REVIEW: Monster Energy Ultra Strawberry Dreams

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If you’re into strawberries and Monster energy drinks, it’s an exciting time for you. The company recently launched a Kiwi Strawberry flavor for its Reserve line, and the red berry headlines this year’s Monster Energy Ultra release — Strawberry Dreams.

Every time I see or think of this beverage’s name, one of two songs play in my head — Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by the 80s band Eurythmics and These Dreams by the 80s band Heart. And after typing the previous sentence, I’ve probably dated myself.

I picked up a few “slim” 12-ounce cans from my favorite eBay energy drink seller, but Ultra Strawberry Dreams is also available in regular 16-ounce cans.

Here’s what the can has to say about the flavor:

Some people swear that strawberries are aphrodisiacs. They say if you share a double strawberry with someone then they’ll catch feelings for you. All we know is the flavor of the heart-shaped fruit is perfect for our new zero sugar Ultra. Wonderfully sweet while slightly tart, this easy-drinking Ultra tastes like a dream. Passionately crafted with the Monster energy blend you crave, take one sip and you’ll be crazy for Ultra Strawberry Dreams.

A Valentine’s energy drink? Well, to be honest, if I got a dozen of these, I’d be thrilled. It’s practical, lasts longer than a dozen roses in a vase, has more caffeine than a box of chocolates, makes my heart beat faster than receiving a Valentine’s surprise from my special someone, and these smell better too.

Its aroma is sweet artificial strawberry, and its flavor is also easily recognizable as the, ahem, heart-shaped fruit. Since this is a zero sugar Ultra drink, it’s not as sugary as the Monster Reserve Kiwi Strawberry, but there are some similarities in their artificial flavor. While I definitely taste the red berry, there’s also a bit of tropicalness with every sip. The tartness might be messing with my taste buds, but I notice a guava-like flavor. However, there’s no mention of tropical fruits on the can or hints in the can’s strawberry-heavy graphics.

Will Monster Energy Ultra Strawberry Dreams be a recurring purchase? Periodically, yes. It’s another excellent tasting addition to the Monster Ultra line. The only thing that’ll recur repeatedly is the image of those strawberries popping out of a skull’s eye sockets in my dreams.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 12 fl oz
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 110 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Papa Johns Papa Bites

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Alas, “bite-ification” – when foodstuffs become snack/bite-size – has officially hit Papa Johns.

In December, it launched its new limited-time Oreo Cookie Papa Bites (fresh dough, topped with cheesecake filling and Oreo cookie pieces, baked and drizzled with icing).

Quickly after, it added two savory versions: Chicken Parmesan Papa Bites (fresh dough, grilled chicken, parmesan cheese, and pizza sauce that’s finished with garlic parmesan seasoning) and Jalapeno Papa Bites (fresh dough topped with its signature cheese, alfredo, jalapenos, and served with ranch dipping sauce).

They’re described as “eight savory or sweet delectable pillow pockets,” so I immediately thought of the pizza rolls found in the freezer aisle but with creative copywriting because the name “pizza rolls” is trademarked.

But I was wrong.

They’re more akin to stuffed, twisted breadsticks cut up into eight pieces and served with dipping sauces.

Before I get into a play-by-play, I will say that all varieties were flavorful on their own and didn’t really need any of the dips. I appreciate I had the option of slathering my bite in sauce, though, because I know folks love sauces, which includes myself! I always get an extra garlic dipping sauce.

Papa Johns also touts that these are all made with its fresh, never frozen dough. I’m not fancy enough to be able to tell frozen from fresh, but that Papa Johns pizza dough taste comes through despite all the mix-ins. Also, texture-wise, it’s not like the tough crust, but rather the soft, springy dough expected from its pizza.

Oreo Cookie Papa Bites

I started with the dessert collab with Oreo because I’m a dessert-first kinda gal!

Even though I could see chocolate cookie dusting, I didn’t get any Oreo chocolate cookie flavor. The icing also didn’t really taste like the creme. It tasted like dough with a plain ol’ icing. Dipping it in the side of icing also didn’t do anything but make it even more one-note tasting. I wanted to love these because they would’ve been a great add-on to my usual order, but they fell short. I had higher expectations because the Oreo name is front and center! If these were called Dessert Papa Bites, that would’ve tempered my expectations.

Jalapeno Papa Bites

After the disappointing Oreo one, I was ready for something savory, so I jumped to the Jalapeno version. The pungent, spicy, and sour aroma was calling my name because I also enjoy eating Papa John’s pepperoncini.

Despite thinking I was smelling the light-colored pepper that comes with Papa Johns’ pizzas, the bites did look like they were made with jalapenos as they were darker green pieces as opposed to bright yellow. As expected with jalapenos, there was just a kiss of heat that did not linger. The cheese was so plentiful that it was gooey, like a comforting grilled cheese. The alfredo helped to add a punch of flavor because it wasn’t seasoned on the outside like the Chicken Parmesan one. I preferred eating this flavor with the garlic dip instead of the ranch it came with, but honestly, I like garlic dip with almost everything. Again, dips and sauces are not needed, though!

Chicken Parmesan Papa Bites

The Chicken Parmesan one intrigued me the most because it looked like a stromboli or cut-up Costco chicken bake. I’m not sure if it was because they didn’t thoroughly split the bites apart, but these were wider than the other ones. It may have been a fluke, though, as all marketing materials lead me to believe it should look like the others! Visuals aside, this one was chock-full of add-ins like the Jalapeno one!

Unfortunately, all I could taste was sauce and cheese. The meat could have been a meatball, chicken, or mystery, but I wouldn’t have been able to tell you which. Don’t get me wrong – I especially love Papa Johns sauce, but it’s not chicken parm if I cannot detect chicken! But, unlike the Oreo one, I would get this one again. It was still very tasty and tasted great the next day for breakfast, but the dominant flavors were sauce, cheese, and the garlic parmesan seasoning on the crust.

Like breadsticks, Papa Bites are listed in the sides section. It’s enough food if you ate a box of eight on its own, but it doesn’t satisfy a true pizza craving as a pie does. Maybe a Papadia with a side of Papa Bites could be the winning combo! I give Papa Johns kudos for continuing to be creative with its menu, but some flavors were better than others.

Purchased Price: $4.99 each
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Oreo), 6 out of 10 (Chicken Parmesan), 7 out of 10 (Jalapeno)
Nutrition Facts: (1 Papa Bite) Oreo Cookie – 80 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Chicken Parmesan – 110 Calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Jalapeno – 80 Calories, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Limited Edition Champagne Ice Cream

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Like most television shows, Cadbury Creme Eggs, and Krave Cereal, “Dry January” was started in the UK before being adopted a few years later in the United States. The temporary alcohol abstention movement — fueled partially, no doubt, by the unyielding power of social media — has become so trendy in the US that 19% of respondents to a 2022 Morning Consult poll said they planned on participating. (By, you know, not participating in drinking.)

Not wanting you to be forced into a joyless, totally booze-bereft existence, though, artisanal ice cream maker Van Leeuwen is here to tempt you with its newest novelty offering, Champagne. Unlike many of their other “limited edition” offerings, however, there are no peculiar mix-ins or “swirls,” no chunks of macaroni or pockets of pizza seasoning. Instead, you are presented with a very straightforward offering: champagne-flavored ice cream.

But so, here’s the thing — I got almost NO champagne flavor from this at all. As delightfully creamy as usual (they use lots and lots of egg yolks, which is how French ice cream becomes French, apparently), this tastes like an almost straightforward vanilla, but then, at the very, very back end, there’s a slightly sour punch that I associate with champagne. But honestly, it’s almost imperceptible. And actually, as someone who never cared for champagne before I quit drinking half a decade ago, I didn’t mind that this was largely a champagne-free affair. The real stuff used to give me heartburn and a headache; in ice cream form, it mostly made me feel bloated.

If you’re a big champagne consumer, though, or you’re desperately white-knuckling through Dry January and looking for some sort of respite, I don’t know that this will do it. And on that same note, if you’re looking for some wacky tasting dessert meant to illicit a fun reaction from unsuspecting eaters, again, better luck next time. If, however, you want a high quality vanilla ice cream with the very tiniest hint of something else at the end, knock yourself out. The added benefit, of course, is that you won’t actually end up knocking yourself out, which is, you know, always a possibility when real booze is involved. Or it was for me, at least. Hooray for sobriety!

Purchased Price: $4.98
Size: 14 fl oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 270 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of total sugars (15 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Tangy Chili Fusion

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I’m not sure if this is true in every region or state, but in the Bay Area of California, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos reign supreme. I would imagine it’s the same in at least Los Angeles, San Diego, and most of Texas, where the youth get adapted to heat seeking at an early age. Whether eaten straight, topped with fresh lime juice, or dunked into cream cheese, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos have felt like a dominant force since they burst onto the snack scene in 1992.

Until relatively recently, though, Frito-Lay has kept it pretty modest with the varieties — Flamin’ Hot, Xxtra Flamin’ Hot, Puffs, and Limon being the only changes that come to mind until 2017’s Chipotle Ranch twist — one of my personal favorites. In recent years the Flamin’ Hot floodgates have opened and the seasoning has popped up on several other chip styles and flavor remixes, including the latest member of Chester Cheeto’s family, Flamin’ Hot Tangy Chili Fusion.

When I first saw the name and color of the bag of this new Cheetos, I envisioned a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos colliding with a purple bagged Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos, and that’s kind of what these are like, but they’re absolutely in a spicy lane of their own, too.

The color is the same menacingly deep red that instantly stains your fingers, with a pungent, spicy, and smoky aroma that wafts from the bag. The most notable flavor that immediately jumps out is the smokiness, which has a sharp and intense bite like chipotle chili peppers. The smokiness quickly evolves into a more familiar Flamin’ Hot spice with just a touch of sweetness and finishes with a legit tangy acidic punch akin to vinegar and lemon juice. Crunching away at these slightly greasy airy delights is no problem at all, with the heat building as you eat, which encourages the salty snacking spiral like no other.

I was expecting a more pronounced sweetness, probably because of my Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos association, but it never really comes, aside from a bit of herbaceous bell peppery flavor. In fact, when tasting these side by side with a bag of Flamin’ Hot Limon, the Tangy Chili Fusion is less sweet and more sharply tangy than the Limon, which has a citrusy sweetness that’s even more pronounced next to the smoky charred tang and bold intensity of the Fusion.

It will be interesting to see how long these stick around because they’re very good, but I’m not sure many would choose them over the original Flamin’ Hot, and I certainly wouldn’t take them over my favorite all-time Cheetos Mexican Street Corn. Tangy Chili Fusion is a fun and surprisingly aggressive twist on a modern classic from the king of spicy, salty snacks.

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 8.5 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (21 pieces, 28g) 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 grams of total sugars, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Chewy Chips Ahoy! Confetti Cake Cookies

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Happy 60th Birthday, Chips Ahoy!

What do you get a cookie for its 60th birthday? An Amazon gift card? An iPhone? Cake? Maybe not to be eaten and preserved in an airtight cookie jar with a window that allows it to watch civilization crumble? Well, I can’t make any of those happen, but I will celebrate by eating the new Chewy Chips Ahoy! Confetti Cake Cookies that commemorate Chips Ahoy’s six decades of providing snacking goodness.

Baked into every one of those celebratory cookies are chocolate chips, cake-flavored white creme chips, and rainbow sprinkles. The packaging shows a yellow confetti cake with frosting and the white creme chips do give the cookie a cake-like flavor. Although, it’s more like cake frosting than yellow cake. As you can see, there are also regular Chips Ahoy chocolate chips, but the white morsels dominate the taste buds, so I’m not sure why they were included other than not wanting them to be left out of the party.

While colorful, the rainbow sprinkles have no texture or flavor, so they’re not what you’d find on cake frosting or on a kitchen floor if you allow a toddler to help you with baking. They’re just slivers of color that make the cookies look like they participated in a splatter painting class. They’re minuscule enough that I didn’t even notice them when I first started shoving cookies into my maw. Granted, my glasses prescription does need updating.

At first, I thought it was strange that these were Chewy Chips Ahoy and not regular crunchy Chips Ahoy. But then I eventually realized that the soft cookie’s texture represents the feel of cake. Besides, 2023 is also Chewy Chips Ahoy’s 40th birthday, so why not share the spotlight.

Chewy Chips Ahoy! Confetti Cake Cookies are a fine and decent tasting way to celebrate Chips Ahoy’s 60th birthday (and Chewy Chips Ahoy’s 40th). I can’t think of a better way for Chips Ahoy to celebrate the occasion. Although, to be honest, I don’t think any brand has thought of any other way to celebrate important milestones in a product’s history than to offer cake-flavored versions of their products.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples from Nabisco. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 14.38 oz pack (Family Size)
Purchased at: Received from Nabisco
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 1 gram of protein.

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