REVIEW: Eggo Thick & Fluffy Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles

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Eggo Thick Fluffy Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles Boxes

Here’s the thing about me and waffles: I don’t know when to eat them. I love them, right? Pancakes, French toast, and cinnamon rolls, too. But the thing is, I’m a salty and savory breakfast guy, though and through. Give me a big ol’ sloppy plate piled with biscuits smothered in thick, creamy gravy, a mountain of buttery scrambled eggs, and one pig’s worth of sausage and bacon, please.

So then, what do I do? When do I eat sweet breakfast foodstuffs? To be frank, it all feels so dessert-y to me. (I mean, one of the aforementioned foods has cake right in the name.) But here’s the deal with that — how often do you feel like eating a big syrupy stack of flapjacks or a fluffy golden waffle after pounding a plate of fried chicken and mashed potatoes?

It’s tricky.

But Eggo seems to be embracing the “breakfast for dessert” ideation with the introduction of its new Thick & Fluffy family members, Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake. Will these vanguard vittles make me feel less conflicted about my B4D dilemma?

Well, they would if they were good, which they’re not, so they won’t.

Where do they go wrong, you’re asking? Let’s take a deeper dive.

Eggo Thick Fluffy Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles Frozen

First of all, these things don’t cook properly. At least, not in a toaster — aka, the place where you generally cook Eggo waffles. Much like the problematic Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, the Thick & Fluffy waffle cooks unevenly, leaving pockets of cold tundra surrounded by peninsulas of heat. The directions suggest toasting it on the lowest setting (!) And that “two cookings may be required.” I’m sorry… no? The point of a frozen waffle — or strudel, or Pop Tart — is that I can be ready to rock with that thing with very little foreplay. (I mean, in theory, anyway.) Same goes for the second suggested cooking method, a conventional oven. What is this, Kellogg’s, the slow food movement?

But anyway, all of this cooking nonsense would be forgivable if the waffles came out enjoyable. And they just don’t.

Eggo Thick Fluffy Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles Warmed

I tried each kind plain, straight from the toaster, and then covered in butter and syrup. The Strawberry Cheesecake had a decent artificial strawberry flavoring (owing to the inclusion of dried strawberries, no doubt), but there was nothing there that even began to suggest “cheesecake.” Despite its flaws — the batter was bland, it could’ve used considerably more strawberries, and I was promised cheesecake, dammit — it did hold up better to butter and syrup than the tiramisu.

Eggo Thick Fluffy Tiramisu Waffles Warmed

The tiramisu was definitely better, though, don’t get me wrong. The box promised “cocoa and roasted coffee” flavoring, and it had that. The coffee flavor was subtle and accompanied by the tiniest hint of chocolate. Straight from the toaster, they were okay. But something peculiar happened when adorned with butter and syrup, though. They turned into totally plain tasting Eggo waffles. The mild coffee tones were made obsolete.

As a fan of eating breakfast for dessert, I was excited about these waffles conceptually. As someone who doesn’t like to eat bad things, though, I ended up disappointed.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 11.6 oz boxes/6 waffles
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Tiramisu), 4 out of 10 (Strawberry Cheesecake)
Nutrition Facts: (1 waffle) Tiramisu – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar (including 7 grams added sugars), and 3 grams of protein. Strawberry Cheesecake – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 240 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar (including 9 grams added sugars), and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Red Bull Summer Edition Strawberry Apricot Energy Drink

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Red Bull Summer Edition Strawberry Apricot Energy Drink Can

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, it ain’t summer until Red Bull says it’s summer.

Well, folks, I’m thrilled to tell you that Red Bull says it’s summer.

Play that theme music!

(NOTE: That theme music is “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie, but instead of “Rebel,” it’s “Red Bull,” and it’s just that line, over and over, for four minutes. I won’t lie, it gets old pretty quickly.)

I’ll tell you what doesn’t get old pretty quickly, the flavor of this year’s Red Bull Summer Edition – Strawberry Apricot.

This has gotta be one of the more exciting energy drink flavor profiles I’ve seen in a while, and that’s because apricot is a criminally underutilized fruit.

I wracked my brain and couldn’t think of a single drink featuring apricot. I guess Red Bull has gotten so far down the fruit list that it decided to finally dip its toe in uncharted waters, although I do think they wussed out a bit by cutting apricot with the way more familiar strawberry.

Red Bull Summer Edition Strawberry Apricot Energy Drink Top

Upon cracking the can, the scent of sour strawberry candy smacked me in the face. That was kinda what I feared would happen. I had very little faith that the apricot would rise above or even run parallel to the strawberry.

Well, unfortunately (but not really…), I was right, and the strawberry flavor popped right out of the gate. That’s not to say I didn’t get a hint of apricot.

The fruit has a distinctive aftertaste to it. When they’re ripe, they start sweet and finish with a little sour kick. That was pretty much what happened with this drink.

I think apricot pushed through in another way because I don’t know how to describe this flavor as anything other than “soft.” Perhaps I’m being influenced by the texture of the fruit itself, but this was one of the more delicate Red Bull varieties I can ever remember drinking, and I think I’m gonna give credit to the apricot there. It wasn’t harsh at all, and that supporting flavor did its best to mute the more dominant strawberry in a way I found super light and refreshing.

Actually, I’ll tell you what this ultimately reminded me of – Strawberry Fruit Roll-ups.

After a little while, that’s all I could think of, but it wasn’t just Strawberry Fruit Roll-up, it was also apricot fruit leather. I guess that makes sense because when I think of the more “upscale” fruit leathers, three flavors come to mind – strawberry, raspberry, and apricot. I always enjoyed those as a kid, and I rode a little nostalgia wave with each additional sip.

Red Bull Summer Edition Strawberry Apricot Energy Drink Glass

As for the “energy” aspect, this could’ve just hit me on the right day at the right time because man, it gave me a serious energy boost. That rarely happens anymore, so I considered it a huge bonus. I feel like the electric orange can also had a hand in hyping me up.

Overall, I think most loyal Red Bull drinkers will dig this year’s summer edition, even you weirdos who call apricots, “Ape-ricots.” There’s a lot to like here.

Ok, the review’s over. You can go ahead and kill the theme music now.

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 12 fl oz can
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 125 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of total carbohydrates, 38 grams of total sugars, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: ICEE Cherry and Blue Raspberry Creme Filled Cookies

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ICEE Cookies Cherry Package

ICEE has launched a new line of sandwich cookies that are meant to evoke the flavors of its iconic frozen drinks. The press release states that “fans can enjoy the classic pop and fizz of their favorite carbonated beverage in a delicious crème filled cookie.” This intriguing concept seems to indicate that the crème contains pieces of popping candy. The cookies feature cherry or blue raspberry crème sandwiched between vanilla wafers.

I decided to try the cherry flavor first, as that would be the most familiar to me. In my youth, I always drank the cherry or cola-flavored ICEEs. I opened the package and my sense of smell was walloped by an intense artificial cherry aroma. It was shockingly potent.

ICEE Cookies Cherry Creme

I pulled a cookie out and twisted it apart, exposing the fluorescent crème. I jumped right in and pulled the crème off with my tongue. The flavor immediately reminded me of an actual cherry ICEE. It was saccharine, but not overbearing. It was an artificial cherry flavoring, but never veered into cough syrup territory. There were tiny crunchy bits integrated throughout the crème. I could feel a very mild sensation of effervescence, but it was much more understated than expected. It wasn’t exactly “fizzy.”

ICEE Cookies Logo

The cookies themselves had a faint vanilla flavor, but not nearly enough to be considered a “vanilla wafer.” They tasted closer to a nondescript shortbread, but it doesn’t particularly matter since they exist solely as a vessel for the crème. The cookie allowed the crème to take center stage.

ICEE Cookies Blue Raspberry Package

I then opened the blue raspberry package and was greeted with a softer yet still immediately familiar aroma. I employed the same approach and tried the crème on its own first. It was a standard blue raspberry flavor, but was noticeably sweeter, stronger, and more artificial tasting than the cherry. I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a blue raspberry ICEE, so I can’t speak to its accuracy. Oddly, the blue raspberry cookies seemed to have more popping candy in the crème, which helped to make them feel slightly fizzier. When eating a whole cookie, it felt like a somewhat disjointed experience. The crème filling was just too domineering.

ICEE Cookies Blue Raspberry Creme

For me, the cherry-flavored ICEE cookies feel like a more cohesive presentation. The vanilla-esque wafers work better with the cherry-flavored crème. I will be the first to admit that my judgment could be clouded by nostalgia, though. Had I consumed blue raspberry ICEEs by the bucketload as a child, perhaps I’d have a different opinion.

ICEE Cookies Bear

The ICEE cookies are a unique idea with an underwhelming execution. If the crème filling had more (or more effective) popping candy, these would be even better. An improved wafer would also elevate the experience. If you’re a big ICEE fan, then these may be worth your time for flavor alone. I would steer clear, though, if the only appeal is the popping candy in the crème.

Purchased Price: $3.28 each
Size: 13 oz. package
Purchased at: Fry’s
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Cherry), 6 out of 10 (Blue Raspberry)
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Steak White Hot Ranch Fries

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Taco Bell Steak White Hot Ranch Fries Box

Taco Bell’s latest offering features Nacho Fries topped with steak, nacho cheese sauce, tomatoes, reduced-fat sour cream, shredded cheddar cheese, and the new White Hot Ranch Sauce.

Yes, that combination of ingredients, minus the White Hot Ranch, seems familiar. I’m probably going to have to look through our entire review archive to find out what it is. Give me an hour or so.

(Seconds later)

Oh, they were in last month’s Steak Nacho Fries Burrito. So this new menu item, which is also available in burrito form, is basically last month’s menu item, except the chipotle sauce is swapped for the White Hot Ranch Sauce. I expect this reusing of ingredient combos from Taco Bell, but not with back-to-back products.

Taco Bell Steak White Hot Ranch Fries Fork

Since I imagine many of you have an idea of how most of this menu item tastes, let’s focus on the White Hot Ranch Sauce. The best way I can describe it is to say its flavor and heat remind me of Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch Doritos, but I’m not saying they taste alike. With the chips, they were basically spicy Cool Ranch Doritos where the Flamin’ Hot’s flavors didn’t come into play. And with this sauce, it’s pretty much a spicy ranch. It has a noticeable tanginess with some heat, but there’s no flavor from that kick. With that said, it’s a tasty addition to the vast Taco Bell sauce lineup, and I enjoyed it enough that I found myself trying to scrape up as much as I could from the bottom of the container.

Taco Bell Steak White Hot Ranch Fries Mixed

As for its spiciness, I’d put it at a lower mid-level heat. But I wonder if it might’ve been higher if the somewhat soothing sauces of nacho cheese and sour cream weren’t there.

When I first read about these topped Nacho Fries, I thought, “Did Taco Bell get rid of its Spicy Ranch and replace it with this new spicy ranch? Or is this Spicy Ranch, but with a longer name?”

No and no. Taco Bell now has two spicy ranch sauces available.

Taco Bell Steak White Hot Ranch Fries Sauce

What’s the difference? The older one has habanero peppers, while the newer one has ghost chile powder, which makes it slightly spicier. Ohhhh, now I get it, “white hot” = “ghost chile.” I should’ve put dos and dos together.

I noticed a few other things about the menu item as a whole. While as tender as it always is, the steak tasted different to me. It was low…okay, it’s always been somewhat low quality to begin with, but it had a slightly less meaty flavor. Also, I will repeat what I wrote in my Steak Nacho Fries Burrito review. I really liked the tomato’s acidic bursts, which bring fresh, tasty moments that cut through all the savoriness and spiciness.

Overall, the combination of most of the ingredients in Taco Bell’s Steak White Hot Ranch Fries isn’t new, but the addition of the White Hot Ranch Sauce makes it worth a try.

Purchased Price: $5.79*
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 510 calories, 33 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1040 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Oreo Dirt Pie Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Oreo Dirt Pie Blizzard Cup

What is the Dairy Queen Oreo Dirt Pie Blizzard?

It’s one of the new flavors on the Dairy Queen Summer Blizzard menu, and it mixes two old favorites – Oreo cookie pieces and fudge crumble – with gummy worms, which, as far as I can tell, is a first-time-ever DQ ingredient. They create the treat that seems to be served at every 5-year-old’s birthday party.

How is it?

Dairy Queen Oreo Dirt Pie Blizzard Top

The DQ website claimed that I will “delight at the fun surprise of finding gummy worms sprinkled throughout.” I was skeptical. I do indeed like Blizzards, but getting delight, fun, and surprise from one seemed a little much. Except that it wasn’t. I did not expect the gummy worms to be distributed throughout, but they were. And I expected some of them to be decapitated and mutilated by the Blizzard machine’s whirring steel thingy (that’s probably not the official name). And yet all the gummy worms were fully intact. I was a bit surprised by the size of the worms, though, as they were rather small and perhaps more accurately could be described as gummy grubs.

Dairy Queen Oreo Dirt Pie Blizzard Worm

As for the taste, it was about as close to delight-fun-surprise as you can get from a Blizzard. Oreo cookies have long been one of the most popular Blizzard ingredients, so I’m assuming you know what Oreo and DQ soft serve taste like. Oreo is good, of course, but it’s the other two parts that make this one sparkle. The fudge crumble did its job to amp up the chocolatey taste of the cookies, and the gummy worms were a perfect addition. If you’ve mixed gummy bears, worms, or any gummy animal of your choice into ice cream, you know that the cold can rob the gummies of their gumminess and make them unpleasantly hard. That didn’t happen here, and the gummy worms were plentiful, chewy, and had distinctly different flavors. I can’t really tell you precisely what those distinct flavors were because gummy flavors are hard to describe, other than fruity-berryish. Can anyone really say what flavor a red gummy is compared to a green one? I think not.

Anything else you need to know?

Dairy Queen Oreo Dirt Pie Blizzard Mix

This might be a record-breaking Blizzard in the calorie department. According to the DQ website, a large version of this clocks in at 1,520 calories. That tops all other Blizzards currently on the menu and is more than 50 percent higher than the large Butterfinger Blizzard at 970 calories. I guess that is to be expected when you take a standard Oreo Blizzard (1,140 calories for a large) and then add in fudge crumble and a bunch of gummy worms. But this one is worth the extra calories.

Conclusion:

I’m hoping that DQ tries more gummy items in its Blizzards, as I also liked the Sour Patch Kids Blizzard from a few years back. Just disregard my comment about this one containing gummy grubs and not gummy worms, and I bet you will like it.

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 810 calories, 33 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 410 milligrams of sodium, 116 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 86 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

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