REVIEW: Takis Intense Nacho

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It’s weird that the Takis Intense Nacho line is not spicy.

It’s not as weird as having something called pickleball become a national sensation, but after having many spicy varieties and being known for products that burn, it seems so out of character for Takis to offer something tame that it makes me worry about its well-being. Maybe the brand has run out of new spicy product ideas? If that’s the case, I’ve got one — Flamango, a sweet and spicy rolled tortilla chip with a splash of mango that’s pink colored and bent in the middle. Feel free to take it, Barcel.

Takis Intense Nacho seasoning is available on three products — original Takis rolled tortilla chips, Waves Potato Chips, and POP! Popcorn. After tasting all three, I’m surprised they have noticeably different nacho intensities.

Takis POP! Intense Nacho Popcorn

Let’s start with the one that can truly call itself “intense nacho” the most — Takis POP! To be honest, I’m surprised about this because there’s less surface area for seasoning on popcorn. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t be because popcorn has a milder flavor than fried chips, and kernels have nooks and crannies where the seasoning can be trapped. Anyhoo, the cheesy and salty nacho dust pops on these, and there’s also a slight tanginess that I didn’t notice with the other products. Surprisingly, this was my favorite of the three. Oh, a few other things. I’ve never had Takis POP! before, but I was stunned by how small-ish the kernels were. Also, these don’t have a cheesy aroma, which I thought was weird.

Size: 2 oz bag
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 package) 350 calories, 27 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 7 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 14 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

Takis Intense Nacho Rolled Tortilla Chips

Lower on the Intense Nacho spectrum is regular Takis. With my initial bites, I thought these were less cheesy than the Waves. But after comparing them again a day later, my taste buds thought differently. My original opinion was probably based on how the corn chip overwhelms my taste buds once I get a few chews in. There’s an initial cheesy burst, and it lingers somewhat, but it quickly yields to the flavor of the corn. So I wish that cheesiness was a bit more lasting. Of course, these have the typical Takis rolled tortilla chip crunch.

Size: 3.25 oz bag
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz/about 10 pieces) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Takis Waves Intense Nacho Potato Chips

When I first took a whiff of these in the bag, I wondered if they would be spicy because they have a chile con queso-like aroma. Of course, they’re not, but these chips taste like queso, but with heat that never shows up as if they’ve been made with neutered jalapeños. I do like the flavor, but at the same time I’m not sure “intense” is the best word to use to describe its cheesiness, which is noticeably less cheesy than the regular Takis and popcorn. Also, much like Takis POP!, this is my first time trying Waves and my impression of them is that they have a crunch similar to Lay’s Wavy chips.

Size: 2.5 oz bag
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz/about 14 pieces) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Overall, Takis’ tangent into non-spicy snacks is off to a good start, and this Intense Nacho line doesn’t make me want to say Takis needs to stay in its lane and continue to burn our mouths with flavors that may have names like Hotocado, an overly spicy guacamole flavor on an avocado-shaped and green-colored chip. (Yes, I know there’s already has a guacamole flavor. Feel free to take this idea too, Barcel.) I like these enough that I’m curious if there will be other non-spicy flavors.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples from Takis. Doing so did not influence my review.

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Hidden Valley Ranch Ice Cream

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After shaving two thin layers off the top of Van Leeuwen’s Hidden Valley Ranch Ice Cream, I closed my eyes and thought it tasted familiar.

I’m sure many of you are thinking, “Well, DUH! It tastes like Hidden Valley Ranch!” Yeah, I know. I’m familiar with the flavor because I buy the 40-ounce bottle two-pack at Costco once a year to help convince my body to eat more salad. But after shaving off a few thicker layers that could legally be considered “spoonfuls,” I realized this weird ice cream flavor tastes like another odd dessert creation in a pint — Van Leeuwen’s Pizza Ice Cream.

However, after comparing ingredient lists, they don’t share any savory ones, so I’m not sure why they remind me of each other. To get the savory ranch taste, the ice cream was made using buttermilk powder, onion powder, garlic powder, and other natural flavors. Those components make this smell like it’s not going to be a fun time.

It also doesn’t initially taste like a fun time because the buttermilk, salt, onion and garlic powders, and herb flavors strike the taste buds hard. But after subsequent attempts at eating it, the sweetness in the base starts to come out and the savory ingredients fade a bit, making the ice cream a bit more edible. Much like the pizza flavor, once I got past the initial savoriness, it turned out to be, um, I can’t think of a word that means just under okay. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, and maybe eating Van Leeuwen’s previous unusual creations has made my taste buds ready for whatever the brand offers.

Because I always have Hidden Valley Ranch in my kitchen, I could compare the two, and the notable difference between them, other than sweetness levels, is that the dressing has a stronger eggy and buttermilk flavor that would’ve been awful in the ice cream. Also, because I always seem to have McDonald’s in my house, I could find out how this is as a McNuggets dipping sauce. It’s, um, not something I’d do again because the savory ingredients get somewhat negated by the ice cream’s sweetness. Also, because I constantly try to convince my body to eat salad, I happen to have some lettuce and raw spinach in my house. So I topped them with ice cream, and learned it’s not a good salad dressing because of the taste and how it slides off the vegetables.

I imagine 99 percent of you will find Van Leeuwen’s Hidden Valley Ranch Ice Cream utterly disgusting, and I completely understand, but I think of it differently. I wouldn’t call it delicious or even good. I don’t even think I could eat a bowl of it. But it’s okay in small doses; a creative novelty that makes me smile and grimace at the same time; I haven’t thrown it out after eating 1/6th of the pint so far; and I love that Van Leeuwen had the Nads Leeuwens to sell this. Those are the nicest things I can say about it. But if you have an adventurous palate, it’s worth a try.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from Van Leeuwen. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 14 fl oz
Purchased at: Received from Van Leeuwen, but it’s available at Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 260 calories, 18 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar (including 15 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Coffee & Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe’s

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What are they?

The latest in a line of premium single-sleeve coated Joe-Joe cookies from the best grocery house brand in the game; chocolate sandwich cookies with coffee creme in a dark chocolate and coffee coating.

How are they?

It should come as no surprise — these are awesome. The first thing I notice upon close inspection are the little specs of espresso bean within the drizzle, and the flavor comes through swimmingly. There’s no doubt that these are chocolate-forward, but a bold espresso flavor pops in pretty prominently right after the bittersweet and creamy dark chocolate coating finishes up its opening flourish. The cookie is very crunchy, almost to a fault in that it threatens to explode and crumble everywhere if you’re not careful enough. Luckily, I am a professional.

These dunked and drizzled cookies remind me a lot of a chocolate-covered espresso bean but with reverse ratios of coffee to chocolate. The stronger components are chocolaty sweet — the dark chocolate coating and the wafer cookie — but there’s no denying the presence of ground coffee in the creme and drizzle that gives it that bold bean-adjacent flavor. They’re excellent.

Anything else you need to know?

In 2017 Trader Joe’s beat Nabisco to the punch and released Mocha Joe-Joe’s mere months before the Limited Edition Dunkin Donuts Mocha Oreo debuted. Both were solid cookies, but the Joe-Joe edged out the Oreo just a bit, largely thanks to its bold and authentic coffee flavor. Six years later, TJ’s still hangs its hat on that coffee intensity, and the extra layer of chocolate is a higher quality than anything Nabisco has ever rolled out.

Conclusion:

Trader Joe’s Coffee & Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe’s are not for those who aren’t into the true flavor of coffee, but they’re not reserved for those (like myself) who prefer their coffee black either. They have a brilliant balance of in-your-face-taste and creamy satisfaction that will leave most, if not all, coffee drinkers pleased with their purchase.

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 6.8 Ounces
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cookie, 24g) 120 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Ruffles Double Crunch Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips

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Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream is greater than Lay’s Cheddar & Sour Cream Potato Chips, and it’s my favorite potato chip. If I see a bag of the Lay’s version at a gathering, I sigh and then think that the person who was in charge of bringing chips should no longer have that responsibility from now on. Sure, same company, same seasoning, but the Ruffles variety is better tasting for some reason, and if given a choice between the two, I’d choose the Ruffles 100 times out of 100.

Is it the r-r-ridges? Probably.

So I wondered if ridges would make these Ruffles Double Crunch Salt & Vinegar chips superior to original Lay’s Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips, a go-to variety whenever I come across a regular Lay’s sale. Of course, Double Crunch’s ridges are significantly more profound than regular Ruffles, but I thought that depth might still have the same effect that it does with the cheddar and sour cream seasoning. However, that was not the case.

Look, I’m not going to lie. I ate the entire bag within 24 hours and didn’t regret one moment of it, even those moments when my wife gave me the I-wanted-to-try-those-but-can’t-now-because-someone-forgot-how-to-share look. But something about them makes them taste slightly less enticing than regular Lay’s Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips, which I’d pick over these Ruffles 100 times out of 100.

Is it the r-r-ridges? Probably.

I don’t know if those deep waves hold more seasoning, but when I bite into these, there are short savory bursts that have a slightly different salty to vinegary ratio than the Lay’s variety. And once those bursts fade, what’s left is more potato-y, which is probably the thicker chip’s fault. With the regular Lay’s, that salty and tangy seasoning lingers longer. Plus, that lingering makes my lower mouth tingle, which I oddly enjoy. I don’t know what that sensation is. Puckering? Putting my salivary glands on overdrive? My taste buds clapping? Whatever it is, I didn’t experience it with these.

Again, Ruffles Double Crunch Salt & Vinegar chips are pretty good, but I’d rather have the regular Lay’s version. Of course, my preference for them may change someday if Frito-Lay puts its salt and vinegar seasoning on regular Ruffles in the US. (It was available in Canada, which makes me even more jealous of our friends up north with its All Dressed and ketchup-flavored chips.)

Purchased Price: $4.50
Size: 7.25 oz bag
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (about 10 chips) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cookies & Cream M&M’s Cookie Sandwiches

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I’m not going to tell you this combination of cookies, candy, and ice cream that make up these Cookies & Cream M&M’s Cookie Sandwiches isn’t good. I ate through three of them, all of which brought some delight into my life. I mean, it’s an ice cream sandwich, and the only person who could hate this is someone whose heart is colder than the freezers these need to be stored in.

But I will tell you that while the colorful M&M’s that adorn the chocolate cookies make these Instagramable, they also have an insufficient amount of flavor. I don’t know if the chocolate flavor from the cookies and cream reduced fat ice cream and the two cookies negate them, but my taste buds don’t notice the milk chocolate in the candies. I know they are physically there because the crack of their shells and the snap of the solid milk chocolate are a textural contrast to the soft cookies and ice cream.

Because of the lack of M&M’s flavor, these taste too similar to the 32:9 screen ratio-shaped ice cream sandwiches that we’ve all eaten with chocolate wafers that stick to your fingers and vanilla ice cream/frozen dairy dessert that runs down your fingers as it melts.

If anything, these Cookies & Cream M&M’s Cookie Sandwiches are maybe a half-step up from the classic frozen novelty because using cookies is slightly better than chocolate wafers. But it’s not enough to convince me to purchase a box of four over an equally-priced box of a dozen regular ice cream sandwiches. (They are available in single packs if you’re not willing to purchase a box.) Maybe I’d find these to be unique and a full step up from regular ice cream sandwiches if the cookies had some crunch instead of being as soft as the ice cream and if I could actually taste the M&M’s.

Geez, this review reads as if my heart is colder than the left side of a Whirlpool WRS571CIHZ side-by-side refrigerator. So I guess I must reiterate that I did enjoy these.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from Mars. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Received from Mars
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 sandwich) 230 calories, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar (including 19 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.

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