REVIEW: Maruchan Hot & Spicy Chicken Ramen Funyuns

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In my recent review of Korean-Style Sweet & Spicy Chili Ruffles, I whined and pined for more snacks with flavors inspired by the Far East. Well, not two weeks later, the good folks over at Frito Lay obliged.

Now, I’m not saying they saw the review, called the folks over at Maruchan, brainstormed, decided to collab on new Hot & Spicy Chicken Ramen Funyuns, and then went into a fast-tracked production process that put bags on shelves in world record timing, but… that’s exactly what I’m saying. That’s clearly what happened. The Impulsive Buy has that much pull in the snack industry.

The pairing was surprising, especially coming from a snack line that rarely remixes the original recipe, but I’m glad these two brands linked up because this is really good. It also made me ponder why we haven’t been sprinkling ramen flavor packets on things other than ramen all this time?

I have a little bit of a love-only relationship with Funyuns, but I’m happy to say these scratched the flavor itch I was yearning for, as well as the roof of my mouth (more on that later).

When I opened the bag of what looked like seasoned curly fries, I got a big whiff of poultry seasoning, but it somehow also smelled “hot,” so they were off to an accurate start.

That accuracy rolled on because, yeah, these taste like crispy Funyuns coated in a packet of spicy chicken ramen seasoning. Mission accomplished.

There’s a dryness to them that I always get from chicken-flavored snacks. For some reason, I associate that with chicken flavor. These could have easily just been “Spicy Chicken” flavored, but there is a little of that fabled “Asian flare” that I can’t articulate to make it resemble the flavors of a bowl of ramen – a cheap bowl of ramen, but I still like the cheap stuff.

Since reviewing Spicy Queso Funyuns, I was a little worried that these would also completely swallow up the traditional onion flavor of the Funyuns. But it actually managed to come through a bit on the finish. Maybe it was just a little onion powder in the spice concoction, but I tasted it nevertheless.

As for the heat level, I’d put these at about two-thirds of the way to “Flamin’ Hot,” which is more than tolerable. You won’t have any problem eating a small bag in one sitting… but you’re gonna tear your mouth up. I somehow avoided that on the Spicy Queso, but the dreaded “savory Cap’n’ Crunch” Funyuns got me this time. That, coupled with the salt and spice, dried my mouth out for hours, but whatever, it was kinda worth it.

Honestly, this is probably the best Funyuns offshoot I’ve had, and while I think this flavor would have been even better on a chip, I’d love to see a few more ramen-inspired releases.

That’s back-to-back really tasty Asian-inspired products from Frito Lay. I hope they keep ’em comin’.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 2 1/8 oz bag
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (About 13 pieces) 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Ruffles Korean-Style Sweet & Spicy Chili Potato Chips

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I’m not an envious person by nature. I don’t “yearn” for much. I try my best to be satisfied with what I have… but that all changes whenever I see the chip flavors they get over in Asia.

Before my Impulsive Buy days, I wanted to start a blog called, “Lay’s for Days,” where I’d seek out and try every crazy chip flavor from around the globe. In my delusional brain, I’d start by dropping a small fortune eBaying crazy flavors, and I’d get so popular that people would willingly send me bags to try.

Once I realized I no write no good and couldn’t even figure out Blogspot, the short-lived dream died.

Thankfully, the Frito-Lay corporation has slowly let some interesting flavors trickle out over the years, and it’s not impossible to find international releases if you know where to look.

Enter Korean-Style Sweet & Spicy Chili Ruffles, a chip with all the hallmarks I’ve been looking for. Asian-inspired flavors? Check. A super long, intriguing name? Check. RRRidges? Check! These have to be good, right?

Right. They’re pretty damn good.

Sweet chili is elite. It never fails. It should be a standard flavor across all snacks. If you like sweet chili, these are for you.

These have a heat level I’d put a tick below “Flamin’ Hot.” Props to them for ignoring the siren call and not slapping those two words on this bag like Frito-Lay seemingly does with everything else. Like an annoying guy describing Vegas, it’s a “dry heat” and tolerable, leaving a slight afterburn on the back of the tongue.

As I was eating and enjoying myself, I started to get nervous because I didn’t really know how to articulate the flavor. I don’t think my initial thought of, “This tastes like Asian food,” would’ve been kosher, literally or figuratively. I can’t condense an entire continent into one chip, but I sometimes have difficulty distinguishing international flavor.

These instantly tasted more Chinese-inspired. I’ve had more Chinese food than Korean food in my life, so maybe that played a role, but the spice profile just reminded me of a vague Chow Mein-style sauce you’d get slathered on some protein and vegetables. As I chomped on, I started to convince myself I might be tasting some kimchi and settled on what they ultimately reminded me of – Korean BBQ. Yeah, wow, very descriptive, huh? I actually thought of Korean Chicken Tacos more than anything.

The ingredient list is basically all the usual suspect spices you get in a chip like this with nothing distinct standing out. That, mixed with the pronounced chili flavor and “dryness,” just made me think of Asian-inspired BBQ chicken.

Either way, these are pretty complex and taste really good. The sweetness is there, but it’s not distinguishable from anything beyond, I guess, a pinch of brown sugar?

I won’t say these are as good as purple bag Doritos or the G.O.A.T. Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles, but they’re not far behind either. Grab ’em if you see ’em. Hopefully, you find a sale because I might as well have eBay’d these at the price I paid.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 8 oz
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (About 13 Chips) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Triple Berry Frosty

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It’s been a little over two months, so it’s time for a new Frosty flavor.

It took forever for Wendy’s to expand from chocolate to vanilla, and now the window between new Frosties is about as short as a theatrical movie landing on your favorite overpriced streaming service.

Save the movie theaters!

Anyway, it’s been exactly two years since Wendy’s hit us with a Strawberry Frosty. I reviewed it then, and wasn’t blown away. I believe I said at the time, and don’t look this up, “This isn’t terrible, but I need more berries! They should’ve added blackberry and raspberry! Also, the Boston Celtics are going to win the 2024 NBA title.”

I’m not saying I’m clairvoyant, but I think someone at Wendy’s Inc. saw my review, and that’s where the seedling for a Triple Berry Frosty was born. Let me just do some math here – Strawberry. Blackberry. Raspberry. Yup. That’s three, alright. When you combine said berries, you get a nice lavender color, and that’s basically the highlight.

I couldn’t help but notice that it just looked like soft ice cream. It was missing the bits of ice that I expect from a Wendy’s Frosty. That is the small distinction I always make between Frosties and ice cream, smoothies, shakes, etc. I need the tiny flecks of ice crystals for at least a few spoonfuls. They were basically absent here. I was starting to think this was just gonna be Strawberry redux, and I was basically right.

I instantly assumed this had blueberries in it. I tasted a slight medicinal blueberry flavor with a dry “Tums” finish. I’m still kinda shocked that blueberries aren’t one of the three berries.

I didn’t really distinguish any of the other berries because, in the end, this tastes like literally any “mixed berry” yogurt you’ve ever had minus the yogurt “tang.” Essentially, what I’m saying is this Frosty lacks culture!

You might think, “It’s just a berry smoothie,” but it’s not, and I think that hurts it. I wish it was. This flavor profile in an ice cream-like form doesn’t really work that well.

Actually, it doesn’t work as a Wendy’s menu item. To bring it back to the movies, this flavor feels like a giant tonal shift in the Wendy’s script.

On its own, it’s decent, but with food, it just clashed. I’ve never really felt that way about previous Frosties, not even the Orange Dreamsicle. Drinking something “mixed berry yogurt” flavored didn’t compliment my fatty Wendy’s food at all.

Triple Berry just didn’t pop for me. I think it’s time to abandon berries entirely… ya know, except the best berry – banana. We better get a Banana Frosty at some point. If Wendy’s insists on keeping berries on the menu, allow me the obligatory mention of my topping idea – Wendy’s Blendies. I’ll toss some strawberries in my Chocolate Frosty. Why not? What are we waiting for?

Bury Triple Berry. It’s forgettable and ultimately skippable. See you in two months for the next one.

Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: Small
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 320 calories, 8 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 30 mg of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of total carbohydrates, 46 grams of sugars, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Crumbl Chocolatey Chip Cookie Cereal

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Let me preface this review by saying, I like Crumbl.

At some points, it might seem like I, in fact, do not like Crumbl, but I like Crumbl!

I don’t love Crumbl. I dislike their “drop the vowel” startup-style name. The blindingly white and clinical aesthetic of the storefront doesn’t pass my vibe check, and the fact every cookie tastes like it’s about 87% cooked through always leaves me feeling a little empty – before I get full from the 800-calorie cookie I shove down my gullet.

That said, I checked my Crumbl app, and I’ve apparently tried 19 of its cookies. That’s a lot of cookies for someone on the fence. Credit to them, they’re always getting my attention with new and interesting flavors that I mostly enjoy to varying degrees. As for its flagship Chocolatey Chip Cookie? It’s solid. I’d probably toss it somewhere near the midpoint of the 19, which is more than enough to get me to try its new Kellogg’s cereal collab.

I haven’t had a cookie-based cereal in years, as I’ve been boycotting Cookie Crisp ever since Officer Crumb, Chip the Dog, and Cookie Crook were replaced with that generic Wolf. There’s room in my heart for a new Cookie Crisp to fill the void, and I promise there’s no bias here, because I do like Crumbl.

This ain’t it.

Look, Crumbl (you too, Kellogg’s). I like you, but what are we doing? This seemed like a slam dunk. At no point did I ever get any real essence of a “chocolatey chip cookie.”

To start, there are barely any chocolate chips. You get a couple of poppy seeds at best. We eat with our eyes first, so give us some more chips. The pieces are smaller, denser, and less chocolatey than Cookie Crisp.

It has a pleasant aroma out of the box, but I’d equate it more to an “almondy café latte” scent than a freshly baked cookie.

Taste-wise, I just never got to the right flavor. It’s a bit synthetic and maybe a tad caramelly. The chocolate is a no-show. There’s so little that the milk barely changed color and certainly didn’t taste chocolatey.

As a cereal, it’s… “whatever.” There’s an acceptable sweetness and a good crunch, but everything is lacking. Here’s where I landed on the flavor – it’s as if they made a blueberry muffin cereal and forgot the blueberries. This tastes like “muffin.” I’m not sure there’s a market for Oops! No Berries.

On top of all that, the box is really small. It’s expensive too. I was gonna complain, but it’s exactly what I pay for a cookie, so maybe that was the plan. There ABSOLUTELY should have been a coupon for a free or discounted Crumbl cookie on the box though. Huge misstep.

This might seem like Cookie Crisp for adults, but it’s just “blah.” Bring back Officer Crumb so he can arrest whoever gave this cereal the ok.

Like their name, report cards leave off “E,” so I give Crumbl cereal a “D.”

Crumbl? More like Stumbl. No, I didn’t mumbl, you heard me – stumbl! But I like Crumbl, I swear.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 7.9 oz box
Purchased at: ShopRite
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/2 Cup) 150 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Birthday Pie

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What do Keith Richards and Burger King have in common?

Other than both being famously flame broiled, you’re probably absolutely shocked they’ve made it to their 70th birthdays.

I always expect my local BK to be a shelled-out husk on my next visit, only to be seen again in a YouTube compilation called “Absolute Dumpsters You Used to Eat at as a Kid.”

With that said, I’m a loyal BK defender, and I’m happy they still exist. Despite becoming one of the punching bags of the fast food industry, the King is celebrating his 70th birthday, so let us raise our Coca-Cola Freestyle concoctions in the air and toast – Long live the King. I doff my paper crown to thee.

How does one celebrate their royal seventennial? Well, with a Birthday Pie, of course. Ya know, birthday pies, the traditional capper for any great birthday celebration. A Birthday Pie sounds less real than the word “seventennial,” yet here we are.

BK hasn’t really hit us with many pie options over the years, but its mainstay, Hershey’s Pie, is great, so I was very much looking forward to this one.

I’ve been served Hershey’s Pie. I know Hershey’s Pie. Hershey’s Pie is a favorite of mine. Birthday Pie, you are no Hershey’s Pie. The concept is flawed from jump – it’s a pie filling that tastes like cake? Just give us cake. Let us eat cake.

The Birthday Pie tastes like three slightly contrasting versions of artificial vanilla in a cookie crust. On the surface, that seems appetizing enough, but it’s just very… vanilla. The pie consists of a birthday cake-flavored pie filling, which tastes like blended cake in a weird viscous form, so it kinda leaves you yearning for cake, which you only get in the form of little tease cake bites glued on top of the off-pudding, which is quite off-putting. (Thanks)

The cookie crust is vaguely “graham” flavored, but the filling is so wet it makes the crust limp. It, like me, had no integrity. There’s also whipped topping and sprinkles, so it’s just weighed down with more “sweet” nothings.

This slice just ends up having a vague combination of flavors I can really only describe as “generically sweet.” That’s what “birthday” flavor has become. It’s just sugar. Sometimes it’s confetti cake, sometimes it’s vanilla, but mostly it’s just “sugar flavored!” I think I’m officially over “birthday” as a flavor. Good thing McDonald’s is ushering in the world’s new favorite abstract flavor – “Grandma.”

If you’re interested in a mashup of low-quality vanilla pudding, soft Nilla Wafers, and whipped cream, go for it. Maybe you can make a wish for something better next year.

I should also note this thing has an encyclopedia of ingredients. If a European saw the label, they wouldn’t live to see another birthday.

I actually think this pie is a good metaphor for life because it got old in the blink of an eye. As Keith Richards’ friend, Whatshisface, once said, “What a drag it is getting old.”

Anyway, if you insist on trying the Birthday Pie, get the $6 Birthday meal, or get it free in the app on June 1st.

Now sing it with me, “at B-K, Happy Birth-day. You rule!*”

*Sometimes. Not this time.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 260 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 21 grams of total sugars, less than 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.

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