REVIEW: My Oreo Creation Kettle Corn Oreo Cookies

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My Oreo Creation Kettle Corn Oreo Cookies

Remember those Looney Tunes episodes where an old lady would put a pie on a window sill, and an offscreen character would literally be lifted off the ground by the heavenly aroma and summoned to it?

That’s me with kettle corn.

I pretty much only attend Street Fairs with one objective in mind – acquire kettle corn.

I love it. It’s God’s perfect food. Ambrosia. The only snack I eat by the duffel bag.

So, now that Nabisco has decided to dedicate one of its 436 Oreo flavors (unofficial count) to this amazing confection, you know damn well I had to try them.

I wouldn’t call these the most eye-popping Oreo cookies. It’s a Golden Oreo with off-white kettle corn flavored cream sprinkled with little tan morsels of millet – beige and boring, but in fairness, true to popcorn.

Again, kettle corn stands have a distinct aroma that I can pinpoint within a two-block radius. These cookies attempted to get there, but I got more of a pancake/waffle vibe from the smell. That’s cool though. Who doesn’t love the smell of pancakes?

The first step to eating any Oreo is to remove the top wafer and scrape out half the crème with your teeth. We all eat em that way, right? Not like the weirdos in the commercials who open it, lick it once then inexplicably put it back together?

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The crème tastes buttery at first, but there is an underlying sweetness. I wouldn’t necessarily say they hit on the “salty” aspect of kettle corn, but that’s probably a good thing. I couldn’t shake the pancake thoughts while eating these. I never tried the

If I had one word to describe the kettle corn flavor, I’d say “inconsistent.” Every few bites I’d get a brief but perfect combo of cookie, crème, and millet that had a texture similar to kettle corn, and also that burnt sugary amazing flavor only a kettle could create.

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I won’t lie, I wasn’t 100 percent positive what millet even was. I’ve never had straight millet cereal, but the little puffed additions were a smart decision. They’re not quite Rice Krispies, but the spongey, stale texture mimicked popcorn nicely. Oreo adding little pieces to the crème is a trend that I hope continues.

These are pretty tough to nail down. I like ’em, but I don’t know if they met the expectations of the flavor, although I was able to convince myself the aftertaste was “popcorny.”

To wrap it up, I’m going with this as my description – buttery pancakes, with a hint of syrupy sweetness, that tastes like weak kettle corn but only when you get that perfect bite. That make sense?

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Try ’em out, then vote for your favorite #MyOreoCreation. I still need to try the other two before I submit mine, but something tells me these won’t prevail over Cherry Cola or Pina Colada.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 10.7 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s kettle corn, kinda. If not, it still tastes and smells like freezer brand pancakes. Definitely goes well with the Golden Oreo. Adding the millet pieces was a great idea. No kernels!
Cons: Didn’t quite nail all the aspects of kettle corn. Millet pieces might be a tad spongy and stale for some. There are so many Oreo flavors I probably haven’t had a standard Oreo in three years.

REVIEW: Hershey’s S’mores Crunchers

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Hershey s S mores Crunchers

Hey folks, it’s your resident “S’more Connoisseur,” and I am BACK for more.

Today’s review comes compliments of Hershey’s new snack line, “Crunchers.” You might’ve already seen the Reese’s and Cookies N’ Cream versions in your local convenience store. I’ve tried and enjoyed both, so I had to pounce on these S’morsels (what they should have been called) as soon as I saw them.

So, what the heck is a “Cruncher?” Well, they’re basically little globs of chocolate with crunchy ingredients tossed in. As you would imagine, S’mores Crunchers have mini marshmallows, graham pieces, and graham cookies. I’ll touch on that redundancy later.

I opted for the larger sized bag. Let’s see if I made the right choice.

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Well, right off the bat, they didn’t smell very good. Does chocolate spoil? It smells like what I assume old spoiled chocolate would smell like. Whatever, I can get over that if they taste good.

I mean, I guess? There’s just too much chocolate. I realize that sounds stupid because if these were in bar form, it might be the same ratio, but they tasted like a regular Hershey’s bar.

The graham and marshmallow peak through as you chew, but the overwhelming chocolate always took over. It’s like eating misshapen Kisses with random bits mixed in.

You probably read that and thought, “Ah, that doesn’t seem so bad.”

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Unfortunately, I have a major problem with S’mores Crunchers, and it has to do with the little marbits clumped amongst the chocolate.

The marshmallows are HARD AS A ROCK. I’m serious. Take this as your warning. It’s not pleasant.

There are some pieces that have just graham, which lived up to the “Cruncher” name, but any clump with a marshmallow was like chewing on a pebble. I may have dental paranoia, but I had to chew with extreme caution. These things taste like they’re Rocky Road flavored, and literally made with bits of a rocky road.

I isolated a few of the tiny marshmallows to confirm it was them. I was expecting that crunchy, spongey, powdery texture you get from hot cocoa marbits, but nah, these are rough. They melt in your mouth in time, but I doubt you’ll take solace after cracking a crown.

The bag boasts these are “A delightfully munchable crunchy snack.” I counter that they are a “decent, terrifying dentist visit waiting to happen.”

The graham pieces and cookies were also irrelevant. I guess they wanted two different shapes because there is no taste or textural difference between them.

I could see these as a snack mix ingredient, not a standalone. Since there is so much chocolate, there needs to be something savory, like pretzels, to balance it out. That’s how I’m finishing this bag, if I even bother.

The Reese’s and Cookies N’ Cream varieties of these Crunchers are considerably better, so choose those or go for the Hershey’s Snack Mix. They’re usually on the shelf right beside these anyway.

(Nutrition Facts – about 10 pieces – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.19
Size: 6.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Well on its way to being a pretty good snack mix ingredient. It’s still Hershey chocolate. Pieces with just graham are fine.
Cons: Marshmallows are a textural nightmare. Not a good standalone snack. Too much chocolate. Two types of graham for nothing. Worst of the Cruncher varieties so far. Bit of a lazy concept.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce

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McDonald s Szechuan Sauce

Don’t mention Rick and Morty. Don’t mention Rick and Morty.

On a recent episode of Rick and Morty… Dammit!

Do I need to give you guys a recap of McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce Mania?

Fine.

Here’s the CliffsNotes version – a plot line in a time-traveling episode centered on McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce from the 1990’s. Rick and Morty fans, being some of the most boisterous on the net, demanded Mickey D’s bring it back. They did. It was a disaster. Only some restaurants carried it, and entitled fanboys lined up outside like they were getting Hamilton tickets. Few succeeded. The “lucky” patient few started selling them on eBay for laughable prices, and that’s how I got mine.

Here I sit $375 poorer finally ready to try a sauce that escaped me as a child. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

I’m kidding. McDonald’s acknowledged the demand and brought Szechuan Sauce back. You can pretty much get it anywhere for free with your order.

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The sauce smelled like Asian ginger salad dressing to me, which I’ve always been fond of. I had to remove it from the packet to see its brownish orange color. It also had little black pepper flakes –- more on those later.

My flavor vessel of choice was the McNugget because it seemed like the obvious choice. After a dip, I noticed Szechuan had basically the same viscosity of BBQ sauce.

I apologize for being all over the map of Asia, but the flavor profiles put me in mind of multiple sauces that span different countries. I got mostly teriyaki flavor, a little sweet and sour, while also putting me in mind of that much thinner soy-based sauce you get with an order of shumai or gyoza at a Japanese restaurant.

McDonald s Szechuan Sauce 2

There was definitely a little ginger, some tang, and a pinch of citrus which I thought was from something like orange zest, but that’s not a listed ingredient. The major “flavor” lacking here was any heat whatsoever. I figured those pepper flakes would provide a nice kick, but any spice was negligible. That was disappointing.

Overall, it’s a solid McNugget sauce. I haven’t had it in years, and after eating four of them, I coulda crushed a 20-piece without much struggle.

If I had to rank Szechuan Sauce against the rest of the McDonald’s dipping sauce roster, it would land smack dab in the middle. It’s not overtaking classics like BBQ or Honey Mustard, but it’s better than Sweet and Sour. I also don’t care much for Ranch and Buffalo, so keep that in mind.

If McDonald’s decided to put out a Snack Wrap with Szechuan Sauce, it would be excellent. I’m no marketing genius, but McDonald’s should have taken advantage of the hype and released a couple other menu items that featured this sauce.

So yeah, this stuff is good, but not worth the ridiculous hype. Ya boy Rick Sanchez made it seem like Ambrosia but it’s just a run of the mill, solid dipping sauce.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available.)

Purchased Price: $1.29 for the Nuggets – I got 2 Sauce Packets for free. (To eBay I go!)
Size: 0.90 oz.
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Basically a light spin on teriyaki Sauce. A solid dipping sauce. McDonald’s giving the (obnoxious) people what they want. Bonus sauce packet. McNuggets nostalgia. A review 20+ years in the making. I know how to spell “Szechuan: now.
Cons: That entire Rick and Morty fiasco. Not having a Snack Wrap with Szechuan on the current menu.

REVIEW: Good Humor Reese’s Bar

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Good Humor Reese s Bar

Who is this Good Humor Man I always hear about?

Growing up, my neighborhood had a Good Humor truck, but the man inside looked like he hadn’t smiled since the Carter administration. His icy demeanor definitely matched the goods he was peddling. Despite the awkward interactions, his sweet siren song never failed to boost my adrenaline levels to Herculean heights. Besides, as unfunny people like myself will always tell you – good humor is subjective.

Good Humor Reese s Bar 2

Now while I was usually a WWF Superstar bar, candy cigarettes, Pixie Stick, and Warheads kid, I did get the occasional Good Humor ice cream bar.

Strawberry Shortcake always seemed to be the popular choice. My mother used to buy boxes of them from the supermarket, and while they’re classics, my choice was always Toasted Almond. (Chocolate Éclair was great, but a distant third and I’ve never had Cookies and Cream.)

I haven’t had one of those babies in ages, so when I saw Good Humor had a Reese’s bar on the market, it was like hearing the Good Humor truck song all over again.

Good Humor Reese s Bar 3

These certainly look the part of a Good Humor bar. I was excited about the prospect of the chocolate and peanut butter crumb exterior, as that was always my favorite part.

I plucked a few crumb pieces off and tasted them individually. They weren’t bursting with the Reese’s flavor I was hoping for, but no big deal. I trudged on and went for a bite.

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The look of the ice cream itself was a bit uninspiring. It has a very light khaki color, that resembled cake texturally.

As for the flavor, the ice cream was not nearly as peanut buttery as I had hoped. Not only that, I felt the chocolate almost took a bit away from the already weak peanut butter.

The crumbs enhanced the experience a bit but weren’t as crunchy as I remember them being back in the day. They almost added a “stale” element to the bar to be honest. My memory could just be off here, but the bites felt less satisfying.

Look, you slap the name “Reese’s,” on anything, and I’ll enjoy it. I’d brush my teeth with Reese’s toothpaste if they felt inclined to make it. The Reese’s brand has never let me down, until now.

These aren’t very flavorful. They’re boring – I mean, pretty good boring, but boring.

These bars are one step above eating those healthy ice creams that people on diets pretend is good but actually tastes like ice you chip off the wall of an old freezer.

I’m disappointed a Reese’s product didn’t live up to my standards. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll probably still enjoy these, but I see no reason to recommend them. They’re middle of the road but aren’t better than the Good Humor OG’s. They’re not better than any other Reese’s products, and they’re probably not better than any other peanut butter item in the frozen section, so really, why bother?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Bar – 180 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of carbohydrates, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: 6-pack box
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Taste like Reese’s light. Still a decent ice cream bar. Ice Cream Truck music. Good Humor memories.
Cons: So many better options out there. Lacking that Reese’s punch. Miserable Ice Cream Men. Subtle phallic box imagery.

REVIEW: Ruffles Mozzarella ‘N Marinara Potato Chips

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Ruffles Mozzarella N Marinara Potato Chips

Ah yes, mozzarella and marinara – the Italian M&M’s.

Actually, in my case, it’s “mutzadel and madanada.” I make no apologies for the way I pronounce these words.

Not to further sound like a stereotype but I’ve probably eaten mozzarella and marinara more than any food in my lifetime. Between pizza, Sunday sauce* dinners, mozz sticks, fresh mozzarella balls, meatball subs, etc. I was practically raised on ’em. If I had my own food pyramid, mozzarella and marinara based foods would have a section and said section would probably be right beside potato chips. (I never said I had the healthiest diet.)

As much as I love all the foods mentioned, I’m not an elitist snob about it. I still enjoy chain pizza, string cheese, or your run of the mill fast food mozzarella stick. For all these reasons, I felt like I would be a great judge for Ruffles’ Mozzarella ‘N Marinara chips.

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Right out of the gate, these chips nail the smell. I got all the elements I wanted –- tomato sauce, cheesy tanginess, and a bit of onion and garlic. It was a good start.

The taste absolutely delivered on that smell.

There’s a tangy flavor that for a split second that actually reminded me of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. The cheddar quickly morphed into a milder mozzarella flavor. That flavor is definitely more along the lines of a Polly-O/Sargento/Belgioioso store-bought cheese, but like I said, I like em all. Oh, and cheddar is listed in the ingredients if you’re wondering.

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The tomato sauce flavor rides the line perfectly. It doesn’t overpower the mozz in any way and actually takes a backseat to what I assume are Italian breadcrumb flavors. Even though these aren’t technically called, “mozzarella stick,” they taste like ’em to me. The Italian style herbs, garlic, onion, and parsley flavors you expect from the fried outer coating are all there.

The aftertaste is distinctly that of a mozzarella stick dipped in a cup of marinara. The flavors are perfect, but if I have one complaint it’s that I could have used even more of it.

I don’t normally want my chips saturated in finger-painting flavor dust, but I could’ve used even more of a coating. This is a very minor nitpick.

While mozzarella sticks are obviously an opposing texture, the ridged Ruffles were the best choice for this flavor. Regular Lay’s style chips would have been too flimsy and greasy. Plus, as a dumb child who choked on mozzarella sticks on numerous occasions, these are much safer to eat!

I’m struggling to find many other complaints. Besides wanting a tad more flavor, I did get a little agita after eating about four servings of these, but you gotta expect a little agita after eating mutzadel and madanada.

These were exactly as advertised for me. Cheddar and Sour Cream are in my pantheon of great chips, and I loved the All Dressed variety, but these might be my new favorite Ruffles.

(Nutrition Facts – about 11 chips – 150 calories 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 8.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Extra crispy mozzarella sticks. One of the better flavor translations Frito Lay has done. Not as big a choking risk as real mozzarella sticks. Reminds me of all my childhood favorites.
Cons: A little agita. Could probably use more flavor dust. *I don’t wanna hear your crazy “gravy” arguments.

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