REVIEW: Starbucks Bottled Paradise Drink and Pink Drink

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Starbucks’ popular Pink Drink and Paradise Drink are the latest beverages to be bottled and sold on shelves. As a fan of both, I was excited to give them a try to find out how they stack up to those made by a barista.

Both ready-to-drink beverages have less than 5 milligrams of caffeine per 12-ounce bottle, which is a fraction of the 35-45 milligrams in the Tall-sized (12 ounces) versions offered at Starbucks locations. Not sure why, but it’s worth a note.

Paradise Drink is the latest addition to the Refreshers menu (June 2022). I wasn’t shocked to see it get the bottled treatment this quickly because when it hit locations last year, it was selling like crazy as it captured a “summer in a cup” flavor thanks to its use of pineapple and passion fruit. I generally enjoyed the drink when I got it in the cafes but found the pineapple overpowering. I know the freeze dried fruit chunks contributed to that, but even trying the drink without them, I sometimes found the pineapple to be a little too much. Thankfully, the bottled version offers a much more balanced experience.

Getting a taste of the passion fruit made for a more complex flavor as opposed to the cafe version that made my tongue feel like it was being slapped by a pineapple. It’s not overly sweet and has a nice tartness. The coconut milk cuts down on the drink’s acidity and makes for a smoother sipping experience. It’s enjoyable straight from a chilled bottle and certainly is “summer in a bottle.”

It was only a matter of time before Starbucks would release a ready-to-drink version of its famous Pink Drink. Hundreds of TikTok videos swear by their copycat recipes, but none have ever really scratched the itch. Thankfully, this bottled Pink Drink is a dead ringer for the cafe version. The taste of the sweet strawberry is very present, with the coconut milk bringing a slight nutty creaminess. I know there is supposed to be acai, but it is overshadowed by the intense strawberry flavors, just like the cafe version. Unlike the Paradise Drink, I found this much more concentrated with its taste and quite a bit sweeter.

It was fine straight from the bottle but shined when poured over ice, and doing so allowed for the more concentrated flavors to mellow. Much like the Paradise Drink, the lack of freeze dried fruit didn’t take away from the experience or taste. It will be worth keeping some on hand to bridge the gap between Starbucks visits. I enjoyed it, and I think it will be fairly popular.

Purchased Price: $3.18 each
Purchased at: Walmart Neighborhood Market
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Paradise Drink), 9 out of 10 (Pink Drink)
Nutrition Facts: (1 bottle) Paradise Drink – 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Pink Drink – 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 30 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Turtle Signature Latte

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A wise man once said, “I like turtles.”

Who could argue with that?

Not I. Whether it be the living, breathing reptiles or those of the Teenage Mutant Ninja persuasion, they’re all cool with me. Perhaps my favorite turtles though are those little chocolate, pecan, and caramel cluster candies. I really like those turtles, so when I noticed Dunkin’ added a Turtle Signature Latte to the app, I acted in the complete opposite way of a turtle… ya know, fast. I ordered one quickly.

The new Turtle Signature Iced Latte features mocha and butter pecan syrup swirls, espresso, and whole milk topped with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and crunchy cocoa caramel crumbles.

On the surface, this might just seem like a rejiggering of flavors Dunkin’ has always featured, but I gotta say, it found the right balance with this one.

The mocha-heavy espresso packs a dark and rich wallop, while the butter pecan swirl adds a smooth caramel-y flourish. Just that coffee portion is great on its own, but the topping was my favorite part. Whipped cream and caramel drizzle are all fine and good, but that’s standard fare. It was the cocoa caramel crumbles that really took this to the next level.

They tasted like little cookie crumbs and the crystalized sugar coating on candied nuts. Not only that, they might be the first Dunkin’ topping I’ve ever had that didn’t just melt away. They held their crunch and lasted the entire drink, and I got bits in almost every sip.

It might seem weird or even unappetizing at first to think of sipping up crispy bits in a watery iced coffee and not something with a milkshake-type consistency, but trust me, they’re good. I’d buy a bottle of these as a garnish tomorrow.

Yeah, not much to complain about here. My only small gripe is one that I’ve always had with Dunkin’s mocha flavor – it leaves a dry, almost gritty film in my mouth when I’m done. I usually have to chase it with a bottle of water. At least I’m staying hydrated, right?

I should also note I couldn’t make any dairy substitutions in the app. It’s whole milk or nothing, but I imagine you can finagle something different if you talk to an employee.

I think turtles represent good vibes, and this drink lives up to the namesake. Dunkin’ is doing a big Butter Pecan push for the summer, so this latte will probably hang around for a while. It’s not an everyday coffee because it’s way too indulgent to start every morning with, but you should definitely try it at least once. I’m kinda bummed Dunkin’ is not pairing this new drink with turtle-flavored donuts. They coulda iced ’em like little turtle shells!

Whatever, I’m sure the butter pecan donut is good, and Dunkin’ will do a chocolate caramel hybrid donut at some point. For now, I’ll probably just enjoy this latte a few more times over the coming months. Cowabunga, dudes!

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 43 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Mtn Dew Summer Freeze

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Mtn Dew Summer Freeze is a Dew with a blast of summer Americana, but after tasting it, it’s more like a Dew with a blast of nostalgia. Because is it just me, or does this taste like another Dew flavor? A case of deja DEW?

While Summer Freeze’s bright blue color brings antifreeze to mind, its aroma reminds me of the fruity frozen novelty represented by the red, white, and blue ice pops on the can. Its flavor has a punch of blue raspberry with a bit of cherry on the back end. There’s also a hint of citrus that represents the white lime/lemon part of the patriotic pop.

For the most part, this does taste like a melted popsicle, but I can’t shake the fact that, as someone who has done durations with the different Dews, this Summer Freeze might be a slight reformulation or renaming of a previous flavor. But, overall, it’s a fun tasting limited time addition to the Dew lineup.

What’s also fun is the can’s graphics, which are filled with red, white, and blue bro-sicles that look like they’re trying to get into as much mischief and fun as they can before they melt to oblivion. The images are also sprinkled with Dew references, like the ice cream truck’s license plate being MD1940, which refers to Mtn Dew being invented in 1940; then there’s “DTD” on the fire hydrant stands, which stands for, everyone say it with me, Do the Dew; and then the “DSA” tattooed on the stick of the upside down popsicle that looks like it’ll melt to oblivion first, which might be a nod to a previous summer Dew, DEW-S-A.

Ohhhhhhhhh!

Could this be a reformulation of DEW-S-A? It was a combination of Mtn Dew Code Red (cherry), Whiteout (citrus), and Voltage (raspberry), but made during Dew’s dark days of adding artificial sweeteners with high fructose corn syrup to bring down the drink’s sugar numbers a little. Perhaps Summer Freeze is the result when the sucralose is taken out of DEW-S-A, and maybe that’s why it tastes so familiar to me. Oh, speaking of artificial sweeteners, this is also available in a Zero Sugar variety.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 12 fl oz cans/12 pack
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 50 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 43 grams of sugar (including 43 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 55 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger (2023)

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I find it weird that Jack in the Box’s All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger doesn’t have AMERICAN cheese. Instead, it has natural cheddar cheese, along with a 100% Ribeye beef patty, smoky aioli, red onions, lettuce, tomato, and a potato bun. There’s also a version with bacon. I was charged for the one without but somehow ended up with the bacon one. Yay me! The fast food gods giveth!

If you’re thinking, “Hey, am I experiencing fast food deja vu? Didn’t Jack in the Box offer an All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger before?” If that’s you, you have a great memory and should use that to count cards at a casino. The original All American Ribeye Burger came out in 2017, but it didn’t have “Steakhouse” attached to it or American cheese. It did have provolone cheese, spring mix, and mayonnaise, along with the red onions, lettuce, tomato, and potato bun. There was also a 2018 version that swapped the red onions with white ones.

When I reviewed 2018’s Blue Cheese Bacon Ribeye Burger, I mentioned that I didn’t think the beef was better than what comes with the Jumbo Jack. This time, I’d say it’s a little bit better because it’s meatier tasting than what’s on a Jumbo Jack. In fact, sometimes I thought it reminded me of steak. It’s a little dry, but that’s not unusual for fast food burgers.

The ribeye paired well with the aioli, which has a pleasant smoky and garlicky flavor. It’s a step up from Jack’s regular mayonnaise. However, I wish it was a bit punchier. Although, because it wasn’t, it allowed the ribeye patty’s flavor to stand out in every bite. It also let the smokiness and saltiness from my burger’s blanket of bacon to come through.

Unfortunately, not all the ingredients were as noticeable. The red onions, the only vegetable I was looking forward to, wasn’t as pungent as I would’ve liked, but they did provide a crunch. And the natural cheddar cheese wasn’t noticeable because, after looking at my photos, I’m pretty sure I didn’t get a slice. Boo me! The fast food gods taketh!

As for the rest of the components, the potato bun held everything together well without falling apart, and the lettuce and tomato did what the two vegetables do in burgers, add a minuscule amount of fiber, crunch, and color.

Despite mine not having any cheese, Jack in the Box’s All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger was still a tasty eat. It’s not as great as a Buttery Jack, but it’s a bit more premium tasting than a Jumbo Jack, thanks to the ribeye and aioli.

Purchased Price: $8.59*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 790 calories for the regular one. 840 calories for the bacon version. All other nutrition numbers aren’t available on the Jack in the Box website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Grilled Chicken Ranch Wrap

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For a minute there it was a wrap on fast food wraps.

Sure, you could easily get sixty-four wrap-adjacent offerings at Taco Bell or wrap-ish Gyros at Arby’s, but the rest of the wraps got scrapped.

McDonald’s axed my beloved Crispy Chicken Ranch Snack Wraps years ago. BK seems to flirt with everything but wraps, even going so far as to try gross Jack in the Box taco clones. I went to KFC the other day and it apparently already stopped selling its new snack wraps.

Where are the wraps?!

They’re at Wendy’s. Well, one is at Wendy’s, at least. After years of a wrap-less menu, Wendy’s is back with a Grilled Chicken Ranch Wrap.

Perhaps it’s just me, but wraps are completely necessary for a fast-food menu. Sometimes I want a lazy bite to eat that’ll fill me up but won’t bog me down, and a grilled chicken wrap seems like the perfect answer. Wendy’s almost gets it right here, but it needs some adjustments.

First of all, the wrap itself is a weird size. It’s somehow too big and too small at the same time. If the wrap was stuffed with chicken, it would be too big, but since it was mostly stuffed with lettuce, it’s too small. This was about as much of a messy salad as it was a chicken wrap.

I mean, outside of that, it’s essentially what you think it is. I wouldn’t say Wendy’s necessarily excels at grilled chicken, but for something like this, it makes more sense. My chicken pieces were a little on the chewy and slimy side, if I’m being honest, and while I don’t opt for its grilled fare much, that’s kinda always been my experience with it. Would I have preferred fried chicken? Absolutely, but I also like the idea of a healthier meal when it comes to a wrap.

There’s plenty of ranch dressing and probably not enough cheddar, but it wouldn’t matter because all that would just get swallowed up by the head of lettuce. Again, while the wrap is bigger than the typical “snack” wraps, it’s not very substantial because most of it is tortilla and ruffage.

If this was smaller at a lower price point, I’d like it more. If it was dense with chicken like a burrito, I’d like it more. As it is, it’s just passable and probably not worth your time or money.

So, I’m happy to see a wrap back on the Wendy’s menu, but I wish it was something I could just swing by and get as a midday snack. These don’t hold a candle to the late McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Snack Wraps, but few things do.

My recommendation would be to wait and see if the line expands. Maybe there will be a spicy variety soon, and I could see that easily being superior. For now, there are much better chicken options to get at Wendy’s.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 16 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1230 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.

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