REVIEW: Dot’s Homestyle Pretzels Buffalo Seasoned Pretzel Twists

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Even though my weather app tells me it was 95 degrees this past weekend, the store shelves and the calendar tell me we’re in the thick of Pumpkin Spice season. Excessively seasoned pretzel purveyor Dot’s, however, didn’t get the message. Instead, it’s choosing to fight off the impending Autumnal chill with the tangy heat of a new Buffalo version of its popular twists.

When it comes to Dot’s, I’m mostly a purist. I’ve tried the Garlic Parmesan and the Honey Mustard, and while I enjoy both, the original is still my favorite. I’ll also posit that there’s always a bit of trepidation that accompanies taste-testing a new flavor; these things ain’t cheap, and if they’re bad, well, it’s hard knowing you could’ve had two bags of Doritos for the same price. (At least in Walmart money.)

So when I tried the first one, I thought to myself, “What the hell is this?” I was a bit let down. Like a punch-drunk boxer with a costly Faberge egg habit, however, I don’t know when to quit. And so I had another. And I went, “Hey, this is pretty okay.” And by the third, I was thinking, “Oh, wow, okay. This is nice.”

The “Buffalo” seasoning is all that it claims to be via the top of the packaging: “spicy ’n tangy.” The spice isn’t anything the weakest of spice wimps wouldn’t be able to handle, but it’s definitely noticeable. The vinegary punch of the buffalo seasoning really shines, though, and in classic Dot’s fashion, there’s plenty of coverage along the whole twist. There’s even something that evokes the tang of bleu cheese, but I think that’s just my overheated 95-degrees-in-the-middle-of-September imagination working overtime.

In the end, I really liked these. But having said that, I feel like I’ll only buy again if I can find them in the 5-ounce bag. A 16-ounce pouch is just a lot of Buffalo for an itch that a couple of servings can scratch.

Purchased Price: $6.17
Size: 16 oz pouch
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 340 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Lay’s Wavy Loaded Nachos Potato Chips

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Football season is upon us, and I’m staring down the barrel of another “mid” season at best. It’s been a pretty terrible decade if I’m being honest, but it’s hard to complain when you’ve witnessed two of the greatest Super Bowl wins ever in the past twenty years.

Can you guess which team I root for?

“Can you just get on with the review?”

Yeah, jeez. Allow me to awkwardly transition to today’s review of Lay’s Loaded Nacho Wavy Chips. They remind me of this NFL schedule in a way. While I still get mild excitement from each new season(ing), they ultimately just remind me of more triumphant (champion)chips of the past.

Right from the jump, there’s an identity crisis. They’re confused – kind of like me, insinuating the word is “championchip,” above. Do people actually want nacho flavors on a potato chip?

Tortilla nachos ain’t broke, so why are the corrupt referees at Frito Lay trying to fix ’em?

One might counter, “Who says ‘nacho’ flavor profiles only have to work with corn-based chips?” It’s a fair question to ask, but… nacho flavor profiles only work on corn-based chips. These confirmed it.

The bag literally shows a stack of tortilla chips covered in salsa, nacho cheese, sour cream, and what I think is cilantro. Why make me think of other chips while I’m eating chips? I like a Wavy Lays chip, and while I think they are the best-case potato delivery system, they simply don’t stack up to the real nachos you’re insisting I fantasize about.

The bag reeks of agita, and Taco Doritos, which I actually love, but can’t eat many of.

With that said, the overall flavor is a lot milder than I was expecting. There’s a “kick” that grows as you eat, but as far as the actual nacho flavor, it’s kinda soft.

I tasted a “meat” element, but as far as I can tell, there’s no meat hinted at anywhere on the bag or in the ingredients. More of said meaty flavor would have improved these.

Intentional or not, these ended up really reminding me of three other classic chip varieties: Taco Supreme Doritos, Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles, and Chili Cheese Fritos, with the latter standing out the most.

Now, if I just told you those flavors, you’d probably wanna buy multiple bags, but these Loaded Nacho chips are about 33% as good as any given one of them. They never get there. So, while I’m eating these, I’m not only wishing I was eating real nachos, I’m also thinking about three other bags of Frito-Lay products I’d rather have. Why not just do a special edition “Loaded Nacho Cheese Doritos” or something?

This pointless flavor could’ve been called “Chili Cheese Lite.” They aren’t gross, they’re just aggressively “mid.” The heartburn ends up outpacing the slight flavor enjoyment.

Lay’s Loaded Nachos are a team that’s about to go 8-9. They might have a little stretch where you think they can snag a Wild Card, but in the end, they’re losers.

They’re limited, but don’t rush. Wait for a sale or just punt on them.

Oh, hey, look, another crushing loss for my G-men. Life is full of disappointments.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 7.5 oz
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (11 chips) 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of total sugars, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Blue Bell Classic Pecan Pie Ice Cream

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Blue Bell Creameries, based about halfway between Austin and Houston, has been around for 118 years, and that’s how long it took them to come up with perhaps the most Texas-y flavor possible, Classic Pecan Pie. Maybe brisket-flavored ice cream would be a little more Texas-y, and I would definitely give that a try, but Blue Bell doesn’t really do daring or extreme flavors, so instead, it went with the official state pie. If you’ve never been to Texas, trust me when I tell you there is some sort of law that every BBQ place and café is required to have pecan pie on the menu.

I can’t tell you the difference between “classic” pecan pie and non-classic pecan pie, but I can report that this ice cream flavor is pretty dang tasty. It features brown sugar ice cream with roasted pecans, pie crust pieces, and a pecan pie filling swirl. So basically, Blue Bell took all the separate components of a pecan pie and did some reconstruction.

The first thing I noticed is that Blue Bell was quite generous with the pecans, both in terms of the sheer number and the size of the pieces. That was a bit of a surprise considering that pecans can be pricey. The pecan pie filling was perfectly gooey and sweet, and the pie crust pieces added some nice flaky texture. It was hard to discern the brown sugar flavor of the ice cream, but it served as a solid base for all the other ingredients. Blue Bell pretty much nailed this one.

One thing that would make this better, but also defy the laws of science, is that wonderful warm/cold contrast you get when you have a scoop of ice cream slowly melting over a piece of pecan pie fresh out of the oven. But if, like me, you don’t know how to bake a pecan pie, or, like me, are a little bit lazy and don’t want to mess with cutting a slice of pre-made pie and then having to push buttons on the microwave to warm it up, this is almost a perfect substitute.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: One Pint
Purchased at: Brookshire Brothers
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 280 calories, 16 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Honey Roasted Peanut M&M’s

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Choosing a favorite M&M variety is like choosing a favorite star in the night sky. Every one shines a bit differently. Some stay around for ages, while others are a fleeting gift. Sometimes they are a poor substitute for the Milky Way you were hoping for.

Bad metaphor aside, Peanut M&M’s are among the best of the brand’s stars. And yet, only two peanut varieties reside permanently on shelves: Original and Dark Chocolate. Until now.

Honey Roasted Peanut M&M’s are the latest permanent addition to the brand’s lineup. The candy is described as “a twist on the classic favorite, with the harmonious flavors bringing the perfect combination of sweet and salty.” The product embeds a roasted, honey-glazed peanut in its signature milk chocolate and brown and yellow candy shells.

This change elevates the classic Peanut M&M…or maybe it doesn’t. Yes, it does! Well, sort of. No, this one really, really does! So said my ongoing interior monologue as I popped candy after candy, watching my Share Size bag dwindle before my eyes.

This is the experience of tasting Honey Roasted Peanut M&M’s: the flavor is familiar, but the “honey roasted” taste vacillates from subtle to distinct. The roasted peanut imparts a rich nuttiness that, along with noticeable salt, gives the candy almost a savory edge.

There are hints of toasted honey similar to a caramelized flavor, but not as overly sweet. The roasted peanut flavor is more discernible than any honey element. The candy is delicious—and different from the original variety, although the exact difference is difficult to put your finger on. In my ever-growing rolodex of M&M flavors, Honey Roasted M&M’s are close to the seasonal Toasty Holiday Peanut variety (minus the spice notes), with honey flavor reminiscent of the limited edition Honey Graham Milk Chocolate variety.

Because I have trust issues, I tried to taste the peanut and chocolate separately to isolate the flavors, but doing this highlighted the inconsistency. Sometimes the peanut tasted roasted, while other times it tasted raw. At times, the chocolate itself tasted salty or honey-tinged. Returning to the night sky metaphor, the mysteries behind the operation aren’t mine to solve, but I still enjoyed the big picture.

Peanut M&M lovers may adore Honey Roasted Peanut M&M’s for their sweet and salty combination and depth of roasted nuttiness. Purists may find the change too subtle to bother with. Although it isn’t the splashiest flavor that M&M’s could have added to its lineup, the balance of flavors is unique, intentional, and interesting enough to pull focus from the usual standouts.

Purchased Price: $4.92
Purchased at: Walmart
Size: 9 oz (255 g) bag
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 1 oz, about 12 pieces) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein

REVIEW: Little Caesars Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs

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I promise, Big Vegetable or Big Farma, is not making me or paying me to type the following: I wish Little Caesars’ Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs had green bell peppers in them.

Not having them with the seasoned steak, onions, and cheeses is surprising, especially since Little Caesars is also offering an Ultimate Cheesesteak Pizza for a limited time (and online only), which comes with a pick of pretty pint-sized peppers. Adding them might’ve given them a flavor that really hits home that the iconic sandwich inspired these Crazy Puffs.

If you’re not familiar with Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs, think of them as being on the other side of the size spectrum from a cheesesteak in a long roll. They’re like mini pizzas, and there are four of them per order, which I find to be filling enough for lunch or dinner. I enjoyed the pepperoni and cheese versions that debuted last year.

These Cheesesteak ones are a bit meh. Also, the first one I bit into squirted at me, like it was an octopus shooting black ink at me, the predator, who wants to eat it. I was taken aback by the liquid and cheese that shot out from it, and then I instantly bit into the other three to see if any of them would do the same. Fortunately, for my dwindling napkin supply, which is 100 percent obtained from fast food visits, they did not.

For the most part, the steak was tender, but there were a couple of sinewy pieces. There seemed to be a decent amount of meat, but I didn’t find it to be very meaty tasting. I also didn’t really get too many onion pieces. But whatever there was, also didn’t have much taste. There was a sprinkle of parmesan on the crispy edges, which I thought added a cheesy sharpness. However, the other cheeses were flat tasting. Without any strong flavors from the main ingredients, these Crazy Puffs taste unexciting, and I don’t think they’re worth another go around, unless, perhaps, the powers that be decide to add green peppers to them.

Little Caesars Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs are not, as anthropomorphic Pop-Tarts like to say, crazy good. I believe they are a serviceable option for those wanting something different from the usual Crazy Puffs varieties. I also believe that raw celery sticks are as satisfying as a bag of potato chips.

Now that’s a line I’d gladly add to any review for the right price. Did you read that, Big Farma?

Purchased Price: $4.99*
Size: 4 pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 690 calories. No other nutritional numbers are available on Little Caesars’ website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did. The advertised price is $3.99.

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