REVIEW: Burger King Crispy Onion Whopper

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I thought Burger King’s new Crispy Onion Whopper would have an intense onion flavor that would make anyone within my personal space and downwind from me know I’m eating one when I say, “Oooooonioooooon.” However, despite having onion rings AND crispy onions, it does noooooot.

Along with those two toppings, the burger features a 1/4-pound flame-grilled beef patty, bacon, American cheese, barbecue sauce, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, and mayo on a toasted sesame seed bun. Raw onions, one ingredient I know Burger King has stocked in its kitchens, would’ve helped push the onion pungency to a potent plane, but BK excluded them in this burger.

If it had gone extra heavy with the onions, this might’ve been a unique-tasting offering, but this latest Whopper By You creation, inspired by Whopper fans, has a lot of familiar flavors. It seems like Burger King took a page from Taco Bell’s playbook and created something new by flinging ingredients it already uses at a wall and seeing what sticks.

When the drive-thru window person handed me the bag with my à la carte order, I was surprised by its weight. Upon taking it out of the bag, it looked noticeably more substantial than previous limited-time-only Whoppers in recent memory. I suppose the onion rings made a significant difference.

While light in flavor, both fried onions let my mouth know of their existence with two distinct levels of crispiness, with the crispy onion having a lighter crunch than the rings. However, raw onions here might’ve added another level of crispiness.

The previous Whopper By You, the BBQ Brisket one, released in July, featured a new golden BBQ sauce, which I really enjoyed. This comes topped with the usual sweet and smoky barbecue sauce Burger King has used over the years. While I’ve enjoyed the older BBQ sauce, I wish BK had used the newer one here, as it might’ve prevented the burger from tasting so familiar. I’m not saying it tastes like a BK’s signature burger, but it’s almost like the chain did a mashup of a regular Whopper with a Rodeo Cheeseburger.

With every bite, it seemed like a different ingredient got highlighted. Sometimes it was the onions. Other times it was the cheese. Sometimes it was the bacon. Other times it was the pickles. Sometimes it was the barbecue sauce. Other times it was the beef. And even the mayo popped in every so often.

Other things to note: With all the toppings, it’s unsurprising that this is one messy burger. Also, much like the previous limited-time-only Whopper, it’s available as a Whopper Jr. if you want to save money because it’s slightly pricier than other variations.

Burger King’s Crispy Onion Whopper is a serviceable offering that’s as enjoyable as its standard Whopper. However, nothing is outstanding or distinctive about it that would make me like it a looooot or spend my looooot on it again.

Purchased Price: $11.79*
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1150 calories, 72 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 135 milligrams of cholesterol, 2140 milligrams of sodium, 88 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 47 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Marshmallow Butterfinger Bar

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I have to be honest about something up front: I have been waiting and wishing for a white chocolate Butterfinger for over 20 years. From the first glorious taste of a white chocolate Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup sometime in the mid-2000s, my brain chemistry changed. I thought to myself, “Why don’t all candy bars do this?” It is such a simple but effective swap to the whole dynamic of a flavor profile, and one that I thought would be a perfect complement to Butterfinger’s crispety crunchety peanut-buttery toffee flavor.

But I also thought the same thing about Snickers and Twix, which, when their white iterations came out, were fine, but didn’t achieve the same greatness as the Reese’s. Something about the white chocolate paired with Snickers and Twix falls short of their milk and dark counterparts, which, despite its amplified sweetness, is duller than the original.

Regardless of white chocolate’s success rate, when Marshmallow Butterfinger was announced, the second in a run of fun new flavors for the bar after Salted Caramel, I began the hunt immediately. Butterfinger is a candy that historically changes its shape as opposed to its taste, with the most significant change before this year being a dark chocolate version, so the idea of not only a white chocolate but a marshmallow white creme is a pretty big swing for an often complacent brand.

I am hoping for the sake of candy lovers everywhere that Butterfinger will continue to take some swings, because the marshmallow version is a wallop of a success. The new white coating distinctly tastes like marshmallow, extra sweet and vanilla-y, with a flavor that will remind you of Lucky Charms’ dehydrated version without the dry crunch. Sometimes white chocolate can simply be sweet, and this has an abundance of character and sweetness that really tastes unique to any other I’ve had. The texture is velvety smooth and melty to go along with the bold pop of sugariness that complements the salty and nutty core flavor wonderfully.

Where the Snickers and Twix fell short, this new Butterfinger shines brilliantly not only because of the slightly savory peanut toffee in the base, but also because of the little extra marshmallow flavoring in the creme. The addition of a strong, pronounced, sweet vanilla elevates the bar to a delightful crumbly crescendo of sweet and salty that tickles the candied fantasies of my mind 20 years ago.

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 2-piece Share Pack, 3.07 Ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 piece, 52g) 260 calories, 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 22 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Cereal N’ Milk Latte

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Even though there is a Dunkin’ Donuts (or “Dunks” as the chain is affectionately known here in Mass) literally in my backyard, I don’t go there very often. I’m more of a Red Bull kind of girl. When I go to DD, I tend to get cold brew with foam rather than a latte… but a Cereal Milk latte? That had me curious.

It’s genius, honestly. The milk left over after you’ve enjoyed a bowl of cereal is almost as good as the cereal itself! Why have I never considered adding it to my tea or coffee before? Good thing Dunks had my back!

It was hot outside, so I opted to get my drink iced. I was hoping for something refreshing, but it was too thick and rich for that. I was THIRSTY when handed my drink, and as I gulped it, I was left feeling a bit like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman when he chugs the milk in that one scene. I have to say, though, that despite that description, it did have a nice mouth feel, somewhere between Half & Half and melted ice cream. Smooth and velvety and very creamy.

You’re probably wondering, much like I was, what \*kind\* of cereal Dunkin’ is referring to. The term is just too generic, given the various fruity, chocolatey, sweetened, and otherwise varieties out there, and, well… that remains a mystery, sadly. Your guess is as good as mine. The taste is decidedly NOT fruity, as I’d kind of been expecting, nor is it chocolatey or really distinctly anything. Still, it really DOES manage to convey a distinct CEREAL taste that lingers on the tongue after each sip before fading away into a vaguely grain-like aftertaste.

If I HAD to guess? Somewhere between generic Lucky Charms and Frosted Flakes. Both are in the ballpark, but neither feels quite right.

That kinda bitter, slightly burnt taste you can expect with a Dunkin’ espresso product is present, but it does get drowned out by the sweetness and flavor of the cereal milk, which works in the drink’s favor. All in all, I’d get this again. It’s sweet and tasty, and it hits a nice breakfast-y note for me.

I don’t know if it’s universal or not, but my local Dunkin’ (yes, the one I can see from my window as I type this) offers Coolattas and Matcha in addition to the Lattes, so if espresso isn’t your thing but you still want to try this flavor, there you go.

Purchased Price: $5.02
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 220 calories, 7 grams of total fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 29 grams of total sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Mountain Dew Honeydew

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I want to start a #FreeMountainDewHoneydew campaign. Will you join me? Because it pains me to see the new Mountain Dew Honeydew be trapped by exclusivity in the US as a flavor that we can only purchase from regional convenience store chains that have spelling issues (Maverik) or cause giggling issues (Kum & Go). Let’s release those chains from those chains and bring it to all who wish to Do the Honeydew because it’s quite HoneyDew-licious.

Mountain Dew Honeydew actually made its deDew, I mean, debut in Canada in 2023, and since then, US Dew fans have wondered if we would ever get the flavor. But like ketchup and All-Dressed potato chips, it has made its way into the US stores, albeit not everywhere.

Twisting off the top and giving the freshly opened soda a sniff, its aroma was similar to many honeydew-flavored drinks I’ve had from Japan. Although the beverages from Japan usually have some kind of creamy component, this Dew didn’t have one. Instead, think of the best piece of honeydew you’ve ever had in your life, but sweeter with a stronger melon flavor and a hint of the underlying citrus flavor at the back end. That’s what this soda tastes like, and that’s why I adore it.

Being so good, it brings up another question besides, “Why is Mountain Dew Honeydew an exclusive flavor?” Why aren’t there more honeydew-flavored drinks in the US? Off the top of my head, I can’t think of another melon-flavored beverage offered throughout the United States. Although knowing my astute and lovely audience, I’m sure some of you will come up with one or two in the comments.

Much like it upsets me that the delicious Mtn Dew Maui Burst is a Dollar General exclusive, it’s equally as upsetting that Mountain Dew Honeydew is only available at a regional convenience store chain. My favorite Dew flavors are difficult to obtain, and that annoys me. Maybe I should move? Or start #FreeMountainDewHoneydew and #FreeMtnDewMauiBurst campaigns.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 20 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 0 grams of fat, 85 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 73 grams of sugar (including 73 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 93 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Kirkland Signature Combo Calzone

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Costco’s food court is arguably the country’s best cost-effective eatery. Where else can you get a two-dollar dog right after spending $450 on items such as an Army’s supply of animal crackers and a year’s worth of pipe-clogging wet wipes?

Just me?

I never skip the Costco Cafeteria. I’ll take one of their obese slices over any national chain’s wimpy pizza. I don’t know where Chicken Bakes came from, but they’re a marvel of modern science. That dirt cheap footlong? GOATed! And how can I forget the… *sigh* we still doing this?

Double. Chocolate. Chunk. Cookie?! Five Booms and whatnot.

Everything is good.

Well, everything WAS good. It is with great sorrow that I must report the new Kirkland Calzone Combo is a DOOM!

I’m baffled. How can this be? On paper, you would think a Costco food court Calzone would just marry the best parts of the pizza and the chicken bake, right? Pure ignorance.

It certainly looks like a decent calzone. I really like the doughy, slightly crispy crust on the pizza slice, so having that as a giant pocket works. It was probably my favorite part of the experience, despite it getting worse as I got towards the center.

The filling is pure slop. A full-on work sloppage. Slopular Science. The King of Slop. A wop slop a loo bop a slop bom bom!

The “turnover” comes packed with pepperoni, sausage, cheese, onions, peppers, sauce, olives, and mushrooms, all of which clash with each other.

I’m not opposed to a supreme pizza, but all of these ingredients don’t work in this pouch; it just makes everything wet with a gross flavor I can only describe as “spiced slimy meat.” That’s all I tasted, but not even in a good pepperoni or sausage style, they blend with the veggies to make an off-putting “spice” that is neither hot nor appetizing. This is the opposite of the spice mélange. One DUNE(!) on the “Boom or Dune” scale.

I could probably get beyond the overall flavor if this thing had more cheese in it. It’s severely lacking. I’ll keep hyping the pizza, because I absolutely love that 700-calorie behemoth cheese slice. It’s excessive, it’s greasy, it’s uniquely chewy, and I love it. This mushy deflated football needed that texture badly.

What you’re looking at here is a giant Hot Pocket that you took out of the microwave fifteen seconds early. I’m shocked at how much I disliked it. What a mess. This thing left a bad taste in my mouth literally and figuratively. The corners of the crust are basically the highlight. This should’ve been a perfect amalgamation of the pizza and chicken bake, but instead it’s a bastardization.

1.66 out of 5 BOOMS, which is appropriately a “boo.”

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: n/a
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1,080 calories, 61 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 2000 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 46 grams of protein.

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