REVIEW: Bloom Glacier Crush Sparkling Energy Drink

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Bloom Glacier Crush Sparkling Energy Drink can

Glacier Crush sounds like a Gatorade flavor.

I assumed, with “glacier” in its name, that Bloom Glacier Crush Sparkling Energy Drink would probably be blue or white in color, but that name doesn’t give me a hint as to what it’s supposed to taste like. Thankfully, by law, there has to be an ingredient list, and within that lineup of ingredients that end with -ine, -ate, -ide, -ine, -vin, and -min, there was “patented lychee fruit extract.”

In my mind, I’m like, “awesome,” a lychee-flavored energy drink, which there needs to be more of. Then I thought the white in the can’s design must represent the lychee’s flesh, and the liquid would come in a pleasant, opaque white color. However, it turned out to be yellow, like pee-in-the-glacier-snow-yellow. Definitely not lychee-colored.

Bloom Glacier Crush Sparkling Energy Drink color

Confusing to my eyes? Yes. But this energy drink is also confusing to my taste buds because, while there’s lychee extract, the beverage’s flavor reminds me of blue raspberry. A delicious blue raspberry, mind you, but still not lychee. But I imagine if Bloom ever decides to create a proper lychee-tasting energy drink, it would be pretty good, because the two drinks I’ve had from the brand, including this one, have been delightful.

Not only does the drink have 180 milligrams of caffeine from green coffee extract, but it also has galactomannan prebiotic fiber, which sounds like something from alien plants. However, that alien-sounding nutrient provides only one gram of fiber. Come on! Instagram tells me I need more fiber! Please give it to me!

Much like I’m amazed at how great Monster Ultra flavors taste despite having zero sugar, I’m equally surprised at how great these Bloom Energy flavors are, even though they are also sugar-free and have apple cider vinegar mixed into them. Poppi needs to do whatever Bloom is doing to hide the apple cider vinegar in them.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 12 fl oz can
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 180 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Pillsbury Limited Edition Candy Cane Sugar Cookie Dough

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Pillsbury Limited Edition Candy Cane Sugar Cookie Dough packaging

If the media has taught me anything, it’s that regular sugar cookies are the default cookies left out for Santa. But after a lifetime of delivering gifts, I’m pretty sure, much like Santa’s whole body is tired after a night of chimney sliding, present slinging, turbulent sleigh riding, reindeer arguing, and a low iPhone battery, his taste buds must be equally as tired as the rest of his body from sugar cookies.

I’m gonna mix it up for Santa this year and offer him something new. Crumbl? I’m not spending six bucks for one cookie. Chips Ahoy? I don’t want to be on his naughty list next year. Cookies baked from scratch with love? I don’t have the time or love for that.

I’m leaving out for him Pillsbury Candy Cane Sugar Cookies that I got for free from General Mills, which I’m going to try to pass off as baked from scratch. I’m also including a nice, cold, tall glass of a Monster Ultra Energy Drink. SHHHH! Don’t you be telling Santa that I put zero money and barely any effort into turning this pre-made, pre-cut cookie dough into cookies for him. You know what they say, “Snitches get stitches” and “Informers, something something something. I lick he boom-boom down.”

Pillsbury Limited Edition Candy Cane Sugar Cookie Dough baked up close

In my mind, being labeled “candy cane” meant there were crunchy candy cane bits in the dough, and when I examined the baked cookie closely through my nearsightedness, I noticed red and white bits, which made me think there were tiny shards of minty candy. However, my teeth didn’t register any crunchy bits; instead, it had the texture of a regular Pillsbury sugar cookie, soft and slightly chewy.

But the lack of candy cane bits did not equal a lack of peppermint flavor. There’s a mild Sensodyne toothpaste-like mintiness in every bite. Even if you don’t chomp on one of those red or white bits, the dough has mint baked into it.

While I’m disappointed I didn’t experience crunchy candy cane bits and a strong minty flavor from the cookies, these Pillsbury Limited Edition Candy Cane Sugar Cookie Dough cookies are decent. They’re different enough from Pillsbury’s standard sugar cookies that Santa might let out a quiet ho ho ho when he shoves them between his red, rosy cheeks. However, they aren’t outstanding enough to make The Big Guy forget all the illegal trespassing, storm avoiding, tip-toeing, fireplace fire avoiding, and elf attitude he needs to deal with for the rest of the night.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 12 oz/makes 12 cookies
Purchased at: Received from General Mills
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cookie) 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar (including 13 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables

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Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables box

Some young hooligan called me “Unc” the other day, and it’s been sticking in my craw ever since.

While his tone suggested it was derogatory, I’m gonna choose to take it another way – Gen Alpha must know about my affinity for Unc-rustables, something I know we have in common. Yeah, I’m still cool.

Speaking of cool, allow me to introduce the most revolutionary handheld Apple product since the O.G. iPod – Up & Apple Uncrustables. Smuckers has blessed us with a new flavor of its amazing frozen PB&J, and it’s arguably its best effort to date.

Actually, I’m not here to argue, I’m here to review. Up & Apple is unequivocally the best Uncrustables “sandwich” ever.

Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables individually wrapped

Have you ever had a peanut butter and apple cinnamon jelly sandwich? If not, I’m telling you now to start eating peanut butter and apple cinnamon jelly sandwiches. I’d never had a peanut butter and apple cinnamon jelly sandwich until now, and I’m not going back. The only thing that’s ever gonna stick in my craw again is, let’s all say it together, peanut butter and apple cinnamon jelly sandwiches!

That said, I only want them in slightly thawed crimped UFO form. The best form.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the often imitated, never duplicated freezer PB&J at this point. Trader Joe’s made a valiant effort, and there are some decent knockoffs out there, but no one has come close to Uncrustables. Don’t even get me started on the Lunchables “attempt.” Those should be called “Untrustables.”

I didn’t think Smucker’s could improve on its formula, but Up & Apple is the new king.

The apple jelly looks like honey with little specks of cinnamon, and it tastes amazing.

I was always a fan of cinnamon applesauce as a kid, and this really brought me back. The flavor reminded me of Mott’s with the jelly obviously being smoother and stickier than gritty apple sauce. I’d say it’s also less clumpy than the Uncrustables berry-centered counterparts.

Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables unbeatably soft bread medal

Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables unbeatably soft bread

I imagine some people might find these a little cloying, as the jelly is dangerously close to being too sweet and artificial. However, the cinnamon cuts it and melds with the peanut butter and “unbeatably soft bread” to perfection.

Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables filling

I’m an “al dente” Uncrustables enjoyer. I let it sit for about ten minutes to keep the peanut butter a little on the firmer side, and, man, is it good with this jelly. It also made me realize I’d probably enjoy Uncrustables with crunchy peanut butter, so consider this my pitch for “Uncrustables Crunchables,” if that name isn’t trademarked.

Speaking of names, “Up & Apple” stinks to its core, but I’m just reaching for a nitpick because this review is too positive.

Uncrustables were one of my favorite snacks before this, and they’ve only moved up the list.

Smucker’s Up & Apple Uncrustables jelly

I can’t imagine them topping this, but I’m holding out hope for a marmalade flavor. I know I, and that little pantless freak Paddington, would truly appreciate it. Paddington is Unc.

… I’m not cool.

I really don’t like giving out perfect scores. I don’t believe in perfection. It’s too finite for me.

Anyway, these are elite. Ten out of ten.

Purchased Price: $10.46
Size: 2.8 oz. (8 Sandwiches total)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 320 calories, 18 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of total carbohydrates, 13 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Cookie Butter Cloud Latte

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Dunkin’ Cookie Butter Cloud Latte with lid

After becoming a popular off-menu item last year, Dunkin’ has made the Cookie Butter Cloud Latte an official member of its 2025 holiday lineup. This is excellent news for us all because this delicious drink might be the best gift of the season, and now we don’t have to worry about ordering it wrong.

The iced latte mixes espresso with milk and cookie butter syrup and tops it with cookie butter cold foam and a sprinkling of cookie butter crumbles. In a year where cookie butter has spread all across the food landscape, it’s truly found its sweet spot with this beverage. If you’ve still never tried cookie butter but you have taken a flight in the last thirty years, you’re probably familiar with the warmly spiced flavor of speculoos cookies. Delightful year-round, they’re especially suited to winter and a perfect pairing with coffee.

Dunkin’ Cookie Butter Cloud Latte close up of cookie crumbles

True to the name, this latte is capped with a cold foam that is wonderfully airy and cloud-like. It’s soft, gently spiced, and not overly sweet. While I’m sure a glance at the nutrition facts will tell me that I’m essentially drinking liquid sugar, it really doesn’t taste that way. The spoonful of crumbles that adorn the foam initially provides some crunchy textural contrast, but soon sinks into the cloud, something I myself would not mind doing. They soften to a sandy, without being gritty mouthfeel like a cookie perfectly dunked in milk.

Dunkin’ Cookie Butter Cloud Latte side view

Once the foam has sadly subsided, you’re left with my favorite sort of holiday coffee, which is one that actually tastes like coffee. So often these beverages can be over-the-top sweet and feel more like a melted sundae than a latte, but this stays firmly in the coffee zone. You can taste the espresso, and it’s nicely complemented by the creamy milk and buttery, brown sugar cookie notes. It smells and tastes just like you think the holidays should, with a warm spice blend that’s like a complex but less aggressive gingerbread. From the first whiff of the cookie bits and cold foam to the last sip, the aromas and flavors of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and brown sugar make this drink taste like Christmas in a cup.

I don’t know who first decided that Biscoff cookies were the perfect in-flight snack (okay, the internet tells me it was Michael McGuire who tasted them in Europe and pitched the idea to Delta – Thanks, Europe and Mike!). But Dunkin’ has convinced me that its Cookie Butter Cloud Latte is the perfect holiday drink. Thanks to a recent promotion, I paid less than three dollars for this drink and liked it so much I had it three times in one week. At its regular price of $5.69, I probably won’t purchase it every day, but I would like to, because it’s that good. Dunkin’ gift cards are going straight to the top of my wishlist this year. Santa reads The Impulsive Buy, right?

Purchased Price: $2.22 (with a $2 deal in the app, regular price $5.69)
Size: Medium
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Medium Iced) 370 calories, 12 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 56 grams of total sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pop-Tarts Protein Boostin’ Brown Sugar Cinnamon

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Pop-Tarts Protein Boostin' Brown Sugar Cinnamon box

There will come a time, likely at the beginning of next month if history is any indicator, where many of us in the junk food community — myself included — will find ourselves standing in front of a bathroom mirror, or on an unforgiving bathroom scale, lamenting the devious being who invented Chex Party Mix, puppy chow, and those delightfully sinful temptations that haunt my dreams, Oreo balls. We will pledge to right the ship in the new year by eschewing things that weren’t grown in dirt or on trees, by taking walks over our lunch breaks, and by avoiding sugar like it’s the door handle of a grade school bathroom.

We know how to eat healthy, sure. The problem is eating healthy isn’t always delicious, and as human people, we like to eat delicious things. Kellogg’s is trying to up its share of the health food market by cramming its beloved breakfast pastries with extra protein. Okay, so “cramming” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. And make no mistake, despite the increased amount of protein, these are still far from healthy food.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a pretty harsh Pop-Tart critic. Over the last several years, Pop-Tarts, as much if not more so than any other food, seemed to have suffered from shrinkflation. With each passing package, they seem to lose frosting coverage, and, much like my joy while consuming, the filling has diminished. I just can’t justify the sugar and the calories when I get so little happiness in return. The new extra protein version, however, was a markedly different experience.

Pop-Tarts Protein Boostin' Brown Sugar Cinnamon icing

Each pastry was covered in frosting, with only the barest edge of crust untouched. There seemed to be more filling than I’ve grown accustomed to, too. I had Protein Boostin’ Brown Sugar Cinnamon (Brown Sugar Cinnamon being the best all-time regular Pop-Tart, of course), and each bite was full of that familiar cinnamon-y goodness. (These also come in Bumpin’ Blueberry and Slammin’ Strawberry, because, in the name of health, food must be bumped, slammed, and/or boosted, obviously.)

The only difference I could notice from a regular Pop-Tart was the texture; these were chewier than usual, but not to the point of distraction. What I mean is, if you haven’t had a normal Pop-Tart in several years, the textural difference probably won’t even be noticeable.

Pop-Tarts Protein Boostin' Brown Sugar Cinnamon filling

I enjoyed the box I bought enough to want to try the other varieties. I’d be surprised if they remain on shelves, though. People looking for gainz won’t find many here — 10 grams for two tarts from milk protein concentrate and wheat protein, isn’t exactly incredible, and only double the original, plus you’re ingesting 31 grams of sugar along the way — and the regular Pop-Tart consumer probably won’t be bothered to spend an extra buck.

Purchased Price: $3.48
Size: 14.3 oz box/8 pastries
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 Pop-Tarts) 400 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 31 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

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