REVIEW: Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Holes Cereal

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Time to fake the donuts.

Donuts are probably my favorite food, and the kid in me still gets excited every time I see a new cereal on the shelf, but as far as cereals based on donut flavors… Has there ever truly been a good one?

Donut cereals are usually just generic “O” shaped pieces with gimmicky branding. It just seems like an easy way to pass off a new idea for a quick buck. Look, I still get that fun jolt of arrested development when I see donuts on a cereal box, but the flavor always ends up being lazy. Doncha think it’s time the Breakfast Gods bless us with a truly innovative donut-based cereal?

Me too. Ya gotta keep waiting, though, because new Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Hole Cereals ain’t it.

On paper, the idea of turning three of Kellogg’s most prominent offerings into little “glazed” donut bites might seem fun, but dare I say these may be the laziest donut cereal attempts to date?

Of the three flavors – Frosted Flakes, Krave, and Apple Jacks – I’ll be reviewing the first two.

Frosted Flakes

They’re sweet. They’re flakey. They’re iconic. Well, now they’re bland little balls. They’re ironic? Probably not, I don’t actually know what irony is, but these are a snoozefest.

I can only describe the flavor as “sweet-ish.” Not Swedish, “sweet-ish.” You get a basic sweet corn cereal taste with a texture I’d compare to a less dense Peanut Butter Crunch. The flavor is so light they almost taste like Kix. They’re lacking such a punch that you could’ve told me they were a brand of “healthy” alternative cereal purchased from Whole Foods. They don’t deliver on the promise at all. They’rrrrrrre GGG-onna need to go back to the drawing board on this one.

Krave

I have an admission, I’ve never had Krave. I’ve loved some “filled pillow” cereals in the past, but they have escaped me since their inception for some reason. While I can’t speak on Krave in their true form, they make for a decent “glazed” donut hole. They’re ok. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t happy either, but…

These are essentially “Cocoa Puffs Lite.” It’s as if Sonny the Cuckoo Bird finally got on meds and just chilled out for a little bit. While that sounds boring, they’re easily the better of the two. I’m on record as saying most chocolate cereals taste the same, so I don’t mind this lighter chocolate flavor. The dusty white “glaze” gives them a little bit of a hot cocoa flavor vibe.

The back of each box boasts “Glazed in Genius,” but these are dumb and unglazed. It’s just a faint white coating. Both cereals look similar, with Krave having a slightly darker hue.

Kellogg’s Glazed Donut Holes are, at best, “inoffensive.” They took multiple cereals out of their unique forms for no reason. It’s like the factory setting was stuck on “ball” one day, and they just rolled with it – pun possibly intended.

Donut cereals do-nut work. Pun not intended. Donut hole cereals are especially baffling. There have been approximately 4,389 ball-shaped cereals that we could’ve passed off as “donut holes.” I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I feel like this is some kind of “shrinkflation” ploy where balls are cheaper to produce or something. If donut hole cereals worked, we’d have “Dunkin’ Crunchkins” by now.

If curiosity gets the best of you and you buy these, just mix ’em together. It makes for a slightly better bowl of cereal. Who knows, maybe the Apple Jack version slaps, but Frosted Flakes and Krave are duds.

Purchased Price: $4.99 each
Size: 10 oz. Boxes
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Frosted Flakes), 5 out of 10 (Krave)
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) Frosted Flakes – 140 calories, 1.5 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Krave – 130 calories, 1.5 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Hash Brown Brisket Scramble Bowl

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“Cellar door” is often cited as the most beautiful sounding phrase in the English language, but I think I’ve discovered the new top phonesthetic… which is definitely not a word I just discovered two seconds ago.

Ya had a good run, “cellar door,” but you’re downright hideous next to “brisket bowl.” Ahhh, “brisket bowl.” Just let it roll out – Brisket. Bowl. Doesn’t that feel good? Doesn’t that sound good?

Dunkin’ thought so, that’s why it put out a “Hash Brown Brisket Scramble Bowl.” I mean, that doesn’t flow as well, but I guess it still sounds great. I should’ve known the joint that removed “donuts” from its name would opt against short and sweet alliteration.

So, while that name is a little too gussied up, I’ll let it slide because, well, that sounds delicious. Does it taste as good as it should’ve sounded?

Nope, but it almost got there.

The Hash Brown Brisket Scramble Bowl consists of hash browns, scrambled eggs, smoked cheddar cheese, poblano peppers, caramelized onions, cheddar queso, and what I thought would be the star of the show, shredded brisket.

On paper, that sounds really good, and it’s not terrible, but like the name I keep harping on, and this review I’m sure, it needed some editing.

I’ll start with the good. I love Dunkin’s hash browns. They’re crispy, they’re zesty, and they’re a perfect size. No complaints. I liked the fluffy egg chunks too. In fact, I would’ve liked about 25% more egg. These ingredients make for a great base, unfortunately the meat is usually where Dunkin’ lacks for me.

The brisket was a mixed bag. I didn’t expect KC BBQ, but I was at least expecting tender strips. I got a few sinewy, chewy strings of beef that I had to spit out in a napkin. That was a real buzzkill because other bites were actually nice. Still, I had to go into each forkful with trepidation. It was a game of roulette. Say I got ten bites of brisket, four were good, three were inedible and three got lost in the sauce.

The little bits of poblano were a big hit, but I honestly had no clue there were onions in there. They must’ve just blended into the queso, so they literally got lost in the sauce. I’m a “less is more” guy when it comes to sauces, so I could’ve done with less queso too. Also, this is an absolute salt bomb. Grab a coffee.

I don’t ever wanna spit out part of the meal I’m eating, but for some reason, I still give this a light recommendation. It doesn’t need to be tossed behind the cellar door. Hell of a callback there…

I can sit here and tell you the brisket was terrible, but honestly, I think their bacon and sausage are usually pretty unremarkable too, so at least it was a change from the norm.

I think these little bowls are a good portion size, so if you’re just looking for a small breakfast, it’s worth a try. Maybe I just got a bad batch of meat. I might get this again and dump the contents into a tortilla, because I imagine it would make good contents for a breakfast burrito. “Brisket Breakfast Burrito” – now that sounds beautiful.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Bowl) – 340 calories, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 mg of cholesterol, 1300 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Smucker’s Uncrustables Peanut Butter & Raspberry Spread Sandwich

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Folks, it’s peanut butter jelly time.

If the reminder of that dancing banana pre-meme, or “preme,” made you yearn for simpler times, I’ve got something else to tickle your nostalgia bone – PB&Js with the crust cut off.

Ah yes, an absolute staple of every picky child’s diet, and with the advent of Smucker’s Uncrustables, still a staple of this lazy manchild’s lack of one. I buy them in bulk from Costco once a month. In fact, I eat so many Uncrustables, my niece calls me, “Unc Rustable.”

Ok, that’s not true. My niece doesn’t even call me, but if she did, she would probably tell me to stop talking with my mouth full of Uncrustables.

To bastardize the late great Mitch Hedberg’s potato joke, sometimes I’ll just throw a frozen Uncrustable on the counter even if I don’t want one, and by the time it’s done? Who knows?

If you can’t tell, I love Uncrustables, so when I saw a new flavor dropped – Raspberry, I snatched them up faster than you can say, “Get to the review already, dude.”

Do you like grape Uncrustables? Do you like the strawberry one? Guess what? The reign continues. You’re gonna like them in raspberry too.

What can I say? Raspberry is a welcome addition to the line.

They might actually be your new favorite. They aren’t quite my favorite, but that’s no knock. I’d still put them behind grape but ahead of strawberry.

They’re great, but the sweet raspberry jelly flavor pops here just a tad bit more than I’d like. It doesn’t overpower the peanut butter, but it tries. The jelly reminds me of the raspberry filling you would find in Italian bakery cookies, making these lean a little closer to a dessert than an on-the-go mid-day lunch alternative in my mind. That’s fine; I’ll just eat ’em later in the day.

That’s about as much as I can say “bad” about them. These bread pucks should become a regular part of my repertoire. If you’re like me, you prefer your Uncrustables “al dente.” If I’m not taking one with me, I usually eat them after about ten minutes of thawing. Raspberry met my standards here as well. The cold jelly with the half-frozen peanut butter definitely satisfies.

These are a successful expansion. I’d love to see Costco do a three-flavor variety box soon. Beyond that, I’d love Uncrustables to fast-track more new flavors. To take a cue from the dancing banana, how about an Elvis-inspired flavor? Kids love The King! I am not sure about the freezing properties of a banana spread, but they have scientists over at Smucker’s who can surely make it work.

Hey, another Paddington movie is coming down the pike, so hit us with an orange marmalade Uncrustable. Where’s the Fluffernutter one? You make ’em, I’ll buy ’em. I am “Unc Rustable” after all. I should call my niece and let her know Uncrustables now comes in Raspberry.

It’s ringing.

… Straight to voicemail. She’s probably busy.

Purchased Price: $4.79
Size: 8 oz package
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 210 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Coca-Cola Oreo Cookies

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It’s the brand crossover we didn’t even know we were waiting for. America’s #1 cookie and America’s #1 soda brand* have combined forces to create not only a new cola but arguably the most intriguing Oreo flavor to date.

*According to America’s #1 search engine, the A.I. cluttered and less reliable by the day, Google!

I’ve been starting to get a little bored with Oreo flavor trends. Sure, I just reviewed its Sour Patch collab, but outside of that, I’ve felt like its creative ideas were starting to lose their luster, and each new flavor just ended up tasting like one it had previously made. A shot in the arm was needed.

Enter Coca-Cola Oreo – a jab everyone should agree on. … Let’s move on.

Upon popping the tab on the bag, I was smacked with an amazing scent. This is probably the best-smelling snack I’ve had in a long time. They instantly smell like Coca-Cola but also don’t lose the “baked good” scent of the cookie. It’s a perfect mix. I want this as a candle.

The great start only got better when I saw the dual-colored wafers, with the red side having three distinct Coke-branded designs. The attention to detail is unrivaled by any Oreo in the past.

My nose liked ’em, my eyes liked ’em, but what about my big fat mouth?

Oh yeah, my mouth liked ’em. These are great. I expected them to be, and they met my expectations. They taste like Coca-Cola. Simple as that. Job well done.

Actually, I think they taste like a Coke float, which is arguably even better.

If I had to be specific beyond, “it tastes like Coke,” these remind me of Cherry Vanilla Coke. The crème, which is speckled with popping candies, gives it that vanilla/ice cream/almost marshmallow-like addition, and there is a distinct cherry hint within the Coca-Cola flavoring itself.

The Coke website claims the brown cookie is made with Coca-Cola syrup, while the red cookie is just a dyed Golden Oreo. I separated the two, and that checks out. There’s also definitely some Coke essence within the crème.

Speaking of the crème, my only complaint is that I wish the popping candy… well, popped off more. It’s a fun addition and a great way to ape the effervescence of a refreshing soda into the cookie, but the crackling is few and far between. Also, just to nitpick, I wish they were red and speckled the crème better than the moldy off-white bits they are now, if only for aesthetics.

Cola is not a flavor we really get much outside of the drink itself, so it was cool to have that profile in something edible. The only other things I could really think of were random candies like Bottle Caps or my dearly departed Betty Crocker Soda-licious Fruit Snacks. For the love of all things holy, please bring those back.

So yeah, Coca-Cola Oreo Cookies are a hit. One more tiny knock I’ll give is something about the cola flavor sweetness overload gets a little cloying after a few cookies. I was missing that crisp, bubbly taste of an actual Coke. Also, I won’t step on the review of the corresponding Oreo Coca-Cola, but I definitely liked these more. That said, they’re both a must try.

Purchased Price: $4.88
Size: 10.68 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 Cookies) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Popeyes Chocolate Chip Biscuits

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Biscuits might be the unsung hero of the fast food world. Sure, they’re empty calories, they’re excessively buttery while somehow still being dry as a bone, and oftentimes they’re as stale as the “jokes” I’m assuredly gonna attempt in this review… but I don’t care because I’m a fan of everyone’s.

While biscuits have thrived as breakfast breads and chicken sides, I can’t recall many instances of them being utilized in a fast food dessert. That is until now with Popeyes’ new Chocolate Chip Biscuits.

This is big news, because I love those biscuits from Popeyes!

When I saw that these new biscuits were about to drop, I was burning with anticipation. Unfortunately, so was my local Popeyes, because it literally burned down. Yeah. It’s gone. Kinda felt like a bad omen.

Thankfully, it happened overnight, and there were no injuries, but driving by the charred husk of the restaurant really made me lose my appetite.

… for a couple days. I found the next closest Popeyes and snagged one. The dough must go on.

Chocolate Chip Biscuits are basically what you think they are. Well, not what our British readers think they are. They’re thinking of cookies, and these aren’t cookies. Popeyes’ Chocolate Chip Biscuits are standard biscuits dotted with chocolate chips and topped with sweet icing. I think our friends in England might call these “scones?”

It’s funny because I was fully expecting this to taste like a scone. An American scone, I guess? Ya know, those hard, misshapen muffin… things. They’re fine. I would’ve been ok with that, but Popeyes did something pretty unique here by just plussing up its standard biscuits.

Mine was warm, sweet, and salty. Incredibly salty. I think it may have been pulled from the saltiest bin in the joint, and as a sodium addict, I kinda loved that. It tasted like a mistake, if I’m being honest.

The crispy salted base of the biscuit was counterbalanced by the sweet generic icing on top almost perfectly. “Salty-sweet” fans should definitely be satisfied, even if theirs isn’t as seasoned as mine.

Now, I say that, but you’ll notice how I didn’t highlight the chocolate. The chips are supposed to be the stars of the show, and they kinda get lost. These aren’t bursting with chocolate flavor. It’s there, but I think the dry biscuit batter dehydrated the chocolate, and the icing was so sweet it didn’t give the chips room to really shine.

I guess I was ultimately disappointed in how light the chocolate was. Honestly, it wasn’t premium chocolate anyway, so maybe it was for the best. I kinda wish mine was a bit softer as well, but it probably worked out better structurally. A softer biscuit would’ve been a crumbly, sticky mess.

Popeyes’ Chocolate Chip Biscuit is imperfect, but I still enjoyed the balance, and I think it’s unique and tasty enough to chase your chicken dinner with. It’s too bad they aren’t open early because these would probably make a great breakfast.

I say give ’em a try, but just make sure your local Popeyes is still standing first.

Purchased Price: $2.19
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 310 calories, 14 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 340 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of total carbohydrates, 24 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.

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