Whenever I have to introduce myself, in order to give a stellar first impression, I try to forgo words and instead perform a sweeping, well executed high five with whoever is nearest to me. Man? Woman? Stranger? Infant? It doesn’t matter. Get ready for a palm full of total coolness and nonchalance.

My backup is just quietly mumbling out my name while trying not to say anything stupid.

Yet, seeing as my computer hinders both high fives (Bummer!) and disjointed attempts at vocal communication (Hooray!) it appears I will have to result to that good old-fashioned written word. So, let’s get to it!

I’m Jack and I am absolutely psyched to be the newest reviewer for The Impulsive Buy. Born and raised on the East Coast and now living in the beautiful and tiny state of Rhode Island, I am probably a pretty simple dude. Some things I like and don’t like include: coffee (yes), orange juice (no), the future (probably), and cereal (absolutely). Furthermore, a longtime passion for both reading and probable unemployment led me to pursue a BA in English Literature.

A passion for junk food, however, led me here.

I have been a fan of The Impulsive Buy for some time now and I am thrilled to get a chance to contribute to the already incredible material put out by the fantastic writers here. High five or not, let’s do it up!

Here are the Arby’s Prize Pack winners:

Colby

JoAnn

Congratulations to the winners!

Thanks to everyone who participated and a special thanks to Arby’s for providing the prize packs!

In this episode, a Canadian joins us to talk about new Oreo flavors, new Mountain Dew Kickstart flavors, something called Moreos, and weird Canadian Pizza Hut pizzas.

Thanks for listening!

Hey, dudes. I’m Kevin and I’ll be reviewing foodstuffs for the Impulsive Buy. I was born in California but went East in search of a Sonic Drive-In. I had to stop at the water and now, about three decades later, I live in New York City. I eat garbage sometimes and I’ve followed this website for a number of years now.

I wrote you a song. You can sing it to the tune of this. Or sing it to any song you want, really. I’m not your boss. I’m your friend! Think of me like … your Chandler. No, like the monkey. No, like the couch they couldn’t get up the stairs in that one episode. Ooh, Aisha Tyler. Archer! Watch Archer, guys. Now on at 10 p.m. on Mondays. FX. Boom.

Oh yeah, the song.

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White Castle sliders and biscuits from Popeyes

Untoasted Pop Tarts and Animal Style fries

Stephen Colbert’s pint by Ben and Jerry

These are a few of my favorite eats

Haribo gummies and small tubes of Pringles

Hot dogs from Costco and donuts with sprinkles

Burgers at Wendy’s, please double the meat

These are a few of my favorite eats

M&M pretzel and shrimp chips by Calbee

Oreos stuffed with what smells like Funfetti

Carl’s Jr. battered and fried zucchini

These are a few of my favorite eats

When I work out

When I play sports

When I’m running fast

I simply remember my favorite eats

And that’s why I feel so fat

Breakfast Jack croissant and cones at McDonald’s

Flavor Twist Fritos and Coke in glass bottles

Buttery Hawaiian shortbread cookies

These are a few of my favorite eats

When I dive in

When I kick hard

When I’m swimming laps

I simply remember my favorite eats

And that’s why I feel so fat

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I look forward to eating products for you guys and also stockpiling insulin.

A lot of people say they hit a depressive slump after the holidays, when the temperatures are cold and the nights are long. I hit a bigger slump after the Easter clearance at CVS is gone and I can no longer find a seasonal Reese’s shape for six months.

I’m Natalie, a college student in the middle of nowhere New Hampshire. The closest Target store is two hours away and my parents are probably sick of me calling and asking for a package of [insert seasonal/exclusive/new product here]. I troll grocery store aisles in my spare time and drove to the Ben & Jerry’s factory instead of attending my first orientation event. I placed a bid in that first auction for the Triple Double Oreo and started a campaign to bring back Green Apple Skittles after their first appearance in 2001 (We finally did it, America!) My taste buds are really into things with double-digit sugar contents and high fat dairy. Preferably both.

In a class last year, I was tempted to suggest the rebirth of Oreo O’s cereal as way to stimulate our nation’s economy. At that point, I realized I probably needed another outlet for my food obsession if I wanted to graduate, and now you all are stuck reading my babble. Thank you for being the savior of my GPA.

I am now on a mission to serve you in finding and tasting any new product that hits the shelves. I will search high and low through my rural New Hampshire wilderness, and then likely call someone in real civilization to mail it to me. But that’s okay, cause it’s my job now, so I have an excuse.