REVIEW: Jeni’s Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts Ice Cream

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The pint of Jeni’s new Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts Ice Cream says there’s only one way to enjoy the toaster pastry: “It has to be brown sugar cinnamon, frosted—served buttered, warm, soft, and gooey right out of the toaster.” Those are fighting words as people eat Pop-Tarts microwaved, frozen, or straight out of the foil wrapper – which is my preferred method.

This new limited time collaboration flavor is a tribute to what is the “…best thing to spring out of a toaster.” It’s remarkable and should be a permanent flavor.

Jeni’s didn’t just break up a bunch of Pop-Tarts and drop it into vanilla ice cream. Instead, it crafted a brown sugar-cinnamon ice cream with crumbled pastry and a caramel swirl.

First off, Jeni’s always passes the texture test, which is critical as no one wants to arm wrestle rock-hard ice cream before enjoying it. I was joyfully able to take a room temperature spoon and scoop it right out of the pint. This texture also translates to how the ice cream ate: super smooth and creamy. Gotta love that high butter fat content!

Fat also equals flavor, so it was also so dang flavorful. I could taste that ooey gooeyness with just a hint of cinnamon for that toasted Pop-Tarts quality. Cold ice cream is obviously the very opposite of being toasted and ooey-gooey, but I reveled in the delightful mind trickery.

This epicness was also largely because Jeni’s only uses high quality ingredients – from the grass-fed milk sourced from local suppliers to each component carefully curated to replicate the toaster pastry’s flavor.

It visually looked like a light brown ice cream with light brown pieces, which was the crumbled pastry part. But, of course, Jeni’s also elevated said pastry to shortbread for a more buttery deliciousness. The only ding was the caramel swirl. What swirl?! That would have added a nice visual touch to the pint, but it didn’t affect how much I enjoyed it.

But, per the ingredient list, she made this magic with cream, milk, cane sugar, cinnamon caramel sauce – made of cream, brown sugar, sugar, and honey – and Madagascar Bourbon vanilla. That build is night and day compared to the Pop-Tarts’ ingredient list of corn syrup, dextrose, high fructose corn syrup, and caramel color.

I also tried this head-to-head with a buttered Pop-Tart (My first ever! Also, Pop-Tart ice cream sandwich, anyone?!), and it made me marvel again at the astounding attention to detail. I tasted that hint of salt crucial in all sweet goods, but the ice cream also replicated the pat of salted butter on top of my freshly toasted Pop-Tart. Chef’s Kiss.

This limited time flavor dropped online and in scoop shops on 6/22, so get yours ASAP. If you haven’t had Jeni’s and you’ve been thinking about it, this is your sign!!

Purchased Price: $12
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Jenis.com
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 Cup / 127g) 340 calories, 22 grams of fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 65 mg of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 29 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of fiber, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Quarter Pounder

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As the summer sun beats down upon our heads, McDonald’s has decided to also make the insides of our heads burn with its new Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Quarter Pounder with Cheese. The burger features a 1/4 lb beef patty, two American cheese slices, three half-strips of bacon, a cheese sauce, and jalapeno slices on a sesame seed bun. It’s basically a spicy bacon cheeseburger.

My order came with ten jalapeno slices. TEN! Of course, your results may vary. With that generous amount of brined, spicy peppers, I thought the flavor and heat would overwhelm the rest of the sandwich. But the cheese sauce tempers the spiciness and vinegary peppery punch with its salty processed cheese product goodness. But the sauce doesn’t make this spicy Quarter Pounder tolerable to those who are heat adverse. Also, oddly, the orange condiment has the viscosity of spackle, making it hard for gravity to pull down the jalapenos stuck to the sauce.

Yes, there are also the two American cheese slices that are in every Quarter Pounder, but they don’t stand out here because the sauce is cheesier and saltier. I imagine if the slices were left alone to manage the jalapenos’ heat and flavor, they wouldn’t stand a chance, and I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed this burger.

Now let’s get to the meat of the menu item.

The beef patty and bacon’s saltiness and meatiness still come through despite the strong jalapeno taste and cheesiness. The bacon’s smokiness is also noticeable with most bites. Unfortunately, the pork pieces are chewy but not crispy. However, the jalapenos do add some texture by providing a pleasant crunch.

I plan to reorder this tasty McDonald’s Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Quarter Pounder. Although when I do, I’ll probably customize it with extra cheese sauce to make it truly taste cheesy since the American cheese was no help in that department. But again, this is just a spicy bacon cheeseburger with pretty much the same ingredients we’ve seen in offerings from other fast food chains. There’s nothing groundbreaking flavor-wise here.

After eating the burger, my face looked and felt a little flushed thanks to the eight jalapeno slices, and I did reach for a cold drink a couple of times while eating this. But then again, my head might’ve felt that way due to the combination of this burger and the summer heat.

Purchased Price: $7.89*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 650 calories, 38 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 120 milligrams of cholesterol, 1760 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 37 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Haagen-Dazs Cultured Creme

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I wonder if Chobani influenced Häagen-Dazs to think outside of the freezer aisle. For years, Chobani was known as a yogurt company, but then it used its dairy knowledge to develop other products, like coffee creamers and cold brew. Häagen-Dazs has been known as an ice cream brand with a made-up name for decades. But now it’s using its dairy expertise to take up some space near Chobani’s turf with its new yogurt Cultured Crème.

They look like yogurt, and you will find them in the yogurt aisle, but the word “yogurt” doesn’t appear anywhere on the label. While traditional yogurt uses milk as the main ingredient, these use crème fraiche. According to General Mills, the product utilizes a fermentation process that is up to five times longer than traditional yogurt to create a thick, creamy texture reminiscent of ice cream. It also uses a unique blend of dairy cultures that offer a smoother taste experience, unlike the slightly sour flavor of traditional yogurt.

Currently, six flavors are available: Black Cherry, Blueberry, Coffee, Lemon, Strawberry, and Vanilla Bean. They come in four-ounce containers, which seem slightly stingy compared to the 5.3-ounce Chobani and six-ounce Yoplait containers.

The Blueberry, Strawberry, Black Cherry, and Lemon varieties mostly taste like yogurt I’ve had from other brands. However, something about them makes them slightly more enjoyable than any yogurt I’ve had. Is it the cane sugar or the use of actual fruit and fruit juices? I’m not sure. All four have fruit pieces in them, although I didn’t notice the pulp in the lemon one. Also, these are smoother tasting than Greek yogurt, but there’s still a noticeable tanginess.

While the tang isn’t weird with the fruity flavors, it’s odd and maybe slightly more noticeable in the Coffee variety, which is made using cold brewed coffee. Its taste is similar to coffee ice cream but with some tanginess. While I’m fine with it and think it’s a great flavor, I can taste how some folks might be turned off by it.

As you can see, I don’t dislike any of them, but I was surprised by my favorite of the bunch — vanilla bean.

It’s the best tasting vanilla product in the yogurt aisle I’ve ever had. There are vanilla bean specks throughout, and as it goes down my throat, it sometimes tastes like I’m eating vanilla ice cream. Also, the tang gives it a cheesecake-like flavor most of the time. Of the six flavors, it’s the one that tastes most like a dessert than something yogurt-like. I scraped the container’s sides with a spoon and licked the foil lid to get every bit of it. That’s how much I loved it.

With all that said, the name, Cultured Crème, confuses my gut microbiome. Does it contain live and active cultures? Unlike most yogurt, it doesn’t say it anywhere. So am I getting any health benefits while eating these, or are these just sugary desserts in the yogurt aisle? While I’m unsure if these are great for my digestive system, they do taste great and are worth trying.

Purchased Price: $2.00 each
Size: 4 oz containers
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Vanilla Bean), 7 out of 10 (all others)
Nutrition Facts: (1 container) Black Cherry – 190 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugar (including 10 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein. Blueberry – 200 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein. Lemon – 200 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar (including 15 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein. Strawberry – 190 calories, 10 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 16 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein. Coffee – 200 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar (including 13 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein. Vanilla Bean – 190 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 17 grams of sugar (including 12 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Little Debbie Swiss Rolls Cereal

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Little Debbie and Kellogg’s have once again joined forces to miniaturize and breakfast-ify a popular snack cake so you can eat them for breakfast without feeling too much guilt. The new Little Debbie Swiss Roll Cereal follows Oatmeal Creme Pie, Cosmic Brownies, and Nutty Buddy Cereals. Will they be able to beat shoving a whole Swiss Roll in your mouth and washing it down with a glass of milk in the morning (a.k.a. the breakfast of champions)?

When I pour the chocolate spirals into my bowl, I see a light dusting of a white sugary coating. The chocolate cereal tastes like chocolate cereals I’ve tasted before. The frosted coating adds some vanilla flavor and tastes like the frosted coating I’ve tasted before. It’s good but could be inspired by any number of chocolate and vanilla treats instead of Swiss Rolls.

These remind me of the childhood favorite, Cookie Crisp. Everyone is a bit disappointed when they learn that they’re actually not eating tiny baked chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. But it’s still exciting to think of the possibility.

It’s always difficult to know what to say about these cross-branded products. Is this cereal actually like miniaturized Swiss Rolls? Of course not. It’s a standard frosted cocoa cereal in an admittedly neat spiral design. It’s fine but has nothing to do with its namesake snack cake. Do you really want to think of what eating a crunchy Swiss Roll would be like? It does make me wonder what other vaguely disconcerting cross-brand opportunities are out there. Krispy Kreme Go-Gurt? Anything that those freaks at Lay’s try to turn into a chip flavor?

I’m up for all of it, but sometimes I wish products like these were more than simply branding and did something exciting. Maybe I would enjoy these more if they were filled, like Krave cereal. Or perhaps I’m just experiencing breakfast ennui and asking too much from my cereal bowl.

And despite it not being a standout breakfast option, I’ve been munching it by the handful while writing this review. So perhaps that’s how it’s best enjoyed. So, while Kellogg’s Little Debbie Swiss Roll Cereal is more of a branding exercise than an innovative breakfast option, it’s still a tasty one.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: 8.4 oz box
Rating: 7 out of 10
?Nutrition Facts (56 grams): 160 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 mg milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar (including 15 grams added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Cake Batter Cookie Dough Blizzard

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We all have some beliefs that we know with certainty are true, and no amount of debate or evidence will ever change our minds. For me, one of those tenets is this: sprinkles are wildly overrated and borderline useless in society. I know others disagree, including the group of small children I saw at a Fourth of July picnic fighting over a shaker of sprinkles for their ice cream. Perhaps they had been studying the Declaration of Independence and thought acquiring said sprinkles would help them successfully achieve their pursuit of happiness. I contend that those kids were misguided. Try eating a handful of just sprinkles and tell me I’m wrong.

At this point, you might assume that my review of Dairy Queen’s July Blizzard of the Month is trending toward a big thumbs down because the Cake Batter Cookie Dough Blizzard has a double dose of sprinkles. The colorful pieces of nothingness are mixed into the cake batter-flavored soft serve and embedded into the confetti cookie dough pieces.

There is a hero, however, that saves this Blizzard. While the standard vanilla soft serve base of most Blizzards is perfectly fine, this cake batter variation is sumptuous. It somehow manages to amp up the sweetness of the ice cream without going too far, and it delivers a subtle extra flavor that seems like a little bit of icing mixed with cake. I would definitely eat cake batter ice cream by itself.

Despite my professed indifference, or perhaps even disdain, for sprinkles, I must say this is a decent Blizzard. And I will begrudgingly say the sprinkles are not completely useless here. They bring a rainbow of color, which I guess is great if you are posting on Instagram, and they contribute a bit of extra texture, which is pleasant. But because sprinkles have virtually no taste, they contribute virtually nothing to the flavor of this Blizzard.

The cookie dough nuggets in here can best be described as sugar cookie-flavored. Again, there are some sprinkles in the cookie dough, as shown in the photo after I dissected one, but, again, they don’t add any flavor.

The quibble I have with this Blizzard — other than my excessive diatribe about sprinkles — is that the cookie dough pieces are overshadowed by the cake batter ice cream. The dough had such a mild flavor that I almost forgot about it. This one might be worth doing a little experimenting and asking for some M&M’s or Oreo cookies to be added to the mix.

Even though this one missed the mark a bit for me, it is certainly worth trying just to experience the cake batter-flavored ice cream.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 610 calories, 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 95 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 71 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

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