QUICK REVIEW: Great Value Frosted Mystery Toaster Pastries

Great Value Frosted Mystery Toaster Pastries

What is it?

Walmart’s store brand Great Value brings some excitement to your morning by releasing a Frosted Mystery Flavored Toaster Pastry. It comes in a fun multicolored box complete with question marks and a magnifying glass. The pastries themselves have white frosting and crunchy white bits but most intriguing is its clear filling that doesn’t give off any clues to its real flavor.

How is it?

As mentioned above, the mystery aspect is well executed throughout both the product and packaging. So well done in that regard. These also had a nice doughy taste that was pleasantly surprising.

Great Value Frosted Mystery Toaster Pastries 2

However, if we go back to the mystery flavor aspect of it, it might’ve been taken a little too far as I can’t figure out for the life of me what it could be. I enjoyed eating them as the mixtures of textures between the crunchy bits, frosting, dough, and sticky filling were all very satisfying. The flavor, though? I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE.

Great Value Frosted Mystery Toaster Pastries 3

I ate an entire box, dissected one to isolate the filling, and even asked friends for help, but all to no avail. They have a sweet, definitely fruity taste but not enough flavor to lead my taste buds to anything more specific. I couldn’t even narrow it down to some potentials.

Is there anything else I need to know?

The ingredients list does offer up a morsel of info in that white grape juice concentrate is one of the things listed. However, upon further thought, this is likely how they executed the clear filling because it also does say natural flavors too.

Since toaster pastries are meant to be, well, toasted, I thought this action would help me out and unearth its true flavor. Did it work? Absolutely not. I was still stumped eating the warmed-up concoction.

Conclusion:

This is a decent store brand Pop-Tart that’s kind of tasty and fun with its white/clear elements that beg you to investigate the mystery! However, anticipation and excitement soon leads to frustration as you realize the flavor isn’t nearly intense enough to guide you anywhere. What a bummer.

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 6-pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) 390 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 40 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Rocky Road Trip Oreo Cookies

Limited Edition Rocky Road Trip Oreo Cookies

As National Ice Cream Month comes to a close, there’s only one non-frozen way to bid July adieu, and that’s with a brand spankin’ new Oreo.

Earlier in the month, Nabisco dropped its first 2018 ode to the creamy category with the Good Humor-branded Strawberry Shortcake Oreo, which tasted a lot like a really crunchy generic strawberry cookie. While I found that one a bit underwhelming, I know some folks loved it, and since I’m way more of a chocolate boy when it comes to ice cream, I’m vibin’ on the idea of Nabisco saving the best for last.

Rocky Road Trip Oreo is a cookie with marshmallow bits, rocky road-flavored crème, and, in an attempt to not only stay vegan but also nut free, the very clunky “soy nut inclusions.” I’ve never had a soy nut before, but if there’s a surefire easy way to get me to try something new it’s toss that oddity in an Oreo.

Limited Edition Rocky Road Trip Oreo Cookies 2

Good news cookie travelers, this road trip isn’t all that rocky. The cookies are splattered sporadically with white marshmallow bits that give a nice chompy chew and immediate textural difference from the usual wafer.

Limited Edition Rocky Road Trip Oreo Cookies 3

The crème is incredibly dark, gooey, and rich in a way that reminds me a lot of 2015’s Brownie Batter Oreo but with an extra marshmallow kick. A genuine vanilla-leaning sweet marshmallow flavor comes through convincingly with the melty chocolate. Although it’s not nearly as stiff, I get a little bit of that freeze-dried crunch to go along with ‘mallow taste.

Limited Edition Rocky Road Trip Oreo Cookies 4

The only minor speedbump is the lack of nutty flavor. The soy nut inclusions within the crème do a great job of giving the chomp nuts would provide in a luscious scoop of rocky road, but I miss the fatty almond that finishes the rocky trinity that I truly desire. I understand why Nabisco chose to leave them out – no risk of allergy, lower in fat, and more cost-effective, but a touch of nuttiness would have gone a long way in making this cookie road trip closer to perfect.

Much less important, but also worth noting, is that the design of the package is excellent. A couple of cars traversing over a massive mount of rocky road sets the tone for an enjoyable snack, and between this and Ben & Jerry’s excellent Glampfire Trailmix, it feels like the once stale rocky road profile is making a whimsical comeback.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 10.7 oz. package
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Great chocolate marshmallow flavor. Nutty crunch. Rich decadent crème. Super fun packaging.
Cons: No nutty flavor to go along with the texture.

REVIEW: Pillsbury Donut Shop Glazed Donut Toaster Strudel

Pillsbury Donut Shop Glazed Donut Toaster Strudel

There are a few childhood joys that I vividly remember: snow days, skipping math class, faking a sick day, etc.

You get the idea.

Almost nothing could make me happier as a child than neglecting my education. The only thing that came close was seeing that mom had decided to splurge on Toaster Strudels instead of the unfrosted store brand Pop-Tart knock-offs that she usually bought. You got to frost them yourself! They were virtually fine dining in a toastable format.

It’s been years since I’ve eaten a Toaster Strudel, so I was excited to try Pillsbury’s new Donut Shop Glazed Donut Toaster Strudels. The box promises that they’re “Like a donut, but even better!” That’s a strong statement, but given my childhood affection for the pastries, I’m willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, even if it does come from a piece a sentient dough like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Toasting the strudels for the manufacturer’s recommended 1 to 2 cycles at low to medium heat results nicely browned pastry. Even better is the sizzling sound they make while toasting. I don’t know if these can replicate a true donut flavor, but a little bit of fried taste would go a long way towards convincing me.

Pillsbury Donut Shop Glazed Donut Toaster Strudel 2

I tried to recreate the frosting face from the box, but it got just as messy and disfigured as one might expect. It always frustrated me as a kid that I couldn’t get the frosting to look as lovely as on the box. It’s why I eventually just began to eat the frosting separately… Ok, that’s a lie. I ate the frosting separately because I couldn’t wait for the toaster to pop up. I would’ve failed the marshmallow test.

The first bite doesn’t disappoint. The crust is flaky and crisp, and there is indeed a flavor that’s reminiscent of a donut fresh out of the fryer. There’s a whiff of that weird artificial pastry flavor that frozen baked goods often have, but it’s not overpowering. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Go smell a partially defrosted pot pie sometime.)

Pillsbury Donut Shop Glazed Donut Toaster Strudel 3

The filling is strange. It’s plain. I was expecting the filling to deliver the glazed donut flavor if glazed donuts have a flavor besides “sweet,” but it doesn’t. It tastes like a simple vanilla filling. It’s not bad, but it means that these come much closer to replicating a Bavarian cream filled donut than a glazed. I guess I was hoping that Pillsbury food scientists would have somehow distilled the essence of the glazed donut and injected it into the pastry, but I’ll choose a filled over glazed donut any time.

Pillsbury Donut Shop Glazed Donut Toaster Strudel 4

As a child, I ate childish things. When I became a man… I still eat childish things, but now I have to buy them myself instead of having mom do it. These are worth price even if they don’t live up to the promise of providing glazed donut flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 170 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 mg milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.59
Size: 6-pack
Purchased at:
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Crisp and flaky crust that gets a bit of fried flavor from the toaster.
Cons: It doesn’t really replicate the flavor of a glazed doughnut. It’s just a Toaster Strudel with vanilla filling.

QUICK REVIEW: Herr’s Sweet ‘n Crunchy Funnel Cake Snack Balls

Herr s Sweet  n Crunchy Funnel Cake Snack Balls

What is it?

A crazy-sounding, state fair-inspired flavor of puffed corn balls that aren’t as crazy as they sound, considering they’re made by the same people who have previously brought us such delights as Kansas City Prime Steak Potato Chips and Birthday Cake Popcorn.

How is it?

Herr s Sweet  n Crunchy Funnel Cake Snack Balls 2a

You know how funnel cakes have powdered sugar, whipped cream, and all kinds of other yummy toppings on them? Imagine one without any, and then translate that generic sweetness onto a ball of puffed corn. If you can imagine how sad that would taste, congratulations, you’ve just summed up the entire flavor profile of Herr’s Funnel Cake Snack Balls.

Yeah, it’s a pretty dull experience. Without the fun stuff, funnel cakes are a ho-hum mess of fried pancake dough, and these snack balls are proof that they don’t have enough taste on their own to successfully inspire any other kind of treat.

Is there anything else I need to know?

Honestly, I don’t feel these are so bad. They’re just incomplete. Like I said before, funnel cakes have toppings, right? Since Herr’s neglected to take care of that, I decided to take matters into my own hands and gussie up a few as though they were the belle of the state fair’s funnel cake ball.

Herr s Sweet  n Crunchy Funnel Cake Snack Balls 3a

And, just as I expected, the toppings made all the difference. Even though this is never a flavor that’s going to be super exciting, the addition of some traditional funnel cake accoutrements make the experience seem more genuine by allowing the snack balls to act as little vehicles for delivering powdered sugar and whipped cream to your mouth, much like an actual funnel cake.

Conclusion:

Compared to other Herr’s creations, Funnel Cake Snack Balls look woefully beige and unexciting from the start, and their flavor is as bland as the naked funnel cakes they resemble. If you decide to buy a bag of these anyway, be prepared to dress them up because there’s not going to be enough flavor to keep you interested otherwise.

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: 6 oz. bag
Purchased at: Ollie’s Bargain Outlet
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (39 pieces) 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of total fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of total sugars, 8 grams of added sugars, and 1 gram of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Burger King Frosted Frozen Fanta Orange

Burger King Frosted Frozen Fanta Orange

What is it?

In case the name didn’t give it away, it’s Burger King’s new summer drink blending Frozen Fanta Orange with vanilla soft serve.

How is it?

Burger King Frosted Frozen Fanta Orange 2

Decent, adequate, ordinary.

Grab a thesaurus, or use that Google thing, and pick your favorite adjective for average. Mine is fair to middling. With a simple concoction such as this, it would be hard to envision it being incredible or terrible. And it’s not; it’s just okay.

Burger King Frosted Frozen Fanta Orange 3

I was expecting more of an orange Creamsicle/Dreamsicle taste. This will remind you of that, but only faintly. There just wasn’t much tang from the Fanta and not much sweetness from the soft serve. Also, the consistency was a touch gritty — not quite a milkshake and not quite a slush.

Maybe the BK soft serve is to blame (after all, Dairy Queen and McDonald’s are known for their soft serve; BK not so much). I’m not sure I even knew BK had soft serve before having this.

Is there anything else I need to know?

One caveat about this review: upon ordering I was given the dreaded “let me see if the machine is working” response. After a less-than-confident “I think so” from the manager, my order proceeded. And the Burger King I patronized did not have Fanta of any variety at the soda fountain, so that made me wonder where said Fanta came from for my drink. Unfortunately, the machine that might or might not have been working properly was located out of view, so the mystery endures.

Conclusion:

If you are having one of those blah days where you don’t want to be too excited about something or too disappointed, this might be the drink for you.

Purchased Price: $2.00
Size: 16 oz.
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 180 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 grams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 41 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

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