REVIEW: Starbucks Canned Iced Energy Sparkling Energy Drinks

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Here we go with Starbucks entering the energy drink market again with its canned Iced Energy Sparkling Energy Drinks. Remember Starbucks BAYA? You don’t? Come on, it came out three years ago and lasted maybe two years before being discontinued. How could you not remember BAYA? It’s the best energy drink name to say ever. Okay, I liked saying Cocaine, so it may be the second-best energy drink name to pronounce ever.

Anyhoo, BAYA is bye-bye, so we’re stuck with this canned version of the Iced Energy Beverages that Starbucks serves up in its stores but doesn’t come in any of the flavors offered in stores. They come in skinny 12-fluid-ounce cans and three flavors — Blueberry Lemonade, Watermelon Twist, and Tropical Peach. Unfortunately, I could only procure the first two, so maybe the last one is a myth. All flavors, real and mythical, have zero sugar and 160 milligrams of caffeine per can.

What disappointed me about Starbucks’ BAYA Energy was how mild the flavors were when compared to the big guns in the energy drink market. These new energy drinks have a slightly stronger fruitiness but still don’t pop like Monster and Rockstar’s zero sugar offerings.

The Blueberry Lemonade one has a decent, mild berry flavor with a hint of tart lemonade. But sometimes that lemonade gets really weird on the backend. It’s a slightly off-putting twist that, I swear, kind of brings to my mind moldy bread. However, it’s so mild that I drank the entire can without gagging like I do when I actually accidentally bite into moldy bread (it’s happened to me multiple times at this point in my life).

While Blueberry Lemonade had a twist, the variety with the word “Twist” in its name didn’t have one. Watermelon is the main taste here, and I assume the “twist” is supposed to be the lime, but I don’t notice it. Instead, I only get a watermelon taste that reminds me of a less sweet and flavorful Jolly Rancher. If I had to choose between the two varieties, I’d pick this one, but it’s not by a wide margin.

Starbucks’ Canned Iced Energy Sparkling Energy Drinks are okay. While it has 160 milligrams of caffeine from green coffee extract and electrolytes from salt, it doesn’t offer the flavor intensity to convince me to choose it over other energy drink brands. I wouldn’t be surprised if we also have to say bye-bye to it two years from now.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 12 fl oz cans
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 35 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Ranch Lovers Pepperoni Hot Pockets

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Holy Hot Pockets! When did Hot Pockets get rid of the microwaveable crisping sleeve?

What’s going to protect my fingers from burning on the crust? What will help contain the oozing molten filling that might burn my fingers? What will I use to scrape up the filling that oozed onto the plate I used to microwave the Hot Pocket? Will I never experience susceptors again? Can I buy sleeves in bulk on Amazon from a Chinese brand name missing vowels and all in caps, like HPCKTSLVS?

It turns out Nestle removed the sleeves in June 2024, but Nestle didn’t formally announce it until September 2024. As you can guess, I haven’t had a Hot Pocket in so long that I didn’t even notice Crisping Sleeve-gate. But you know what? These Ranch Lovers Pepperoni Hot Pockets with reduced fat mozzarella cheese, Hidden Valley Ranch sauce, and a Hidden Valley Ranch seasoned crust are tasty enough that I forgive Nestle for the removal of the crisping sleeve/finger protector/filling shovel.

However, I’m not sure the sauce and the seasoned crust remind me of Hidden Valley Ranch. I’ve gone through Costco-sized bottles of the creamy dressing, so I think my taste buds have a pretty good idea of what it’s supposed to taste like, but that’s not what comes to mind when chomping on these. Perhaps the cheese and pepperoni skew the ranch’s taste into something less brand-name. But that seasoning on the crust does make it the best smelling Hot Pocket I’ve ever experienced, and the creamy sauce inside does taste like ranch, but, again, not specifically Hidden Valley Ranch. While its flavor wasn’t what I expected, Holy Hot Pockets, it’s still a tasty, savory pocket of meat, cheese, and sauce.

After eating three of the four “sandwiches” in the box, I didn’t miss the crisping sleeve. Also, none of them had their filling ooze out while being zapped with microwaves. Now that I think about it, did the sleeve really “crisp” the crust? Instead, did it heat the Hot Pocket so much that there was a 99 percent chance the filling would ooze out?

If that’s the case, HPCKTSLVS won’t get any of my money.

Purchased Price: $7.49*
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 sandwich) 320 calories, 14 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar (including 2 grams of added sugar), and 9 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Bang Any Means Orange Energy Drink

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Bang Any Means Orange is my first experience with a Bang Energy Drink, and ever since I’ve consumed it, my heart has been racing. However, I don’t know if that’s because I’ve fallen in love with this energy drink flavor or because of the 300 milligrams of caffeine the beverage has.

Any Means Orange is probably the most random-sounding energy drink flavor name ever, but I assure you that there is meaning behind it. The flavor is a collaboration between Bang and Any Means Possible, or AMP for short. They’re a collective of online streamers.

I know some of you wordsmiths are thinking, “If their group is called Any Means Possible, why wasn’t this Any Means Pomegranate?” Well, I’m going to be honest, probably because pomegranate is so (insert whatever the kids say instead of “uncool” here), and there’s something Weird Al Yankovic-ish about that name.

However, I am extremely thankful that it ended up being orange-flavored because my fondness for how Any Means Orange tastes is as high as this energy drink’s caffeine content.

First off, this isn’t just straight-up orange. While the brand says it’s “Refreshing orange with a zesty kick,” I swear it’s orange creamsicle-flavored. So it really should’ve been, “Refreshing orange with a creamy kick.” That is as clear as the beverage when poured into a Pyrex cup. It hits the citrus and cream flavors so well that I’m surprised this isn’t liquid from an ice cream truck with broken freezers that’s sitting in the middle of the desert. It’s so delicious.

Much like I’ve experienced with Monster Energy’s Ultra line, this zero sugar energy drink doesn’t taste like there’s no sugar in it. (Oh, for those who don’t follow energy drink companies like sports teams, Bang’s parent company, Vital Pharmaceuticals, was purchased by Monster in 2023.)

If you’re a fan of orange creamsicle-flavored energy drinks and want 300 milligrams of caffeine, pick this up by any means necessary.

DISCLOSURE: I received complimentary product samples from Bang. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 16 fl oz can
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 300 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Little Caesars Stuffed Pretzel Crust Pizza

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I was slightly confused when I heard all the hubbub about Little Caesars introducing a new limited edition Stuffed Pretzel Crust. “I could have sworn I’ve had that before…” I thought, but it turns out I remembered merely customizing a pretzel crust pizza to add stuffed crust to it. This is the first time that “Stuffed Pretzel Crust” itself has officially appeared on the menu, and as a marketing aficionado, I’m happy to accept that as a unique new product worthy of its own celebration.

In the promotional images, the pretzel crust is a rich brown, solid, and stout, shimmering with butter and salt, reminiscent of the iconic Bavarian pretzel. What was inside my pizza box looked so different that I was initially afraid I’d gotten the wrong order. My crust seemed perhaps a tad darker than usual, but it didn’t have the deep shade or sheen I expected.

When I bit in, though, I realized it was perfectly pretzel-y; it was just more like a different type of pretzel: Auntie Anne’s. While it didn’t have a Bavarian pretzel’s telltale hue, firm snap leading to a chewy bite, or malty taste, it did boast a buttery, subtle sweetness, so perfectly complemented by its tender, fluffy texture that it practically melted in my mouth. Though it wasn’t what I expected, it paired with the stuffed crust beautifully. While the doughy pretzel crust didn’t have an overwhelming flavor, it had a noticeable aftertaste. That was well-balanced by the simple, mild cheese inside, which was soft enough that it paired perfectly with the pillowy crust yet never became gooey.

There are a few options on the website for how to order your Pretzel Stuffed Crust; taking the first option as a subtle endorsement, I went with Cheese Sauce & Pepperoni. I must confess I imagined the cheese sauce would be a small cup for dipping the crust into, like how many restaurants offer soft pretzel sticks with cheese dip as an appetizer. It wasn’t until I was partway through a surprisingly mild-tasting slice that it hit me: the cheese sauce wasn’t on the side, it was replacing the tomato sauce on the pizza!

This may sound counterintuitive, but I think the fact that it took me so long to realize this shows how well it worked. The cheese sauce blended perfectly with the cheese topping, bringing a unique creaminess. While tomato sauce usually adds some savory depth, the pretzel crust means that this pizza is covered in a generous, tongue-tingling smattering of salt that already provides plenty of complex flavor, so I appreciated that the sauce was more mellow in comparison. Its color reminded me of Velveeta cheese, but the taste wasn’t so tangy, more like a bland nacho cheese. This plainness also allowed the pepperoni to particularly pop.

First, I was surprised by how my Stuffed Pretzel Crust looked, but by the end of my meal, I was only surprised by how much I enjoyed it. It would be nice if the promotional images were a bit more accurate, but the decadent feeling of combining stuffed crust pizza with my favorite airport treat was way worth the slightly mismatched expectations.

Purchased Price: $9.99
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Whole pizza) 2660 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the Little Caesars website.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pink Pineapple Express Shake

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Jack in the Box’s Pineapple Express Shake was one of my favorite products of 2022, and it’s come back annually since then. This year, instead of just bringing it back for the umpteenth time, the fast food chain decided also to offer a slight variation with some alliteration in its name. The Pink Pineapple Express Shake combines a thick and creamy vanilla shake base with pink pineapple flavoring that’s finished with whipped topping and a cherry.

Pomologists might be intrigued by the idea of a pink pineapple-flavored shake, but this doesn’t taste like THAT pink pineapple. What I’m talking about is the pink pineapple developed by Del Monte that uses lycopene and beta carotene to give it its Barbie-like hue. But it’s just a sweeter, less sour pineapple. However, the Pink Pineapple Express Shake does not taste like a sweeter, less tart version of the original Pineapple Express Shake.

I’ll give you one guess as to what flavor the pink represents. Go ahead, take a guess.

Don’t just peek ahead!

If you said “strawberry” without peeking, congratulations, my honest friend!

The dessert has an intense strawberry flavor that pretty much makes me forget that there’s also supposed to be pineapple. While sipping it through a straw, all I could think of was how it was giving me kids strawberry yogurt vibes. Am I sucking up a strawberry-flavored shake or strawberry Go-Gurt?

Sadly, that delightful citrusy flavor from the original Pineapple Express Shake is absent. Well, it hasn’t completely disappeared; if I focus more than anyone should on the creamy shake rolling over my tongue and savor it like a fine wine or a Diet Coke from McDonald’s, I can detect a hint of pineapple. But when I consume this, like a normal person, with reckless sucking abandon, all I detect is a tart strawberry flavor.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Jack in the Box’s Pink Pineapple Express Shake tasting like a So Strawberry Express Shake. It’s a tasty, sweet treat that is a pleasant departure from Jack’s usual shake lineup. However, I don’t find it as delightful as the Pineapple Express Shake.

Purchased Price: $6.29*
Size: Regular
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 660 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the Jack in the Box website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

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