REVIEW: Java Monster Swiss Chocolate

Java Monster Swiss Chocolate

What is the Java Monster Swiss Chocolate?

It promises “the taste of Swiss chocolate paired with premium coffee and cream and supercharged with our Monster Energy Blend.” It’s currently a Dollar General exclusive flavor.

How is it?

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When poured, the color is the same as heavily creamed coffee, with a scent to match. The java flavor is strong without being overpowering. It’s not as tooth-cracklingly sweet as some other pre-made coffee beverages I’ve had, though it still has a “syrupy” character.

As a regular energy drink consumer, I’m on the lookout for that medicinal energy drink aftertaste, the one that makes it seem like the manufacturer crushed up a multivitamin into your drink. I detect some, but it’s so small that it could easily be a sense memory of the hundreds of other energy drinks I’ve had.

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The chocolate flavor is very slight. I don’t want to alarm you, but it’s possible the chocolate element in this beverage actually has no connection at all to Switzerland, and “Swiss” was added to the name in an attempt to brand the product as more exotic and exciting than it really is. Shocking, I know. There’s so little of it here that I don’t think it deserves top billing, naming-wise.

Is there anything else you need to know?

I usually drink my coffee hot, so I was curious what would happen if I heated this in the microwave for a few seconds. I’m secretly hoping the added thermal energy will have some strange alchemical effect and transmute the Monster Energy Blend into a Jekyll/Hyde concoction, allowing me to unleash the beast within.

Alas, the beast must remain chained, as heating only has the effect of making it hotter. If anything, the heat distracts from the already very slight Monster Energy Blend flavor, turning this into a plain hot cup of joe.

Conclusion:

Java Monster Swiss Chocolate delivers a decent coffee flavor with a slight chocolate note. It’s not bad but doesn’t separate itself from a hundred other options.

Purchased Price: $2.10
Size: 15 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Dollar General
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 210 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium, 500 milligrams of potassium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 35 of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Cinnamon Shortbread Latte

Starbucks Cinnamon Shortbread Latte

What is the Starbucks Cinnamon Shortbread Latte?

Starbucks has a new winter beverage up for grabs – the Cinnamon Shortbread Latte. The name just makes it seem cozy! The drink adds a vanilla shortbread sauce to espresso, and it is sprinkled with both cinnamon and nutmeg.

How is it?

Oh Starbucks, you’ve done it again. The minute I saw it added to the menu, I had to try it and was not disappointed. Consider the Cinnamon Shortbread Latte the love child of a Vanilla Latte and a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. – why didn’t Starbucks think of this sooner?

There’s a distinct cinnamon smell right off the bat thanks to the toppings of cinnamon and nutmeg. I will note: The cinnamon smell was definitely stronger than the taste. At first sip, the drink was smooth, warm, and not too sugary sweet. I enjoy the classic Vanilla Latte, and what I loved about this new drink was the extra pizazz the vanilla shortbread sauce added. I’d be interested in trying the sauce in an iced coffee as well – I’m hoping it sticks around beyond the winter.

Is there anything else you need to know?

If you enjoy vanilla and cinnamon, there’s no reason you shouldn’t try this drink. It’s also offered as a Frappuccino or an iced drink. I’m hoping to try both. And since it’s Girl Scout Cookie season, I’m tempted to pair this with the Trefoil cookies for an epic shortbread treat.

Conclusion:

Run, don’t walk to your nearest Starbucks. Trust me.

Purchased Price: $4.45
Size: Tall
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Tall 12 fl oz) 270 calories, 10 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 30 grams of sugars, 10 grams of protein and 75 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Hershey’s Lava Cake Kisses

Hershey s Lava Cake Kisses

Money can’t buy love, but it can buy a bag of kisses.

Such thoughts echoed through my mind as I stood in the checkout line, suddenly realizing that purchasing Valentine’s candy for myself is only one level less sad than making dinner reservations for a party of one.

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Featuring a molten core surrounded by a shell of rich dark chocolate, Hershey’s Lava Cake Kisses are the newest holiday-themed addition to the famous family of tear-drop shaped candies. Cascading from the bag, veiled in adorable heart-stamped foil, these chocolates seem to be a reminder to all the all the single ladies (and gentlemen, I suppose) that Hershey’s is always able to provide comfort on long and lonely nights.

Out of the foil, each Kiss seems unassuming when compared to one of its milk chocolate cousins, with a slightly darker hue being the only hint pointing towards these being anything out of the ordinary. Unassuming looks aside, these are a fun riff on a classic treat.

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While not super-dark, the chocolate is noticeably more mature than Hershey’s usual offerings and works well for building the shell of each candy. Even so, the filling of each confection completes the experience.

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As advertised, it’s gooey, chocolatey, and makes these otherwise unoriginal goodies into a unique and delicious treat that tastes similar to their decadent inspiration.

If eating a couple of Lava Cake Kisses leaves you craving the traditional dessert, Hershey’s has you covered, being thoughtful enough to print a recipe for homemade ones on the back of each bag.

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As a novice home-baker, I decided to give the recipe a whirl, and the resulting cake/brownie hybrids were even better than the chocolates used to make them! All of them turned out dense, fudgy, and perfectly molten in the middle, thanks to impaling three Kisses into each ramekin of cake batter before baking. Considering how easy they were to make, I could ultimately see baking a batch of them as a fun at-home date idea, or something to do on a rainy day.

Even if I spend this Valentine’s Day watching TV by myself, I wouldn’t mind using these Kisses to drown out my single person’s sorrows. I hope Hershey’s decides to make this a regular seasonal flavor because it’ll be disappointing if I don’t come across it next year.

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (6 kisses) 120 calories, 7 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 14 grams of total sugars, 14 grams of added sugars, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Dark Chocolate Oreo Cookies

Dark Chocolate Oreo Cookies

What is Dark Chocolate Oreo?

A chocolate sandwich cookie filled with a dark chocolate creme — otherwise known as the Oreo you would have been excited for had Oreo not concurrently released a

How is it?

Chocolatey in every sense of an adjective that is not strictly governed by the FDA. There is definitely an extra level of cocoa satisfaction in the creme, which is thicker than most Oreo fillings and almost ganache-like in body.

Dark Chocolate Oreo Cookies 2

However, even though the creme makes you go, hmm, that’s almost artisanal for about 0.7 seconds, any notion of sophistication is quickly dispelled due to the overwhelming sweetness of the creme.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Dark Chocolate Oreo Cookies 3

Even though Oreo missed a chance to capitalize on the dark chocolate flavor by swapping out the standard wafers for dark cocoa ones, the entire cookie is still better and more chocolatey than the standard chocolate version.

Dark Chocolate Oreo Cookies 4

Although, to be honest, that isn’t saying a lot. Also, sugar is the first ingredient. Why? Because it’s always the first ingredient in Oreo cookies, that’s why. And it absolutely kills any of that deep dark cocoa aftertaste you might expect.

Conclusion:

An 82 percent fair trade organic cocoa bean inspired cookie, this is not. Still, considering some of Oreo’s clear misses in the chocolate category, the Dark Chocolate Oreo is respectable enough for those of us who tend to be a little less picky in our cookie binges.

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 12.2 oz. package
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 6 grams of total fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of total sugars, 12 grams of added sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Spicy Famous Bowl

KFC Spicy Famous Bowl

Mamma mia! That’s a spicy… um, Famous Bowl?

While at a broad glance, a big bowl full of KFC’s famous brown gravy doesn’t look like it would or should mix with a moderate size drizzle of its new-ish Nashville Hot sauce all that well, but good God almighty if they don’t make quite the sexy pair of tongue-searing bedfellows.

The Famous Bowl has long been the much maligned trough of just about everything on the menu that, against all odds and most expectations, has managed to stay on KFC’s famed menu for quite a while now despite it being a heaping helping of a dystopic future. And, for $3 bucks, that’s really some budget-friendly mass caloric intake that most of America seems more than comfortable to ease our downfall with.

Like a few of its other, more recent menu additions, KFC is adding a straight bit of heat in the form of said Nashville Hot sauce on the tops of these famous bowls. It creates a unique source of tangy hotness that feels like the exact element these bowls have been missing for so long, freeing it and us from downing basically a big bowl of sodium-heavy mush.

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Each plastic bowl, loaded to the hilt with, of course, creamy mashed potatoes, firm sweet corn, and crispy chicken bites, as well as the comforting gravy and three shredded cheeses of varying flavors, are taken to a newer level. Not a proud level, but at the very least, a higher one. Each crunchy chicken bite now has a great kick to it, mingling the gritty pepper with the smooth capsicum, a little bit going a very long way.

It’s a nice little burn that’s totally unexpected and morbidly welcomed, the burn quickly diffusing however with the warm gravy and the warmer mashed potatoes providing a different kind of incandescence.

The heat stays for just a couple of self-torturing beats, the uncomfortability leaving when you’re ready. It’s a nice change of sweltering pace from the usual item of fast food burritos and so on. Not that there’s anything wrong with burritos, of course.

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The addition of Nashville hot sauce is such a deserving landmark, one that I honestly would like to see them try in the near future with its Georgia Gold additive as well. Really, KFC, anything you can do to make the body-polluting bowl into a more pleasant diversion of taste, here’s my three dollars, have a prototype on my desk by Monday.

And yes, the irony isn’t lost on me over the fact that the Nashville Hot sauce isn’t as great on the individual chicken bearing its name. However, though it took a few trying months, I think we have a purely Southern victory of taste and flavor that would even make the Colonel stand up in his coffin and give a postmortem salute. Cómpralo ya!

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 720 calories, 34 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 2370 milligrams of sodium, 79 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 23 grams of protein.

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