REVIEW: Lunchables PB&J Sandwiches

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Why am I, a life insurance premium-paying, retirement-planning, high blood pressure medication-taking, Raisin Bran-eating adult, reviewing these Lunchables PB&J Sandwiches marketed towards the single-digit-aged crowd?

Despite my age, I’m still a lover of the simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and throughout my lifetime, I have probably eaten the weight of an entire elementary grade level of them. So I wanted to know if Lunchables’ newest endeavor is a PB&J product I could appreciate.

Of course, we can’t go on without bringing up the 800-pound uncrusted gorilla in the room, Smuckers Uncrustables, which these Lunchables compete against in the cutthroat world of children’s meals.

There are several significant differences between the two. One, these Lunchables don’t need to thaw because they aren’t stored in the freezer. Two, unlike Uncrustables, which have the peanut butter AND jelly in the sandwich, these feature the jelly on the side as a dip. Three, Smuckers Uncrustables are much better tasting.

What hurts these sealed sans-crust sandwiches the most is the filling. While PB should’ve stood for Peanut Butter, the acronym here really stands for Pretty Bland. The peanutty interior lacks an enjoyable sweetness, saltiness, and nutty satisfaction. It’s hard to say anything positive about it when it’s as flavorful as the soft bread surrounding it.

Thankfully, the strawberry and grape jellies added flavor to this boring party. However, it’s frustrating that they are dips instead of being inside the bread because it was a pain trying to ration the jelly so that I wouldn’t have to experience more bland bites of bread and peanut butter. Despite the fruity concoctions being sticky, dipping the sandwiches into them doesn’t apply a satisfying amount to the exterior. I understand Lunchables probably didn’t want to stuff the jelly into them because it would deviate from the brand’s ethos of allowing kids to “construct” their meals, but it’s a bit of a pain. I had to resort to scooping it out with the sandwich itself, which led to using too much and having to put some back so that I didn’t have to experience the dreaded jelly-less bites later on.

These Lunchables PB&J Sandwiches are disappointing, and I can’t recommend them over Uncrustables or even something homemade. I realize that I’m a tax-paying, colonoscopy age-nearing, ethos-using adult and that someone closer in their life to wetting their bed than getting their first paycheck might say they enjoy these much more than I do, and that I’m a poo-poo head who has cooties. So perhaps take my words with a grain of salt that this sandwich’s peanut butter really needs.

Purchased Price: $2.39* each
Size: 2.27 oz
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10 (both)
Nutrition Facts: Strawberry – 180 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 250 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar (including 5 grams of added sugar), and 6 grams of protein. Grape – 190 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 250 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar (including 6 grams of added sugar), and 6 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Burger King Frozen Strawberry & Nerds Candy

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If I were the King, Queen, or Royal Advisor of Burger King, I would’ve sprinkled Nerds candy on top of a vanilla soft serve cone and put it on the menu before a Nerds-topped strawberry slush. But, despite the ill-fitting BK Crown on my head as I type this, I’m not in charge, so we have Burger King’s Frozen Strawberry & Nerds Candy.

The simple concept puts Rainbow Nerds on top of a Frozen Strawberry Fanta. Honestly, I’m a little surprised BK chose the Rainbow version instead of the classic and best Nerds flavor — strawberry. But I guess using the Rainbow one is more visually appealing because it looks like my cup collected hail made from unicorn tears.

Actually, now that I’ve had time to think about it. Maybe Nerds sprinkled on a vanilla cone isn’t a good idea. Perhaps it should be Nerds Gummy Clusters topping the ice cream. Creamy ice cream. Crunchy candy pieces. Chewy gummy candy. Sigh. I NEED to be The King of Burger King.

And this dessert NEEDS to come with a spoon.

The candy-topped slush came with a regular straw. At first, I didn’t want to destroy the colorful layer by mixing everything, so I just poked my straw into it. That forced enough Nerds into the long cylinder so that I could get a bit of flavor and crunch with a straw sip. I did this a few times, but decided to finish the rest with a spoon to get different candy-to-slush ratios. It was a more satisfying way to consume this.

The Nerds enhanced the slush’s strawberry flavor with a nondescript fruitiness and tanginess. But the red slush stood out no matter what candy-to-slush ratio I dug out. Its tanginess also amped up the strawberry-flavored slush’s tang. I also liked how the candy’s crunch gave this a texture that was reminiscent of ice crystals.

Burger King’s Frozen Strawberry & Nerds is a fine sweet summery treat, but it’s not as mind-blowing as Nerds Candy was to me in the 1980s. Adding it on top of a slush is unique, but it’s not exciting enough to consider this a must buy.

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Guacamole Doritos (2025)

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Chips and dip: a tale as old as time.

Chips flavored like dip: a tale nearly as old as time.

People clamoring about bringing back discontinued chips that taste like dip from the glory days of pre-iPhone America: a tale as old as two decades.

Yes, for the first time in nearly 20 years, since this website’s inception, Guacamole Doritos are back on shelves. Originally running from 2003-06, this green-clad bag of vibrantly green tortilla chips has been the source of constant internet buzz and early aughts nostalgia. I am sure I had these at some point, but I have no recollection of, or specific love for, the original, so I’m going into this with an open mind and fresh tastebuds.

Biting into my first well-seasoned chip (always gotta pick a properly dusted one to start), there is no doubt these taste like guacamole. I immediately get that distinct, fatty, earthy avocado taste, rounded out by garlic, onion, and a touch of citrus. It truly tastes like I dunked a crispy chip into squishy dip. Quite marvelous.

Interestingly, the more I eat, the more the flavor moves away from avocado and into cheesy corn territory. This isn’t bad; it’s just different and not avocado. Some chips have a flavor that stacks, especially spicy ones, where the profile is initially subtle and then builds into a crescendo of flavor. These are different. They start boldly guac-y and then taper down to a spiced (not spicy) creamy cheesy taste with a hefty dose of corn chip. Still good, but that big-bowl-o-guac party vibe is drastically toned down.

Taking a look at the ingredients list, I’m not surprised to find sour cream, cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, whey, AND butter all in the mix. Yet there is no powdered avocado or other science-adjacent ‘cado in sight. I am still remarkably impressed by how on-the-nose the guacamole presence is on the first couple of chips, and how this myriad of other components, combined with “natural and artificial flavors,” created such a perfect impersonation.

The good news is that even if the flavor does dwindle a bit, what’s left is still very good and worth the purchase of at least one bag for Doritos lovers. However, something tells me that the nostalgia chasers may not enjoy them as much as I do, or at least as much as they did in 2004, since our new, matured experiences can rarely live up to the memories we hold dearly in our minds.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 2 5/8 ounces
Purchased at: Circle K
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (11 chips, 28g) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of total sugars, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy Chewy Ice Cream Sandwich Inspired Cookies

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Chips Ahoy! has brought us a special summer edition of its Chewy line, and it is Ice Cream Sandwich-inspired. The cookies are regular Chewy Chips Ahoy! with a vanilla creme filling (which is about as basic as you can possibly get). These are exclusive to Walmart.

At room temperature, these cookies are really tasty. It’s hard to go wrong with chocolate chip cookies, but the vanilla creme doesn’t do much.

The packaging says to “Chill for a Treat!” So I tried them frozen. And in that case, they were more reminiscent of ice cream sandwiches, though the texture of the cookies was a little less enjoyable. The frozen filling’s flavor seems a little more noticeable when it’s cold.

And, of course, I had to know if these ice cream sandwich cookies work for ice cream sandwiches. They do, but just because they’re cookies. The filling just gets lost with all the textures when I add ice cream. To be honest, any old cookie would do.

Speaking of filling, I’ve noticed that the distribution is uneven. Some bites have a good quantity of vanilla creme, while others have only little.

I enjoy Chips Ahoy Chewy Ice Cream Sandwich Inspired Cookies, but there’s nothing special about them. I don’t know why the folks at Mondelez bothered to pay the graphic designer to brand them as “summer edition” with a surfboard and summer iconography. If they want to convince me these are a summer treat, they’ll have to come up with something more creative.

Purchased Price: $4.78
Size: 9.9 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart (Exclusive)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar including 11 grams of added sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Unicorn Dreams Slush

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Have you ever wondered what it might be like to get brain freeze from a mythical creature? No, that’s just me? Well then, you’re going to find out anyway because Sonic’s magical new slush is definitely worth getting an ice cream headache for!

Sonic describes their newest slushtastic creation as: “A vibrant pink slush filled with magical flavor bubbles, crowned with a fluffy cloud of whipped topping, and finished with a sprinkle of shimmering sugar crystals.” While that is true, it doesn’t do enough to describe the truly ???: *???:* ??magical *:???*:? nature of this pink and blue drink.

If you like cotton candy-flavored things, you’ll love this. The flavor is very solidly cotton candy in all its sticky-sweet glory. The blue raspberry “flavor bubbles” (aka popping boba) are a nice change of pace, serving to highlight the cotton candy while adding a nuanced blueness all their own. The whipped topping is a lovely creamy addition, especially if you swirl it all together a la the Taco Bell Baja Blast Dream Freeze I reviewed recently (I wonder if that nomenclature is solely because “dream” and “cream” rhyme…”

If I have some constructive criticism, it’s that I wish the shimmering sugar crystals on this drink were more like the chunkier, more textured versions from the same chain’s LTO Strawberry Shortcake Snowball Slush Float. Hah, try saying that three times fast! In all seriousness, though, the crunchier sugar crystals that drink used would have made the Unicorn Dreams slush a 10 out of 10! So if anyone from Sonic happens to be reading this review, consider switching up the sugar crystals! As much as I enjoyed the aesthetics of the sprinkle of pink and blue fairy dust on top of the whipped topping, they brought nothing else to the party and pretty much just dissolved on contact.

As an UNEXPECTED BONUS, this drink also comes with A UNICORN HORN SHAPED STRAW!!! OMG WHAT!? I literally giggled when it was handed to me. It’s a great little perk of ordering the drink and definitely made the drinking experience a bit more fantastical. Unfortunately, the smaller side of the straw is too narrow to accommodate the blue raspberry flavor beads. So, unless you want to use the straw like a peashooter and spit the blue things across the car, you’ll need to ask for a separate boba-sized straw.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Medium (only size available)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 430 calories, 5 grams of total fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 102 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 101 grams of total sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

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