QUICK REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Caramel Chocoholic Donut

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Dunkin Donuts Chocoholic Caramel Donut

What is it?

A choco-heavy donut that features a classic chocolate donut frosted with caramel icing, sprinkled with semi-sweet chocolate curls, and topped with a drizzle of caramel icing.

How is it?

It’s not as sweet as I thought it would be. I mean, come on. Look at it. It screams “cloying.” Unless my taste buds are experiencing Stockholm syndrome and they’re sympathetic to sugar since I eat so much of it.

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The caramel icing doesn’t taste like straight-up caramel. It’s got the sticky consistency, but there’s no butteriness to it. Its flavor reminds me of generic pancake syrup — part fake maple and part fake caramel. The chocolate curls somewhat help hide the artificialness of the icing and give the treat a different texture.

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Of course, it wouldn’t be a chocoholic donut without a chocolate donut base. Its very mild flavor is what I imagine (along with the use of semi-sweet chocolate) helps prevent it from being bombastic sweet.

Is there anything else I need to know?

Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help but look at it and think of the sarlacc on Tatooine. The chocolate curls are its sharp teeth and the hole is the entrance to where one would spend several thousand years being digested. But, despite that unappetizing image I just described, I also think the sharp teeth chocolate curls and the gooey caramel icing make it look scrumptious. Also, those curls are really what Ben & Jerry’s fudge flakes should be.

Conclusion:

Sure, Dunkin’ Donuts’ Caramel Chocoholic Donut reminds me of a sarlacc, but it wasn’t saccharine. It’s a fine donut and I enjoyed it, but I don’t think of it as a must-have donut.

Purchased Price: $1.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 400 calories, 22 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito and Triple Melt Nachos

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Taco Bell Triple Melt Nachos

“Caseus et magis in melius.”

Mother, if you are reading this, please have this newly-minted personal creed inscribed on my tombstone along with a picture of Taco Bell’s Triple Melt Nachos, if only for future generations to know that we are currently living in the cheesiest point of recorded history.

And while all this cheese comes at a sacrifice —

The aforementioned dynamic duo of Triple Melt meals from Taco Bell are seemingly a long time coming and hopefully a new standard bearer on not only the value meal menu but anything in the future that they dare to proclaim as “cheese-filled.”

By combining the Bell’s patented nacho cheese goodness with a shredded three-cheese blend of mozzarella, cheddar, and pepper jack, these new mixtures and additions hit closer and closer to what we should rightfully expect from years of Tex-Mex fast food promises.

Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito

And while not as super-gooey as you’d think — the combined cheeses settle very fast into their own blessed mass of congealment — these very different cheeses and their fully distinct flavors make the Triple Melt Burrito a definite triple-crown entry as far as taste goes in this never-ending value menu race to the top. Along with the always welcomed ground beef and perfectly blended sauce, it makes for a burrito well worth your dollar.

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That being said, the main drawback here is the continued unimaginative use of Taco Bell’s typically bland rice as a wholly unnecessary filler that might as well be sawdust the way it soaks up all that important cheesy flavor. (I mean, let’s be honest: is there really anyone out there who truly likes Taco Bell’s rice? A mea culpa to you and yours if so, but I doubt it.)

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This minor act of edible malfeasance is absolutely rectified, for the most part, by the award-worthy Triple Melt Nachos. Featuring those beloved chips and aforementioned ground beef professionally imbued with all these different cheeses, like a calcium-rich daydream of innocent fools come to fruition, it’s a hearty combination that makes this a Dollar Menu item beyond reproach.

The warm queso blankets the top while the corresponding layers underneath are shielded by the melting shredded cheese that soaks down to the bottom, making sure that every bite is loaded with some semblance of flavor like a sternly protective father, a true rarity especially when it comes to these dollar nachos and their moderately-sized portions and partitions.

And, to be fair, if you want to complain about the size of these nachos, it’s only a buck hoss…man up and order two or three or whatever it takes to satisfy those curdled urges deep inside. Lord knows I have. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – Triple Melt Burrito – 410 calories, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein. Triple Melt Nachos – 260 calories, 16 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, and 10 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Burrito)
Rating: 10 out of 10 (Nachos)
Pros: So very, very cheesy. The mixture of cheese flavors works. Great value even for value menu items.
Cons: Limited-time only. The rice on the burrito is total filler. Nachos congeal fast.

QUICK REVIEW: Burger King Sourdough King

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Burger King Sourdough King

What is it?

The Sourdough King is basically a slightly ritzier version of BK’s line of King sandwiches. The ingredients are all pretty much part and parcel of the usual Burger King sammich – you’ve got your flame-broiled patty, you’ve got some American cheese, and you’ve got a few strips of bacon – but the big variable is what’s holding all of it together: a toasted sourdough bun. Toss in some grilled onions and the King’s signature creamy sauce and that’s pretty much the gist of it.

How is it?

Burger King Sourdough King 3

It’s a bit of a mixed bag. The onions are pretty juicy and crispy, so that’s a plus. The charbroiled beef is as good as ever and that proprietary secret sauce (I’m thinking it’s half honey mustard and half Catalina dressing) is downright delicious.

Unfortunately, the toasted sourdough bun seems to get soggy fast, and the bacon – at least at my local BK – felt a little too chewy and flavorless.

Is there anything else I need to know?

With a fairly steep price point (the double-patty version will cost you $5.99), the Sourdough King doesn’t do a whole lot to justify its cost – indeed, it seems to be smaller than the chain’s regular Bacon King offering.

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Furthermore, the sodium content is also pretty high, so you’re definitely going to need a beverage to choke this thing down. And while very yummy, that “special sauce” is extremely greasy – better have the napkin dispenser nearby if you plan on tackling this sucker.

Conclusion:

The Sourdough King is tasty, but it’s hardly what I would consider a L-T-O worth going out of your way to experience. The sourdough bun doesn’t add anything to the tried-and-true formula, and you could easily replicate the overall taste and flavor of the sandwich by special-ordering a regular burger — thus saving yourself a dollar or two in the process.

Honestly, this is hardly anything more than a Bacon King with toast instead of a sesame seed bun; and if such an invitation has your mouth-watering and your free hand just itching to fork over your wallet…well, that makes one of us.

On the planet.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Single patty
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Single Patty) 730 calories, 43 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 1570 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 35 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp Cereal

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Limited Edition Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp Cereal

I think that it’s pretty much every kid’s dream to get to eat dessert for breakfast every morning. At the same time, I think that it’s also pretty much every parent’s dream to get their kids to eat something at least somewhat nutritious before they load them onto the school bus.

Luckily for sugar-hungry kids and sleep-deprived parents everywhere, Cookie Crisp is here to bridge the gap! With cookies for the kids and 12 vitamins and minerals to keep the parents happy, who can complain, right?

Since they’ve already succeeded in bringing miniature chocolate chip cookies into the cereal bowls of millions of kids everywhere, Cookie Crisp has seemingly set its sights on an entirely new confection to cereal-ize: birthday cake!

After unsealing the bag to appreciate the aroma of freshly-opened cereal, I have to say, this is one of the most delicious smelling cereals I’ve ever bought! It literally smells like an ice cream parlor, and it made me super excited to have a bowl of these crispy cake-flavored-cookies as my post-workout snack.

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Weighing out a proper portion quickly quieted any excitement that I had, though. I’ve never really thought about it much before, but 26 grams of cereal is so small! It barely even fills my cereal bowls halfway. If you’re eating this as a meal, expect to double or triple the serving size, along with the nutrition facts.

Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp looks the same as regular Cookie Crisp, only it seems that it’s traded the usual chocolate bits on the cereal for a sprinkling of Fruity Pebbles dust instead.

Limited Edition Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp Cereal 3

I decided to eat a handful of them by themselves before I poured milk into the rest of my bowl, and any anticipation that I may have had left quickly dissipated. They don’t taste like birthday cake at all! The flavor of the corn completely overpowered everything else, and all I tasted was a generic cereal!

I mean, it’s not awful or anything, but it doesn’t taste different from anything else out there. Certainly not like the cookie-cake-cereal hybrid that I was promised. Eating the cereal with milk nuances the intensity of the corn flavor, but it still doesn’t bring out any cake flavor.

If I hadn’t seen the box before eating this, I would just tell you I was eating regular cereal puffs or something. In brief, this is one limited edition item that’s not worth your trouble to seek out.

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It does work to make some pretty good miniature ice cream sandwiches with, though. Just sayin’.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup without milk – 100 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 19.8 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Smells delicious! Decent cereal in its own right. Holds up well in milk.
Cons: Doesn’t remind me of either birthday cake or cookies. Most generic-tasting cereal ever.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Summer Berry Cheesecake Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Summer Berry Cheesecake Blizzard

What is it?

One of two new blizzards available on Dairy Queen’s Summer Blizzard menu. The Summery Berry Cheesecake Blizzard adds real raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries along with cheesecake pieces to vanilla soft serve.

The emphasis on the use of “real” berries begs the question, does that mean the cheesecake and ice cream are part of the illusory world that is Ed Sheeran’s dream?

How is it?

The only flavor that distinguishes itself is blueberry despite equal representation of raspberries and blackberries. This created a mildly blueberry flavored ice cream base that was unexpected but welcome. Unfortunately, when it comes to whole berries mixed with soft serve, the cold most certainly does bother me.

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While cheesecake topped with fresh, succulent berries isn’t Ed’s dream come true, these icy berries are texturally unpleasant and muted in flavor. Fortunately, the stark reality of boring berries is somewhat offset by the fantastic cheesecake pieces. They bring a deep cream cheese flavor with a bit of tanginess upfront and finish with graham cracker in all its soft, crumbly, brown sugary glory.

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Enrobed in a creamy cloak of the blueberry-infused base, the intense cheesecake pops and almost delivers on the promise of its lofty name, sans frigid fruit faux pas that is.

Is there anything else I need to know?

Whoever said patience is a virtue is a big fat liar as letting the ice cream temper didn’t help matters. The fruit was no longer as problematic in the polar molars department, but that served to underscore that fresh off the vine these berries are not.

Conclusion:

In what I suppose works out to be the equivalent of taking a purple pill from Morpheus, the Summer Berry Cheesecake is seemingly two worlds colliding. The unreal cheesecake highs are brought down by the real lows of frozen, bland fruit that isn’t berry good.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 560 calories, 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 79 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 64 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

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