Greetings, foodies from all across the world wide interwebs! I would say fate has brought us together for some higher purpose beyond anything we could fathom, but if I’m going to start off on an honest note here, I’m obsessed with anything that’s meant for human consumption.

Science suggests we all have five common tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, and the more recent umami. Sorry, meat eaters, I’m not coming here on behalf of umami by any means, and my meat consumption would probably break your heart.

I come here as a way to avoid a pressing intervention my friends and family had planned after noticing my careless spending habits and compulsive late night drives to restaurants serving pancakes. IHOP, Cracker Barrel, Denny’s, and Bob Evans all might as well share joint bank accounts with me since I spend more money on pancakes at these places than I do on clothes.

My name is Caitlin Jennings (which I had waited this long to confess so hopefully you will all be too distracted to make any Caitlyn Jenner jokes), but as a child, my nickname was Little Debbie because of my obsession with pastries. As I’ve grown up into somewhat of an adult, I’ve gone from binging on pastries to binging on pints of ice cream AND pastries.

I know there are often two camps people fall under when they love ice cream: Ben & Jerry’s or Haagen-Dazs. To clear things up, I’m team Haagen-Dazs, but grew up eating Ben & Jerry’s. In a perfect world, Ben & Jerry’s would merge with Haagen-Dazs into a beautiful ice cream company selling off the wall flavored pints with endless mix-ins and that dense, Haagen-Dazs base.

Fun fact: science suggests we all have five common tastes, but did you know they’re also fighting for the addition of two more: fat and calcium? If this is true and we have seven basic tastes, consider me your girl for all things sweet, fat, and calcium.

Unfortunately, I’ve had to balance my dreams of eating copious amounts of pancakes and ice cream with the real world. I truly eat everything under the sun — regular food items, diet food items, and all things in between. I love taro, starfruit, dragon fruit, natto, kimchi, and the list continues to grow. However, I’ve probably lost a few taste receptors from scraping off so many taste buds after a bad experience I had with durian fruit.

But worry not. They’re recovering in time for me to write up some decent food reviews for you all! Cheers to a bright future together, and here’s to hoping I’m never asked to review anything remotely as abhorrent as durian!

*clinks ice cream spoons together for dramatic effect*

Hiya to all my fellow junk food foodies out there! My name’s Ms. Meghan, and I’m ever so very pleased to be the newest addition to The Impulsive Buy’s elite circle of reviewers!

So, who am I?

Well, I’m a lot of things!

• A full-time university student perusing a degree in Health Promotion.
• A part-time worker in my town’s local health-food store.
• I’m a pretty good cook.
• I have a ServSafe Manager Certification.
• I make homemade soaps and lotions.
• I brew my own kombucha.
• I’m 100 pounds lighter than I was five years ago.

And I bet by now you’re wondering, “What the heck is THIS girl doing here writing junk food reviews?” My response is that it’s all about balance, my fair foodie friends! While I certainly enjoy my new-normal diet of fruit, yogurt, and protein powder, I still find it comforting to indulge in all of my old staples.

My culinary know-how is more likely to be put to use in making cakes and pastries than it is in making some kale and quinoa bowl. If you offer me ice cream or birthday cake-flavored anything, there’s no way I’m going to turn you down. And don’t tell my coworkers, but my recycled kombucha bottle is just as likely to be filled with Mountain Dew Code Red as it is actual kombucha.

Seeing new treats in the forbidden inner aisles of the grocery store and trying to nag my poor mother into buying them for me has been something that I’ve always gotten endless joy from. But now that I’m all grown up and have my own set of wheels to get me to the store and my own money to buy snacks with, there’s no longer anyone or anything that can choc-block* me!

So, considering that about 20,000 new food products come out each year (according to the USDA Economic Research Service, at least) I guess it’s time for me to get munching! Arm yourselves with sporks and grabs some digestive enzymes, guys, because it’s going to be a wild ride!

*Choc-block – When one individual blocks their friend/family member/acquaintance from buying and eating some well-deserved chocolate.

Here are all the 2017 Season of Giving winners:

DAY 1 – Dunkin’ Donuts

DAY 2 – Burger King

DAY 3 – Trader Joe’s

DAY 4 – Walmart

DAY 5 – Starbucks

DAY 6 – Sonic

DAY 7 – Subway

DAY 8 – McDonald’s

DAY 9 – Panda Express

DAY 11 – Target

Congratulations to all the winners and thanks to everyone who participated!

Greetings and salutations fellow lovers of all foods with questionable nutritional value. I’m the kind of person (some would say a “special” kind of person) who upon seeing a commercial at 2:15 a.m. introducing a new fast food concoction will immediately put on my slippers — and probably some type of pants — and hop into my car to sample said new product.

While I like to think my knowledge of fast food vittles is pretty solid, my knowledge of fast food restaurant operating hours is sometimes lacking. On more than one occasion, these late night trips have ended in cruel disappointment when I arrive to find a darkened drive-thru.

Then, when I return home empty-handed at 2:30 a.m., I must explain to my just-awoken wife why I left the house barely dressed in the middle of the night. Thankfully, she has seen my fast food obsession all too often during daylight hours and generally accepts my explanation while shaking her head and falling back asleep as she questions some of her life choices.

As a teenager, I got to experience the wonderful world of fast food as a somewhat-dedicated employee of Taco Bell. Mind you, this was many years ago when The Bell had those hideous polyester uniforms that were mostly brown with subtle accents of white, orange, and yellow, as if the company was trying to match those equally hideous San Diego Padres uniforms of the time.

The upside to working there was that an absent and disinterested management team allowed me and my esteemed colleagues to experiment with different Taco Bell ingredient combinations, and thus, a love for all that is new and unique in the world of fast (and junk) food was born.

After attending college for a period of time that fell short of those pesky graduation requirements, I got a regular job (not at Taco Bell). Sadly, this job does not afford many opportunities to indulge in my fast/junk food fetish, which is why being a contributor to The Impulsive Buy is a dream come true. Truth be told, that dream is not exactly at the top of my list, but it certainly seemed more achievable than most others, as I’ve been informed many times that no matter how much I wish or hope I can never become a dinosaur.

I love grocery shopping and grocery stores. When traveling, I always make an excuse to pop into a grocery store to see what’s on the shelves. Even with kids.

I’m a mom to two young kids and grocery delivery services are often hawked to my demographic as the magic remedy to make you forget the snotty noses, the whining, the sibling bickering, the “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” and all the other things that make grocery shopping with kids not so enjoyable. But, you know what my magic remedy is?

Junk food.

Nooooo, not for them. For me.

I love discovering new products and squirreling them away to enjoy later.

For the most part, I’m into healthy food and preparing nourishing food for my family. I cook most meals from scratch, making a roux for casseroles instead of using canned mushroom soup or my own pizza dough. We have a garden where we grow turmeric for our smoothies and shiitake mushrooms for our stir-fry.

Growing up, though, my parents didn’t cook meals from scratch or garden or do anything like that. They were masters of the microwave. But, while we always had food on the table, it’s never what I pine away for these days. Instead, it’s grocery store junk food that brings back all those warm and fuzzy childhood memories. It’s my comfort food.

So, tucked away on the top right corner shelf of my pantry, above the organic rye flour, local sorghum syrup, chia seeds, and the tub of organic cold-pressed coconut oil is my junk food stash. Sometimes the limited edition Oreo cookies don’t even make it inside, but rather stay under the front seat of the car, even though I’m the only one who eats them.

My husband is a food snob and most of my friends are the type who have barely finished their Halloween candy by the time Cadbury Creme Eggs come out. They don’t understand my affinity for odd flavor combinations nor my fascination with reading nutrition and ingredient labels (it’s my party trick — read me a label and I can tell you the product).

Thank goodness I found The Impulsive Buy and my tribe of fellow junk food lovers who are not turned off by Peach Cobbler or Brazilian steak-flavored potato chips, Gingerbread Spice M&M’s, and Cotton Candy Oreos.

So, if you’re ever at my house for a locally sourced dinner of pan-fried free-range rabbit, stone-ground polenta cakes, salad made with foraged greens, and bottle-conditioned craft beer, remember that the top right shelf in my pantry is where you can find the good stuff. Help yourself. 😉