REVIEW: Popeyes Homestyle Mac & Cheese

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Popeyes Homestyle Mac Cheese Bowl

Popeyes, widely regarded as the champion of fast food fried chicken, has a new and improved Homestyle Mac & Cheese.

Did you know it had an old and un-improved Homestyle Mac & Cheese? I sure didn’t. See, the thing is, I’ve never been able to bring myself to order anything other than the red beans and rice or the mashed potatoes with cajun gravy. And this is odd because, as a human person, I love macaroni and cheese. I even love macaroni and cheese from other fast-food chicken places. It is one of my go-to sides when I end up at KFC, where I gladly consume it despite the fact that it tastes inexplicably chlorinated.

But Popeyes nails it on chicken, chicken nuggets, chicken sandwiches, biscuits, and the aforementioned sides, so why WOULDN’T it make a magnificent mac & cheese, too?

Well, they do.

Popeyes website boasts that its new noodle dish is “made with real butter and cream and topped with shredded cheddar cheese,” and this story checks out. The noodles themselves are perfectly cooked — soft and tender but not mushy. And there is plenty of cheese — a mild, creamy cheese that lovingly coats each noodle and the sharper, chewy cheddar that hides in pockets throughout the bowl.

Popeyes Homestyle Mac Cheese Spoon

It is a rich dish — likely owing to the real butter and cream — but not so rich that you won’t be able to eat the whole thing in like, 90 seconds and then go, “Dammit, Brandon, why did you eat the whole thing? Can’t you exercise more restraint than that?”

Despite the adulation, I do have two quibbles with this delectable side.

The first is that the texture is very one-note. And I get it, I do, this is mac & cheese, which is, by and large, a creamy, soft dish. But you know what elevates a very good mac & cheese to a great mac & cheese? A crunchy top. You know, breadcrumbs or what have you. You get a bit of textural differentiation because of the melted shredded cheddar, but it’s not enough to break up the monotony in your mouth. (Which again, I assure you, isn’t enough to keep you from wanting to consume an industrial barrel’s worth of this stuff.)

Second, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now when I get a meal and have to choose two sides. My gut says to alternate between the red beans and rice, mashed potatoes, and the new mac & cheese like a responsible adult. However, the fat kid who lives in my brain says, “GET ‘EM ALL, BUDDY. IT’S THE FUTURE. YOU CAN JUST 3D-PRINT SOME NEW ARTERIES.”

God bless technology, and god bless this macaroni and cheese.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: Regular
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 300 calories, 22 grams of fat, 13.5 grams of saturated fat, 0.6 grams of trans fat, 609 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry

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Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry Bottle

What is Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry?

To the delight of those who are already sweet enough on their own, Sprite has released a zero-sugar version of its Winter Spiced Cranberry soda! An admirable effort, considering the original contains 109% of your daily added sugars in one 20 oz bottle.

How is it?

I should let you all know that while I’ll chow or gulp down any food or beverage in the eggnog, gingerbread, or even Christmas tree (if you haven’t tried spruce beer, try spruce beer) family come holiday time, the combination of fruit and spice has my heart.

This Sprite does not have my heart.

Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry Clear Side

Upon first pour, I smelled a burst of sweetness that was not easily identifiable as lemon, lime, cranberry, or spice. The scent was more like an orange or melon soda than something you’d reach for as you’re hanging up the holly.

The taste is equally indistinguishable. If you handed a mug of it to Santa, no explanation, well, he’d be cranky it’s not milk, but he also wouldn’t be able to tell you what flavor it’s supposed to be. Where the original Sprite Winter Spiced Cranberry has defined flavors of fruit and spice, the notes feel muddled and thin in the zero-sugar version.

Also, I know you can’t make a sugar-free soda taste like it’s corn syrupy brother, but Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry really tastes like a diet soda. The cranberry flavoring that is so pleasant in the original version only heightens the unnatural sweetness of aspartame.

Anything else you need to know?

Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry Decoration

This soda was the pine needle in the haystack of holiday flavors, and it took me a very long time to hunt it down. I finally found it in a liquor superstore, which may be because the only way to enjoy this Sprite is to mix it with something else. If you’ve figured out the best beverage to add, please let me know in the comments; I was only able to find a 2-liter bottle and want to find a good use for the rest.

Conclusion:

Sprite Zero Sugar Winter Spiced Cranberry Clear Top

As a two-time maker of a mulled wine pecan pie, I can’t sign off on this supposed spiced fruit item. If you want to try a Sprite winter soda, I can only recommend buying the original sugar-full (seriously, it has almost a quarter more added sugar than regular Sprite) version. Otherwise, let’s all hope Mtn Dew figures out a sugar-free version of Gingerbread Snap’d soon.

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: 2 liter bottle
Purchased at: Total Wine & More
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 fl oz) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 35 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Canada Dry Vanilla Bean Bold Ginger Ale

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Canada Dry Vanilla Bean Bold Ginger Ale Cans

According to Canada Dry’s description, Canada Dry Bold is “Maybe the boldest ginger ale ever created.” I can verify this is false because (a) I once made my own ginger ale and didn’t strain the ginger out before drinking (I’m simultaneously ambitious and lazy), which made for a VERY bold beverage, and (b) Canada Dry Vanilla Bean Bold definitely hits me harder than the regular Bold did. The boldness of the homemade experiment was expected, but Vanilla Bean Bold surprised me.

It comes in a six-pack of 7.5 oz mini cans, which I don’t normally purchase because while adorable, it would take all six to equal the volume of soda I prefer to drink.

I cracked open my first tiny can and gave it a sniff. Initially, it didn’t seem like there was much there besides a slight cream soda smell, and taking a sip confirmed the cream soda vibe. I poured the rest into a Christmas-themed cup because this is a limited winter edition, after all, and this is when things got a bit more dramatic. I took a giant whiff and was startled by the amount of pepperiness in my nose.

Canada Dry Vanilla Bean Bold Ginger Ale Cup

If you drink this stuff in anything more than small doses, it really is significantly bolder than you expect out of Canada Dry and an upgrade on its first Bold attempt. If you were suffering from the kind of ailment that would typically have you reaching for ginger ale, I don’t know if you’d be pleasantly surprised that you can really taste this variety or irritated because you’re already unsettled and now someone’s gone and dumped wasabi in your cup.

The brown and cream can with its subtle twinkly design has a retro feel that makes sense with the cream soda and ginger ale flavors. These are things I’d drink during winter break visits to my grandparent’s house, which makes me feel like a kid. What makes me feel even more like a kid is the fact that I can’t stop sticking my whole face in the cup for the next big sinus-clearing inhale or taking overly large gulps to experience the spicy sensation in the back of my throat. It’s not just a drink. It’s fun. You could sip on this slowly for a more mature drinking experience, but why would you do that when you can take the more thrilling route? Go bold, people.

Canada Dry’s website makes no mention of Vanilla Bean Bold, but it does give you instructions on how to combine all of the other (non-reindeer) varieties with booze. I guess they see themselves as more of a mixer than a standalone drink? I mixed this with whiskey, which was perfectly acceptable, although it surprises me to say that I think I like it better on its own.

I am genuinely enjoying how this edition takes things a step further than Bold ever did. Is it possible that the addition of vanilla is what really gives this soda its spicy kick? Some types of vanilla beans have spicier notes, so perhaps there’s something about that in play here. There has to be very little actual vanilla bean or ginger in the formula, so I might be giving Canada Dry too much credit. But whatever they did, it works. The vanilla inclusion not only makes sense for the holidays but makes for a richer overall flavor. I don’t love it so much that I need it around all year, but it succeeds in bringing something new to the usual cranberry winter soda market.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Six-pack of 7.5 fl oz cans
Purchased at: Jewel-Osco
Rating: 8 out of 10.
Nutrition Facts: (7.5 oz) 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of total sugars including 22 grams of added sugars, 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cinnamon Bun Snickers

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Cinnamon Bun Snickers Wrapper

Cinnamon rolls are not cinnamon buns and I am ashamed of you for even thinking so.

Sure, they are both pinwheels of dough slathered in butter, cinnamon and sugar. And they both masquerade as breakfast in places where nutrition doesn’t matter. But there, the roads diverge.

Cinnamon rolls get baked, slathered with sugar or cream cheese, and stop trying. Cinnamon buns get flipped back into their own glaze like heroes, and are pummeled mercilessly with caramel and pecans. They are what baby cinnamon rolls hope they will one day become. They are breakfast for people who don’t eat lunch and dinner. And, on the day Snickers executives were supposed to debate whether to make a Cinnamon Roll Snickers or a Cinnamon Bun Snickers, I bet they all went home early. I bet they thought that Snickers, the candy bar that markets itself for hungry people, had cinnamon bun DNA in its peanuts.

So I had big hopes, hopes as big as the trucks that pulled into the Colorado truck stop where I once had my first cinnamon bun. The light aqua packaging was sleek and encouraged these hopes, although in the glare of the turquoise neon, I overlooked some troubling details. First, the picture depicted not a cinnamon bun, but a pedestrian cinnamon roll, hinting that the Snickers executives were taking some sloppy liberties. And then there was the label’s marque, which listed, in bold letters and in explicit disappointing detail, Peanuts, Cinnamon Bun Flavored Nougat, Caramel, Milk Chocolate.

I could have, I should have, stopped there and gotten a hold of myself. This was a Snickers bar, a typically busy conglomeration of textures and flavors, in which only one player in a diverse cast would be taking on that Cinnamon Bun challenge. Yes, that colossal cinnamon bun flavor was all going to be on nougat’s shoulders. Peanuts, caramel and milk chocolate would be stepping back, letting him do all the work. And replicating a cinnamon bun is a lot of work. Poor nougat. Poor sad, sweet nougat.

Cinnamon Bun Snickers Split

You see, Snickers nougat, like some rare orchid, is a fragile and delicate thing. In your everyday Snickers bar, it is the glue that marries the dominant peanut and caramel sensations, adding a fluffy chewiness but content to not muck up the flavor profile. Discerning palates might detect a touch of molasses or a dark honey in it, but it’s strictly back seat. Cinnamon Bun Snickers hands nougat the keys.

And it’s safe to say nougat is an overly cautious driver. The same bland molasses flavor is present, but with the slightest wisp of cinnamon, resulting in a bar that has echoes of cinnamon and is even slightly sweeter than ordinary Snickers. It resembles the button down nougat we know in every other respect, but the touch of cinnamon may be enough to transform the bar into something else, but there will be a few uneducated rubes out there who buy Cinnamon Bun Snickers thinking it is a regular Snickers, and never realizing the error of their ways.

Cinnamon Bun Snickers Caramel

Ironically, the caramel and the peanuts, which by all appearances are no different at all from the other Snickers bars in the Snickers universe, come to the rescue, primarily because cinnamon buns also have nuts and caramel and the combination evokes them. They keep the bar from being too dramatic a disappointment.

But a slight disappointment, nonetheless. Then again, if it was as good as a regular cinnamon bun, I’d never have to go back to that truck stop in Colorado. That actually sounds like a good idea right now. OK, nougat, get back in the back seat.

Purchased Price: 88 cents
Size: 1.5 oz bar
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 200 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Pancake Minis

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Dunkin Pancake Minis with Syrup

Pancakes have never quite translated to the fast-food world.

Outside of the “hot cakes” McDonald’s used to slap inside giant Styrofoam cloches, I can’t even think of a traditional pancake I’ve seen on a menu.

French Toast Sticks? Sure. McGriddles are kinda like pancakes, but not quite. What else am I forgetting?

One thing’s for sure, I definitely don’t remember ever eating a pancake from Dunkin’.

Well, lucky for us(?), Dunkin’ figured out how to bring pancakes to the menu with the use of its patented Munchkinizer™ technology. Introducing Pancake Minis!

According to Dunkin’, “Pancake Minis includes six mini pancakes filled with maple-flavored bits, served warm with a side of syrup.”

Dunkin Pancake Minis Plated

A few key words really struck me – “maple-flavored bits.” Yes! That’s how you sell a pancake at Dunkin’, mimic the McDonald’s McGriddle cake. You’re telling me I can eat mini poppable McGriddles and add even more syrup if I want too?!

… Oh you’re not? Oh. That’s disappointing.

Don’t get your hopes up. The pancakes desperately need the syrup. Any sweetness just tastes like a teaspoon of sugar was added to the batter. Without strong “maple-flavored bits,” this entire concept is DOA. Unless you’re planning on dining inside a large Dunkin’ restaurant, these are pointless.

Few foods on Earth get colder faster than a pancake. These pancake Pogs get colder even faster than that! They won’t travel well.

I’m a car eater, but I also despise getting sticky, so opening and dunking into a syrup cup in my car isn’t ideal. You’re playing with fire even if you’re parked. The drip threat isn’t worth the risk.

Dunkin Pancake Minis Dip

“How hard is it to not spill syrup, you buffoon?” Ok, fair enough, but in all honesty, the pancakes don’t even taste that good even if you slather them with the Mrs. Butterworth syrup.

They didn’t even stay hot for 30 seconds, and I watched the employee just pull 6 of em out of a drawer. He shuffled them like poker chips then nuked em for 30 seconds. Ok, he didn’t shuffle em, but something about the whole process was still a bit off-putting. This is a nitpick though as I’m sure plenty of places like this prepare foods similarly.

Dunkin’ is great at “mini.” Munchkins are iconic, and those bagel balls are a really good on-the-go snack, but these are just ill-conceived. Pancakes aren’t a quick snack, and they didn’t even try to get creative.

These are basically the Eggo minis in the freezer section, but at least you can make those at home.

Dunkin Pancake Minis

If you’re dead set on pancakes, just go to your local mom and pop breakfast spot instead. You’ll find the time, most people wolf pancakes down in 5 minutes anyway.

The portion size is good and they have 10 grams of protein, but Pancake Minis aren’t worth it. Something tells me they won’t be “selling like hotcakes.”

On a scale of “dip to skip” these are a skip. Just wait for McDonald’s to make “Liddle McGriddles.” ™ Vin. Hit me up, McDonald’s.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 6 pancakes and 1 oz. syrup
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (6 pancakes + dipping syrup) 230 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of total carbohydrates, 22 grams of total sugars, 10 grams of protein.

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