REVIEW: Reign Total Body Fuel by Monster Energy

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Update 9/12/20: Added Lilikoi Lychee flavor.

In the world of performance energy drinks, there’s one leader — Bang. In the world of energy drinks, there is one leader — I don’t know who that is and I’m too lazy to look it up. If only there were drinks I could consume to give me some energy to do so.

It could be Red Bull. It could be Monster. Maybe Rockstar. Maybe

So what are “performance energy drinks”? From what I can gather, they’re made for athletes to give them big boosts of energy that allow them to do things at a higher level. In order to do that, they have 300 milligrams of caffeine per can and contain supplements like coenzyme Q10 and branched-chain-amino acids.

While Bang is in the lead, Monster hopes to gain market share with its new Reign Total Body Fuel line. Yes, it’s not Monster Total Body Fuel, because who wants to use a well-recognized trademark over a name that sounds like a mobile game with lots of in-app purchases.

So Monster could have dipped its toes in the category, but it decided to make a splash by offering SIX flavors of Reign — Carnival Candy, Melon Mania, Lemon HDZ, Peach Fizz, Sour Apple, and Razzle Berry. They all have 300 milligrams of caffeine, 0 grams of sugar, 0 calories, no artificial colors (yes, they’re all clear), and no artificial flavors. In 2020, Lilikoi Lychee was added.

Lilikoi Lychee

Reign Total Body Fuel Lilikoi Lychee

(Added 9/12/20)

For those unfamiliar with lilikoi, perhaps you know it from its common name — passion fruit. For those unfamiliar with lychee, it’s quite possibly one of the most incredible fruits Mother Nature has given us. If you haven’t had it, you should definitely try it. Of course, my thoughts about the red flesh fruit might be hyperbole to some, but it’s one tasty fruit and a flavor that’s rarely seen in U.S. beverages, so I’m happy to see it in this.

The first sip has a sweet and robust lychee flavor that tastes like the perfect lychee. It’s divine. The lilikoi lingers somewhere in there, but all I care about is that lychee. Unfortunately, like some other Reign flavors, the next sip is less potent, but the lilikoi seems to be highlighted more. Again, if I give my taste buds a chance to reset themselves, the bold lychee flavor comes back.

Because of my love for lychee and how it dominates this flavor, I have to say that this is now my favorite Reign variety.

Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Carnival Candy

Reign Total Body Fuel Carnival Candy

When I took the first sip, I got a lot of cotton candy flavor, but that went away with the sips right after. Those had more of a general sweetness. There’s a little cotton candy in the aftertaste, but I want it whenever I’m drinking it because when it’s there, it’s quite lovely.

Now if you let your taste buds reset and not sip on it for a while, the cotton candy flavor will return briefly for that one sip and then go back to not tasting like the carnival treat. I have to say this was the one variety I was most looking forward to and it ended up being a little disappointing.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Sour Apple

Reign Total Body Fuel Sour Apple

This flavor has the same issue that Carnival Candy has. The first sip tastes like sour apple, but subsequent sips lose most of the apple flavoring, leaving a sweet and tart taste. But, again, let your taste buds rest a little, and the full fruity and sourness comes back for one sip. The sour apple flavor is good, but I wish it’s around for every sip.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Melon Mania

Reign Total Body Fuel Melon Mania

I was hoping this would be flavored like either a cantaloupe or honeydew melon because the world needs more of those, but the can’s color scheme makes it obvious it’s going to be watermelon. If you’re expecting it to taste similar to a Jolly Rancher hard candy, it’s not like that says my taste buds who are currently enjoying a watermelon Jolly Rancher because we just so happen to have some in our house. It’s better tasting than that. It’s like an enhanced version of watermelon flavoring.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Lemon HDZ

Reign Total Body Fuel Lemon HDZ

Because I’m uncool, I wasn’t sure what HDZ was, but I asked our Twitter followers, and they came up with the obvious answer — Heads. (Full disclosure: I thought it was Hards.) I thought this one would be like a lemonade, but it’s not quite that because there isn’t a noticeable sourness to it. I want to say lemon meringue because there’s something else to the flavor that I can’t quite put my finger on. Despite not knowing what it exactly tastes like, I enjoyed it.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Peach Fizz

Reign Total Body Fuel Peach Fizz

If you enjoy peach-flavored gummies, then you’ll like this. It’s not overly flowery tasting like some peach products are. Its flavor reminded me of the

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Razzle Berry

Reign Total Body Fuel Razzle Berry

This one tastes similar to other blue raspberry-flavored beverages I’ve had in that it’s fruity and slightly sour. It also reminds me of Carnival Candy, so some of the same natural flavors might’ve been used. Fortunately, unlike Carnival Candy, Razzle Berry’s flavor doesn’t fade with the second sip. As someone who enjoys Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pops, it’s not surprising I liked the taste of this.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Even with the issues I experienced with some of the flavors, I have to say these were surprisingly good for drinks with zero sugar and calories. As someone who has consumed a lot of beverages sweetened with sucralose and ace-K, I could tell they have no sugar, but the flavors do great at hiding that fact.

Some of you might be wondering how these help with performance. I did not test that because the most laborious physical activity I do is an exercise called finger push-downs, which is otherwise known as typing.

Purchased Price: $2.99 each
Size: 16 fl. oz. cans
Purchased at: Target

REVIEW: Triscuit Woven with Seeds Crackers

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Triscuit Woven with Seeds Crackers

Triscuit has a new line of crackers with seeds in them. Yes, IN them and not as a topping for fancy Triscuit recipes that has ingredients that aren’t readily available in most home kitchens.

How are they made? Simply. That’s what the side of the box says — Made Simply. The process, which is also on the side of the box goes like this: cook the wheat, shred and weave the wheat together with seeds, and bake to golden perfection. Okay, I still don’t understand how it’s done, but it probably involves patents and something proprietary.

The woven with seeds line debuted with three varieties: Woven with Poppy Seeds Garlic & Onion, Woven with Quinoa Seeds Basil & Garlic, and Woven with Chia Seeds Rosemary & Jalapeño.

Triscuit Woven with Poppy Seeds Garlic & Onion

Triscuit Woven with Poppy Seeds Garlic Onion

I’ve eaten enough garlic and onion in my life to know what they taste like and how far away others should stay away from me after I’ve eaten either of the two pungent ingredients. So I’m confident when I say these crackers taste cheesy.

Maybe combining the two creates something like a primary colors scenario where the primary flavors of garlic and onion create a secondary flavor — cheesy. Okay, at times, the garlic comes out, but these taste cheesy to me, which is fine because they’re still tasty.

Triscuit Woven with Chia Seeds Rosemary Jalapeno Closeup

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 8 oz. box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (6 crackers) 120 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

Triscuit Woven with Quinoa Seeds Basil & Garlic

Triscuit Woven with Quinoa Seeds Basil Garlic

One sniff of these and I knew the basil would be strong. My nose let my taste buds know, and after eating one, my taste buds confirmed it to my nose, who did a few nostril pumps to celebrate.

The garlic lingers in the background. Sometimes I can taste it, but most times I can’t. The basil is the dominant flavor, probably because of its strong aroma. The cracker is as tasty as the others, but this is the only one that makes me want to dip it in olive oil and cracked pepper at a Macaroni Grill.

Triscuit Woven with Poppy Seeds Garlic Onion Closeup

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 8 oz. box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (6 crackers) 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

Triscuit Woven with Chia Seeds Rosemary & Jalapeno

Triscuit Woven with Chia Seeds Rosemary Jalapeno

If you’re hoping for a spicy Triscuit, these are not the crackers you’re looking for. If you want that, I’m sure Triscuit has a recipe it can recommend you. There’s a heat tickle that builds up after eating a few, but it’s not something that has me reaching for a room temperature glass of water.

Rosemary and jalapeño seem like an odd combination to me, but the two work together, and they’re the only duo of this bunch that I could taste both ingredients. The rosemary is the most noticeable, causing the crackers’ aroma to remind me of a roasted chicken. But jalapeño lets your taste buds know it’s there with its heat tickles and pepperiness. There’s also a slight sweetness that helps cut through the two main tastes.

Triscuit Woven with Quinoa Seed Basil Garlic Closeup

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 8 oz. box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (6 crackers) 120 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

All three are tasty savory crackers, but I’m not sure the woven seeds do anything other than make these more appealing to birds and cause all three to look very similar. How similar? Let me just say the photos of the actual crackers aren’t embedded in the appropriate sections of the review. Or am I lying about that? You can’t tell because they look so damn alike.

I thought they’d add a different crunchy texture, but Triscuit have always been super crunchy, so I imagine its hard for the seeds to stand out. The only times I notice the crunch of the seeds is when they get unwoven from the wheat, hang out between my teeth, eventually come loose long after I’ve swallowed the wheat, and end up as a post-snack snack. I also thought they might provide some nuttiness, but the seasoning used on each cracker is potent enough to mask whatever flavor they have.

*I totally switched photos. The first one is the Rosemary & Jalapeño, the second one is Garlic & Onion, and the last one is Basil & Garlic.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Caramel Cannonball Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Caramel Cannonball Blizzard

What is the Caramel Cannonball Blizzard?

It’s the most vaguely named of the newest offerings on Dairy Queen’s 2019 Summer Blizzard menu. Yes, it has caramel, and a lot of it, with that word appearing three times in what DQ says is a mix of vanilla soft-serve with caramel-coated caramel truffles, toffee pieces, and caramel topping.

How is it?

Do you know how in fast food commercials the people eating are always smiling, laughing and generally looking a bit too overjoyed to be munching on a $5 value meal? That’s how I behaved while eating this Blizzard, which was a little strange since I was dining alone. But it was just that good, even great.

Dairy Queen Caramel Cannonball Blizzard Spoonful

The caramel topping brings a light brown color to the mix and a subtle flavor to the soft-serve, and the toffee pieces add a nice crunch and buttery taste that pairs perfectly with the topping. But the caramel-coated caramel truffles really complete the mix, even beyond their alliterative brilliance. The coating would have been good on its own, but when you bite into a truffle and release the gooey caramel trapped inside you’ll find yourself furiously digging around for the next one.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Another similar truffle, the chocolate-coated caramel variety, has been used sparingly by DQ in past Blizzard concoctions, including the Triple Truffle (along with fudge and peanut butter), and a salted caramel truffle was featured in the not-so-creatively-named Salted Caramel Truffle Blizzard. This version appears to be the first time a caramel-coated caramel one has been thrown into the mix, and I hope it’s not the last.

Dairy Queen Caramel Cannonball Blizzard Caramel Truffle

I must admit that truffle is one of those words I’ve never been completely clear on and been too lazy to seek clarification. I know what the Truffle Shuffle is from watching “The Goonies” countless times, but I’ve always thought it was a type of mushroom.

It turns out they’re not, but they’re a mushroom-like fungus. Not being a fan of mushrooms or mushroom-like fungi, I’ve generally stayed away from them, only to find out that chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, etc. truffles are named simply because of their resemblance to the fungus. The point of that little story is to let any other linguistically-challenged readers rest easy in knowing that there are no mushrooms or fungi in this Blizzard, just sugary goodness.

Conclusion:

It’s always tempting to say the last great thing you had was the greatest ever, and with plenty of tasty Blizzard flavors over the years I’ll refrain from crowning this one king (or perhaps more appropriately, queen) of all Blizzardtopia. But for me, this one is a rightful heir to the throne, and with an untimely demise or two from above, I might bow down and say this is my favorite of all-time.

Purchased Price: $2.89
Size: Mini
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 470 calories, 21 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat,
0.5 gram of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 64 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 50 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Stacker King

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Burger King Stacker King

What is the Burger King Stacker King?

The newfangled Burger King Stacker King, as the name implies, is the beefed up (literally) spiritual successor to BK’s fan-favorite Stacker. Indeed, the Stacker King is more or less the same concept as the decade-old mega meat sensation. It’s a combination of flame grilled beef, a deluge of crispy bacon, a hearty helping of American cheese, and a delightful dollop of the proprietary Stacker Sauce. And, depending on your appetite/lack of concern for your wellbeing, it comes in single, double and triple patty-stacked permutations.

How is it?

You know exactly what you’re getting into with this one. The Stacker King (I went with the double-patty offering) is an ultra-satisfying, no frills, no-risks-taken burger that’s about one thing, and one thing only — volume.

Burger King Stacker King Lots o Bacon

You have to give Burger King some props on this one because they did not skimp out on the protein; in fact, my Stacker King came loaded with no less than EIGHT strips of bacon, which is enough to qualify as a breakfast buffet legally. And the Stacker Sauce — something of a lite chipotle mayo medley with a teensy taste of relish and celery — is a plain fantastic condiment, which I’d love to see released as a retail product.

Burger King Stacker King Stacker Sauce

Is there anything else you need to know?

Something like the Stacker King is almost a review-proof fast food item. Right off the bat, you know whether you’d love it or flee from it in terror, so if the photos get your stomach rumbling or churning, I can promise you the actual product would have the same effect on your tummy. Two words of warning before you place your order, though: running the gamut from $5.49 to just shy of $8 (in metro-Atlanta, anyway) these sandwiches aren’t the cheapest burgers on the market, and they have nearly a full day’s worth of sodium.

Conclusion:

Burger King Stacker King Cheese

It may not be a terribly creative item, but the Stacker King is unquestionably a scrumptious and extremely filling fast food L-T-O. Sure, we could complain about the product being a little bit too basic (this thing would’ve been considerably better with Swiss or Havarti), and the lack of virtually any veggies might put a few would-be diners off. But on the whole, this is a yummy, unsophisticated, XXXL burger that does everything it has to and absolutely nothing more; obviously, the more artisanal fast food fans need not apply here.

Purchased Price: $6.29
Size: Double
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Double) 1050 calories, 68 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 3.5 grams of trans fat, 235 milligrams of cholesterol, 1879 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 61 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Peeps Marshmallow Flavored Coffee

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Dunkin Peeps Marshmallow Flavored Coffee

What is the Dunkin’ Peeps Marshmallow Flavored Coffee?

Well folks, it appears the Easter season is upon us.

I mean, why else would Dunkin’ be selling Marshmallow Peeps flavored coffees?

How is it?

I fully expected the sweetness to be out of control, but I’m happy to report my worries were overstated. I guess I figured a syrup created to mimic a sugar dusted marshmallow would be overwhelming, but I really enjoyed the flavor.

Dunkin Peeps Marshmallow Flavored Coffee Top

Sure the “drop” of milk I requested (which was more like a cup) probably diluted the sweetness a bit, but if that’s the case, props to the Barista for the happy accident. (Are they called Baristas at Dunkin’?)

I picked up a pack of Peeps to compare the flavor, and I’ll say they got it about 75% there.

I wouldn’t necessarily say the coffee screamed “PEEPS,” but it definitely tasted like marshmallow and vanilla. I might even say I liked it a bit more in drink form than the sand and memory foam, I mean, sugar and marshmallow form of a standard Peep.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Dunkin Peeps Marshmallow Flavored Coffee Topped with a Peeps Chick

I floated a Peeps chick in the coffee just for the hell of it, and it added a whole lot of nothing to the experience.

The aforementioned Barista (?!) made me take a sip of the coffee in front of her and report if I liked it. I toyed with spitting it out in disgust, but just simply said, “it’s good” and pretended it wasn’t an odd request.

I skipped the Peeps donut because it just looked like standard sprinkled fare with a Peeps chick on top.

Conclusion:

This is a winner, and I’ll probably get it at least one more time this month.

It wouldn’t shock me if Dunkin’ just rebranded the flavor syrup as generic “marshmallow” and snuck it on their full-time menu once Spring has come and gone. It would definitely be a worthy addition to its flavor swirl lineup.

Purchased Price: $2.65
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small without dairy) 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 178 milligrams of caffeine.

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