Some of your stomachs might be thinking, “Hey! Didn’t I recently digest a Burger King Ultimate Steakhouse Whopper?” Also, I imagine some of your intestines are wondering the same thing.

Well, digestive tracts, what you’re thinking of is not the Ultimate Steakhouse Whopper. Instead, what you remember is last year’s Steakhouse Bacon Whopper, which had a flame-grilled beef patty topped with bacon, two tomato slices, lettuce, Swiss cheese, crispy onions, A.1. Sauce, and a creamy peppercorn aioli between a sesame seed bun.

This Ultimate Steakhouse Whopper does not feature all of the ingredients listed above, plus a few more to make it the “ultimate.” Instead, it swaps the vegetables with onion rings and sauteed mushrooms, and leaves the A.1. Sauce off. But the bacon, Swiss, and peppercorn aioli are still there. Maybe this should’ve been named Steakhouse Bacon Whopper 2?

In my review of the Steakhouse Bacon Whopper, I wondered whether the peppercorn aioli could carry the entire burger’s flavor, since the addition of A.1. Sauce made everything taste barbecue-y. Well, it turns out that while last year’s version had a “Western” barbecue flavor, the Ultimate Steakhouse Whopper tastes like another burger variety — mushroom & Swiss.

Looking back at my previous reviews of Burger King menu items featuring mushrooms, their flavors ranged from too much to non-existent. With this Whopper, the ‘shrooms make themselves known just the right amount, with the peppercorn aioli enhancing the savoriness of the ‘shrooms and Swiss and adding a mild pepperiness. The sauce creates a noticeable difference from other mushroom & Swiss burgers. So I guess I finally got my answer about the peppercorn aioli. It can carry an entire burger.

What didn’t do any heavy lifting were the onion rings and bacon. While I was excited about the addition of onion rings, they didn’t bring much taste, despite having six and a half rings in my order. Instead, they provided a bit of crunch and texture to contrast with the mostly soft ingredients, especially the squishy mushrooms. I’m also surprised the bacon didn’t bring its usual salty, smoky, and porky attributes, despite a sheet of it in my burger.

The lack of flavor from the onion rings and bacon is a shame, because I think they would’ve helped distance this burger even further from a mostly mushroom-and-Swiss-tasting offering than the peppercorn aioli. While it isn’t ultimately unique, it’s still a tasty menu item. However, the $13.99 I paid, which is more than many of you will pay, makes my stomach ache.

Purchased Price: $13.99*
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1020 calories, 60 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 130 milligrams of cholesterol, 1950 milligrams of sodium, 77 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 44 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did. Because, damn, $13.99 is a lot to pay.

There are a few places in the United States where McDonald’s offers fried pies. One of those places is this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I heard a fourth party rumor that this has been the case because the McDonald’s franchisee here refused to sell the baked version, believing that selling the fried apple pie with the molten filling would be appropriate for the islands with an active volcano spewing molten lava.

Look, I could waste more of your time by speaking glowingly about the McDonald’s Fried Apple Pie until the cows that make the dairy in McFlurrys come home. Instead, I will give you some time back by telling you not to spend any on Burger King’s new Cinnamon Apple Pie, available for a limited time and featuring a golden, crispy crust and warm cinnamon apple filling.

First off, Burger King’s version pales in comparison to McDonald’s Fried Apple Pie. But since many of you can’t experience that fried fruity goodness, I’m going to compare this Burger King dessert with something similar many of you can order — Popeyes’ Cinnamon Apple Pie.

While the Burger King version looks roughly the same size, that’s all it has got going for it. The filling in the BK pie has an astringent taste that brought some weirdness to some bites. If the filling had more flavor and sweetness, it might’ve overcome that, but it was overall a bit mild.

As for the crust, it wasn’t as crispy as the pies from other fast food chains, and the seams at the ends came apart as my bites got closer to them, causing the jelly-like part of the filling to ooze out. If this were a freshly made pie when I started eating it, my fingers would’ve felt the burn.

So, basically, the Popeyes version is crispier, sweeter, fruitier, sturdier, and cinnamon-ier, and what makes it significantly better is the cinnamon sugar coating. It ups the sweetness and gives the pie a stronger cinnamon kick, which Burger King’s offering really needed.

While BK’s Cinnamon Apple Pie isn’t horrible, I can’t recommend it when there’s something significantly better. But I guess if you don’t have a Popeyes location near you (or a Whataburger, which also offers something similar), then this is your only option if you want to experience a fried apple pie. But if you do have easy access to the Louisiana Kitchen, don’t waste your time or money on this pie.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.