Reviews – Page 307 – The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Haagen-Dazs Soft-Dipped Ice Cream Bars

Marvo / April 1, 2020 / Reviews / 3 Comments

Sometimes gravity sucks.

I’m pretty sure even Issac Newton realized that after the umpteenth apple hit his head.

While he had apples to prove how not awesome gravity can be, we have chocolate-dipped ice cream bars. Taking bites into them causes sweet tectonic plates to crumble, shift, separate, and, thanks to our “friend” gravity, eventually fall to the ground or clothing where the five-second rule is no longer applicable because the melty chocolate adheres itself to whatever it lands on. That causes some of us to let out an expletive or two internally or externally.

But Häagen-Dazs has solved this problem with its new Soft-Dipped Ice Cream Bars.

They’re available with either vanilla, chocolate, or caramel ice cream, and all feature a soft-dipped chocolate truffle coating.

The ice cream has the typical Häagen-Dazs quality — creamy, sweet, and enjoyable. While the chocolate and vanilla varieties just feature their respective ice cream flavors, the third one also has a caramel swirl. But with the two bars I’ve eaten, there hasn’t been much of any gooey caramel goodness. None of the varieties stand out to me, probably because they’re basic flavors. I like them all equally.

As for the coating’s flavor, it has a pleasant cocoa taste that, with its slight bitterness, leans more towards dark chocolate. It allows some of the ice cream’s flavor to come through, but it pretty much dominates every bite.

But does the coating allow me to keep my Tide-To-Go Pen unsheathed whenever I eat these bars?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Out of the four bars I’ve eaten so far, I’ve only had a small loose piece fall to the ground with one of them. But that was with my most recent bar, and I think it was my fault because it happened while I was dancing to celebrate about how cool it is that the soft-dipped coating didn’t shatter with each bite. But, to be honest, it feels like it’s going to come apart, but it doesn’t.

Although Häagen-Dazs’ Soft-Dipped Ice Cream Bars have simple flavors, I appreciate the brand’s efforts here with the coating that keeps me clean. It won’t earn the brand a Nobel Peace Prize in physics, but it has won my award for Ice Cream Bar That Will Make Me Swear Less and Does Not Force Me To Pre-Treat My Clothes.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free sample of the product (Thanks Häagen-Dazs). Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 3-pack
Purchased at: Received from Häagen-Dazs
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bar) Vanilla – 250 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 14 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein. Chocolate – 260 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 15 grams of added sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Caramel – 270 calories, 18 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, 18 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Mtn Dew Frost Bite

Louis / March 31, 2020 / Reviews / 3 Comments

What is Mtn Dew Frost Bite?

Given the bottle’s ferocious imagery of an open-mouth great white shark on the label, I was hoping this would be Mtn Dew’s entry into a revolutionary fish-flavored soda game, but, instead, it’s just a “burst of icy refreshment and cool melon.” So, I guess melon.

How is it?

Like most nouveau Mtn Dew flavors, this too has a taste reminiscent of a liquefied Now and Later, which, at least in my opinion, is never a bad thing. And while there is a slight taste of melon — don’t ask me what kind of melon, though — the “blue ice” flavor is extremely prevalent, even if “blue ice” isn’t a flavor found in nature.

But, still, Frost Bite has got a deeply sweet seafaring edge to it that, like the chompers on the non-mountainous mascot, will cut deeply to the bone. Or, given the soda’s oh-so high added sugar content, it might shear the white enamel off with each seriously addictive gulp. If you ever wonder what Powerade Mountain Berry Blast would taste like with a testicular death-grip, look no further.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Available for a limited time, this Mtn Dew flavor is an exclusive flavor to Walmart stores across the country. I bought it instead of toilet paper, mostly because my store was still sold out of it and probably will be for a while.

Conclusion:

Mtn Dew Frost Bite is a downright tawdry yet delicately tasty concoction for landlubbing tongues.

Purchased Price: $1.80
Size: 20 oz. bottle
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 76 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Mountain Dew Mtn Dew Soda

REVIEW: Lay’s Frank’s RedHot Hot Sauce Potato Chips

Dustin / March 30, 2020 / Reviews / 5 Comments

I have been known to liberally drown potato chips (and all chips, really) in excessive amounts of hot sauce. I tend to make a bit of a mess when doing this, but it’s absolutely worth it. So, I feel fairly qualified to review the new Lay’s Frank’s RedHot Hot Sauce Potato Chips (that’s a mouthful).

Previously, Lay’s released a Tapatio potato chip that I enjoyed. In that case, it wasn’t as good as putting actual Tapatio on potato chips, but it was still a winner. I set my expectations for a similar experience here, even though Frank’s and Tapatio are different beasts entirely.

These new chips from Lay’s hit my nostrils with a welcoming aroma of spice, not unlike that of the Tapatio or other spicy chips that I’ve had. With these, however, there is a very prevalent fragrance of vinegar. It’s not the same sensation as smelling the hot sauce directly, but it does evoke memories of it.

They are appropriately orange, much like a barbecue chip. I was worried there was going to be obnoxious bright red powder coating them, which I’m not a fan of. The tried-and-true Lay’s crunch is the first thing I notice. Not that I was expecting anything different, I feel obligated to mention it.

There is a strong taste of vinegar and some noticeable cayenne pepper flavor. They have all the components of Frank’s RedHot and conjure up its essence. There are also elements of garlic and onion. They’re a tasty chip, but not quite the same as pouring the hot sauce on a plain potato chip.

The heat is interesting. They’re pretty mild at first, with a few rogue spicy chips mixed in. After eating more, though, a slow burn kicks in. It was a touch spicier than I was expecting, which made for a nice surprise (but still not as hot as I would like).

Frank’s is far from my favorite hot sauce, but it will always do in a pinch. That’s how I feel about these chips. I would prefer to have the Tapatio Lay’s back, but these totally work. It would be fantastic if Lay’s branched out and partnered up with more hot sauce companies in the future.

Purchased Price: $1.68
Size: 7 3/4 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (15 chips) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat,1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Chips Lay's

REVIEW: Ritz Tabasco Crisp & Thins

Marvo / March 27, 2020 / Reviews / 4 Comments

What are Ritz Tabasco Crisp & Thins?

They are Ritz’s crispy potato and wheat chips seasoned with, according to the ingredients list, Tabasco Brand Spray Dry Flavoring. That sounds like something teenaged Crisp & Thins would use to coat themselves with before going out, like a perfume or Axe Body Spray for chips.

How are they?

I should preface this by saying my taste buds have enjoyed almost every Ritz Crisp & Thins flavor they’ve come across. The Jalapeno Cheddar one from last year can burn in Hell, which it might be because it was a limited edition. But this Tabasco variety might be my favorite because it apparently can make me forget willpower exists.

Now I don’t want to spread any horrible rumors about me on the Internet, but I may or may not have eaten the entire bag in two hours.

Okay, 90 minutes.

First off, the chips have that delightful crispiness that comes in second after potato chips. Secondly, the Tabasco flavor rings with every chip. The peppers. The vinegar. The smokiness. I adore these.

These are not only my favorite Crisp & Thins, but they might be the best tasting Tabasco snack I’ve ever had. Although, to be honest, I forgot what other Tabasco-flavored products I’ve had over the years. Obviously, they weren’t memorable, but I will remember Ritz Tabasco Crisp & Thins 4EVA.