Agoraphobics call it, “The Season of Avoiding Shopping Malls and the Post Office.”

Retail workers who don’t work on commission call it, “The Worst Time to Work in Retail.”

But for many, they call this time of year, “The Season of Giving.”

Right now, I’m in the mood to give and if I could give you all a gift, I would. But with several thousand regular readers, it would be extremely pricey to do so. If I had a stolen credit card with a large credit limit, I might be able to pull it off, but I don’t and I’m afraid of going to prison for identity theft and becoming a white-collar bitch.

Instead, I’m going to have a prize drawing. I have three prizes to give away — one I reviewed recently, another I reviewed a long time ago and another I didn’t review at all, but you might be able to get some DNA off of it and clone me. Here are the three prizes:

1. Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste – The poop-looking toothpaste I reviewed last year. I recently received a new tube.

2. Terracycle M&M’s Candy Wrapper Speakers – Portable speakers made out of candy wrappers and other recycled materials.

3. Bunny Ears Cap from San’s Little Frog – The same bunny ears cap I wore in Episode #8 of The Impulsive Buy Podcast. It’s a handmade fleece hat that I wore for less than an hour while shooting the episode. It’s a large size, made for heads that are 25 inches or larger around).

To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. Your comment MUST include the prize you’d like to win and whatever else you’d like to say.

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, December 6, 2009 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s only open to those 18 years old or older, anywhere in the world.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you press releases about some stupid cookbook from some stupid chef you’ve never heard of. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you Costco coupon booklets. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or a reindeer’s antler up your ass.

Dear TIB,

Today, you turn five years old. My goodness, has it really been that long? Wait…Do I have to start sending you to school? You better tell me because I’m not going to jail for you. Oh, and for future reference, I won’t ever post bail for you. Sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way and if that means spending time in a cell with someone who’s missing teeth, has a face tattoo and calls you honey, then so be it.

But let’s not talk about a future that may or may not happen. Let’s talk about the present and past. You’ve grown quite a bit over the past year and made a lot of new friends. Sadly, your look hasn’t changed much over the past year or so. Perhaps it’s time for a makeover. But, unfortunately, daddy doesn’t have much money for one. I wonder if there’s a reality show out there that does child makeovers. Oh, who am I kidding? We would never end up on a reality show because I’m not an attention grabbing, fake-breasted whore or a muscular douchebag with anger issues.

We’re going to celebrate your birthday the same way we’ve celebrated your past birthdays by holding a prize drawing. For your fifth birthday, we’re going to give away five (5) mystery boxes, filled with items that we’ve reviewed over the past five years. The contents of each mystery box will be different.

To enter the drawing, TIB readers will have to leave a comment for this post with the words, “Happy Birthday TIB” and how they discovered TIB. They should fill out the email field, because we’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing address.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on Sunday, August 9, 2009 and stop accepting entries on Saturday, August 15, 2009 (11:59 Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE.

The winners will be determined in a way that has not been decided. It may involve chocolate syrup, scraps of paper and an electric fan.

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about Chinese imports. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can get $4500 cash back for a new truck. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or lost time cause by watching reality shows.

Well, TIB, since it’s your fifth birthday, I guess it’s okay for you to finally watch TV, although not all of the channels. I’ve blocked all of them except PBS, Nickelodeon, Noggin, and C-SPAN.

Love,
Papa