REVIEW: Archie McPhee Fried Chicken and Lobster Candies

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Archie McPhee Fried Chicken Candy

Fried Chicken and Lobster Candy are the latest “I dare you to eat this” candy from Archie McPhee, which offers a wide variety of wild and weird products. Previous confectionery offerings included coal, bacon, wasabi, and gravy. And now you can save all the hassle of preparing fried chicken or lobster and just eat them as candy instead.

Archie McPhee Lobster Candy

How are they? They’re bad. Epically bad. (Even Archie McPhee categorizes them on the website as “bad candy.”) Of course, I didn’t expect these to be good, but last year I tried Mr. McPhee’s candy canes that were clam and mac & cheese flavored (not together; that would be gross). They were somewhat palatable, even if they missed the mark as far as replicating the intended taste. These varieties do bring out the stated flavors a little more, but they are truly awful.

Archie McPhee Fried Chicken Candy 2

Besides having a less-than-pleasing appearance, the fried chicken version had a bit of burnt, sitting-out-for-three-hours smell to it. These made me think of when you go to your favorite fast food chicken joint just before closing time — which as a former fast food worker I highly recommend against — and you get whatever was sitting under the heat lamp about to be tossed in the trash.

Archie McPhee Fried Chicken Candy 3

As for the taste, it reminded me of overcooked fried chicken skin, and not even good fried chicken. I’m talking school lunch or low-level buffet fried chicken.

Unfortunately, things got even worse when the lobster version entered my mouth.

Archie McPhee Lobster Candy 2

It had no real smell at first, although after sucking on it for a bit, it exudes a rather fishy odor. The taste was almost indescribable. Granted, much of my recent lobster-eating experience involves either a fast food seafood restaurant or food truck, which may or may not be serving actual lobster, but I have done the whole wear a bib and use that fancy lobster claw crushing thing in the past.

Archie McPhee Lobster Candy 3

This taste did not bring me back to any of those, but I imagine it might be what lobster would taste like if you left it in the fridge for a month and then decided to take a bite. This one got spit out even faster than the fried chicken flavor.

Archie McPhee Lobster Candy Top

The only positive thing I can say about this experience is that the package designs are pretty solid. The image of the smiling lobster dousing him or herself with butter is both disturbing and delightful.

Are you curious what would happen if you tried both candies at the same time? Because I care deeply for your gastrointestinal safety, I decided to answer the question for you. The answer: gagging and near vomiting. But if you need to produce some actual puke to get out of going to school or prove to your boss that you need to leave work early, this might do the trick.

As harsh as this review might be, I’m a fan of strange, disgusting and creative food, so I do have to give Archie McPhee credit for putting these out. They would make a good gag gift, or if you are truly evil, maybe mix a few of these in with some regular wrapped hard candy and set up a hidden camera. Hilarity will surely ensue.

Purchased Price: $5.95 each
Size: 2.5 oz. box (about 12 pieces)
Purchased at: mcphee.com
Rating: 1 out of 10 (both flavors)
Nutrition Facts: The packaging says to call Archie McPhee for nutritional info. Since I didn’t finish a single piece and don’t ever intend to, I felt no need to call.

REVIEW: Mountain Dew Violet (Japan)

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Mountain Dew Violet Japan

I love Mtn Dew Pitch Black, but I’ve had a difficult time finding it ever since it last reared it purple head back in 2016 as part of the brand’s DEWcision campaign where it was pitted against Mtn Dew Baja Blast to find out which flavor would become a permanent member in the lineup.

SPOILER ALERT: Pitch Black won, but it seems Baja Blast is the real winner because it has come back again and again in bottles and cans, while Pitch Black appears to have crept back into the vault inside Mtn Dew Mtn.

Pitch Black is still on the Mtn Dew website and when I asked on Twitter if anyone else has seen it, almost all of those who replied also haven’t seen it. Oh, you say you can easily find Pitch Black near you? Well, lucky you, you purple-Dew drinking punk! I don’t have that high fructose corn syrup sweetened luxury. Even PepsiCo’s product finder says I’m screwed.

But earlier this year, Mountain Dew Japan rolled out the grape-flavored Mountain Dew Violet that I hoped would be like my beloved Pitch Black. But I am not so desperate to find that out by flying to Japan to pick up a can. However, I’m curious enough about it that, when asked by a friend if I wanted one she purchased while on a recent vacation, I made the strenuous effort to venture outside of the house for the first time in a week or so, exposing myself to a battering of the sun’s burning rays on my pale skin, to pick it up from her.

Mountain Dew Violet Japan Glass

Although much longer than the last time I’ve been out in the sun, it’s been a while since my last sip of Pitch Black, but some memories of it came rushing back with my first sip of Mountain Dew Violet. But, to be honest, I don’t taste any Mtn Dew citrus. I also don’t get the sour bite that 2005s reformulated Pitch Black II had.

The grape is so pronounced that I imagine some folks might confuse this with straight up grape soda. It tastes as if someone, and I’m not pointing fingers at Mr. Melon because he has the body type to do so, squeezed the life out of Alexander the Grape and into a can.

As someone who likes grape soda, it tastes fine. But I Dew wish it had more of a Dew flavor. I also wish I could find Pitch Black, PepsiCo.

Thanks to my dear friend Stefanie for transporting this can from Japan to my hands.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 350 ml can
Purchased at: Received from friend
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (100 ml) 20 kcal, 0 grams of protein, 0 grams of fat, 5 grams of carbohydrates, and 0.09 grams of sodium.

REVIEW: Pringles Mac ’N Cheeese and Pringles Bacon

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Pringles Mac N Cheeese and Pringles Bacon

To be honest, I didn’t notice the extra E in “Mac ’N Cheeese” until right before I was ready to post this review. So if Cheeese gets an additional E, then every double E gets an extra E in this review. Wheee!

Until the end of August 2019, Pringles Mac ’N Cheeese and Pringles Bacon are exclusive Dollar General flavors. After that, I imagine, they will test the freee-agent market.

The marketing materials I received promotes the Bacon one as new, but if you’re a regular reader or photo scanner of this site, you’d know that it popped up at Walmart a few years ago as an exclusive flavor. As for Mac ’N Cheeese, it’s also not a new variety. It was part of the Thanksgiving Dinner Pringles set from 2017 and, if you do a Google search, one existed many years ago. Although those didn’t have an extra E.

Pringles Mac N Cheeese

Mac ’N Cheeese almost looks like your standard Pringle, except there’s a very slight orange tinge to let eaters know it’ll be a little cheeesy. As for Bacon, it has a layer of seasoning that makes it look like it spent some time in an attic next to a bunch of old yearbooks, newspaper clippings, and the Boogie Monster who watches you sleeep every night.

Pringles Bacon

Mac ’N Cheeese has a mild cheeesiness and a hint of elbow macaroni flavor. Yes, I don’t know if my tongue is playing tricks on me, but I do taste pasta. Although I think it comes from the potato base. It makes me wonder if this is regular Pringles Cheddar Cheeese with less seasoning, which causes a toned down flavor that allows the dried potato base to come out a bit more.

Pringles Bacon smell like barbecue chips, but they have a smoky flavor that’s similar to other bacon-flavored products I’ve tried. They’re also a bit on the salty side. While I somewhat like them, I can seee how the smoky taste might turn off some eaters.

They’re both fine flavors, but they didn’t wow me like some of the past limited edition Pringles varieties, like Nissin Top Ramen Chicken and Hot Diggity Dog.

Now, I can’t just end the review without combining the two flavors because bacon mac ’n cheeese is incredible. Well, I’m happy to report it turned out pretty good. So buy both, mainly so you can use the Mac ’N Cheeese one to cover the dusty-looking Bacon one.

The combo does make me think of bacon mac n’ cheeese, but if Pringles ever comes out with a smoked cheddar variety, I imagine it’ll taste similar. Also, I can’t help but think this is Pringles’ way of revealing what the Mystery Flavor is from a few weeeks ago. That was smoky and cheeesy, and these are smoky and cheeesy.

DISCLOSURE: I received freee samples of both flavors from Kellogg’s (Thanks!). Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: FREEE
Size: 5.5 oz. cans
Purchased at: Received from Kellogg’s (available at Dollar General)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mac ’N Cheeese)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Bacon)
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz.) Mac ’N Cheeese – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 1 gram of protein. Bacon – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 0 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..

REVIEW: Off The Grid Vanilla Buttermilk Waffles

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Off The Grid Vanilla Buttermilk Waffles

What are Off The Grid Vanilla Buttermilk Waffles?

From the folks who brought us the Eggo comes Off The Grid which are frozen waffles with 12 grams of complete protein per serving and made with 100% whole grains and cage-free eggs.

I bought the Vanilla Buttermilk ones because it’s the only one my local Target carries. But there are also cinnamon brown sugar and wild blueberry varieties.

How are they?

Although they come from Kellogg’s and look like a tanned version of America’s most popular frozen waffle, they definitely do not taste like an Eggo.

When eaten sans syrup, the vanilla and buttermilk flavor are noticeable, but they’re not potent enough that I can imagine me eating these without some kind of sweet condiment. Toasting them makes the exterior a little crispy and the interior soft. Of course, that’s prior to me giving them a syrup shower.

Off The Grid Vanilla Buttermilk Waffles Tanned

While the whole grains do give these a slightly grainy texture and different flavor compared to an Eggo, I thought they tasted decent. But Eggo Homestyle Waffles do taste a little better to me. Store brand pancake syrup that has been carefully added to the brim of every pocket in the waffle adds a much-needed flavor. (Yup, that’s how I do syrup on waffles.) Thankfully, it doesn’t completely mask the vanilla and buttermilk.

Is there anything else you need to know?

A serving of two waffles has 13 grams of protein (12 grams of complete protein), which is 24 percent of your daily recommended intake. Unfortunately, unlike regular Eggo waffles, they’re not fortified with 20-25% of your RDA of a bunch of vitamins and minerals, like calcium, folic acid, vitamin A, etc, All you’re getting with these is protein, some fiber, and a minuscule amount of vitamin D, iron, calcium, and potassium.

According to the box, complete proteins contain all nine of the special essential amino acids in the right amounts. Our bodies don’t make or store these amino acids so we have to get them through food.

If you’re wondering how these differ from Kodiak Cakes Power Waffles, I have to admit I haven’t had them. But what I do know is that a box of Kodiak Cakes has 10 waffles per box, while Off The Grid has eight. And I also know protein waffles are expensive.

Conclusion:

Off The Grid Vanilla Buttermilk Waffles are fine for what they are — frozen waffles. If you’re looking for a product that provides protein, these are a decent tasting option. But they don’t convince me to completely leggo the Eggo.

Purchased Price: $6.49*
Size: 8 waffles/box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 waffles) 230 calories, 11 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Del Monte Bubble Fruit

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Del Monte Sour Apple Watermelon Bubble Fruit

Del Monte has been quite the busy bee innovating in the fruit cup® aisle. Check that registration symbol – did you know it trademarked something as generic-sounding as “fruit cup”?! You know it means business. The brand has launched two new lines within the past year: Fruit & Oats and Bubble Fruit.

Bubble Fruit is not quite as telegraphic as Fruit & Oats. So, what is it? According to the back panel, “We’ve added popping boba to our tasty fruit cup® snacks for an unexpected burst of flavor! Popular in bubble tea and frozen yogurt shops, popping boba burst and release a blast of fruit flavor when you bite them.” These new cups come in three tasty, seemingly low-risk flavors: Sour Apple Watermelon, Pear Berry Pomegranate, and Peach Strawberry Lemonade.

Del Monte Pear Berry Pomegranate Bubble Fruit

Del Monte Peach Strawberry Lemonade Bubble Fruit

If you haven’t had popping boba at the aforementioned bubble tea and frozen yogurt spots, they’re balls of juice. With food magics, juice is encapsulated in clear edible spheres. It’s inspired by its starchy cousin from Taiwan, which is usually submerged in milk tea. The original’s chewy texture and dark brown/almost-black texture can be off-putting. So, popping boba is like a friendly, colorful version!

Full transparency, I haven’t enjoyed the popping kind as much because I’m a bit of a traditionalist. However, when I see something from the motherland hit mainstream shelves, I can’t help but be compelled to try it and exclaim, “Look Ma, we made it!!”

Del Monte Bubble Fruit Top

When I first lined up all the flavors, I thought they all had really pleasant hues of pinks and oranges. Without the outer packaging, it was tough to discern what the flavors were. Also, they were a nightmare to open.

Del Monte Peach Strawberry Lemonade Bubble Fruit Spill
Del Monte Peach Strawberry Lemonade Bubble Fruit Spill

The first one I opened squirted all over me and let me tell you, it was not pleasant to smell like Del Monte’s interpretation of “pear berry” all day. I thought it was user error the first time, so with the second one I carefully tried to open it. But it still spilled a bit on my table. With the last one, I gave up and decided to puncture the plastic film and carve along the edge with a paring knife. I recognize most people eating this on-the-go would not have a knife handy like this. So, thumbs down for packaging.

Del Monte Pear Berry Pomegranate Bubble Fruit Topless
Del Monte Pear Berry Pomegranate Bubble Fruit

So now that it was all over my shirt and I was slurpin’, poppin’, and eatin’, I concluded that neither of the three delivered on the more complex fruit fusion promised in the flavor names. For the peach, I didn’t get the strawberry lemonade at all. For the sour apple watermelon, there was no tang or melon. It tasted mostly like pear, even down to the texture. For the pear one, there was a slightly sour edge which could be reminiscent of a pomegranate, but if I had to get one flavor again, it would be the Pear Berry Pomegranate.

I also decided to try all three cold AND at room temperature. The cold version seemed to balance the somewhat squishy texture of a fruit cup better. It was also like drinking cold juice, which is always better than drinking room temperature juice!

Del Monte Bubble Fruit Popping Boba

I also found the popping boba was less of a “burst of flavor” than I was used to. I think it’s because it’s submerged in all this sweet juice, so it subdued the impact.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard not to like fruit in sugar water, but it overpromised and underdelivered on flavor for me. Overall, it’s different from everything else that’s out there, so try it for the novelty at least!

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 4 oz. cup 4-pack
Purchased at: Walmart (Pear Berry Pomegranate and Peach Strawberry Lemonade) and Target (Sour Apple Watermelon)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Peach Strawberry Lemonade)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Sour Apple Watermelon)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Pear Berry Pomegranate)
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 60 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of total sugars, 6 grams of added sugars, and 0 grams of protein.

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