REVIEW: Snapple Elements (2022)

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Snapple Elements 2022 Bottles

What are Snapple Elements?

First launched in 1999 and discontinued in the mid-2000s, the Snapple Elements line associated inventive fruit flavors with natural phenomena. Snapple has re-launched the line starting with three flavors: Fire (dragon fruit), Rain (agave cactus), and Air (prickly pear and peach white tea).

Now with updated formulas, Snapple Elements contain no artificial sweeteners and 45% less sugar than other Snapple varieties.

How are they?

If you loved Snapple Elements enough to buy one of the original curvy glass bottles on eBay or sign an online petition begging for their return, this review is for you. Although my memories of the line are not clear enough to compare the old and new formulas, I’m here to report my experience, unclouded by a nostalgic haze. If only your Tamagotchi were alive to see this!

Snapple Elements 2022 Fire

The ruby red Fire variety achieves its dragon fruit flavor through a mixture of pear and grape juice concentrates and natural flavors. While dragon fruit is a mild flavor that is difficult to get right, Fire gets it pretty close. It tastes like sweet pear enriched with subtle floral notes.

Snapple Elements 2022 Rain

Rain’s agave cactus flavor was most intriguing. I associate cactus flavor with prickly pear flavor, sometimes with a hint of sourness, and the drink delivers shades of this expectation. It tastes like watered-down white grape juice (which does not appear in the ingredients list) mixed with mild pear and agave (which do). A subtle ribbon of tartness runs through the drink, and the agave’s flavor smoothes it out. The flavor is pleasantly light, refreshing, and subtle in a way that reminds me of drinking coconut water or aloe water. Rain was definitely the most unique drinking experience of the three flavors, and approaching it with an open mind and nebulous expectations made it easy to enjoy.

Snapple Elements 2022 Air

Finally, Air promises prickly pear and peach white tea flavors. Ironically, it is the only variety of the three not to contain pear juice or even much pear flavor. Its ingredients (white tea, acerola fruit extract, and natural flavors) contribute to a mellow peachy flavor paired with the crispness of white tea.

Although each contains a decent amount of added sugar, all varieties taste light, refreshing, and highly palatable. I would choose any one of them over Snapple’s current juice offerings, which (despite my affinity for Kiwi Strawberry) I find too sweet to finish in one sitting.

Anything else you need to know?

I struggled to locate all three varieties in my area, so stock up if you find your favorite. Also, although Snapple has swapped its iconic glass bottles for plastic, the Snapple facts printed beneath the caps live on. Did you know that humans can encourage precipitation with cloud seeding? Diploma, please!

Conclusion:

Snapple Elements 2022 Glasses

All three Snapple Elements flavors provide light, refreshing flavor experiences which are exciting contributions to the brand’s current line-up. Nostalgia aside, I hope the Elements line expands.

Purchased Price: $1.39 (Target) and $7.99 (Amazon)
Size: 15.9 fl oz bottles
Purchased at: Target (Fire and Rain) and Amazon (Air)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Fire), 8 out of 10 (Rain), 7 out of 10 (Air)
Nutrition Facts: (1 bottle) Fire – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 25 grams of sugar (including 20 grams added sugars) , and 0 grams of protein. Rain – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 25 grams of sugar (including 19 grams added sugars), and 0 grams of protein. Air – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 25 grams of sugar (including 25 grams added sugars), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Mocha Caramel Latte Oreo Cookies

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Limited Edition Mocha Caramel Latte Oreo Cookies Package

When Oreo announced its new limited edition flavor, I thought it was Groundhogs’ Day. Haven’t we seen a coffee-flavored one already?!

After scavenging this site’s archives, there have been the following varieties:

Okay, close, but not quite this exact flavor. I see you, Mondelez! There’s basically no additional R&D needed if you just mash up previous cremes, right? After Oreo runs out of existing mash-ups, I wouldn’t be surprised if we started seeing savory flavors like the current state of the ice cream aisle…

Limited Edition Mocha Caramel Latte Oreo Cookies Uneven

Lack of uniqueness aside, it’s still a tasty Oreo. When I opened the package, the smell reminded me of 7-Eleven or Meijer Express, and I mean that in a good way. It’s that very distinct smell of syrupy, artificially aromatic coffee. It’s almost Pavlovian for me as I can just hear the ding of the door opening and the sweet coffee aroma immediately tickling my nostrils. The scent also helped me overlook how messy the creme looked. I was surprised not to see neat rows.

Limited Edition Mocha Caramel Latte Oreo Cookies Layers

This scent comes from the dual creme layers of supposedly mocha latte and caramel. I say supposedly because the tan part carries the team. It has all the flavor, so I thought it was caramel latte filling. I tried the darker brown creme repeatedly, but I couldn’t pick up anything distinct except for a flat, sweet note. So, I concluded that it was there just visual interest. I thought the darker brown filling was gratuitous because the cookie itself did a fine job being the chocolate portion of mocha. It also added a much-needed depth, a counterpoint to the caramel sweetness. Can you tell that I’m #TeamCookie?

But apparently, it’s mocha latte and caramel cremes. I really didn’t get that at all, and I have gingerly peeled apart the layers on many a cookie at this point.

Limited Edition Mocha Caramel Latte Oreo Cookies Peeling

Overall, there have been more exciting limited edition Oreo cookies, but I think this did the job of emulating a caramel mocha latte. I am, however, still left wondering if Oreo’s coffee flavors have caffeine in them.

Limited Edition Mocha Caramel Latte Oreo Cookies Dip

Regardless, I’ve started to dip these cookies into an espresso as my afternoon treat and it’s getting out of hand! Where’s the family-size pack of limited edition flavors when you need ’em?!

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 12.2 oz
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pineapple Express Shake

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Jack in the Box Pineapple Express Shake Cup

If you’re wondering if Jack in the Box’s new Pineapple Express Shake has anything to do with the movie that has the same name, from what I can tell, it does not. But don’t let that stop you from enjoying this pineapple-flavored shake with whipped topping and a cherry.

I guess if you want, you can enjoy one while watching the movie. Or you could stick it in the freezer and consume it next year when the film celebrates its 15th anniversary.

Also, if you’re wondering if the shake has anything to do with the meteorological phenomenon that occurs along the Pacific coast of North America with the same name, it does not.

As a lover of many things pineapple-flavored, I approve of this shake. The pineapple syrup added to mine wasn’t wholly mixed in by the person who made my shake, but that didn’t stop the fruit flavor from coming through during my first few sips. Mixing it didn’t make the taste stronger.

Jack in the Box Pineapple Express Shake Spoon

The fruitiness isn’t overly sweet or artificial. There’s also an ever so slight citrusy sourness. But, for the most part, it’s pretty much what you’d expect from a pineapple-flavored shake. If you’re familiar with a Dole Whip, this tastes similar. However, I sometimes noticed something that made it taste like it had cake frosting. I don’t know if that was the whipped topping or when I sucked in a pocket of the plain vanilla base, but, again, it happened a few times. Maybe I need to mix better.

Overall, Jack in the Box’s Pineapple Express Shake is a delicious way to satisfy your sweet tooth and is an appropriate flavor now that the days are getting warmer. It may not have anything to do with the movie or a weather event. But if you want something sweet and tasty to enjoy while watching Pineapple Express, experiencing a Pineapple Express, or listening to the Bangalore-based progressive fusion band Pineapple Express, this will satisfy you.

Purchased Price: $5.39*
Size: Regular
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Not available on Jack in the Box’s website. Also, what’s up with Jack’s website. It hasn’t been updated in months.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Frankford Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Gummies

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Frankford Kraft Macaroni Cheese Gummies Box

What are Frankford Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Gummies?

When a friend sent me a video of a Trendy TikTok Teenager™ happening upon these, I immediately assumed it was an elaborately Photoshopped April Fool’s joke. But the siren song of curiosity compelled me to my local Five Below, just in case, and I’d never been so excited to be proven wrong. It’s not often that you genuinely have no idea what a snack food is going to taste like (or why it even exists in the first place), but this review gave me that dubious pleasure… and as it turns out, not many others.

How are they?

Frankford Kraft Macaroni Cheese Gummies Plate

These do not, in fact, actually taste like macaroni and cheese. Nor are they supposed to. If you’re a more reasonable person than I am, you might now be breathing a sigh of relief, but I found this disappointing. Van Leeuwen’s recent (and bizarre) Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ice cream has been widely described along the lines of “Huh, this really does somehow taste cheesy and creamy and salty… and honestly pretty good,” so why couldn’t these be like that too!? But, for better or worse, their flavor is fruity—tangerine-y, but in that nebulously synthetic way common to many gummies. The texture necessitates a workout for your jaw; rubbery and requiring some effort to chew. If these gummies really were pasta, I’d send them back to the kitchen.

Anything else you need to know?

Frankford Kraft Macaroni Cheese Gummies Compare

The box — an adorably dedicatedly crafted (or Krafted) facsimile that was probably my favorite part of this experience — cleverly gives no spoilers about what the heck these candies actually taste like, making for a prime opportunity for a prank or just a gimmicky surprise.

Conclusion:

Whether you find the concept queasy, uneasy, or just plain cheesy, Frankford’s Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Gummies probably have more shock value than flavor value, and only one of those values lasts past the first bite. I think they’re still certainly fun enough to justify a one-time novelty purchase, but fittingly for the store where they’re found, I can’t bring myself to rank them above a five (at least it’s not below)!

Purchased Price: $4.00
Size: 5.64 oz box
Purchased at: Five Below
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (7 gummies) 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Hardee’s Frisco Angus Burger

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Hardee s Frisco Angus Burger Full

Hardee’s has reintroduced a classic from the ’90s: the Frisco Burger. It was a childhood favorite of mine, so I pulled up an old commercial on YouTube that slapped me in the face with nostalgia and reminded me how excited 7-year-old me was to try the sourdough bread. How exotic! I’d only had regular, non-sour bread before. Sourdough bread isn’t quite as novel these days, but Hardee’s has brought back its San Francisco-inspired burger as the Frisco Angus Burger. Will it live up to my fond childhood memories?

I order and receive my hamburger in under a minute. The cynical adult in me says that means it’s been sitting under a heat lamp for who knows how long, but the little kid in me is excited to have food so quickly.

Hardee s Frisco Angus Burger Split

As cynical adult me feared, the hamburger patty on my burger didn’t seem to be the freshest. The outer edges were attractively crisped, but when I cut the patty, it was a dull grey color. And once bitten, it was dry and unremarkable. The bacon was thin and unremarkable, as fast food bacon almost always is.

I’ve always been skeptical of the Angus branding of beef, and even more these days when I can get an Angus cheeseburger at my local gas station. Hardee’s Angus Thickburgers used to be a premium fast food offering, and it’s sad to see the quality dip.

Hardee s Frisco Angus Burger Top

As a child, I wouldn’t have noticed how much the two large tomato slices contribute to this meat-and-cheese-heavy sandwich. I was assiduous in removing every tomato from sandwiches until my early thirties. These days I can tell that the tomatoes here contribute some needed freshness and are better than the wet, flavorless discs on other fast food burgers.

The sourdough bread is plain white bread, just as it was in the past. The sliced round pieces were innovative in the ’90s and allowed a pleasantly toasted presentation, but no wild bacteria are flavoring the burger bun here. I don’t really expect that; good sourdough needs a mature starter that’s fed and cared for like it’s family. In my experience, great, really funky sourdough needs a starter that’s been burbling away for years (and occasionally forgotten) so that it’s surly, nearly sentient, and plotting its escape. And that’s a lot for a fast food company to deal with. My point is the bread is fine.

The 2022 Frisco Angus Burger is a decent sandwich, but it’s missing the crucial special sauce that made the ’90s sandwich a standout. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but years later, when the internet was finally a thing, I asked Jeeves (look it up, Zoomer), “What is the Frisco Burger Special Sauce?” and he responded, “Onion mayonnaise, sir.” My Frisco Angus burger had plain mayo that combined with the processed Swiss cheese into a white goopy mess. Just like the old days! But without the onion mayo, it’s just not the same congealed goo I loved as a kid.

Despite my disappointment, the Frisco Angus Burger is a perfectly serviceable sandwich. Perhaps it could have never lived up to my memories, and mine seemed particularly heat lamp-struck, but it gets the fundamental combination of toasted bread, meat, and cheese right.

Purchased Price: $7.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories, 50 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 120 milligrams of cholesterol, 1550 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 36 gram of protein.

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