch Dark Bar tainted because I loved it and was a little sad when it went away.

Nestle Crunch Dark Bar 2018 2

As you can probably guess, Crunch Dark is darker in appearance than the regular Crunch bar. But it’s not as dark as chocolate bars from companies whose names I’m not 100 percent sure how to pronounce that go into the 60-70 percent cacao range. The rice crisps are just as crunchy as those in the regular Crunch bar.

Nestle Crunch Dark Bar 2018 3

Its flavor straddles the line between milk and dark chocolate. It may disappoint those who love dark chocolate’s bitter bite, but it doesn’t disappoint me. To be honest, I probably would’ve liked this bar less if it was more bitter. What Crunch Dark does is make me realize that regular Crunch bars are too sweet. The darker chocolate tampers down the sweetness, but that positive brings up a different problem.

They’re easier to eat. Well, if you consider that a problem.

I don’t know if I’ve had so many regular milk chocolate Crunch bars over the years that my taste buds are tired of them, but Crunch Dark is better tasting. I enjoyed it in 2005 and I’m enjoying it in 2018.

Disclosure: After I purchased this from 7-Eleven, Nestle sent me a box filled with Crunch Dark Bars and a couple of bags of Buncha Crunch Dark that I didn’t know it was sending. I just thought I’d be transparent about that and let you know – now everyone say it with me – that it didn’t influence my review in any way.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 220 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price:
Size: 1.55 oz. bar
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: I think they’re better than the original Crunch bar. Straddles the line between milk chocolate and dark chocolate. Reduced sweetness makes them easier to eat. The wonderful crunch from the rice crisps.
Cons: Might disappoint those who like their dark chocolate bitter. Reduced sweetness makes them easier to eat.

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