REVIEW: Little Caesars Mtn Dew Mango Rush

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IT BURNS! MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE! CURSE YOU, LITTLE CAESARS, AND YOUR MTN DEW MANGO RUSH! I SWEAR I WILL SQUASH YOU TO MAKE YOU A LITTLER CAESARS AS PAYBACK FOR MAKING MY MOUTH HOTTER THAN YOUR HOT-N-READY PIZZAS!

The paragraph above is what I expected to scream after drinking Little Caesars’ exclusive Mtn Dew Mango Rush that features a blast of mango sweet heat flavor. But here I am, calmly wondering in mostly lowercase letters if there’s any heat. After drinking the entire 16-ounce can, there’s no spreading of spiciness or tingling that tickles the throat. I notice a little something in the aftertaste when I sip mindfully, but it doesn’t ring any fire alarms in my head. To be honest, I probably should’ve guessed this would be the case since the ballyhooed Mtn Dew Flamin’ Hot from a few years ago wasn’t necessarily Flamin’ or Hot.

This canned Mtn Dew doesn’t have any heat, but most interestingly, it doesn’t seem like it has much mango either. There has been a grove of mango Dew varieties, and what I taste here doesn’t bring any of them to mind. I don’t know if the “sweet heat” flavorings are messing with the natural and artificial mango flavors, but this tastes more like sweet orange than anything else.

While looking up the many tropical Dew variations, I came across a review on this website for a Mtn Dew Mango Heat Game Fuel from 2016 that I completely forgot about. In it, our reviewer, mentioned that it tasted “like Mountain Dew took a carbonated Ecto Cooler, added a splash of Sunny D, tossed in a dash of black pepper, and mixed it all together—by using a Mango Dum-Dum sucker as the swizzle stick.”

I never tried Mango Heat, so I can’t compare. But it does sound like the two flavors are similar. So it wouldn’t surprise me if this is a renamed version of it.

Little Caesars Mtn Dew Mango Rush doesn’t have a rush of mango flavor or heat. It tastes fine, but even though it’s available while supplies last, I don’t think it’s worth rushing out your door to pick up some.

Purchased Price: $2.99*
Size: 16 fl oz
Purchased at: Little Caesars
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 210 calories, 0 grams of fat, 65 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 57 grams of sugar (including 57 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 72 milligrams of caffeine.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Red Bull Summer Edition White Peach Energy Drink

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Peach is a popular summer palate pleaser, and it’s the flavor of Red Bull’s newest Summer Edition. But it’s not the yellow one we’re most familiar with, thanks to the state of Georgia and Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” music video. Instead, it’s the equally as delicious, but sweeter white peach. This energy drink’s colors match the fruit’s, with its pink can and opaque white liquid being inspired by the fruit’s pink skin and white flesh.

The peachy Summer Edition is available in regular and sugar-free varieties, which Red Bull kindly sent me. The full sugar version is much more fragrant than its sugarless counterpart. However, the sugar-free one has a more potent peach punch when it comes to taste. But I find its fruity hit milder than Monster’s Ultra Peachy Keen. However, with both Summer Edition versions, if you told me it was a yellow peach-flavored energy drink, I’d believe you because it has that typical fruitiness that I’ve tasted with similar flavored drinks.

Between the regular and sugar-free versions, I’d have to give an enthusiastic nod to the latter. A weird sour aftertaste happens with the regular one after the fruitiness fades. It’s not off-putting, but it gives me a good reason to prefer the sugar-free one, which is smoother to drink and maintains its flavor from start to finish. However, I find that the artificial sweeteners in this are more noticeable in the aftertaste than with the peach-flavored Monster Ultra.

While I enjoyed the sugar-free one much more than the regular version, I’m surprised I did. I usually prefer the full sugar one when it comes to Red Bull flavors and their sugar-free counterparts. However, not even sugar can overcome the aftertaste and milder peach flavor that regular peach has.

If you ever need a peach-tasting pick-me-up and don’t mind sugar-free beverages, Red Bull’s Sugar Free Summer Edition White Peach is a peachy keen energy drink. As for the regular version, you might not find it to be as peachy.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples from Red Bull. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 12 fl oz cans
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Regular), 8 out of 10 (Sugar Free)
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) Regular – 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 125 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 38 grams of sugar (including 38 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 114 milligrams of caffeine. Sugar Free – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 114 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Lunchables PB&J Sandwiches

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Why am I, a life insurance premium-paying, retirement-planning, high blood pressure medication-taking, Raisin Bran-eating adult, reviewing these Lunchables PB&J Sandwiches marketed towards the single-digit-aged crowd?

Despite my age, I’m still a lover of the simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and throughout my lifetime, I have probably eaten the weight of an entire elementary grade level of them. So I wanted to know if Lunchables’ newest endeavor is a PB&J product I could appreciate.

Of course, we can’t go on without bringing up the 800-pound uncrusted gorilla in the room, Smuckers Uncrustables, which these Lunchables compete against in the cutthroat world of children’s meals.

There are several significant differences between the two. One, these Lunchables don’t need to thaw because they aren’t stored in the freezer. Two, unlike Uncrustables, which have the peanut butter AND jelly in the sandwich, these feature the jelly on the side as a dip. Three, Smuckers Uncrustables are much better tasting.

What hurts these sealed sans-crust sandwiches the most is the filling. While PB should’ve stood for Peanut Butter, the acronym here really stands for Pretty Bland. The peanutty interior lacks an enjoyable sweetness, saltiness, and nutty satisfaction. It’s hard to say anything positive about it when it’s as flavorful as the soft bread surrounding it.

Thankfully, the strawberry and grape jellies added flavor to this boring party. However, it’s frustrating that they are dips instead of being inside the bread because it was a pain trying to ration the jelly so that I wouldn’t have to experience more bland bites of bread and peanut butter. Despite the fruity concoctions being sticky, dipping the sandwiches into them doesn’t apply a satisfying amount to the exterior. I understand Lunchables probably didn’t want to stuff the jelly into them because it would deviate from the brand’s ethos of allowing kids to “construct” their meals, but it’s a bit of a pain. I had to resort to scooping it out with the sandwich itself, which led to using too much and having to put some back so that I didn’t have to experience the dreaded jelly-less bites later on.

These Lunchables PB&J Sandwiches are disappointing, and I can’t recommend them over Uncrustables or even something homemade. I realize that I’m a tax-paying, colonoscopy age-nearing, ethos-using adult and that someone closer in their life to wetting their bed than getting their first paycheck might say they enjoy these much more than I do, and that I’m a poo-poo head who has cooties. So perhaps take my words with a grain of salt that this sandwich’s peanut butter really needs.

Purchased Price: $2.39* each
Size: 2.27 oz
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10 (both)
Nutrition Facts: Strawberry – 180 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 250 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar (including 5 grams of added sugar), and 6 grams of protein. Grape – 190 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 250 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar (including 6 grams of added sugar), and 6 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Burger King Frozen Strawberry & Nerds Candy

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If I were the King, Queen, or Royal Advisor of Burger King, I would’ve sprinkled Nerds candy on top of a vanilla soft serve cone and put it on the menu before a Nerds-topped strawberry slush. But, despite the ill-fitting BK Crown on my head as I type this, I’m not in charge, so we have Burger King’s Frozen Strawberry & Nerds Candy.

The simple concept puts Rainbow Nerds on top of a Frozen Strawberry Fanta. Honestly, I’m a little surprised BK chose the Rainbow version instead of the classic and best Nerds flavor — strawberry. But I guess using the Rainbow one is more visually appealing because it looks like my cup collected hail made from unicorn tears.

Actually, now that I’ve had time to think about it. Maybe Nerds sprinkled on a vanilla cone isn’t a good idea. Perhaps it should be Nerds Gummy Clusters topping the ice cream. Creamy ice cream. Crunchy candy pieces. Chewy gummy candy. Sigh. I NEED to be The King of Burger King.

And this dessert NEEDS to come with a spoon.

The candy-topped slush came with a regular straw. At first, I didn’t want to destroy the colorful layer by mixing everything, so I just poked my straw into it. That forced enough Nerds into the long cylinder so that I could get a bit of flavor and crunch with a straw sip. I did this a few times, but decided to finish the rest with a spoon to get different candy-to-slush ratios. It was a more satisfying way to consume this.

The Nerds enhanced the slush’s strawberry flavor with a nondescript fruitiness and tanginess. But the red slush stood out no matter what candy-to-slush ratio I dug out. Its tanginess also amped up the strawberry-flavored slush’s tang. I also liked how the candy’s crunch gave this a texture that was reminiscent of ice crystals.

Burger King’s Frozen Strawberry & Nerds is a fine sweet summery treat, but it’s not as mind-blowing as Nerds Candy was to me in the 1980s. Adding it on top of a slush is unique, but it’s not exciting enough to consider this a must buy.

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Guacamole Doritos (2025)

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Chips and dip: a tale as old as time.

Chips flavored like dip: a tale nearly as old as time.

People clamoring about bringing back discontinued chips that taste like dip from the glory days of pre-iPhone America: a tale as old as two decades.

Yes, for the first time in nearly 20 years, since this website’s inception, Guacamole Doritos are back on shelves. Originally running from 2003-06, this green-clad bag of vibrantly green tortilla chips has been the source of constant internet buzz and early aughts nostalgia. I am sure I had these at some point, but I have no recollection of, or specific love for, the original, so I’m going into this with an open mind and fresh tastebuds.

Biting into my first well-seasoned chip (always gotta pick a properly dusted one to start), there is no doubt these taste like guacamole. I immediately get that distinct, fatty, earthy avocado taste, rounded out by garlic, onion, and a touch of citrus. It truly tastes like I dunked a crispy chip into squishy dip. Quite marvelous.

Interestingly, the more I eat, the more the flavor moves away from avocado and into cheesy corn territory. This isn’t bad; it’s just different and not avocado. Some chips have a flavor that stacks, especially spicy ones, where the profile is initially subtle and then builds into a crescendo of flavor. These are different. They start boldly guac-y and then taper down to a spiced (not spicy) creamy cheesy taste with a hefty dose of corn chip. Still good, but that big-bowl-o-guac party vibe is drastically toned down.

Taking a look at the ingredients list, I’m not surprised to find sour cream, cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, whey, AND butter all in the mix. Yet there is no powdered avocado or other science-adjacent ‘cado in sight. I am still remarkably impressed by how on-the-nose the guacamole presence is on the first couple of chips, and how this myriad of other components, combined with “natural and artificial flavors,” created such a perfect impersonation.

The good news is that even if the flavor does dwindle a bit, what’s left is still very good and worth the purchase of at least one bag for Doritos lovers. However, something tells me that the nostalgia chasers may not enjoy them as much as I do, or at least as much as they did in 2004, since our new, matured experiences can rarely live up to the memories we hold dearly in our minds.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 2 5/8 ounces
Purchased at: Circle K
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (11 chips, 28g) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of total sugars, and 2 grams of protein.

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