QUICK REVIEW: Limited Edition Unicorn Power Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts

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Limited Edition Unicorn Power Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts

What is it?

Another iteration of the Instagram-fueled trend of almost-too-pretty-to-eat unicorn-themed foods.

Despite its mythical theme, Kellogg’s went with a pretty tame flavor choice for this, utilizing cherry filling and royal icing emblazoned with the image of a majestically poised unicorn head.

How is it?

They’re alright.

Were you expecting me to say something more?

At the end of the day, they’re Cherry Pop-Tarts. If you like cherry toaster pastries, then there’s no reason why you wouldn’t like these. The outer shell of each tart has the same crisp sturdiness that I’ve come to expect from such treats, and I felt its slight saltiness helped keep the cherry filling from tasting too sweet.

Limited Edition Unicorn Power Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts 3

Even so, the cherry flavor isn’t prominent. It’s red, and I can tell that it’s a fruit filling, but if you told me this was a strawberry or raspberry Pop-Tart, I would believe you.

Limited Edition Unicorn Power Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts 2

On top of Kellogg’s total lack of flavor creativity, I also feel the need to call out its decorating skills. Since the icing is the only aspect that’s genuinely unicorn-themed other than the box itself, I expected some pretty elaborate art. Instead, both designs are a bare-bones edible ink stamp that barely covers half of the surface area of each tart. On top of that, they’re both blurry, and they look worse than the multicolored sprinkles that frosted Pop-Tarts are usually sprinkled with.

Totally not Instagramable!

Is there anything else I need to know?

Even though I prefer my fruit-filled Pop-Tarts to be served cold, I ended up liking these more once they were warmed in the toaster oven, partly because warm food on cold mornings is one of the greatest simple pleasures in life, but mostly because I could pretend the cherry filling was magical unicorn blood.

Conclusion:

Don’t let the pretty box fool you – Unicorn Power Pop-Tarts are far from anything special. Even though they’re as acceptable as any other cherry toaster pastry, they aren’t worth trekking to Sam’s Club to pick up, and they’re not nearly interesting enough to make me want to finish the 32-count club pack I bought.

Purchased Price: $5.98
Size: 1 lb. 13.3 oz. (32 pastries)
Purchased at: Sam’s Club
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 pastry) 200 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pillsbury Reese’s Peanut Butter Cookies

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Pillsbury Reese's Peanut Butter Cookies

Reese’s and Pillsbury have teamed up to offer a peanut butter cookie dough made with Reese’s Peanut Butter. No mixing. No bowls. Just break apart the block of dough, place the pieces on a cookie sheet, bake, and then think of all the time you’re saving by not making cookies from scratch and having to deal with all the cleaning after. It’ll give you so much time that you have the time to think that.

The name Reese’s brings excitement when printed on a package. Go post a photo of something with Reese’s on Instagram or Facebook, and I’m sure it’ll be one of your most liked photos. But this cookie dough is not something to get super excited about.

Look, I’ve had a shedload of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in my lifetime and I’ve had a bucketload of homemade and store bought peanut butter cookies during the decades I’ve been on this planet, so I’m disappointed these taste more like your run-of-the-mill peanut butter cookies than anything that reminds me of the iconic candy I’d steal from a baby.

Pillsbury Reese s Peanut Butter Cookies 2

The peanut butter in a Reese’s PBC has a distinct nutty flavor that I don’t detect with these. I ate the ENTIRE batch on my own over the course of several days, like a leisurely-eating Cookie Monster, and every one I stuffed into my mouth didn’t invoke any tastes, smells, or inkling of the beloved chocolate and peanut butter treat.

Pillsbury Reese s Peanut Butter Cookies 3

As peanut butter cookies, they’re fine, and I enjoyed eating every single one of them. But there’s nothing to distinguish them from any other I’ve had.

For you fork impressions in peanut butter cookies people, do it quickly because the dough gets super sticky if it sits for a little while, making it hard to create the imprint without having a clump of dough stick to your fork.

I can’t say Pillsbury’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Cookies are bad, but I can say if I were to hand out these to random folks on the street, I’m sure they would not be able to tell it’s specifically a Reese’s product. By the way, if a stranger on the street offers you a cookie, don’t accept it.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 160 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 16 oz. (makes 24 cookies0
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good peanut butter cookies. I bet this would make great bread for a Reese’s PBC sandwich. No mess and washing mixing bowls after. How easy it is to steal candy from a baby.
Cons: Not good at capturing Reese’s peanut butter. Nothing to distinguish it from other peanut butter cookies. Hard to make fork impressions in cookie dough. Stealing candy from a baby.

QUICK REVIEW: Limited Edition Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal

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Limited Edition Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal

What is it?

General Mills has launched a new festive cereal just in time for the holidays.

Except that it isn’t new. Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms is just regular Chocolate Lucky Charms with the marshmallows from last year’s Cinnamon Vanilla version.

How is it?

Limited Edition Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal 2

Limited Edition Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal 3

I am disappointed that this cereal is so unoriginal. But I’m not that disappointed, because Chocolate Lucky Charms is great, and I would even say it’s better than the original. It’s OK dry, but it creates chocolate milk, which makes consumption delightful.

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I wonder if this cereal is an attempt to be a hot cocoa flavor, since it already has the essential elements of chocolate and marshmallow. So I heated up some milk and ate it in a mug. The marshmallows became foamy and dissolved, just like the marshmallows in a packet of Swiss Miss. It takes a lot of cereal to make the milk chocolatey, but this would be a comforting breakfast or snack when it’s actually cold outside (i.e. not September).

Is there anything else I need to know?

Limited Edition Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal 4

This cereal contains my biggest yuletide pet peeve: eight-pointed snowflakes. Snowflakes only have six points, people! It’s basic science!

Limited Edition Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal 5

Scientific inaccuracy aside, I cannot possibly think of anything more appropriate for someone to eat while watching The Leprechauns’ Christmas Gold.

Conclusion:

If you’re looking for something new, this isn’t what you want. But it’s a fun tweak to a classic cereal.

Purchased Price: $3.64
Size: 21.2 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (3/4 cup) 100 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 12 grams of other carbohydrates, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Hot Honey Chicken

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KFC Hot Honey Chicken

With an adorable new Colonel mascot in the form of a sweet ol’ honeybear, the indubitably fine, mostly Southern kinfolk at Kentucky Fried Chicken (or Kitchen Fresh Chicken, if you do so prefer) continue their sauce-filled fried chicken domination of America with the tasty-enough Honey Hot flavor now on the KFC dinner table.

Ordering a three-piece Extra Crispy Tenders Meal complete with mashed potatoes, a biscuit, and one lonesome lil’ pickle slice, the Honey Hot variety is the stickiest mess of a sauce yet, soaking everything in its vicinity with a mouth-watering, eye-stinging clarity. The red-staining bit of generic honey was drenched all over the chicken tenders, seeping to a peppery puddle underneath them, creating a delicious dipping sauce as that famous KFC crust stayed undoubtedly firm and harmonically crunchy.

By the second try, I twirled my chicken tender in the settled sauce to get a little more of that Hot Honey taste. Like a Kentucky Fried shock to the system, the sweetness is almost immediate, cooling your taste buds with the much-loved taste of nothin’ but honey. Give it a few seconds though, because that hot comes rushing down the track like a peppery freight train, doing itself a grand service of providing a nice little burn that goes down easy enough.

But, even better, even with more sauce to soak it in, the extra crunchy skin continues to stay remarkably extra crunchy while the sauce manages to get deep into the tasty sinews and musculature of the beast, making almost an edible massage oil that, greasy bite by greasy bite, holds up with a tightly tangy fervor.

With plenty of the Honey Hot drainage left on my plate — even though the delicious Extra Crispy Tenders were a thing of dusty memory now — I used my remaining biscuit to selfishly sop up the sauce, to great effect. The pepper had made a suspended section unto itself in the sweet goop, giving me a nice headrush as I ate a thick, sticky sliver on my breadstuff. You’ve got to sell this stuff as a dipper, KFC!

Feel free to take a sip or two of water, just in case though, but not because of the heat, mind you. Once the sweet has passed and the hot is long gone, you better prepare to get a mildly weird aftertaste that is best described as taking a shot of soy sauce, swishing it around and swallowing it deep. It’s not a bad thing, just generally surprising and a little off-putting. Though great if you love soy sauce shooters.

Aftertaste aside, this might be KFC’s best chicken experiment yet, finally finding the perfect balance of one thing that people routinely screw up so often and so royally: the sweetness of the honey and the heat of the pepper. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 570 calories, 36 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 1460 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 30 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 3 Extra Crispy Chicken Tenders
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Perfect balance of sweet and heat. Doesn’t make the chicken crust soggy.
Cons: Alarming “soy sauce” aftertaste.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Harvest Chicken Salad

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Wendy s Harvest Chicken Salad

You know that meme that says “name a more iconic duo” and then hits you with a pic of anything from Keenan and Kel to a guy jumping off a bridge with another guy watching the Cleveland Browns?

I tend to think apples and walnuts fall into that category of stuff that belongs together.

Apples, walnuts, feta, bacon, chicken, and cranberries? Now we’re complicating things. Perhaps that’s why I’m ambivalent towards Wendy’s new Harvest Chicken Salad, which not only attempts to Noah’s Ark-it out of pretty much every Wendy’s salad ingredient but also skates a little too close to the regular-menu Apple Pecan Chicken Salad.

Wendy s Harvest Chicken Salad Fruits

I don’t mean to imply Wendy’s homage to autumn-in-salad-form isn’t good. Like most of Wendy’s salads, the ingredients push into fast casual territory. Skin-on red and green apples are crispy and mildly sweet; the chicken juicy and slightly smoky; the vinaigrette tangy and a tad bit tart. Add in crunchy, meaty glazed pecans (which were left off the first full-sized salad I ordered, unfortunately), and you’re looking at a filling meal.

Wendy s Harvest Chicken Salad Bacon

But then there’s the bacon, complicating things. It’s not bad in and of itself since, duh, it’s a scientific impossibility that bacon detracts from anything and because Wendy’s makes really good bacon -— thick cut, substantial, with a great balance of fat and smoke. But I have no idea why it’s on this salad. Not only did it arrive on my full-size salad (I bought another half-sized one later since Wendy’s forgot my walnuts) in strips meant for sandwiches, but it took away the spotlight from the apples and walnuts.

Much like the bacon, the feta cheese feels out of place, like me when I show up to a wine and cheese party with a six pack of Shinerbock. Perhaps Wendy’s didn’t want to infringe on the Apple Pecan Chicken Salad, but the salty, mostly flavorless feta lacks the tang and funk of blue cheese that helps complement the apples. Even goat cheese would have been a better option than feta, especially since it’s tangy and has a slight sweetness that would have played well with the oddly-included dried cranberries.

Wendy s Harvest Chicken Salad Closeup

I’m usually a big fan of Wendy’s salads, and while I loved the quality of the ingredients featured in the Harvest Chicken Salad, I can’t deny there’s a genuine lack of cohesion binding the salad together. Is it jump off a bridge because the Browns still haven’t won since 2016 dysfunctional? Goodness no. But when your iconic duo gets lost amidst even well executed extra ingredients, it’s time to get back to your bread and butter — or apples and walnuts.

(Nutrition Facts – Full Size – 570 calories, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 1300 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 37 grams of sugar, 5 grams of fiber, and 23 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $6.79
Size: Full
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Apples are surprisingly crisp and flavorful for a prepackaged salad. Great execution on individual ingredients, especially the juicy chargrilled chicken. Meme potential in the apple and walnut combination.
Cons: Too many ingredients crowding up that apple and walnut synergy. Feta cheese is a real disappointment. Why are their cranberries in this salad? Botched salad construction.

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