REVIEW: Mountain Dew Honeydew

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I want to start a #FreeMountainDewHoneydew campaign. Will you join me? Because it pains me to see the new Mountain Dew Honeydew be trapped by exclusivity in the US as a flavor that we can only purchase from regional convenience store chains that have spelling issues (Maverik) or cause giggling issues (Kum & Go). Let’s release those chains from those chains and bring it to all who wish to Do the Honeydew because it’s quite HoneyDew-licious.

Mountain Dew Honeydew actually made its deDew, I mean, debut in Canada in 2023, and since then, US Dew fans have wondered if we would ever get the flavor. But like ketchup and All-Dressed potato chips, it has made its way into the US stores, albeit not everywhere.

Twisting off the top and giving the freshly opened soda a sniff, its aroma was similar to many honeydew-flavored drinks I’ve had from Japan. Although the beverages from Japan usually have some kind of creamy component, this Dew didn’t have one. Instead, think of the best piece of honeydew you’ve ever had in your life, but sweeter with a stronger melon flavor and a hint of the underlying citrus flavor at the back end. That’s what this soda tastes like, and that’s why I adore it.

Being so good, it brings up another question besides, “Why is Mountain Dew Honeydew an exclusive flavor?” Why aren’t there more honeydew-flavored drinks in the US? Off the top of my head, I can’t think of another melon-flavored beverage offered throughout the United States. Although knowing my astute and lovely audience, I’m sure some of you will come up with one or two in the comments.

Much like it upsets me that the delicious Mtn Dew Maui Burst is a Dollar General exclusive, it’s equally as upsetting that Mountain Dew Honeydew is only available at a regional convenience store chain. My favorite Dew flavors are difficult to obtain, and that annoys me. Maybe I should move? Or start #FreeMountainDewHoneydew and #FreeMtnDewMauiBurst campaigns.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 20 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 0 grams of fat, 85 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 73 grams of sugar (including 73 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 93 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Kirkland Signature Combo Calzone

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Costco’s food court is arguably the country’s best cost-effective eatery. Where else can you get a two-dollar dog right after spending $450 on items such as an Army’s supply of animal crackers and a year’s worth of pipe-clogging wet wipes?

Just me?

I never skip the Costco Cafeteria. I’ll take one of their obese slices over any national chain’s wimpy pizza. I don’t know where Chicken Bakes came from, but they’re a marvel of modern science. That dirt cheap footlong? GOATed! And how can I forget the… *sigh* we still doing this?

Double. Chocolate. Chunk. Cookie?! Five Booms and whatnot.

Everything is good.

Well, everything WAS good. It is with great sorrow that I must report the new Kirkland Calzone Combo is a DOOM!

I’m baffled. How can this be? On paper, you would think a Costco food court Calzone would just marry the best parts of the pizza and the chicken bake, right? Pure ignorance.

It certainly looks like a decent calzone. I really like the doughy, slightly crispy crust on the pizza slice, so having that as a giant pocket works. It was probably my favorite part of the experience, despite it getting worse as I got towards the center.

The filling is pure slop. A full-on work sloppage. Slopular Science. The King of Slop. A wop slop a loo bop a slop bom bom!

The “turnover” comes packed with pepperoni, sausage, cheese, onions, peppers, sauce, olives, and mushrooms, all of which clash with each other.

I’m not opposed to a supreme pizza, but all of these ingredients don’t work in this pouch; it just makes everything wet with a gross flavor I can only describe as “spiced slimy meat.” That’s all I tasted, but not even in a good pepperoni or sausage style, they blend with the veggies to make an off-putting “spice” that is neither hot nor appetizing. This is the opposite of the spice mélange. One DUNE(!) on the “Boom or Dune” scale.

I could probably get beyond the overall flavor if this thing had more cheese in it. It’s severely lacking. I’ll keep hyping the pizza, because I absolutely love that 700-calorie behemoth cheese slice. It’s excessive, it’s greasy, it’s uniquely chewy, and I love it. This mushy deflated football needed that texture badly.

What you’re looking at here is a giant Hot Pocket that you took out of the microwave fifteen seconds early. I’m shocked at how much I disliked it. What a mess. This thing left a bad taste in my mouth literally and figuratively. The corners of the crust are basically the highlight. This should’ve been a perfect amalgamation of the pizza and chicken bake, but instead it’s a bastardization.

1.66 out of 5 BOOMS, which is appropriately a “boo.”

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: n/a
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1,080 calories, 61 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 2000 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 46 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Twix Snickerdoodle

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Soft, chewy cinnamon sugar snickerdoodle cookies are a cozy classic associated with winter holidays, but they are delicious in all seasons. Case in point: I associate them with Father’s Day, when I would often bake a large batch for my dad, a renowned cinnamon fiend. One year, I mistakenly baked enough snickerdoodles for a small army of dads. I suggested leaving a tin outside for our mail carrier, who was a family friend. Unwilling to share his treat, my dad protested that “if you leave him snickerdoodles today, he’ll get spoiled and start expecting them every time.”

The mail carrier did end up with his snickerdoodles that day, and this is all to say that the new Twix Snickerdoodle may leave me spoiled and expecting all of the brand’s subsequent novelty flavors to be successful.

The milk chocolate-coated candy is imbued with cinnamon flavor in both the caramel and the biscuit. The cinnamon cookie is subtly spiced, like a scantily coated snickerdoodle. The caramel is more forceful in its flavoring, teetering on too artificial, and generates warmth in the aftertaste that reminds me more of cinnamon hard candy than cookies. This quality of the caramel is subtle unless you strip the caramel from its cookie (which I did, for science). The milk chocolate helps to mellow the intense flavor into a more balanced bite.

Despite this, flavoring two components of the bar was the right choice because the spiced cookie alone would not have been enough flavor. I liked the candy enough to forgive Twix’s cinnamon wizard for his liberal hand.

Together, the sweet milk chocolate, buttery spiced caramel, and crispy cookie represent everything we love about original Twix, but with a warm twist perfect for the upcoming season. While I love milk chocolate and cinnamon together, I wonder if a cream cheese or yogurt-flavored candy coating would mimic the tang that cream of tartar brings to snickerdoodles. No such candy bar exists to my knowledge, but you, the cinnamon wizard, or the cream cheese chancellor may have resources that I do not.

Twix Snickerdoodle’s sugar and spice will pair nicely with your autumn chai or holiday candy dish. Are they good enough to refuse your friends, family, or mail carrier a taste? You decide.

Purchased Price: $1.69
Purchased at: Giant Eagle
Size: 1.41 oz (40 g) bar
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 200 calories, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein

REVIEW: Apple Pie a la Mode Oreo Cookies

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The story goes that Isaac Newton discovered gravity after an apple fell from a tree and hit him on the head, and I like to think that that’s the same way an executive at Oreo came up with the inspired idea for its new Apple Pie a la Mode flavor.

As soon as I opened the package, the autumnal smell that wafted up to greet me (like I’d just poured a batch of fresh apple cider!) was a signal that things were about to get good. Visually, these look more or less like Golden Oreos, except the cookies are a smidge darker and the crème is tan instead of white. They’re also quite hearty, closer in crème level to a Double Stuf than a regular Oreo—more on that to come!

I can’t help but play with my food, so I neatly twisted off the top cookie in my first Oreo and sampled it alone. This was a multifaceted flavor; buttery, with notes of apple and cinnamon coming on stronger in the aftertaste. The crème was noticeably fruitier, which felt appropriate. Biting into two toasty cookies with the luscious crème within was a neat and satisfying way to replicate the experience of a tender pie crust encasing a gooey filling (and got bonus points for being much less messy). If you can manage some restraint, though, I would suggest it; in larger mouthfuls, the flavor was a bit overwhelming, feeling too synthetic for my liking, which wasn’t a problem when I was just taking dainty little nibbles.

At first, I thought the “à la mode” aspect might just be marketing jargon to spice things up (which I slightly resented, finding apple pie plenty compelling on its own), but then I pondered the double helping of crème. It occurred to me that perhaps that extra layer was meant to mimic the creaminess of the ice cream served atop a dessert in a la mode style. With this new perspective, I appreciated how the extra richness and sweetness in that robust filling allowed me to visualize myself snacking on a warm piece of pie decked out in slightly melty vanilla ice cream. A quick look at the marketing copy online confirmed that the crème is specifically meant to be “apple pie and vanilla ice cream-flavored,” and while advertising the vanilla flavor in a crème that’s famously vanilla-flavored feels a little like low-hanging fruit, I can’t deny that it works. The combination was nostalgic and comforting.

If you typically enjoy a non-chocolate Oreo, these are certainly a worthy addition to the pantheon. In fact, even if you don’t typically enjoy a non-chocolate Oreo, these are complex and interesting enough that they might just change your mind. I myself have had a longstanding belief that fruit-flavored desserts are inferior, but Apple Pie a la Mode Oreos are good enough to make me eat my words… plus about five cookies in one sitting.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 10.68 oz package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (serving size of 2 cookies): 150 calories, 7 grams of fat,2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Little Debbie Pumpkin Spice Creme Pies

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Little Debbie always purveys fall-themed treats. Besides its usual desserts, which simply have fall-themed sprinkles, frosting, or packaging (yawn), for years, it has had Pumpkin Delights cookies and Pumpkin Spice Rolls.

This year, there’s another pumpkin spice option: Oatmeal Creme Pies!

Oatmeal Creme Pies, in my opinion, are one of Debbie’s top snacks. Maybe even the top snack. So it’s kind of surprising it took this long to happen.

When I bite into these cookies, there is so much of the familiar Oatmeal Creme Pie: the chewy, toothsome, oaty cookies, combined with the nondescript creme filling that provides a satisfying textural contrast.

But with this variety, there’s an added bonus: These taste like fall!

There is a generic spiciness, the kind that appears in various fall treats. It’s subtle, so you don’t feel like you’re eating a candle, but it’s definitely a different flavor than ordinary Oatmeal Creme Pies. As far as I can tell, the spices are in the cookie, not the filling.

Despite the orange-colored filling, there is no pumpkin involved in these cookies. I must admit I find it annoying when companies label something as “pumpkin spice” when there’s no pumpkin involved. Might as well call it “zucchini spice” or “carrot spice.”

I’m really happy that Oatmeal Creme Pies have finally been pumpkin spice-ified (despite the lack of actual pumpkin), and I hope Little Debbie makes additional seasonal flavors for the classic cookie sandwich.

Purchased Price: $3.16
Size: 8-count box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cookie) 170 calories, 7 grams of total fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar including 13 grams of added sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

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