Did Burger King’s The King freak you out and appear in your dreams robeless to give me…I mean, you a massage, using his beard to spread massage oil on your back, chest, and your inner thighs?

Well, you no longer have to worry about The King sneaking up on, waking up next to or massaging you anymore, because The King has been overthrown by Burger King’s new owners and advertising agency. Along with the King-less advertising, Burger King is also testing a slew of new menu items in markets across the country.

The test items include an Asian chicken salad with baby edamame, red cabbage, and a sesame lime vinaigrette; mango and mixed berry smoothies; low-fat yogurt berry parfait with granola; oatmeal with dried fruit and maple sugar, vanilla soft-serve ice cream sundaes; a chicken and apple salad with blue cheese; a chicken BLT wrap with bacon and Dijion mustard; and a new premium burger with thick-cut bacon, romaine lettuce, and a spicy pepper grill sauce in between a brioche bun.

If you’re a connoisseur of fast food, you probably noticed that many of those items are currently available on McDonald’s menu. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, Burger King. Although Burger King did come out with Angus beef burgers before McDonald’s. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, McDonald’s.

Anyhoo, it’s important to note again that all of those items are just being tested and some of them may not make it as a regular item on every Burger King menu board.

Source: Miami Herald and Burger Business

Coconut water has been praised by people who are much skinnier than me and do something called exercise for being a fat free beverage that contains electrolytes, potassium, and antioxidants. Some of those people call coconut water Mother Nature’s Gatorade, but others call it the most pain in the ass beverage to extract.

Thankfully, coconut water has recently become a trendy beverage and a number of companies have been doing the coconut water extracting for us and putting it into easy to drink containers. Coconut water has become so happenin’ that Jamba Juice is jumping on the coconut water bandwagon with their Fruit Refreshers with Coconut Water.

The Fruit Refreshers line comes in three flavors:

Purely Pineapple – a blend of pineapple juice, pineapple sherbet, coconut water, peaches, and ice.

Strawberry Lemonade – a combination of strawberries, lemonade, coconut water, lime sherbet, sorbet, and ice.

Tropical Mango – a blend of mangos, passion-mango juice, coconut water, pineapple sherbet, orange sherbet, and ice.

A 16-ounce serving of each flavor has 230 calories or less, contains as much potassium as a banana, are made with whole fruit, and are an excellent source of vitamin C. The new Fruit Refreshers with Coconut Water will be available beginning Tuesday, May 24. Hey! That’s tomorrow!

Also, for a limited time, Jamba Juice is providing a coupon for you to try a Sixteen size Fruit Refresher for just two smackers at participating locations. You can print a coupon from www.jambajuice.com or http://www.facebook.com/jambajuice.

This summer, look for Cold Stone Creamery to get a little freaky with their ingredients.

This month, as part of their Gold Cone Collection, the super-premium ice cream maker introduced their Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Ice Cream, which is made up of lemon ice cream sprinkled with real poppy seeds. The combination is supposed to imitate the flavor of a lemon poppy seed muffin.

Oh, but the unusual ingredients don’t stop there. In July, Cold Stone will offer Strawberry Basil ice cream. And, in August, they’ll serve up a non-alcoholic Mojito Sorbet.

But what about June? Meh, it’s just some boring Chocolate Hazelnut. Personally, it would’ve been better if it was Chocolate Hazelwort.

A small (or “Like It”) serving of Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Ice Cream has 340 calories 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 36 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. A small Strawberry Basil Ice cream has 320 calories 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 33 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Finally, a Like It serving of Mojito Sorbet has 190 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 44 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

All Gold Cone Collection flavors are available for a limited time at Cold Store Creamery locations nationwide.

This week, Taco Bell introduced the (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New).

The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) is made with (Insert Here The First Five Taco Bell Ingredients That Pop Into Your Head. Don’t Worry, I Guarantee You’ll Get At Least Three Out Of The Five Right. And, If You Don’t Get All Five, Congratulations, You Might’ve Invented A Future Menu Item That Taco Bell Will Claim Is New But Won’t Seem New).

So, basically, the (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) is a (Insert Here Older Taco Bell Limited Time Offer That Also Didn’t Seem New When It Was Introduced) with (or without) (Insert Here Random Taco Bell Ingredient Selected By Using a Ouiji Board That’s Being Manipulated By The Spirit of the Taco Bell Chihuahua).

The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) weighs 206 grams and has 470 calories, 20 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1120 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 19 grams of protein.

The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) will be available for a limited time and retail for (Insert Here Special Price That’s Under $1) at participating restaurants.

This week, Chili’s… I mean, Applebee’s… I mean, T.G.I. Friday’s added several new dishes to their menu that are inspired by everyone’s favorite beverage made with barley, hops, and water. The introduction of these meals made with beer coincides with the restaurant chain’s move to start offering craft beers at every location. The craft beers vary from state to state, but some of the craft beer companies include Fat Tire, Harpoon, Shipyard, Goose Island, Magic Hat, Dirrty Rabbit, and Angry Hag.

Okay, those last two were totally made up.

The new dishes include:

Black Angus Brew House Steak: An 8-ounce flat-iron steak is marinated in a brine of beer and citrus and is then grilled and served with a craft beer sauce, potato salad and buttered summer green beans.

Parmesan-Crusted Crab Flounder: Pan-seared fish fillets are flavored with beer, then topped with deviled crabmeat and Parmesan breadcrumbs and served with sides of jasmine rice pilaf and buttered summer green beans.

Ale House Baby Back Ribs: Baby back pork ribs are grilled with beer, glazed with a Jack Daniels barbecue sauce and served with sides of potato salad and buttered summer green beans.

Dijon-Crusted Beer Chicken: Chicken fillets are marinated in craft beer and lightly breaded with seasoned breadcrumbs. The dish is served with a tossed salad of mixed greens and grape tomatoes drizzled with a Caesar vinaigrette.

Ale House Shrimp and Chips appetizer: Beer-battered broccoli, sliced red peppers and Cajun- spiced shrimp are served on home-style potato chips with cucumber-wasabi ranch dip and a stout-beer remoulade sauce.

Guinness Stout: A Guinness Stout beer is blended with chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream and topped with whipped cream, for adults.

Mandarin Dreamsicle: Orange liqueur is added to an orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream shake that’s topped with mandarin oranges and whipped cream, for adults.