REVIEW: Papa Johns Cheesy Calzone Epic Stuffed Crust Pizza

While I’ve eaten less lasagna than Garfield the Cat over my lifetime, thanks to the layered Italian dish, I’m familiar with what ricotta cheese tastes and feels like. So I find it a bit odd that Papa Johns’ Cheesy Calzone Epic Stuffed Crust Pizza, which has a blend of mozzarella and garlic herb ricotta packed into the crust, lacks any indication that the latter cheese is there.

Even when I pulled open the end crust, it only looked like a sea of mozzarella, and there were no herbs. Sure, the person who made mine might’ve not included it, or Garfield the Cat used Odie to distract the Papa Johns employees to suck out the ricotta while the pizza was sitting to be picked up. But I do taste something garlicky in the crust, so I assume the ricotta must be there. That flavor definitely does not come from the crust’s exterior because it looks and tastes as plain as plain can be. Heck, if you look at the whole pizza, it looks as if it’s seen a ghost.

Of course, the amount of ricotta you get in your crust may vary, and the lack of a strong flavor with the end crust can easily be remedied by dipping it into the dependable special garlic sauce that comes with the pizza. But without the sauce, it’s pretty much just a regular stuffed crust pizza.

The end crust of a Papa Johns Cheesy Calzone Epic Stuffed Crust Pizza is supposed to have the flavors of a calzone, but mine didn’t scream CALZONE, nor did it say it at a normal talking volume. I don’t hate it as much as Garfield the Cat hates Mondays, but if the amount of ricotta I got in my pizza is what I’m supposed to get, then it’s very disappointing.

Purchased Price: $18.99*
Size: Large
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 slice) 350 calories, 14 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mc 910 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheerios Maple Cinnamon Hearty Nut Medley Cereal

It’s Resolution Season, where people rich and poor, young and old, thin and unthin alike proclaim that they will stop smoking, quit cussing, read more, hit the gym, drink less booze, floss daily, spend less on the Lotto, and various other acts of self-improvement/self-harm reduction. For many, “eat healthier” is a popular pledge, and why shouldn’t it be: with the exception of unsalted raw vegetables and nuts, everything we eat is basically garbage. But if you’re in this camp — either because your doctor is telling you that you’re fine to avoid making 5-year-goals or just because you’ve got a pair of Jordache hip-huggers you’re hoping to rock by St. Paddy’s Day — Cheerios has got your back.

2024 has the oat circle cereal brand imbuing it popular cereal with veggies (the new Veggie Blend line featuring Apple Strawberry and Blueberry Banana), and the one I tried that is filled with nuts — the Maple Cinnamon Hearty Nut Medley.

The Maple Cinnamon Hearty Nut Medley Cheerios Cereal — heretofore known as MCHNMC² — features “Crispy Flakes, Cheerios Cereal, Flavorful Almonds, and Hearty Pumpkin Seeds.” That’s right, THOSE pumpkin seeds. And look — if you’re a little perturbed by the idea or simply not sold on their inclusion, fret not: there were, like, eight seeds in my entire bag. That’s it. I don’t know if this was a production issue or if it’s par for the course, but for something that made my eyebrow initially arch mistrustfully, I wasn’t sad there weren’t more.

There were plenty of almonds, however, which is a more common and accepted health cereal nut. They were fine; requisitely tasty and with a crunch that held up in a standard milk-soak. Where this cereal really shined, though, was with the flakes and Cheerios. The flakes were the surprising winner from a cereal that mostly deals in rings. Thicker than Wheaties and smaller than Total, this seemed like a new flake to me. (Though I’ll be the first to admit there are other flake-heavy cereals in the General Mills catalogue with which I am unfamiliar – Raisin Nut Bran and Fiber One, for example.) Whatever it was, it was stellar — crispy with the barest hint of cinnamon. The Cheerios had the same amount of flavoring — enough to add a little excitement to the start of my year, but not enough to make me question if I was really making a healthy choice.

While I didn’t notice much in the way of “maple,” I still found this cereal to be a pleasant, healthy-ish alternative to, oh, say, the new Trix that is stuffed with frosting. (Which, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure is sinfully delightful.)

MCHNMC² was a nice surprise to start my year, and sliding into my Bugle Boys by spring makes the choice that much sweeter.

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: 20 oz box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (54g) 210 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheerios Veggie Blends Cereal

As we enter a new year, Cheerios wants to be part of our resolutions with a new line of vegetable-forward cereals called Veggie Blends. Because the brand knows us better than we know ourselves, they’ve chosen to hide the vegetables in our breakfasts.

Cheerios Veggie Blends come in two varieties: Blueberry Banana and Apple Strawberry. Each is made with 1/4 cup of fruit and vegetables per serving. The ingredients include fruit purees as well as spinach, carrot, and sweet potato powders. (The asterisk next to this claim on the front of the box leads to a statement indicating that these ingredients are not intended to replace fruit or vegetables in the diet. In other words, don’t throw away that bag of spinach in the back of your refrigerator just yet.)

The sweetened oat and corn hoops are thinner and flatter than original Cheerios, but they have the same crispy crunch, along with the bonus of natural colors to brighten up your cereal bowl.

The Blueberry Banana variety consists of dark purple and light green hoops. The blueberry flavor is deliciously strong in both taste and smell, conjuring associations of summer blueberry fields and, come winter, startlingly expensive grocery store produce departments. That flavor is concentrated in the purple hoops, which overwhelm the light, natural banana flavor of the green hoops.

When eaten with milk, the cereal maintains its texture really well. However, the blueberry flavor deteriorates, leaving an earthy flavor amidst a bit of sweetness. Never would I mistake this cereal for Carrot-Os in milk, but I liked it much better dry.

I had the reverse experience with the Apple Strawberry variety. When dry, the orange, yellow-green, and purple hoops do not carry much apple or strawberry flavor. They just taste generically fruity. Think of them as the less sweet, less artificial-tasting, but still delicious cousin of Froot Loops. In milk, the fruity flavor becomes more vibrant, but now with an identifiable strawberry element.

When mixed together, the best of both cereals merge to form a confetti of fruity flavor. Highly recommend.

I like Cheerios Veggie Blends better than most flavored Cheerios varieties I’ve had in the past. The Veggie Blends’ flavors — while imprecise — are comparatively stronger without excessive sweetness. In terms of nutrition, the labels of the Veggie Blends and Original Cheerios are very similar. I didn’t detect a great difference in vitamin and mineral content that I might have expected from the Veggie Blends’ hidden fruits and vegetables. However, these added ingredients enhance the cereal’s color and flavor for a more appealing snack or breakfast option.

Both varieties are worth trying, but seriously, don’t forget about that bag of spinach. I know you bought it with good intentions, but it is going to be slimy by tomorrow.

Purchased Price: $4.93 each
Purchased at: Walmart
Size: 18 oz (510 g) Family Size box
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Blueberry Banana), 7 out of 10 (Apple Strawberry)
Nutrition Facts: (per 1 1/4 cup) Blueberry Banana – 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein. Apple Strawberry – 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ White Hazelnut Bark Coffee

White chocolate peppermint bark is something that I’ve always associated with the holiday season, but white hazelnut bark I’d never heard of before — and want to try as soon as possible, now that I’ve been made aware of its existence. Until I’m able to track some down, though, I figure the next best thing is to sample it in beverage form via Dunkin’s new White Hazelnut Bark Coffee, part of its hotly anticipated new winter 2024 menu. (Or, because of the season, should I say coldly anticipated? … Okay, fine, that was an awful pun. Please don’t pelt me with snowballs.)

According to Dunkin’s latest press release, this new flavor is inspired by an earlier (and still available) seasonal offering, the Toasted White Chocolate Swirl. I dug a little deeper, searching up Dunkin’s lengthy Allergen and Ingredient Table online, and noted that in addition to that swirl, this coffee also includes cream and “hazelnut flavor.” It is available both hot and iced; I generally enjoy, and surely will eventually try, both, but opted for iced for this review as I think that format is more conducive to clear, distinct flavors, as opposed to hot beverages where they are more likely to muddle together or be overshadowed by the tongue-tingling temperature.

I expected this to be a more white-chocolate-forward drink with hints of hazelnut, but I had the opposite experience: the first flavor that came through was distinctly nutty. Don’t get me wrong, this coffee is certainly sweet and creamy too, but so are sugar and cream, so I wasn’t sure which part of that profile screamed “white chocolate” specifically. And while I absolutely love white chocolate, even I must admit that it’s not the most distinctive beverage flavor, so it makes sense that the hazelnut component would be more dominant.

A common complaint about these dessert-based limited edition flavors is that they are too sweet. Did I find that to be the case here? No… but I was also content with the sugar level of the Ice Spice Munchkin Drink (which was, in a word, ludicrous), so maybe take my opinion with a grain of salt… or a grain of sugar… or several tablespoons of sugar…

In any case, I enjoyed the White Hazelnut Bark Coffee. I just can’t say it was the most unique experience. Regrettably, I also can’t say I prefer it to its predecessor, the Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte. I have to reiterate that it was a yummy pick-me-up that tasted exactly how it was supposed to. But it was just a little underwhelming — and I can’t in good conscience give a higher score to a product whose most memorable quality was teaching me about a different product I’d rather consume.

Speaking of, now that I’m sufficiently caffeinated, it’s time to hunt down some proper white hazelnut bark!

Purchased Price: $3.91
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 6 grams of fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Black & White Cookie Oreo Cookies

While the phrase “black and white” often connotes unchallenged simplicity, Oreo has instead presented us with the gustatory puzzle of a cookie flavored like a cookie that is technically a cake. Could any dessert be as delicious as the irony?

Whether you know them as black and whites or half moon cookies, the iconic deli staple sweet is the brand’s newest inspiration. Traditional black and white cookies are soft, cakey cookies sleekly coated with vanilla icing on one half and chocolate icing on the other. Limited Edition Black & White Cookie Oreo Cookies consist of golden vanilla wafer cookies and overlapping circles of vanilla and chocolate cremes.

It sounds like a fancy name for a lazy concept — a pet peeve of mine when it comes to product naming. (Unless it has sprinkles and a cherry, it isn’t hot fudge sundae flavored — it’s just chocolate and vanilla!)

Happily, the duo of cremes in this Oreo avoided that naming trap and pleasantly surprised me. The white creme has a distinct vanilla flavor, just like royal icing enhanced by a touch of vanilla extract. I expected to taste Oreo’s traditional white filling, but this creme is very vanilla-forward and less sugary-sweet. The complementary black creme has a deep, almost bittersweet cocoa taste. It is similar to the dark chocolate fillings of Oreo’s past, but not as rich. They are delicious apart, but both cremes together remind me of a black and white cookie in a way that makes “chocolate and vanilla” feel like an inadequate description.

Like the colors black and white, Oreo fans may also be separated into dichotomous categories: those who eat Oreo cookies by twisting the wafers apart to savor the creme first and those who just take a big bite out of the sandwich. Because of the well-flavored filling, B&WC Oreos were made for the first category of tasters. With one bite, the buttery cookies take over, and it is hard to taste the cremes. As a result, the entire cookie becomes just okay instead of special. The golden vanilla wafers were a good choice to represent the cookie’s inspiration dessert, but, like an overcast sky, they hide the understated beauty of the (half) moon.

The enduring success of the original Oreo proves that there is perfection in simplicity. The Limited Edition Black & White Cookie Oreo approaches, but doesn’t quite live up to, that truth. The cookie may have been more successful in the Double Stuf variety, where the filling could really shine. I hope Oreo revisits these cremes before it rushes to develop something more wacky or luxurious because they are too good to be written off as basic.

Purchased Price: $4.69
Size: 10.68 oz (303 g) package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 2 cookies) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

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