REVIEW: Dunkin’ Loaded Hash Browns

/ / Reviews / 5 Comments

I don’t start thinking about Christmas until coffee shops tell me to start thinking about Christmas.

If I walk into a random store on November 1st and see Christmas decorations? Bah, Humbug! Now, if I walk into Dunkin’ and see its Christmas menu is out, Mariah Carey and her golden pipes appear like an apparition out of thin air, and we dance like no one is watching.

I’ve been asked to leave three Dunkin’ locations and two Starbucks already this month, but I never argued, and they always asked nicely. It must be that holiday spirit Dunkin’ is bringing to the table with festive flavorings such as peppermint, spiced cookie, toasted white chocolate, and, of course, everyone’s favorite yuletide treat… Loaded Hash Browns.

Ok, that’s not exactly a Christmas staple, but if Dunkin’ says it is, who am I to argue? Potatoes, meat, and cheese are kinda Christmassy, and Uncle Kev always gets loaded at the family Christmas party.

Loaded Hash Browns will henceforth be a holiday season tradition. You got a problem with that? Take it up with Dunkin’. Not me. I clearly don’t like confrontation, but I do like these Loaded Hash Browns. I like them a lot, actually.

Your opinion will probably depend on how much you enjoy Dunkin’s hash browns. I think they’re a great little snack to counter their sugary treats, and any time I take advantage of a “Free Coffee with Purchase” deal, I usually order hash browns.

Loaded Hash Browns consist of said hash browns doused with (not much) jalapeño queso and topped with crumbled bacon.

I really enjoy Dunkin’s hash browns because they always have a little zestiness to them. The bacon is actually pretty flavorful as well, and while the jalapeño doesn’t exactly pop much, it does kick that proprietary zest up twofold. That said, these really aren’t spicy at all.

I’ve eaten this three times since its release, and each time the hash browns and bacon have been crisped to perfection. Getting consistently good bacon at any fast food place is rare, so it’s one of the big reasons I’ve kept going back.

On the flip side, the cheese sauce has been pretty lacking each time. That might bother some people, but I actually think it’s the perfect amount. You get a consistently crispy bite from hash brown one to hash brown nine. Dunkin’ advertises nine, but I got ten once. It was a Christmas miracle!

It’s not all perfection though. This little cup of browns is one of the saltiest things I’ve eaten in a while, and I chugged a shaker of salt for dinner last week.

At four bucks, I don’t consider this the best deal in the world, but you get a decent amount of bacon, and it’s a perfect “hold me over” snack that pairs well with a sweet drink. I kinda hope Dunkin’ goes even more “loaded” with the next iteration and crack an egg in there. Maybe that’ll be a Christmas ’24 thing.

My one major complaint is that I didn’t get a Christmas-themed cup once. If that happens again, I’m getting kicked out of another Dunkin’.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 340 calories, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 mg of cholesterol, 1240 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Dill Pickle Ice Cream

/ / Reviews / 6 Comments

Van Leeuwen famously offers totally bonkers ice cream flavors, like pizza, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and Hidden Valley Ranch.

Now it’s giving us dill pickle. It’s part of its 2023 Walmart fall/winter flavors. I guess because you have pickles at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner? Or because there’s that weird tradition about hanging a pickle on the Christmas tree? Whatever the reason, it’s here, and it’s real.

So…how does it taste?

It tastes like ice cream. And it tastes like pickles. It tastes like pickle ice cream. And it’s not gross!

I mean, I really don’t know how else to describe it other than it tastes like pickles. It’s sweet, like ice cream. It’s not as tart as actual pickles, but the flavor is there. The carton explains, “This tangy yet sweet pickle ice cream is more pickle-ized with a dill pickle swirl.” That swirl tastes more like bread-and-butter pickles to me, but it all melds together in a dill flavor.

I know the concept sounds weird, but as a fan of both pickles and unusual food combinations, I really enjoyed this ice cream. My mom was less keen on the idea, but even she admitted it tasted good.

And strangely, the ice cream gave me a craving for actual pickles. I had to go to the fridge and pull out the jar of pickles before I finished my ice cream. I really wanted the crunchiness and saltiness of the real deal. I mean, the rill dill. (I think my body needed the electrolytes.)

Do you remember that I Love Lucy episode where pregnant Lucy dipped a pickle in her papaya milkshake? I had to do that here. It was OK; the actual pickle just overwhelmed the ice cream. It wasn’t bad, but I don’t feel a need to do it again.

I think Van Leeuwen is the Lady Gaga of ice cream. Early in her career, a meat dress and prosthetic shoulders screamed, “Notice me!” Now that she’s proved herself, that stuff is less important. (One of the best concerts I’ve been to, BTW.)

Similarly, when you strip away the weirdness, Van Leeuwen really is a wonderful ice cream company; I’ve loved their other flavors. And I certainly never paid attention to them until I heard about the mac & cheese flavor.

And speaking of meat, can we next expect hamburger, fried chicken, or turkey ice creams from Van Leeuwen?

Purchased Price: $4.98
Size: 14 fl oz (414 ml)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup/108 grams) 250 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar (including 20 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Reese’s Caramel Big Cup

/ / Reviews / 4 Comments

While I love The Impulsive Buy for padding my grocery list with fun new items, I also value it as a historical record of all the products I’ve loved before (or never got to try or barely remember).

Digging into the archives reminded me that a Reese’s Caramel Cup once existed circa 2005. But that was then, and now it’s time for an upgrade. After recent varieties filled with such treats as salty snacks, candy pieces, and cereal, Reese’s Big Cup is embracing caramel, that candy bar classic. Combining a layer of caramel with its quintessential peanut butter filling, Reese’s Caramel Big Cup is available in standard or King Size packages.

Knowing what to expect from a standard Big Cup, I was most interested in the caramel element. A slim layer sits at the bottom of the cup, beneath the generous peanut butter core. It’s smooth and loosely textured, but not runny. When I cut the Big Cup in half with a knife, the caramel reminded me of jarred caramel ice cream topping: it is soft enough to coat parts of the blade, but not so thin as to be messy. Yes, I did feel like Sweeney Todd in this moment if he were either very hungry for a sweet treat or just trying his best to transfer his dark urges to something more wholesome.

There seems to be a very thin layer of chocolate separating the peanut butter and caramel, so the two don’t mix together too much. It’s possible to taste them separately. The caramel is sweet, buttery, and soft. You don’t get the chew of a Twix or Snickers caramel here. When all elements combine, the caramel gets a little lost, but it enhances the Big Cup’s sweetness. Overall, the Big Cup tastes like a regular Reese’s, just sweeter. The Big Cup is a good vehicle for caramel because it provides a solid structure to encase what is often a messy ingredient. If the cup had dedicated a tad more space to it, the caramel’s buttery tones might have harmonized more equally with the peanut butter flavor.

Without the historical archives of The Impulsive Buy, I might not remember the Reese’s Caramel Big Cup in ten years’ time. (That Great Gatsby-level of pining is reserved for the Elvis Peanut Butter and Banana Creme Reese’s Cup, thank you very much!) But for now, it’s a nice, slightly sweeter variation that I may pick up next time my sweet tooth goes into overdrive.

Purchased Price: $2.28
Purchased at: Walmart
Size: 2.8 oz (79 g) King Size package
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 1 cup) 190 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Hot Ones Hot Pockets

/ / Reviews / 8 Comments

These new spicy Hot Pockets are way more complicated than you were expecting. Not in taste though. That’s straightforward. What’s complicated is everything else. Allow me to explain.

First, like a music festival or an early 2000s Southern rap album, these Hot Pockets are presented by someone other than Nestle alone. These are all branded as “First We Feast presents: Hot Ones,” then the name of the type of Hot Pocket. And then, if that wasn’t enough, each one is “made with” some sort of non-Hot Pocket sauce. The Hot Habanero Pepperoni & Sausage is made with “Los Calientes Rojo,” the Smoky Green Chili Cheesesteak is made with “Los Calientes Verde,” and the Spicy Garlic Chicken & Bacon is made with “The Classic Garlic Fresno.”

I know, I’m sorry. It’s a lot.

In case you’re like me and wildly disconnected from most modern media, allow me to explain. (By copy/pasting from Google.) “First We Feast is an online food-culture magazine and YouTube channel. The site co-produces the YouTube series Hot Ones with Complex Media, its parent company.”

Okay, so in retrospect, I’ve heard of this. Hot Ones is the thing where celebrities eat really hot wings and, I don’t know… it’s funny? It’s touching? Whatever it is, it’s a lucrative enterprise. Because here we are, with branded Hot Pockets.

The Hot Habanero Pepperoni & Sausage

This thing OOZED sauce — cloyingly sweet sauce. I think my entire Hot Pocket had two small shards of pepperoni and three, maybe four sausage chunks. The pepperoni and sausage are the same meats used in all other Hot Pockets, so if you’ve had any of those, you know the drill. Salty, chewy, nothing to write home about. But really, this sauce. Oof. And how was the hotness? I mean, that’s really the whole point, right? It was… noticeable but not overly aggressive. The box suggested that the heat level was a 5 out of 10 — the same as the Smoky Green Chili Cheesesteak — and I don’t feel like the heat matched at ALL. It was much milder. So, if you had this one and found it tolerable from a heat perspective, please don’t assume the cheesesteak one will be the same. It’s not.

Smoky Green Chili Cheesesteak

This one BURNED. The heat kicked in fast and was prevalent throughout. What I found interesting, though, was how quickly the heat subsided. It didn’t last more than 20 or 30 seconds after each bite. The steak was the same nib-like meat they use in the delightful Jalapeño Steak & Cheese variety, which I sadly cannot find anywhere around here anymore. In fact, this was reminiscent of that, though it’s missing the cheese sauce, which is a shame. And there didn’t seem to be as much steak. And this had a green chili that mostly just blended in. So, okay, I guess it’s not much like the Jalapeño Steak & Cheese at all. Nor is it good.

Spicy Garlic Chicken & Bacon

At least this one tried something different? Although I didn’t really get much heat from this — it was a 2 out of 10 on their arbitrary Hot Ones scale — it had the most nuance, mostly due to a mild smoky component, though I don’t know if this came from the chicken, the bacon, or the garlic sauce. (For what it’s worth, there were no discernible pieces of bacon, and the chicken’s prevalence was about as impressive as the sausage and pepperoni inclusion on that version.) This was the winner of the bunch — not that that’s saying much.

Purchased Price: $2.98 each
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Pepperoni and Sausage), 4 out of 10 (Green Chili Cheesesteak), 5 out of 10 (Garlic Chicken and Bacon)
Nutrition Facts: Pepperoni & Sausage – 290 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein. Green Chili Cheesesteak – 280 calories, 11 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 700 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein. Garlic Chicken & Bacon – 280 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 760 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: White Chocolate Toasty Vanilla M&M’s

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

Vanilla has a PR problem. Not just a flavor, vanilla is often used as a pejorative adjective meaning “ordinary, conventional, or plain.” Something referred to as “vanilla” can be unadventurous, bland, or boring. After all it has done for us, does vanilla deserve such disrespect?

Maybe due to the word’s connection, I can’t think of many candies that prominently advertise vanilla as a major flavor. Enter M&M’s to make the ordinary special with White Chocolate Toasty Vanilla M&M’s, this year’s seasonal offering from the brand. When I discovered the product, I had questions: Is a vanilla M&M just a white chocolate M&M wearing a different label? What makes it toasty? What is the M&M on the package drinking, and where can I get one?

If the cure for boredom is curiosity, tasting the White Chocolate Toasty M&M’s may cure your assumption that vanilla is a dull flavor. Unlike some white chocolate, the M&M’s core is not merely sweet and definitely not cloying. There is real vanilla flavor that enjoys a certain degree of complexity, similar to the taste of vanilla bean ice cream.

However, that comparison isn’t perfect because of the M&M’s added “toastiness.” To me, this comes through as a subtle hint of cinnamon. (For inquiring minds, the ingredients list offers only “natural and artificial flavors,” with no mention of vanilla or any kind of spice.) When I opened the bag, the aroma reminded me of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but the flavor wasn’t nearly as heavy on spice. Think leftover cinnamilk – if you love to douse your cereal, that is – with an added hit of vanilla, or even a subtly-spiced horchata. Together, the flavors melt into a rich, creamy concoction that probably tastes similar to whatever Green M&M is drinking on the package. The only unsolved mystery of this seasonal treat: will she share her recipe?

If you use seasonal M&M’s for your holiday treats, please note that these M&M’s are on the large side and colored white, beige, and brown. The candy shell shades may not have a standard holiday or winter color scheme, but they will remind you to double-check your toaster dial at breakfast tomorrow.

Even if you typically bypass vanilla for bolder flavors, don’t mistake White Chocolate Toasty Vanilla M&M’s for boring or ordinary. The depth of vanilla flavor, enhanced by a hint of toasty warm spice, tastes like coziness wrapped in a candy shell, proving one thing: It’s okay to be vanilla, but it’s even better to be toasty vanilla.

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 2.47 oz (70 g) Share Size bag
Purchased at: Sheetz
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per half pack/35 g) 170 calories, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Scroll to Top