REVIEW: Impossible Chicken Nuggets

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Impossible Chicken Nuggets Bag

What are Impossible Chicken Nuggets?

After the success of its plant-based burgers, especially in the form of the Impossible Whopper from Burger King, Impossible Foods has introduced chicken nuggets. Having made its mark on the world by creating a plant-burger patty nearly identical to beef, it was only matter of time before Impossible Foods attempted to replicate another animal. Will these plant-based nuggets manage another feat of food super-science?

How are they?

I’m the last person in the world to not have an air-fryer, so I cooked these in my stupid, non-trendy regular oven. Eleven minutes at 375 degrees resulted in hot and crispy nuggets. I ate one too quickly and burned my mouth, just like when I was a kid!

Impossible Chicken Nuggets Coating

They’re hot, juicy, too salty, and taste like chicken. Or, they taste like chicken as much as chicken nuggets do. Because that’s the thing, isn’t it? Ground, pressed, and formed chicken made into nuggets is about as far away from actual chicken as possible, so how impressive is it to recreate them from soy?

Anything else you need to know?

Impossible Chicken Nuggets Innards

I’m usually fairly forgiving when it comes to “imitation” foods. I like Boca Burgers despite them tasting nothing like actual hamburgers. Does imitation crab taste anything like real crab? No, but it’s still good. Impossible Foods has set itself the high standard of being indistinguishable from the real thing and so I judge them accordingly.

Are these plant-based nuggets the equivalent of chicken? Yeah, they’re even closer than the burgers. Yet, I have to think that these nuggets are less impressive than an Impossible Whopper. Chicken nuggets are a notoriously hyper-processed product (Jamie Oliver is on a crusade about them). When Impossible Foods delivers the whole muscle meats that they’re working on is when plant-based meat will have its true test.

Conclusion:

Impossible Foods’ plant-based chicken nuggets achieve the (not quite) impossible feat of making a nugget that’s no different than one made from chicken. I’m looking forward to what Impossible Foods has coming next.

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: 13.5 oz pouch (383g)
Purchased at: Woodman’s Market
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5 pieces) 240 calories, 12 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 480 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata

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Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata Can

What is Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata?

After cranking out over 30 different flavors of highly caffeinated bubbly drinks, including varieties like Candy Apple Crisp, Sour Heads, and Rainbow Unicorn, Bang has taken on the one flavor I’m pretty sure I never wanted to drink — chocolate. Okay, okay, yes, chocolate milkshakes are great, but a clear-colored, sugar-free carbonated drink with 300 milligrams of caffeine marketed to gym rats? This is a doozy.

How is it?

It is…not good.

I’ve had most Bang flavors and absolutely consider myself a fan of the brand, but this is up there (down there?) with the worst of ‘em. I went into this experience with a lot of optimism, and my first sip wasn’t awful, but the more I drank it, the less I enjoyed what was coming out of the ice cold tall can.

Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata Pour

The most prominent and expected flavor is artificial chocolate, very similar to the classic cheap taste of a Tootsie Roll. After the chocolate comes a bit of creaminess, like a cream soda, and then a bizarre touch of sour on the finish. The libation gets perpetually more confusing and less appetizing as the sips go on. Sadly, there is no redemption arc in store for this villain of a drink.

Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata Glass

Anything else you need to know?

In the aftertaste, especially when assisted by a little burp, I tasted something bitter and hoppy like in an IPA beer. Toss that into the equation with the chocolate, cream, and sour, and this beverage is beyond confusing. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me there was booze in this.

Conclusion:

I’ve had a chocolate Coke at a restaurant when the bartender was doing his best to channel a 1950s soda jerk, and I’d like to think this is what Bang was trying to achieve this release, but sadly, this ain’t it. Whole Lotta Chocolata isn’t un-drinkable or repulsive, but it’s a whole lotta something I never want to buy again.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 16 fl oz can
Purchased at: Lucky
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte

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Dunkin Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte Iced and Hot

My relationship with coffee can best be described as a fairweather friend; when things are light and sweet, I’m the biggest fan, but the second it gets dark and bitter, I’m out of there.

For fellow lovers of milky, sugary, frilly coffees, I’m glad to report that Dunkin’s new Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte is a dream come true. This review was the first time I’ve had both hot and iced variants of a latte simultaneously, and I was pleasantly surprised that their tastes were as distinct as their temperatures.

Dunkin Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte Iced

To celebrate an unseasonably warm day in late fall, I started with the iced version. On a sweetness scale from “plain cold brew” to “milkshake,” it fell solidly at “Frappuccino” level (that is to say, pretty dang sweet). Alongside the pure richness and creaminess of the white chocolate flavor, which was matched by the pure richness and creaminess of the thick, dense whipped cream on top, the “toasted” aspect of the name shined, accentuated by the cinnamon sugar dusting. The drink’s topping also contained a caramel drizzle, but as syrups tend to do, it quickly melted into the whipped cream in an indistinguishable blob, so it didn’t impact the flavor much for me.

As a white chocolate aficionado, I often lament its relegation to seasonal status, but I’ve got to say that this blissful combination of sweet and smokey was as perfect a winter treat as lounging by the fireplace on a snowy day. Bonus points for living up to the image on the poster about as faithfully as possible under the confines of the whipped-cream-smushing lid.

Dunkin Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte Poster

Dunkin Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte Hot

Interestingly, my hot latte was reminiscent of a different iconic winter flavor: gingerbread. After consulting the label to make sure I hadn’t picked up the wrong order, I started to suspect this had to do with the coffee-to-mouth pipeline. Sipping the iced latte from a straw allowed me to skip the whip and get right to the heart of the drink, but since I was swigging the hot latte directly from the opening in the lid, the whipped cream and its accoutrements were the first things that rose to meet me. The heated combination of whipped cream richness, white chocolate toastiness, and the light bite of cinnamon all at once gave the hot version its zesty, cookie-esque character (I found the caramel didn’t make much of a mark in this version, either). Once I slurped past the wintry mix on top, I was met with a beverage as sweet, full-bodied, and comforting as a cup of cocoa.

I couldn’t detect even the faintest hint of acrid coffee taste in either version, which suited me just fine. Ultimately, I might recommend the hot latte over the iced just because it isn’t subject to the same “melting ice diluting the flavor” issue that can plague a cold drink that isn’t chugged quickly enough. But honestly, as long as you don’t mind a serious sugar rush, either variant is so delicious that you just might want to drink it as quickly as possible regardless.

Purchased Price: $4.56
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 300 calories, 11 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium (hot) or 135 milligrams of sodium (iced), 42 grams of total carbohydrates, 38 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of fiber, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Papa John’s Triple Bacon Pizza

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Papa John s Triple Bacon Pizza Whole

What’s meatier than a Shaq-a-Roni, more novel than a Papadia, and able to clog three times as many arteries in a single bound? Papa John’s new Triple Bacon Pizza! Its claim to fame is containing three types of bacon: crumbles, julienne-cut pieces of Canadian bacon, and good old-fashioned strips.

At first glance, the strips were the most noticeable part of my pie. The chunky juliennes stood out as well, but were more prone to being submerged under cheese (this often made for a nice mid-bite surprise). The crumbles were the shrinking violets of the trio, with their smaller size, denser texture, and deeper color, making them surprisingly hard to tell apart from the dark dots of cheese. The lattice of varying shapes, textures, and shades of red made the pie look almost like a piece of avant-garde art—so like any good art connoisseur would, I immediately ripped it apart with my teeth.

The strips were, well, typical bacon strips, though I particularly enjoyed the variations in texture, with some bites lean and burnt and others fatty and chewy. On the other hand, the juliennes were consistently thick and tender, and since they were Canadian bacon, they had a slightly sweeter, meatier taste. I’m finding it harder to sum up the crumbles, whose standout feature seemed to be that they were just the strips, only torn into pieces. Papa John’s website specifically describes the crumbles as “smokey,” but for me the bulk of the smokey flavor came from the sheer surface area covered by the strips. While the strips were large enough that each one tended to have representation of both crispness and meatiness (even if they weren’t evenly distributed), each crumble typically only captured one of those flavors, which meant they didn’t contribute distinctly to the overall taste.

Papa John s Triple Bacon Pizza Slice

While I deeply appreciated the audacity of laying down full bacon strips across the entire pie, the flavorful juliennes with their perfectly pluckable shape were my favorite of the three types. Hearty enough to stand alongside the slice instead of just blending in, they had a similar appeal to the classic meatball or sausage pizza toppings, while the thin strips meshed with the cheese and sauce as smoothly as pepperoni. I’m not sure exactly what the advantage of the crumbles was. They felt like they were just tacked on as a cheap way to get a third selling point for this new menu item, and I suspect the two star students would shine better without them.

Papa John s Triple Bacon Pizza Bpx

All in all, the savory saltiness of these three breeds of bacon was a great, if not exactly world-shattering, pairing for Papa John’s dense cheese and sweet sauce. It made me wonder how this classic breakfast topping would hold up on a slice eaten cold the next morning, but my household demolished our box too quickly to tell. Fortunately, this meaty marvel is good enough that I don’t mind having an excuse to get it again some time and find out.

Purchased Price: $13 (that’s for the basic Triple Bacon pie, though I splurged an additional $3 to add stuffed crust)
Size: Large
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Information not available on website.

REVIEW: Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes Ice Cream

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Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes Ice Cream Pint

What is Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes Ice Cream?

Per the carton, “Two family-owned brands, Little Debbie and Hudsonville®, have come together to craft this cold and creamy Christmas Tree Cake® inspired ice cream, making holiday moments even sweeter.”

It features ice cream, red icing, green sugar sprinkles, and pieces of pound cake.

Oh, and it’s exclusive to Walmart.

How is it?

It’s so festive that I have to remind myself that it’s not going to taste like peppermint.

Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes Ice Cream Scoop

The red icing has a nice flavor, definitely better than the waxy coating on Little Debbie cakes. I also like the cake pieces mixed in with the ice cream. They are soft enough that the two elements work together nicely.

You know when you have cake and ice cream at a birthday party, and you mix the leftover ice cream with the cake crumbs on your plate? This ice cream is like that. In fact, swap out the colors, and this could be a birthday cake ice cream.

Anything else you need to know?

There are basically two things I don’t like:

  • The green sprinkles. They are fine on the actual cakes, but the gritty texture clashes with the soft ice cream and cake. I can see how some people might like the textural contrast, but I don’t. They’re not a deal-breaker, but I do wish they weren’t there.
  • This product is good, but it’s just kind of boring. It’s basically vanilla ice cream flavored like vanilla cakes.

Conclusion:

Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes Ice Cream with Cake

I like Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes Ice Cream more than I like actual Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes. The flavor might not be very exciting, but visually, the ice cream screams Christmas, and the cake provides a pleasing texture.

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 230 calories, 10 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, 21 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

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