REVIEW: Takis Buckin’ Ranch

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Last year, Takis did the unthinkable. It made a non-spicy flavor — Intense Nacho. For a brand known for fiery product names like Fuego, Blue Heat, and Nitro, it seemed that Takis either ran out of ideas and/or names for spicy products or lost a bet. But coming out with a heat-free flavor was a good bet because it’s a good product. Now, Takis is following it up with Buckin’ Ranch.

Oh, come on, autocorrect! Are you going to swap the B with an F every time I type buckin’? Well, you also turned that one into an F, so I guess that’s the case. Do I type that word often enough that it’s the default if I try to spell something close to it, or does Siri swear like a sailor? What about ducking? Seriously? That changed, too. How about tucking? Maji? I guess it’s rare that I type tucking, and T is close to F, so it makes sense. Ugh!

While my autocorrect inflames me, this flame-less Takis doesn’t. It influences me to buy more.

Let’s rewind a bit to the issue I had with the Takis Intense Nacho rolled tortilla chips. While good, I was disappointed by how the cheesiness wasn’t as intense as I would’ve liked, and the seasoning faded too quickly*. But that’s not the case with Buckin’ Ranch. It’s bold and perhaps has a more potent flavor than Cool Ranch Doritos, and it sticks around. Also, after eating a few of them, they leave a satisfying thick layer of ranch seasoning on my fingers that serve as a nice after snack snack.

These crunchy rolled tortilla chips are as addictive as Cool Ranch Doritos. Yeah, I said it! I inhaled a 9.9-ounce bag in one sitting while watching an episode of some TV show and felt guilty about it for a second because I forgot to take photos for this review. Thankfully, Takis sent two bags. However, I like this so much that I wish it came in the large adult pillow-sized bags you’d find at Costco or Sam’s Club so that I can inhale one while watching a movie at home. Also, I wonder what it would taste like if this ranch seasoning was combined with Takis’ spicier varieties.

Takis Buckin’ Ranch is bucking great. Oh, now you decide to change the F with a B, autocorrect! Thanks.

*Takis did eventually add more cheesiness to them.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples from Takis. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 9.9 oz bag
Purchased at: Received from Takis
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz/about 10 pieces) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Dirt Cake Oreo Cookies

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Sigh.

These Limited Edition Dirt Cake Oreo Cookies are good for a chocolate chocolate sandwich cookie. It combines a brownie-flavored creme with a chocolate creme with Oreo crumbs in it, and both are between two chocolate Oreo wafers with gummy worm-inspired sprinkles.

Sigh.

Let’s start with those gummy worm-inspired sprinkles. They’re flavorless rainbow shavings or unicorn eye crust. I get it; they’re “inspired” by gummy worms, but it would’ve been nice if these cookies had something else that brings gummy worms to mind other than color. These sprinkles aren’t gummy, fruity, or very noticeable without the right light angle. Look, I know an added fruitiness might’ve given some taste buds bad Swedish Fish Oreo Cookie flashbacks, but it would’ve also given these cookies some uniqueness. It’s as if the sprinkles were specifically added to look dazzling for social media.

As for the cookie as a whole, again, it’s a perfectly fine chocolate chocolate sandwich cookie, and I’ll enjoy the sugar rush I’ll get from it. I do get a Snack Pack vibe from the creme combination, and the addition of Oreo crumbs in the chocolate creme was a nice touch since those are the “dirt” in Dirt Cake, but it’s all a chocoreorgy that seems like a derivative of a cookie that the brand offered last year — Blackout Cake.

Sigh.

I just want to taste some magic with Oreo flavors again. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced those OMG moments. I remember the smiles on my face when I tasted Cotton Candy, Fruity Crisp, Fruit Punch, and Blueberry Pie Oreo cookies. I was amazed by how well the Oreologists recreated those foods in cookie form. But there’s no magic coming out of Oreo anymore. I hope the folks working on new varieties put the previous sentence on a bulletin board or something because, after a year or so of uninspired flavors, it appears the magic is gone.

If you want a good Oreo with chocolate cremes, then these Limited Edition Dirt Cake Oreo Cookies will satisfy the chocoholic in you. But if you’re looking for an innovative new Oreo flavor…

Sigh.

Purchased Price: $4.50
Size: 10.68 oz (When did it shrink?)
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (including 12 grams of added sugar), and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ SPARKD’ Energy Drink

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Dunkin’ is introducing some fruity new ways to get your caffeine (and your apostrophe) fix this spring with its new SPARKD’ Energy drinks. The jewel-toned beverages look like they belong alongside the Refreshers drinks Dunkin’ already serves, but SPARKD’ swaps the green tea for sparkling water and the syrups have a caffeine boost from guarana along with some vitamins and minerals. Available in Berry Burst and Peach Sunshine, these drinks are kind of interesting, if not totally successful.

Served over ice and pleasantly effervescent, both are visually appealing and feature a blend of two fruit flavors. Berry Burst is a mix of raspberry and strawberry, and Peach Sunshine mixes peach, obviously, with lychee. While I’d normally gravitate towards a berry flavor over peach any day, I was intrigued by the lychee and had high hopes for its inclusion.

Trying the berry first, I enjoyed its bubbly nature and had no real complaints about the flavor, but it didn’t wow me either. It’s somewhat generic in its berry-ness, which isn’t a bad thing, but I expected it to be more interesting. The longer it sat and the ice melted, the more I started getting a Kool-Aid vibe from it. Again, not exactly a complaint, but it also wasn’t what I was looking for.

The Peach Sunshine variety left me similarly disappointed. It’s predominantly peach and if I didn’t know it included lychee, I wouldn’t have guessed it. The orange color had me hoping for more citrusy notes, but it’s very peach-forward. And in a medium size, it ended up just too peachy for me. Dunkin’ has had some really good flavor combos in its Refreshers line so I had higher expectations for these that just weren’t met. I have a preferred brand of energy drink (Red Bull), and both of these flavors reminded me of something I might get from a Celsius or other canned energy beverage that I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy but will pick up when my grocery store offers them as a “free item of the week” thing.

One might assume these are packed with caffeine with a name like SPARKD’, but they actually fall kind of in the middle of that spectrum. A medium of either flavor contains 144 milligrams of caffeine, which is more than a Refresher but less than a Dunkin’ iced coffee and considerably less than a Panera Charged Lemonade.

I don’t have anything truly negative to say about Dunkin’s foray into the energy drink market, but the initial offerings didn’t spark any desire in me to purchase them again. The fizz is fun and the overall drink is fine but not memorable. I’m going to root for these to stick around in the hopes that future flavors will be more exciting.

Purchased Price: $3.32
Size: Medium
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Berry Burst), 6 out of 10 (Peach Sunshine)
Nutrition Facts: Berry Burst – 130 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of total sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 144 milligrams of caffeine. Peach Sunshine – 120 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of total sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 144 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: KFC Chizza

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Junk food history lesson incoming: the U.S. is just the latest stop on Chizza’s world tour. KFC’s fried chicken/pizza hybrid debuted in the Philippines in 2015 and has appeared in several other countries since. For those of us who are encountering this limited-edition item for the first time, though, it is sure to inspire many questions, such as “How is it pronounced?” (I’ve heard “cheese-uh” but I’m partial to “cheat-za”) and “Isn’t it more similar to chicken parmesan than pizza?” (sure, but “Kentucky Fried Chicken Parmesan” wouldn’t sound as catchy).

Of course, the most important question is, “Is it any good?” My answer: it’s Chizz-amazing.

Unaware that it came in different sizes, I was caught off guard when the employee taking my order asked if I wanted a full or half order, but it all made sense when, after perplexedly opting for the full, I opened the box and was greeted by two massive fillets. An unsatisfying portion is a common reason for me to deduct points, but Chizza is in no danger of getting dinged in that regard. Even from under its dense coating of mozzarella, marinara sauce, and pepperoni, I could tell how plump and juicy the abundance of chicken was. And promisingly, the toppings were applied so generously that, for perhaps the first time in my reviewing career, my meal looked just like the one in the promotional pictures (even down to the barely melted strands of shredded cheese).

As a born-and-bred New Yorker, I’d never usually eat pizza with a fork and knife, but this was a special occasion—and this steamy, saucy behemoth was absolutely not finger food—so I cut right in and was rewarded with a beautiful bite.

Unsurprisingly, the chicken was pitch-perfect, succulent on the inside, and perfectly seasoned and crisped on the outside, but it shared its spotlight with the pizza ingredients quite magnanimously. On their own, they weren’t especially special — the cheese was slightly chalky, the herby flavor of the sauce was more of an aftertaste, and the surprisingly hot pepperoni was otherwise pretty straightforward — but mingling in one mouthful with that charming chicken, they came together to create the perfect proportions of savory, salty, and spicy.

I had been thrilled to try Chizza for the novelty appeal, but I hadn’t expected to genuinely love it. I think it worked so well because of how tender my chicken was. Fast food can be hit or miss, and if you happen to get unlucky with dry chicken, I can see this being a real slog. But since I was blessed with such a solid foundation, the toppings could really only enhance it. At that, they did a wonderful job.

Aside from a lame duck piece of chicken, the only other big complaint I can imagine is the fact that, unlike most other offerings from KFC, this one’s not easily portable. But I think even the most diehard on-the-go-eater would be wise to stop and smell the pepperoni; no matter how you slice it (or pronounce it), Chizza is worth sitting down for.

Purchased Price: $10.88
Size: Regular
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 820 calories, 47 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 195 milligrams of cholesterol, 2250 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 66 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Marshmallow Sky Ice Cream

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When you stroll into the grocery store ice cream aisle, one thing will usually jump out at you more prominently than most — the Ben & Jerry’s section. It’s usually more prominent than any others in the area, and with as many limited, new, and classic flavors as they have stocked, you would think that is all Ben & Jerry’s has to offer…but it is not.

Ben & Jerry’s keeps some of its treasured flavors quietly close to the chest and only available in Scoop Shops. One of my favorites, a dairy-laden version of Seven Layer Bar, can only be found in the dip case, and if you make it into one of B&J’s shops, you may find a couple of other surprises, too.

Good news for those without a shop nearby: a Scoop Shop exclusive has become a Limited Batch pint for the first time in a long time (ever?). Marshmallow Sky features marshmallow ice cream with marshmallow swirls and gobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate chocolate chip cookie dough.

The blue base ice cream, colored naturally with spirulina extract, is delightfully creamy with a robust vanilla flavor that isn’t as aggressively sweet as I was anticipating, and I’m totally okay with it. Marshmallow is usually a two-note flavor — sugar, then vanilla — and this base has the same two notes, but it’s much more vanilla than sugar, which is a welcomed surprise given the presence of the mix-ins. The marshmallow swirl is sticky and sweet and brings both the sugary element and texture to the mallow-sperience, thoroughly doing its job to bring the sweet taste of the summer sky to the spoon.

The double punch of dough chunks is prominent throughout and helps bring some much appreciated texture to the bites. The classic chocolate chip cookie dough’s brown sugar flavor blends in a bit with the bold vanilla backdrop of the base. But its gritty, chewy crunch and hints of chocolate poke through well. However, the bells of the ball are the chocolate chocolate chip cookie dough gobs, which REALLY make their mark with deep bittersweet notes of cocoa that cut through the base like butter. The blast of chocolate really delivers the dynamic pop I want from a good mix-in that elevates marshmallow sky oh so high into a pint that you should certainly buy.

This flavor is essentially B&J’s classic cookie dough on steroids. The base is a more robust and full-bodied vanilla than the original, and the double chocolate dough gives it a layering that the original lacks, all tied together with the sweet, sticky bow of a marshmallow swirl. Coming from the company that created cookie dough ice cream, this eats like a love letter to those who consider the classic their favorite flavor and shouldn’t be missed by those who adore the gobs of dough and vanilla with a colorful twist.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from Ben & Jerry’s. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: One Pint
Purchased at: Received from Ben & Jerry’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup, 132g) 340 calories, 15 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates,0 grams of fiber, 35 grams of total sugars, and 5 grams of protein.

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