REVIEW: Papa Johns Twix Papa Bites

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Twix bars have a special place in my heart. No, it’s not the cholesterol caused by the candy’s saturated fat. I’ve been a fan of the chocolate, caramel, and cookie crunch combo since its debut in the US. When I was growing up, if any house in the neighborhood passed out Twix on Halloween, I’d get some in one costume, do a mid-All Hallows Eve costume change, and return to the house to get more. That adoration is still with me today, because I find myself eating all the Twix from Mars candy assortments, leaving the Snickers and Milky Way as scraps. So these Papa Johns Twix Papa Bites are a no-brainer, right?

Well…

The dessert or horrible idea for a meal combines Papa Johns’ fresh dough with bits of Twix Cookie Bars. An order comes with eight pieces and is served with a caramel dipping sauce. After inhaling three pieces, I wondered if this would end up being my horrible idea for dinner because I wanted to eat them all, despite the item looking like the worse-case scenario for a microwaved Hot Pocket. But I didn’t give in to temptation and left the rest for another day. Okay, another hour.

It’s chocolatey. It’s caramel-y. It’s doughy. But it’s not cookie-y, and that’s a big but to me. A large part of Twix’s appeal is its cookie crunch, and these Papa Bites lack that. There’s a grittiness that I assume are cookie bits, but they’re so minuscule and have been sitting in melted chocolate and caramel that they don’t provide any crunch at all. They make so little of a contribution that I could tell folks that these are Rolo Papa Bites, and they would probably believe me.

As I mentioned earlier, an order comes with caramel dipping sauce, but only used it with a couple of pieces. There’s enough caramel flavor without it, but if you get candy-less bites, it does come in handy. Finally, much like pizza, these still taste good cold, but the dough is chewier.

Overall, Papa Johns Twix Papa Bites are a sweet, tasty way to end a pizza feast. But, for me, having a cookie crunch would’ve taken it to another level.

Purchased Price: $8.99*
Size: 8 pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bite) 80 calories, 3 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat (okay, not sure what’s the deal with the fat numbers on the website, probably needs to be switched), 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did. The advertised price for this is $4.99.

REVIEW: Cheetos Pretzels

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Chester the Cheetah is on a quest for snacking domination.

With his latest conquest, he sprinkled cheetle dust onto pretzels to create the new Cheetos Pretzels!

If you’re not familiar with cheetle, you definitely know of it. There’s just a name now for the cheese powder left on your fingertips after eating Chester’s creations. Cheetle. If you didn’t know, now you know.

While he seems too cool to have an evil genius muahaha laugh, it was still what I envisioned as I tried the two new offerings: Cheddar and Flamin’ Hot Pretzels. As a Flamin’ Hot fanatic, I was stoked to see a spicy version. Although, it wasn’t that surprising seeing that Flamin’ Hot is everywhere these days!

What was surprising, however, was the shape. It had been a minute since I’d consumed a classic, thick pretzel like this. Usually, I nosh on bites like Synder’s, thin Pretzel Crisps, or twists from Dot’s, but Chester went classic.

This shape probably made the most sense to retain as much seasoning as possible, and it definitely did a good job of that. Even though it was only supposed to be seasoned on one side, there was quite a bit of transfer, so everything was nicely distributed for maximum flavor with both offerings.

Unfortunately, though, the cheddar flavor tasted muted compared to regular Cheetos. My layman’s working hypothesis focuses on the base. Pretzel uses wheat, whereas regular Cheetos are on a corn base, so the wheat is somehow muting the cheddar. It also smelled kind of weird and cardboard-y, which was not an appetizing smell.

The Flamin’ Hot flavor, on the other hand, was fire! It smelled exactly like all other Flamin’ Hot flavors and tasted as expected. The pretzel surprisingly didn’t tame the heat, which was a win.

The downside to both flavors? The thick pretzel combined with cheetle made me more thirsty than usual. The gummy pretzel-ness also globbed around my molars in true pretzel fashion. By the way, I found them next to the other molar globbers in the snacking section rather than next to the other Cheetos in the chip section.

The opportunities here are limitless with this new launch. I would 100% try a soft Auntie Anne’s pretzel dusted in Flamin’ Hot.

Are any snacks safe from Chester? Methinks not.

Purchased Price: $4.38 each
Size: 10 oz bags
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Flamin’ Hot), 6 out of 10 (Cheddar)
Purchased at: Walmart
Nutrition Facts: (28g – about 10 pretzels) Flamin’ Hot – 130 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Cheddar – 130 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries

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Last year, I reviewed Burger King’s Ghost Pepper Whopper, which was one of the most memorable burgers I’ve ever had, especially with its beautiful orange and black bun.

BK brought that Whopper back this year but also introduced something new: the Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries.

These are fry-shaped chicken (and if you’re a reader of this site, you probably already know about chicken fries) with a spicy ghost pepper breading. They’re not as pretty as the Ghost Pepper Whopper’s bun, but they still are (subtly) orange and black.

I’ve never had an actual ghost pepper since I’m not a masochist, but I can guarantee that the Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries are nowhere close to the heat of the real pepper.

With that said, they are still spicy. I was on the verge of hiccupping as I made it through all twelve, but I didn’t. There was a steady burn as I munched, and I was glad to have the BBQ dipping sauce to cut through the heat. (I don’t think it did, but I told myself it was helping.)

But this item is not any spicier than many other fast food offerings. I didn’t think it was as hot as the Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, a jalapeño burger, or the Ghost Pepper Whopper.

The chicken itself is just what I hoped it would be: moist, tender, not dried out or gristly.

I enjoyed eating these. They were a great vessel for the BBQ sauce, and they were spicy enough to keep it interesting without making me miserable. Spice-loving people will probably want them to be hotter, but they’re a good match for the general population.

I must return to BK to get the Ghost Pepper Whopper this year. I don’t like the Chicken Fries as much as the Whopper, but they’re a good option if you don’t want to commit to the calories of a full sandwich.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 12-piece
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 pieces) 410 calories, 26 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,160 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Steak & Bacon Grilled Cheese Burrito

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The folks at Taco Bell have finally done something I didn’t expect: create a menu item that mostly doesn’t taste like it’s from Taco Bell. Several bites into the chain’s new Steak & Bacon Grilled Cheese Burrito, I wondered if my mouth was transported to a TGI Fridays, Applebee’s, or Ruby Tuesday because I tasted cheese and bacon potato skins. But after reeducating myself about what was stuffed into and grilled onto the flour tortilla, it all made sense.

The limited time menu item features marinated grilled steak, nacho cheese sauce, creamy chipotle sauce, potatoes, reduced fat sour cream, and a three-cheese blend wrapped inside a warm flour tortilla with more of the three-cheese blend and bacon grilled on top. Before eating it, I completely forgot about the spuds in there, so it was surprising when my taste buds noticed casual dining appetizer flavors instead of Tex-Mex fast food. As a fan of potato skins, I can get behind this.

While Taco Bell has been grilling cheese on the tortilla since 2020, including bacon is a novel addition that makes something unique on its own a little more special. But that bacon isn’t there just to be novel; it helps the menu item taste a little less Taco Bell-y with its porky and smoky flavors. Sure, the grilled bacon on my order makes the burrito’s exterior look scabby, but it also makes it taste not at all shabby.

But with those few bites that didn’t get any potatoes, the specter of Taco Bell flavors peeked out, thanks to the three ingredients that allow almost every Taco Bell menu item to have just two degrees of separation — nacho cheese sauce, sour cream, and the three-cheese blend. The tender steak, which has been used quite often this year in new products, adds its meatiness to the burrito, which also gives the menu item a bit of a steak and potatoes vibe. Finally, the creamy chipotle sauce added a smokiness that helped enhance the bacon’s smokiness and a mild kick.

I’ve had so many different steak burritos from Taco Bell over the years, but I can’t say many of them were memorable. But this Steak & Bacon Grilled Cheese Burrito will stick in my mind for a while because it was quite enjoyable, and I can’t get the road rash-looking exterior out of my head.

Purchased Price: $6.99*
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 700 calories, 39 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1730 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 30 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Everything Bagel Pringles

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Last week, a strange mustachioed man sprinted up to me and asked if I could name Pringles’ newest flavor. I, being the eastern United States’ preeminent Pringles historian, replied to this definitely real person, “Hasn’t Pringles done everything?”

Without pause, the astonished and not made-up man’s eyes went wide with fear. He muttered under his breath, “How did you know?” Then he dropped a fresh can of new Everything Bagel Pringles at my feet and ran away in hysterics.

Not gonna lie (absolutely gonna lie, I am clearly lying); it was pretty weird. I didn’t even get any money, but hey, I got some Everything Bagel Pringles. Score.

I love Pringles and jump at any chance to review new varieties. I’ve actually been on a run of only reviewing “ring” based snacks, so it was nice to break away from that with these Pringles that are based on… bread shaped like a ring. Oh, man.

Wait a minute, pRINGles! “Ring” is right there in the name. I’m stuck in a ring-shaped loop!

Meh, whatever. At least I have snacks.

I didn’t know what to expect from these. There are a lot of elements to cover – cream cheese, onion, garlic, the various superfluous seeds, and even the bagel flavor itself. Can a chip do all that justice?

Yes and no. They’re really good, but “everything bagel” is a bit of a stretch. Also, Pringles aren’t chips, they’re crisps. You shoulda known that. I was just testing ya.

They smell like Sour Cream and Onion, which is fine, as those are my favorite OG Pringles. The flavor profile hits on onion and garlic, but they’re pretty mild. Cream cheese is the strongest flavor. I guess that’s appropriate to real life because my request of “just a little cream cheese” is always interpreted as “three pounds of cream cheese.” Sesame and poppy seeds barely have flavor as it is, so they brought nothing to the table.

These could have just been called “Cream Cheese and Chive,” but they probably need the “bagel” to move cans. Pringles don’t taste like bagels, though.

If I were to really pinpoint the flavor, I could think of one very specific food that is apparently called “Gournay Cheese.” My mother used to buy a little wheel of garlic and herb cream cheese-like spread made by a brand called Boursin around the holidays. I absolutely loved it on Wheat Thins. That’s what these Pringles taste like, almost to a T. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I implore you to try it. If you do know, just imagine these are flavored after that and not an everything bagel.

I was gonna nitpick the appearance because these crisps look boring. They barely even sprinkled them with poppies, but ya know what? You can keep ’em. Poppy seeds taste like nothing and only exist to get stuck in your teeth.

These are definitely worth a try, even if they taste more like Gournay Cheese Spread on Wheat Thins. Maybe if I guessed that, the totally real man wouldn’t have run away from me.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 5.5 oz
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (14 crisps) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of total sugars, less than 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of protein.

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