Which of the Five Will Stay Alive!!! (Limited Edition Candy Bar Edition)

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Whenever I purchase limited edition labeled foods, I always wonder to myself, “Will they be worth something in the future if I don’t open them?”

Ten years from now, who would want to buy a stale candy bar? The only people who would buy it would probably be Golden Palace.com, if it had an image of the Virgin Mary on the wrapper.

Also, who would want to eat a candy bar that’s over a decade old?

Why are you folks looking at me?

Okay. Okay. So I once chewed on several sticks of fourteen-year-old bubble gum that came from packs of 1981 Topps Football cards, while hoping to find a Joe Montana rookie card.

Hey, I didn’t get the Joe Montana rookie card. I needed some kind of consolation.

Anyway, I recently picked up FIVE limited edition candy bars from the national convenience store chain down the street and I thought this would be a great opportunity to have another product election, where you get to vote for what product I review next.

Here are the five limited edition candy bars you will be able to vote for:

1. Hershey’s Whoppers Twosomes

2. Extra Smooth & Creamy Reese’s

3. Kit Kat Extra Creamy

4. Hershey’s Heath Twosomes

5. Nestle Crunch Dark

The candidate with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be reviewed and the other candidates will be placed in a Ziploc bag, stored in the back of my refrigerator, and will be kept there until I’m ready to sell them on eBay…or until I get a craving for chocolate.

To vote, just leave a comment for this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Sunday, July 24th. Sometime shortly after that, I’ll post the review of the winning product.

Now go vote like you’re on a secluded island for some reality show and you want to get rid of the bitch/bastard who backstabbed you in one of the show’s challenges.

July Prize Drawing!!!

/ / General, Prize Drawing / 66 Comments

The other week I reviewed the new Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms, which I received from Impulsive Buy reader, Robert, who has Trojan Condoms as a client at the public relations firm he works at.

Now he sent me several boxes of the Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms and a couple of boxes of the Trojan Warm Sensation Condoms, which is way too many boxes for me, since the extent of my love life right now involves me occasionally grinding my body pillow and calling it Winona.

So I have an excess of condoms, or as I like to call them, “Baby Blockers” or “VD Defenders.” Because I’m tired of using them as water balloons and my body pillow has no chance of getting pregnant, I’ve decided to give away the extra boxes of condoms.

This month, two lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive ONE brand new box of Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms and another reader will receive a brand new box of Trojan Warm Sensation Condoms.

Holy crap! I feel like Planned Parenthood…or a condom dispenser in a seedy bar restroom.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Blow me” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Or, if you think I like comments just to satisfy my fragile ego, you can also enter by sending me an email with the phrase “Blow me” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, you must fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, July 17, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (Sorry to the rest of the world.)

To determine the winners, the email of each person who enters will be printed on a small piece of paper and dropped into an unrolled Trojan Mint Tingle Condom. I will then blow up the condom like a balloon, using various oral techniques.

Then I will shake the condom to mix the entries and then pop the condom using something long and hard, like a screwdriver, causing the entries to fall to the floor. The first two entries I pick up will be the winners of the Mint Tingle condoms and the third entry I pick up will be the winner of the Warm Sensation condoms.

I know. I know. It would’ve been easier to just stick them in a jar, shake the jar, and pull the winners out from the jar, but I got to say “oral,” “long and hard,” and “screwdriver.”

Good luck!

Fine Print: Bananas and sex partners not included. The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about a teen getting her first facial cumshot. The Impulsive Buy also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you a letter from a bank telling you that you’re pre-qualified for a $10,000 loan. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, pregnancy, or the spread of STDs.

June Prize Drawing!!!

/ / General, Prize Drawing / 74 Comments

Holy crap! It’s that time of the month again!

It’s time for this month’s prize drawing, which is when The Impulsive Buy could possibly make your dreams come true, if your dream is to win a very cheap household or food product from some quasi-product review blog, which has a editor that can’t stop stroking his freshly Veet-ed legs.

Anyway, this month, three lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive ONE brand new bottle of Poop Water!

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Or, if you think I’m a greedy comment whore, you can also enter by sending me an email with the phrase “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, you must fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, June 14, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, June 19, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (Sorry to the rest of the world.)

To determine the winners, I will write the email of each person who enters on a sheet of two-ply toilet paper and then…Um…

Nope, can’t do that, too sloppy.

Um…Can’t do that either, too smelly.

Oh well, I’ll figure it out later. All I know is that determining the winner will involve my toilet, and maybe a plunger.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about how you’re entitled to someone’s money in a foreign country you’ve never heard of. The Impulsive Buy also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you America Online CDs that offer you 1000 free hours. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or the stupidity of any parents who allow their children to stay over at the Neverland Ranch.

Which of the Five Will Stay Alive!!! (June Edition)

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If you could step into my bedroom, you would probably think to yourself:

1. Why is there a rug with the famous painting of dogs playing poker on it?

2. Is the strobe light on all the time?

3. Are the eyes in the poster-sized picture of Marvo on the wall following me?

4. What’s with all the pairs of fuzzy handcuffs?

5. Holy crap! There sure are a lot of empty bottles and boxes on that shelf.

Yes, there are a lot of empty bottle and boxes of unreviewed products on my shelf and every so often I need to whittle it down. Thank goodness for these product elections, which is an opportunity to get rid of old stuff to make room for new stuff.

Damn, I sound like a car salesman.

Anyway, for this product election, you will be able to choose from FIVE candidates:

1. Lay’s Pizza Stax

2. Mini Swirlz Cinnamon Buns Cereal

3. Nabisco Kid Sense Smilin’ Ritz Bits

4. Rip It Energy Fuel

5. Bubblicious LeBron’s Lightning Lemonade Gum

The candidate with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be reviewed and the other candidates will be considered the winner’s bitches.

To vote, just leave a comment for this post with your choice. Or you can email me with your choice in the subject line. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Sunday, June 5th. Sometime shortly after that, I’ll post the review of the winning product.

Now go vote like it’s the finals of American Idol.

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